Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

intense copper red
the weekend is almost over, but unlike every other weekend this time it’s different. I wish I could give a better description (as justin is sitting here kneading my shoulders) but I can’t. I just feel completely and totally in love with the world at the moment.

jeff s or jeff z?
Jeff S. or Jeff Z.?
Shit. I’m going to go with Jeff S. Justin and I were sitting here debating about it. I had no interest in looking at Jeff Z’s kitty cam, I just need a pic to compare the two to see who was who. Goddamnit! 😉

I’m really hoping that Jeff S. isn’t going to be too pissed for me swiping this picture. Strange, the last picture I have of Jeff S. shows him in this 80’s haircut from when he graduated from college (in 96). he’s cute, but not the hottie you see before you. If it is Jeff Z? Big deal. I would much prefer it to be Jeff S.

What is also strange is this dream I had last night. In fact I had several dreams. One of them was me getting with two girls (not at the same time mind you). must have been a wet dream 😉

the other dream was I was with this man and it wasn’t someone that i had ever been with before in any context. and he was my true love. either i’m wishful thinking or watching too many movies. but i felt so goddamn happy when I woke up. Jesus, someone smack me. I’m not perky polly!

Anyway, this picture looks remarkably like that guy. What if it is Jeff Z? Well like I said, it looks remarkably like that guy. If it is Jeff S.?

Well, unfortunately, I ruled out all men in the state of Pennsylvania, so either he would have to move or it isn’t him.

but it’s a nice thought.

now for the depressive part of the list, my friend shelly called me the other night to tell me that Larry had been murdered. Larry is her sons Marcus father. Seems that Larry has been working these last few years at this club in G-Rap called 54th Street. I used to go there on occasion. He bounces the door and one night (that night) a few patrons were attempting to get inside the club when they knew the bar was closing. Larry kept attempting to keep them out. One of the guys pulled a gun on him and shot him in the face. The bullet went right up his nose and through his brain. He was pronounced dead at 5:30am in the morning.

I knew Larry as well, and I felt horribly guilty about his death. I know, I know, it was not my fault. But it always kills me when someone who is attempting to get their life together ends up dying violently. Shelly is faring pretty well. She and Marcus are going to be driving up to Michigan (from Virginia) for the funeral later on this week. I was tempted to go as well but I couldn’t take the time off and I would be there more for Shelly then for Larry’s family. Shelly said that was quite okay with her, as she had already was fine and was more concerned about Marcus then anything else.

cute boyz
There are two cute boys in my poly sci class. None in my cultural anth class, none in my physics class and 1 cute boy in my tragic drama’s in Greek history class. I’m set.

old friends
I popped my email today to find that I had gotten a letter from an old school friend of mine, Jenni Lusk. Jenni and I go -way- back (to 10th grade even). I haven’t spoken to her (or really anyone) since I moved to cali. I immediately emailed her back and gave her all my phone numbers. She called a bit later.

It was wonderful speaking to her. I hadn’t spoken to her in ages. We caught up on her and her son Dalton’s life as well as people we both knew. Seemed that everyone had the same thing going on and nothing had really changed. It was strange that I was just thinking of her and Julie a few days ago and wondering how they were. I didn’t get a chance to speak to either one of them when I went back home to G-Rap for Christmas. I had mostly figured that they had all moved away, which is obviously common in people in my age group.

We talked for about an hour or so, catching up on things.

Sometimes I really, really miss home.

still breathing

I saw the most amazing film this weekend.

still breathing.

Justin, as always, fell asleep and snored through it. I’m attempting to find words to describe the movie. But the thoughts are escaping me at this moment. The movie is defientely lush in it’s cinematography. It almost made me want to move to San Antonio, Texas because the scenery was so fantastic. It’s the story of two hard-headed pessimists who fall in love. not just any type of love, but true love. you know, the kind i’m sort of desentized to now. 😉

I don’t know what it is about that movie, but I feel ‘hopeful’. I can’t quite explain how I feel other than things feel, taste and smell different to me. I’ve been a strange mood all day. One of neither hyperness, excitable, or anything that would convey some sort of “happy” emotion. I just feel “hopeful” about things now. Maybe it’s the fact I’m heading back to school (and it’s already started! wooo!) or maybe because jeff s. emailed me today out of the blue to show me his cam. or maybe because while people are sneering at my short hair, i’m absolutely loving it. I have no idea what it is that is making me feel so damn happy, i just am!

I felt, watching that movie, that i was missing a lot of out my life. It wasn’t really about who I was with (Justin) or what I was doing, it was internal. completely. strange how movies make you feel sometimes. I remember when I had seen Map of the Human Heart a few years ago, I felt the same thing: hopeful.




As many of you probably already know, i’m hitting the books starting today.

I have been talking about going back to school for the last two years, since I left in spring of 96, but never got around to it. I dreamed about it, thought about it, scammed for it, but nothing occurred. Finally, I sat down with myself and said “look, you -are not- getting any younger. you have to take the opportunities -now- or else you will regret not finishing your degree.” so true. I don’t care on how I do it, but I want to finish my degree by the time I am 30. That’s the only stipulation. I’ve thought about what I could do, and realistically I could finish it this semester. If I took 22 credits, plus work full time, plus this and that. I was very tempted to take an NT course because then I could say I had -some- certification. My boss Don thinks that I should go into computers because I’m talented, and a degree would get me anywhere. But I want to be a writer -> though the money is in computers. Nothing is saying that I can’t do both. A person who has a CS degree can do just about anything -> really. I never applied to half of the jobs that I wanted because I’m not certified. I’m all self taught. Shit. I’m having issues at 6:20am in the morning. I can’t be having that! Hrm.

I think I will go take a look at the course catalog right now and see what’s happening.

1 hour later
Found all the courses that I wanted and was able to set it up so that I won’t be killing myself. Somehow I managed on getting 20 credits this semester (just 2 shy of graduation), however it doesn’t seem like that bad of a schedule. this is what I’m signing up for:

  • Political theory
  • US History
  • Elementary Physics
  • Philosophy of Religion
  • Cultural Anthropology
  • Elementary French

Sweet huh?

I’m pretty stoked about my classes. See, I’ve already completed all the basics except for the humanities qualifications as well as my stupid history class. I have two I(ncompletes) due to my accident in 1994, but I kept reneging on finishing those up. Ugh. Plus a science class is needed. The astronomy classes were lame 😉 Nothing like what was offered at GRCC

So I got my unofficial transcripts faxed to me yesterday. It was cool. My overall GPA was higher than anticipated (I hadn’t even though I had hit a 2.0) and I’m just shy of a 3.0. I was so stoked. I just needed a 2.0 to get into a major college. Surprisingly enough, I could have applied to a multitude of colleges and gotten in based on my scores already. Plus add in all the extra-curricular work I did on the outside, I’m not as bad as I thought. But, I want to go to school -now- and am doing it -now-. You can’t transfer more than x amount of classes to certain colleges, but I have 38 credits thus far (thought I had more) so that’s fine as well. This will put me at 58 (if I take all classes and complete all classes). I’m soo stoked. badda boom badda bang 🙂

interweb 101
the internet is so damn cool sometimes. i constantly am amazed at what you can do.
i just went to Grand Valley State University and Michigan Secretary of State web pages and found information that I needed. i was able to apply on-line to GVSU and figure out what I owed in damn speeding tickets in the state of Michigan ($264 bucks). This shit is so rad sometimes, I almost have an orgasm.

I have to go get ready for class.
I wonder if that cute boy will be there 😉