i’m in love

i have a longer chronicle written out — but I’m tired. this is just a short note to say:
Atlanta rocked my world.
I met Paul (sad|st on #userfriendly). He and I didn’t leave the motel room for three nights and four days. literally. Con? What Atlanta linux showcase?
Paul and I fell in love.
We made love to “The Fragile” by NIN the whole weekend. 🙂 hehehe.
We are getting an apartment in Fairfax, VA. end of this year.
We are getting married in May of 2001.
I’m dead serious 🙂
Love,
Lisa
(i won’t let you fall apart — la mer)

Phoenix, AZ

miles today: 495.7
miles total: 720.5
states driven through: CA and AZ
Greetings from Phoenix, Arizona!!
It’s approximently 10:13pm and I’ve been sitting in my hotel room for about an hour ircing. Stupid Slip.Net only listed the ISDN access numbers for Phoenix NOT analog lines. I had to dial into SF, wait 10 minutes (literally) for PSI Net’s webpage to load, grab a listing of a few more numbers locally and dial back in. I have this strange feeling that even though the call was local, I’m going to be charged for it. Oh well 🙂
Depending on how you look at it, I’m either ahead of schedule or behind schedule. First off, I didn’t leave SF till almost 4pm Friday evening. I was to drive to San Diego last night and then start the massive haul this morning, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it into SD till late and I was concerned about my health. I got as far as Bakersfield last night (224 miles from Oakland) and wrote for about four hours watching cheesy movies on the tee-vee. I didn’t fall asleep until late and woke up a few hours later at 5am, rarin’ to go. By the time I did get up and get my shit together, ate and left, it was almost noon. I was on the road today for about 8 hours and finally started screaming “HELLALUIAH!” when I crossed over into AZ. I even called Shelly when I did that because I was just soo happy to be out of that fucking state.
I’m surprised that I’m tired — I mean, honestly, I don’t see how sitting on your ass for extended amounts of time can be tiring — the energy I felt when I was cruising towards Phoenix made me want to almost drive to Tucson (another 100 miles). In a way, I’m glad I didn’t, because once I got into the hotel room and threw my shit around, I was yawning left and right.
So far, the drive has been fine. I’m not bored out my head like I thought I was (though I already can see that I’m being bored with my 96 packed CDs). I hit major traffic getting out of Oakland (by the 580/680 exchange) and it took me nearly an hour to move 10 miles. I was so stressing last night that my head was pounding to the point where I had to (literally) start talking to myself to voice my problems. But today was a lot better and I’m hoping tomorrow is yet still better. 🙂
I’ve stopped about every 2 hours (per doctors orders) to walk, write and get some fresh air. I’ve been doing a lot of writing and wrote quite a bit last night. What I am going to do on this trip is give moments of clarity when they come forth. I mean, driving 200 miles in Arizona desert territory isn’t exactly Pulitzer prize winning stuff, but my thoughts along the trip will be. 🙂 And if I stop at one more Dennys, I’m going to scream!
* * * * * * *
100 miles into the trip
I was bopping along to something in my cd player and a smile played upon my lips — I felt giddy with excitement — I started shivering in anticipation. This IS a grand adventure. How many people can say they’ve driven cross country — alone? I looked at the speedometer. I had driven 16 miles from “home”.

“You are a Californian as I am a Texan” – Jaffo
“And Olive Garden is high falutin dining.” -me

Somewhere, back there, in the open fields along I-5, I saw a very young calf running along with its mother. I glanced quickly at the car ahead of me and the car behind me and noticed that they too were watching my future pair of shoes gallop clumsily along.

“The energy created during sexual intercourse is roughly the equivilant to climbing two flights of stairs. Get ready to walk up the Empire State Building.” — Durex Condom ad in this weeks Rolling Stone.

343.8 miles into the trip
I’m somewhere near Palm Springs. Sometimes I have the intelligence of a dork: blank pants + black car + driving across the South Western US == hot and sweaty Lisa.
On the way from Bakersfield to LA, I started bopping around to Sarah McLachlan. “one does not listen to Sarah when one drives through LA,” I think to myself, “one listens to NIN!” And I threw in The Fragile and cranked “StarFuckers, INC” appropriately.
Sometimes my own naivety amazes me. Upon seeing the Welcome to LA sign, it was like I expected all my favorite stars to be hanging out on I-5 just waving at me as I sped across. I had half a mind to drive to Beverly Hills (90210 baybee!) but didn’t. Somewhere near San Beradino, I started playing car tag with two cute guys in an electric blue Del Sol. It was fun crisscrossing the five lane highway for about 10 miles. They left me a few miles to go to a rest stop.

6:15 pm
I’m still in fucking California! Blyth California! Goddamnit, am I ever getting out of this state?
6:20 pm
Lisa calls Shelly to tell her that she is now safely in the state of Arizona.

And now it is late and I am getting more tired as I type. I have mapped out my plan tomorrow and it looks like, if I get up earlier than noon that is, that I will be in Abilene, Texas. Woofuckingwoo. I had hoped to get to Dallas, but Dallas is 1100 miles from Phoenix — uh no Dallas for Lisa. I will be getting into Atlanta on Tuesday as presumed, I just don’t know WHEN!
The one thing that amazed the hell out of me, was that since it started getting dark at about 6:30, my whole trip into AZ was in darkness. The cool thing was that speed limit is 75 in AZ (which means one can do 80 safely *g*) and I did 256 miles in four hours (seeing as I had called shelly to tell her how far I was from phoenix at 4:15,called her at 6:15 when I crossed the border and rolled in at 8:15pm ish into the hotel. The drive tomorrow is going to be from Phoenix to Abilene,TX and that is about 800 miles. Wooha.
But anyway, the sky was pitch black and since there is literally no light pollution (small “towns” between Blyth and Phoenix), the stars were so close, it looked like I could almost reach up and touch them.
x0x0x0x,
Lisa

Getting the Fuck Out of California

Today is the first day for the rest of my life.
Or something.
I have had several long chronicles planned out about why i came to California and how i felt about being here and finally my thoughts and feelings about finally leaving.
But you know, i just don’t want to dredge up all those old thoughts and feelings.
On that note, I’m leaving now. I’m gonna be driving solo to Atlanta from San Francisco and I think I’m going to have fun. I know I can’t wait 🙂
I’ll be updating while I’m on the road, and the worse case scenario is that once getting to Atlanta, I’ll end up just doing one big update. I’ll keep everyone planned on everything I’m doing — and I’m sure you guys won’t get sick of me. 🙂
I’ll see everyone soon.
Love,
Themla (minus Louise, minus brad pitt)

rhubarb

man, i need to stop writing these things late at night. I’m getting mahself all confused.
On Sunday, my friend Keth came by packed with her Final Fantasy game, an extra controller to pick me up to head to Andrew’s and Godmomas new place in San Jose. The meeting was a bittersweet one. We met to congratulate Andrew and Gunilla on their new apartment and to say goodbye to me.
I find it hard, in some strange and broken way, to come to the realisation that this week will be the final week I will be in the SF Bay Area. I sat talking with Caroline (Cathleen’s sister) the other night about my 2.5 years here, and in many ways, I can’t quite come to grips with knowing that what I’ve put myself through. I know, personally, that looking back through my discussions with her, that my own life seems so damn ridiculous. How you may ask I know, personally, that if someone related to me about what I’ve been through and what I’ve seen right back to me, I would have said “man, that chyk is on fucking drugs. she’s not trustworthy, independent nor is she even really COOL.” However, ones own assessment of themselves seems to be way harsher than reality. We had a fairly healthy debate about women in technology (ironically, it was four women and two men at the shin-dig) and my basic stance is this: while i believe in the fight for equality for all sexes, women need to stop bitching about what is “owed” and start proving that they are worthy of their own due. I cannot take feminism seriously as long as those who claim to fight for “women” end up reading Cosmo, Vogue and other mags when they are done at the end of the day. ’nuff said.
On that note, i actually got packed this evening — man — three boxes worth of crap and i haven’t hit books, CDs and clothing. I can’t believe how much toys, knickknacks and overall crap i’ve accumulated since i’ve been here.

———–

you know how it is. you start looking at one friends webpage, which means you go to another and yet another. fortunately, i knew two of the people and knew of the third.
two of the pages i quickly skimmed were of course journals. not to the extent of which i have written, but, journals nevertheless (how cool is it to say that i have entries going back to 1996?). Since I knew of the persons, at one time, fairly intimately, it seemed strange to read their entry and feel — nothing.
Not strange perhaps, but more of an “gosh, they got what they wanted — why can’t i?” kind of feeling. not one of jealousy per se, but one of “why is it always THEM that gets the goods and not me?” kind of deal.
Last night on the phone, Paul babbled for some time about music and how it affects us. The strange ironic part of the conversation was that earlier in the evening, Justin and I were on our way back from running errands and I was grooving to NiN’s new cd (which, ironies of ironies CDNow finally shipped two weeks AFTER and I had already went and purchased the cd since I had never received it). I loved watching the back windshield pound to the beat of the bass of “Even Deeper” and Justin looked at me and said “I just don’t get it.” I replied “Don’t get what?” and he said “Music. This does NOTHING for me”. Justin knew, since the beginning of our relationship nearly 2.5 years ago, that music was a huge HUGE mainstay in my life. I used it for many reasons. And there are songs — some of which I’ve stolen from people I’ve met and some i’ve conjured on my own, that makes sense to me. I need the music in my life in order to survive.
but that is not the point and neither is this really.
lately i’ve been feeling detached. i toyed today with ideas of things and nothing. and i’ve been spending like mad (3 lipsticks, 2 pairs of shoes, boots, 4 pairs of pants, 3 shirts, 4 pairs of tights, the checkbook is hurting!). Most people spend their cash on hardware — i look to outfit my wardrobe. I heart being a girl.
I am not copesetic on everything right now. in fact, i’m choosing NOT to think because it’s so much easier than thinking. It hasn’t dawned on me that i’m leaving in 2.5 days.

I don’t feel right, I’ve got a crack in my heart

“You know Lisa, when you do something, people think it’s cute. When I do the same thing, people ignore me.” – Paul
Paul and I have been having this on-going “disagreement” on who started what and when and how. Simple euphemisms and mannerisms have become intertwined no one can remember who is a lisa-ism and what was a paul-ism. Scary.
Anywho, Paul and I talked about which songs describe us to a T. Paul picked No Fair Fights by Prick as one of them. He ripped the song for me and now that I finally have a working sound system, I finally downloaded it and have been replaying it over and over again. And anyone who knows me the slightest knows that I have a thing for lyrics (hello! Why I love Afghan Whigs and like bands) and I really dig the lyrics for this song. Paul will probably sit and smirk but hey, the words rock.
knee hurts. ow.
Anyway, I haven’t been writing much cos my life was anymore of a mess it would be a soap opera. Well, it is. Let’s see, in the last three weeks, I’ve had the following things occur:

  1. Roommate sideswiped car trying to miss one of our nine cats (damage estimated at one thousand dollars)
  2.  I got canned from Slip.Net. That was fun. I won’t go into reasons why I was canned (the following Monday after being said canned, my website got hit from 80% of Slip.Net’s SF office. Word on the street was that I had “walked” out. Wrong, I was canned.)
  3. I took myself to the ER for “feeling funky” — found out I am slowly killing myself with stress. Basically, what had been happening started out with ear ache for the last couple of months. Then I was always so damn tired. Then for the last week I’ve been feeling like “airy” like I’ve been really high and i was losing sensation in my body. I remember standing, naked and dripping water on my bedroom carpet looking for the strength to get dressed. Sharp shooting pains going down right side of my body. Nine hours in the ER and find out it’s stress. Which I kind of thought.

So, I have start eliminating stress from my health, quit smoking, quit drinking caffeine, lose weight and get in shape.
And that alone above isn’t stressful? heh.
(Damn! I wish I was your lover)
Oh and the trippy thing? Save for the ER, all of these occurrences happened on a Friday. And on THIS upcoming Friday, I’m moving:) wooha!
“Time flies by when flirting with Lisa.” – Paul
Argh I’m so excited! I’m leaving and going down to San Diego and hooking up with Bear, Ducky, Moe, Jon, and others. Than driving to Texas and then ON TO ATLANTA BABY!!!!!!
Four days and three nights.
Yum.
I had more indepth things to say, but yanno, it’s 3:54am.
I’ll save the bitching for another time.
x0x0x0x0x
Angel Baby Heaven