definitions

i got several emails to what a quasi-fivesome meant, so basically here is the story:
several months ago, we had a party/bbq at our house. as the night wore on, i ended up kissing several women, several men. justin was there and he kissed a girl or two, and we were all drunk, so it was basically in all good fun.

the fivesome (me, justin, one other guy and two girls) proceed to cathleen’s room, from where we move into my bedroom. justin and i started fucking on the floor, the other three started fucking on the bed. one of the girls came to where we were at, and i started messing with her (while still fucking justin). after that, i climbed off of justin, hopped on the bed. i started making out with the other girl while be fingered by the other boy. and then justin got uncomfortable, so we left.
and that was it.

men in black
last night (10.28.98), justin and i get home from work. it’s roughly about our usual time. i pull up and park in the driveway, wade through the dogs, turn all the lights on. For the first time in ages, i go and pick up our newspaper from our front sidewalk. as i walk back up the steps, i keep hearing “lisa. lisa. lisa!” i stop and go ‘yeah?’ and then i hear “lisa rabey?” i kinda freak out, and walk back slowly into the house and lock the door. justin was in the bathroom, and i wait till he’s done doing what he’s doing, i tell him what is going on. he walks back the sun room and opens the front door to go outside.

the truck that the person was sitting in, was no longer there. as i look up the street, i see that he’s made a left onto an adjacent street. i continue looking and he just turns around and drives back down my street, albeit slowly. i jump up and down and point out to justin that it’s him. we watch the truck drive slowly down the street, and i start getting freaked out all over again.

I started thinking about it over and over in my head, wondering what had happened? Did I mistakenly think that someone said my name? no, my name is fairly unique, and you can’t really fuck up saying it. cathleen thought it may have be da’ chronicles, but honestly, there is nothing here that really tells me about where or what i am. sure you may think you know me, but, other than my pager number (big woop) and notating where i live (bay area California), there is no way you are going to figure out who i am. and considering i’m not as stupid to leave my home address on the web, i don’t know how this person could have found me.

there is no utilities in my name. the phone lines belong to my roommates. my car payment and everything else get sent to a different address. the car i drive is under someone else’s name (i got a co-signer). and there is no way, even with all the information available -here- on the web, that you could figure out what i really look like anyway. especially in the dark.

we are bringing the dogs in at night now. i feel much safer that way.

tomorrow, i’m calling the police. i had spoken to cathleen and christine about it as well, and we’ve decided to be ultra careful about this.

dead letter office
lately, i’ve been getting a rush of fan letters. as stated previously, i’ve gotten fan mail over the years, but now that my site is growing in readership, that will logically induce more mail.

in the beginning, i used to answer all the fan mail that i received coming in. i was always generously touched by what people thought of my website. i always took the criticism well (i thought) and just wanted to be personable enough to respond back to the people who took the time to email me in the first place.

but the trend i’m noticing, is that when i respond to a person’s email, they don’t always write me back. i’ve pounded my head sometimes thinking of what i’ve done that could have made them upset or not want to email me back, but i’ve come across several reasons why:

  • it’s pretty obvious that keeping an on-line journal means (at least to me) that i’m opening up myself much more to the world, and that while someone may know all about me, i will obviously not know all about them. this could be just disturbing (i would think).
  • they just don’t care. i don’t know, i could be pretty pompous and liken myself to a celeb, but in a sense it’s true. as long as they are watching from the sidelines, personal dope (meaning email) from me isn’t all that fantastic. it’s like if i got a letter from michael stipe or something, i would probably be in shock and not know how to answer it.

maybe those excuses sounded lame, and i definitely don’t want to come off being snotty. it’s just that, i really think it’s great people like what i do, so, i think considering the above with this probably being the second attempt that i’m being stalked, that i’m holding off answering ‘fan mail’. so if you don’t hear from me, please don’t assume i’m ignoring you. i’m not, i’m just paranoid :)but i do want to thank victoria and shelia. thanks to those two, my site has nearly tripled the hits in one day. i checked it this morning, and nearly spit out my iced mocha when i saw the numbers. i was like “what the hell?” and i checked the email account i log all my mail from this site to see a number of fan mail. ‘woah’. i’m famous, and i didn’t have to take off any of my clothes! :)Check out Victoria’s page. She’s got me listed and even quote’s my poetry 🙂 woah. i think my poetry is all crap anyway, but we will NOT get into a long discussion of my self-worth at the moment.

Basically, you guys just rock :))

never there
so, a few issues ago, i stated that i got into contact with my friend Jeff after a fight we had some time ago. Jeff has been a fan of my site, and since i know him pretty well (duct tape, ohh yeah!) that i’ve been attempting to keep in touch with him now that i’ve found him again. i’ve gotten in touch with him a few days ago, and he sends me mail about how the other white jeff is now engaged.

this threw me for a loop last night. i was all set to do da’ chronicles, but, i found i was more depressed than anything. i went to bed early, snuggling up with a book.

this afternoon, i got a letter from jeff responding to my previous email, and he wanted me to clarify something for him. i ended up writing this long diatribe about how i felt (about jeff’s engagement) and then i started getting really angry.

i’ve been trying to pinpoint why i’ve been angry, and it’s not the fact that the other white jeff and i broke up. that’s no big deal, i’ve been dumped before. but what i was upset about is how callous and how careless he was towards me, and how i basically put up with it for so damn long. if i had stopped thinking with my pussy, and started thinking with my head, i would have fared much better. but i didn’t and here i am, nearly a year after the breakup, ready to kill people again.

i apologized profusely to jeff about this. it’s not his fault, and i know he knew i wanted to know, regardless of how i felt. i like jeff, personally, and i don’t want to him to think that i’m only speaking to him because we have a common ‘friend’ (snort). that’s not true at all. jeff and i have had many conversations, long before i met his ‘friend’, and i didn’t need to spend my time bringing all this crap up again.

(but you are now lisa, hello!)

yeah, i am. but it’s just that, it bothers the hell out of me how he broke it off with me and how, later i found, he broke it off with other people in rather immature and lame moves (like over group email).

people just get on my left nerves, and dammit, it irks me.

my consolation is that, what comes around, goes around. i take faith in karma and believe that he will someday get his. either he will tire of this new fling (which has happened before) and or she will break his heart. basically, it’s he that has to deal with his fucked up bullshit, not me. and i won’t keep adding more pressure to my relationship with justin (which, is actually fine) about this crap. it’s not worth it. i won’t intentionally sabotage my relationship with him for some dumb prick who looks icky in shorts. heh. that alone is my personal salvation. i keep thinking about the other white jeff, leaning back in his chair, with his fat hairy belly hanging over his shorts. i chuckle and realize all is good with the world again.

Side note: I’ve just went and grabbed my aol mail. If one more nit wit sends me a piece of spam entitled “Virtual Boy/GirlFriend”, I will scream!!

ARGH!!!

I do IM sometimes. You can find me as either LinuxGurl or MISGawdess 😉

 

black metallic

in some sort of impulse nature, i dyed my hair black. well, it’s not really “black”, but more dark brown. however with how my hair absorbs hair color, it *looks* black.

when i got into work yesterday, people were like “you did something to your hair?”

i told them i dyed my eyebrows.

shallow (last exit to yuppieville)
i’m finally getting a cellular phone.
this is damn frightening.
i guess flirting with the salesman helps with the deal.

i don’t know what it is about me and yuppie-ness, it’s not that i hate yuppies, but it’s that a lot of the people who fit the stereotype fit it too damn well. i have issues with people who drive the right kind of cars, and go to certain places and do all the right things.
san francisco is a city that places a lot of importance on materialistic ideals, and the problem is that since i’ve been living on the west coast, i’ve slowly started becoming one of THEM.

someone help me.

here are some points that i’m referring to:

  • I know how to serve red wine.
  • I know when to serve white and red wine.
  • My two favorite types of cheese are feta and brie.
  • I own a cellular phone, three domains, a pager, and am in a highly visible job.
  • I’ve contemplated about purchasing stocks.
  • I’ve shown interest in getting together a 401k.
  • My car is a 1998 Saturn. It’s black.
  • I’ve kissed a girl.
  • I’ve participated in a quasi-fivesome.

Granted these things may not seem to be very yuppish, but they are totally Californian in attitude. Seriously, a few years ago, the idea of doing any of the above or even thinking about doing the above wouldn’t’ have entered into my mind. I used to be a person who loved her piercings, wearing black and driving around in my ’88 Subaru (which had a ton of stickers plastered on it). Some things gone awry!

the more i think about it, the more disgusted i find myself. this is not who i want to be, but yet it’s so appealing.
well, i can take pride in the fact that i’m not hanging out at Bruno’s every weekend.in a fit of rage, i wore all black yesterday, but i felt like the stereotypical goth girl, and we couldn’t have that now can we?

i dunno, if someone mentions that i’m growing up, i’ll smack them in the face.

i think the disgusting part, is that i signed up for the cellular service today, i started dancing around the office going “i’m getting a cellular, i’m getting a cellular”.
my logic is that i need it for those extra long commutes into the city.
uh, yeah right.

she’s my friend
my friend traci asked if i was ever going to mention her in da’ chronicles, so here i am.
i’m going to kick your ass!

texture
so here i’m sitting at my comp, with my headphone’s on my ears. justin is playing some fucked up tennis game on his comp, and i’m listening to catherine wheel:ferment.

our big halloween party is this saturday (which would naturally fall on halloween, how convenient). i’m dressing up like Siouxie from Siouxie and the Banshee’s. Justin is going as me. unfortunately, he can fit in my clothes better than i. which isn’t all that odd considering that a majority of the men i’ve dated in the past few years have this thing for wearing my clothes. well, at least they aren’t as bad as christian, who not only liked to wear my clothes, but be called Kelly and be fucked up the ass with a dildo.

why am i talking about this?

because a year and a half later i think it’s funny.

okay, that sounds like a good enough reason.

i’m finding myself extremely bored. the last few issues of da’ chronicle have been lame. i missed a streak in my hair. we just hired a new CFO and CTO. I’m IS working with BS because if I don’t work here, I’ll be SOL.

acronyms are so lame.

i’m audi five thousand g!

plus it doesn’t help that Justin was peeking over my shoulder every few minutes. My copy of Eudora is acting weird, and I’m tempted on moving over to another email program. my new shoes ROCK! but they are a bit too big. i love my hair in pigtails. big hair rocks. unfortunately my foot’s asleep.

not today, not tomorrow
i was going to talk about nt, but realized that i don’t wanna. i hate our nt machine. which, thankfully, is no more. i had reset all the permission sets because previously i had given everyone admin access (don’t bitch. the machine was isolated on the network). and then someone went through and changed everything. Dapper Don doubts that anyone could have reconfigured it, but, anyone who works at slip.net is a sneaky bitch as a given. the machine was fucked to begin with. just like all machines at work.
there is something fundamentally exhiltering about using fdisk and format.

:q!

i’ve got the knack!

yesterday when i got my phat slip.net paycheck, i had to drive out to the east bay to cash my it (long story), and since it was Friday and it was getting later in the afternoon, I got caught in early commuter traffic. What would normally take me 15 minutes to drive, took me nearly 1/2 hour.

I don’t like other drivers (other than myself, of course). Primarily those who drive bee-em-double u’s, jag’s, mercedes, volvo’s and any other expensive cars. They always think they have the right away, solely based on the fact that they think they own a better car. these same people always tend to be the worst drivers i’ve come across in ages (ie: they should be allowed to cut in front of me during heavy traffic).

Thursday night was such an example. Justin and I were attempting to drive home after work. for the most part, traffic isn’t that bad after 5pm, however that night it seemed worse than usual. a simple drive around the block turned into the nightmare.

there are several on-ramps for the bridge within a general mile radius, however, people would cut over from other lanes to get into the almost snails pace lane that lead onto the bridge. after being cut off several times by the offending cars listed above, i finally put my foot down (as it were) and stopped letting these assholes in front of me. it got to the point, where one car had to drive up on the curb because i wouldn’t let him in. If i had to suffer for x amount of minutes fucking waiting to get on the bridge, why should i let some jerk get my rightful spot? justin was amused. he always thinks my driving is death defying, but it isn’t. truly. i call it ‘defensive driving, 101’.

in other news, justin got the job at PBI (pacific bell internet), my old alma matter. he’s going to be making nearly twice what i make now! he’s doing simple tech support, while I’m theoretically IS (information systems). It’s sickening to know that he’s making more money than i, however, it is extremely exciting to not be rolling fucking pennies to survive. mayhap that is the extreme, but you do get my point.

i was amazingly not as uptight about traffic as i usually am. karena once commented that i was unusually patient whilst driving. she noted that she probably would have gotten quite upset with traffic or been overly irrational. i do get that way sometimes, but just being patient with traffic does help. you are obviously not going to get any further yelling and screaming. plus i have a ton of new cd’s and always available pack of cigarettes to help with the time.

which brings me up to something interesting.

on my so-called lunch hour the other day (Friday), I ran into the The Wherehouse (a record store in Berkeley) looking for cake’s new cd. while browsing for it, i found that everlast has a new cd out called Whitey Ford Sings the Blues. I remember Everlast from before he was in House of Pain, when he released his debut album Forever Everlasting. god, he is just so damn hot. 😉

Anyway, instinct told me to purchase the album, which i did. and damnit, if it doesn’t just rock! very spiritual, upbeat, hip-hop, and just plain rocking. for a white boy, he does have soul 😉

however, the problem i’m having is finding a copy of his first release Forever Everlasting. It was released by Warner Brother Records in 1990, and according to some sources, is still in print, however I can’t find it anywhere. I have searched cd now, cd universe, amazon.com, musicblvd, and a host of other speciality stores to no avail. this plain just sucks. so if you or anyone else knows of where i can get a copy, please email me and lets hook something up! but don’t email me to tell me to try WB, because i’ve already done that 😉

new edition
one of the precepts of moving into our place was that cathleen be responsible for her pets. at that time, she had two cats and three fish. now we are up to four cats and one fish. 😉 no… the cat’s didn’t eat the other two fish. one of the fish is a catfish, and he is really vicious. if he’s not fed a x time everyday, he attacks the gold fish. now we just have a cat fish.

the inheritance of the other two cat’s came when christine lived in an area that was over run with cats, and had adopted a litter of stray kittens to make sure they weren’t going to go feral. since my cat merlin had gotten wild and my other cat sammy had gotten hit by a car, christine thought it would be a good idea to give me one of these kittens for my own.

this is how we inherited killer.

killer is one of those cats that you would literally think about taking to the pound. when we first got her, we trained her to use the litter box, but within a week of that training, she would get so upset with us that she would start shitting in my bedroom. and she had this tendency to jump and claw people for no reason. she gets along fine with cathleen to an extent, but justin and i can’t stand her. Justin calls her the personification of evil. She’s not friendly, loveable or even remotely cuddly. she just whines, hisses and shits all over the place.

when christine was moving in with fran, she had to make sure her two dogs, BadDog and Jennie, were going to be taken care of. That wasn’t a big issue since we have a large backyard and could easily do it. what became an issue was that cathleen opted to have us take the stray kitten left over from the litter and adopt it as our own.
this pissed me off, because while two of the cats, Muffin and BC, are outdoors for most of the time and can fend for themselves, they do get moods where they want to be indoors, which means more litter and also means food. which, for some periods, we don’t have. lack of money (and laziness on cathleen’s part 😉 meant no food for three cats for several days. killer needs her shots and needs to be spade, and we haven’t even attempted to do that! getting another cat, albeit killer’s sister, isn’t something we could afford.

i lost the argument.

so please welcome, into our nuthouse family, Zinfandel.

She’s the most amazing kitty i’ve had since Sebastian.

I’ve had my share of crazy cats: Chester (who still lives with my mom), who hates men and only comes to me and my mom. Simmy: twin sister to Merlin. She was fruitier than phil. Merlin went feral as soon as I moved to California. Sammy had the sweetest personality, but became the neighborhood cat, and was killed by a car. So the prospect of having another kitten, after all that trouble, wasn’t a huge hit with me.

But i’m falling in love with her.

Christine said that Zinny was a total outdoors cat. Since she was used to BadDog and Jennie, that wasn’t going to be an issue (unlike the other three who have been seriously freaking out since the dogs arrival less than a week ago). She said that Zinny was a bit standoffish and not cuddly.

Boy, was she wrong!

Zinny has taken over both Justin and I’s heart. She has a very good natured temperament, and is very cuddly and loveable. She loves to be petted and she’s so down to earth! Right now as we speak, she’s lying between my arms on my desk with her paws against my thumbs. 🙂 her favorite position seems to be on top of my monitor, on which she lies there watching me work. if i ever move from here, she’s definitely going with me. we just are bonding so.

Since the issue of money is now finally laid to rest, Justin and I went shopping Friday night and bought a 25lb bag of each: cat food, dog food and litter. Now I won’t feel so damn guilty with having four cats because now we can afford them. As soon as she’s old enough, we are taking both killer and Zinny to get spade. no more cats!

which brings up a funny incident…

today we decided to go grocery shopping. usually a chore i don’t mind doing, but justin hates it. since he is the bread winner in the family, he’s going to start paying for majority of the groceries. we get to lucky, and spend about 2 hours grabbing items and bickering about everything (what couple doesn’t do that?). after getting everything rung up, the bill comes to $166 dollars and change. We had bought -a lot- of stuff due to the fact that the outlet for the major appliances (fridge, stove, washer/dryer) had been down for a few days. so we had lost a lot of our regular food items that had spoiled. justin runs his debit card through. denied. justin runs it through again. denied. i run to the atm machine, and the most i can an pull out is 60 bucks! justin starts freaking out, and i calmly tell him that while he may have deposited his check, it hasn’t been processed. bank of america will allow up to $100 dollars taken out of the account till the deposit is processed. usually not a problem, but in an instance that you deposit it after 5pm on Friday then it’s a problem. so we had to do the ultimately white trashy thing and walk -away- after the clerk had rung up all those groceries.

god, how embarrassing.

the irony of that, was that i had left my money, in cash, at home. i had enough to cover for the food, and didn’t think twice about bringing it along with me. geez.

since we now had no groceries, we ran to taco bell for dinner. heh. and since we had a bit of money, we partook in a movie, Pleasantville, which was really good. The 60 bucks we had was blown after we got home. it’s amazing how much money you spend on a ‘date’

it was nice being with justin on an actual ‘date’ for once. we caught the movie and then spent some time in a bookstore afterwards. we looked around, checking out different topics while we sipped our hot cocoas and triple mocha iced lattes.

i miss doing stuff like that. now that money isn’t an issue anymore, i can’t wait till we start just doing -stuff-.