not justin

to “not justin”:
i don’t know who you are — but you are giving me the willies. please stop attempting contact with me and please stop sending emails telling me i’ve dumped my dream guy. the past is over and done with and i’m very much in love with paul.
thank you and have a nice day.

fsck me
my plates came in.
i’m so surprised that the state of virginia allowed me to have the plate “FSCK ME”. There were bets going around due to the fact that a friend of ours who wanted “FSCK” was denied due to it’s implications (supposedly). I am now a “Linux Pronstar”. bow down before me for i give good head.

make it stop
i don’t know what it has been lately, but i’ve been feeling like two separate people are living inside of my body. the other day i got so angry on the way home from work that if someone was in the car with me (which they weren’t), i would have killed them. i don’t know why i was angry or why i would have killed them but the rage in my head is driving me insane. now i’m not talking about just straight off pms, this is much much worse. i have had to start taking walking breaks at work because when i get an email from a customer that sounds scratching (even if it really wasn’t), i have to walk away from the situation to see if i am feeling any better.

chances are, i am and i do. but that doesn’t stop making it less scary. i’m not quite sure what i’m going to do now — i’m thinking it’s the new birth control pills but it may not be. but they found me to be healthy.

back to square one.


6/16/2000 12:18:22 AM

the dark side
okay. paul had set up m*sql on the box so that i could update automagically off of a webbrowser and then the box crashed and things have been — well weird. i’m in love with blogger these days — the uses for it — and i have succumbed to the evil forces by using it now for THREE freaking websites. silly me. you know times are a changing. i have removed netscape from my machine completely (4.73 seems to NOT like me — and nothing seems stable) and am using IE5.5 almost exclusively now. I say almost as i still use netscape at work on my sparc.

today i had signed onto AOL (yes yes i do run aol sometimes. i had signed up nearly 2 years ago when i was working for to test connectivity problems with customers) and had forgotten that i had signed up to beta test their new software — and somehow i had gotten accepted to their list (i wonder what they base their criteria on — or the fact that my screen name is linuxgurl) and was reading about the new beta tests when i got messaged by some kid. literally a kid HALF my freaking age. there are many reasons why i don’t sign onto aol anymore (being that i get a lot of messages from newbies due to my screen-name being what it is) and i just felt so OLD.

i’ve been thinking more so about this in the last few days since i turned the big 2-8. I celebrated it with a few friends from work who shared the same birthday and one of them had turned 31. I asked him how it was like being over 30 now and he said he didn’t care. Turning 21 was the big one — after that it was smooth coasting the whole way. and with me, it’s not like that. sometimes i look at paul and wonder — we’ve been together for nearly a year — and NOW it hits me he’s 8 years younger than me. The irony is in a way, i was always the oldest amongst my friends when I was growing up — most of them were always a year or two younger than me. i kept thinking of all my friends from Michigan — josh, sherry, shelly, shane, mike, and scads of people who i don’t remember anymore. Jenni forwarded me the info for my 10 year reunion next month. i don’t know whether to laugh or cry about the details.

healthy as a horse
for months, nay years, i’ve been living under the impression that i’ve been sick with various ailments. none of them terribly serious but concerning for ones health to be sure. within two weeks i got told that the previous doctors assessments were *wrong* and that i’m healthy as a horse.

i’m confused.

and you are probably wondering, why are you confused? that is awesome news. but that still doesn’t explain what seemingly is wrong with me!

you see, about 10 years ago, the doctor confirmed that i had polycystic ovarian disease. this means (basically) i have too much male hormones in my body (which accounts for my agressivness) and causes cysts to be built up on my ovaries causing me to not get my period regularly AND that i could have problems having children. i schedule an appointment with a doctor who specializes in PCOD and i’m excited. all my damn problems seemingly are caused by one singular thing. she talks to me, checks me out. blood pressure normal. has me get blood drawn. slaps me on a new pill that is supposed to make my life easier and bearable — and then…

i start my period 2 weeks early. i’ve been so moody pauls started calling me dr jeckyl and mrs hyde. and the doctor called me to tell me that my blood tests were normal and there was nothing to indicate that i had PCOD. nothing. i’m clean. no problems. so why do i exhibit signs if my blood tests are fine? its frustrating. i’m so sick of my body reacting violently to even the smallest amount of stress. i’m sick of always being grouchy. no one, i mean no one, can be this much of a fucking hypochondriac.

so now i’m taking my tired ass to bed.


birthday countdown part deux

my birthday is tomorrow! it’s not too late to buy me something!

i brake for pornstars
last weekend paul and i were at the mall shopping around. i had no idea what i wanted for my birthday. since we have the means to buy what we need when we need it, i haven’t been lacking in anything.
paul pulled me into a goff-in-a-box type store and i saw the perfect bumper sticker i brake for porn stars. since i’m a pronstar and not a pornstar, i bought it anyways. the following day after affixing said sticker on my car, i nearly got rammed into at least FIVE times from people trying to read it. either that or virginia drivers are even more horrid than i thought.

speaking of driving, on Tuesday i finally took my ass down to the dmv to get my license replaced (i’ve lived in virginia since november, you’d think i’d do this sooner) and to get my tags. now. here is the screwy part:
i’ve been informed by several virginia residents that the cost of getting plates/tags in VA is quite expensive. it’s based on the tax of the car which can actually run into hundreds of dollars. i was so afraid of it costing an arm and a leg, that i opted to get plates in cali before i left (which was an arm and a leg in itself). but then (dramatic pause) my plates expired, i had gotten busted for speeding (twice) and found out my license was suspended (punishable to time in jail in virginia). so i set out to find a list of things to do before heading to the dmv.

in the state of virginia, you need to have safety/emissions test done first. then it’s on to the dmv where you tell the customer information person what you need to do, they give you a ticket and you wait for your number to be called. the cost of my plates were a lot cheaper than i had anticipated. cost of reinstating my license, tags/registration for my car (for two years) plus personalized plates (that say FSCK ME) came to a grand total of 130 dollars. today i love virginia.

the other neat part was that you get your license right then and there. why does that excite me? because i remember living in california and in Michigan you had to wait weeks to get your license. *snap* picture taken, wait 10 minutes, schazam! new license.

tomorrow is my 28th birthday.

and i’m having issues. major issues.

why is turning 28 so fucking hard?

if someone has the answer, mail me.
my old ass is going to bed.