Month: May 2003

at the airport

One of the great things about being a geek is the capability of having technology with you on the go. However if I was more of a geek, I’d be sitting here on wireless dialup account instead of, well, not.
The Grand Rapids International airport (GRR) is strange in many ways. First off, the security measures here surpass those of even Dulles (IAD) in Washington. My brother had said to me when he was flying out of GRR to IAD to come visit me last summer about the trials and tribulations he had to go through with security when he was waiting for his flight. I didn’t believe him. How could I? For a metro area of several hundred thousand people, many don’t seem to leave, and it would seem difficult to comprehend the idea that the security at GRR would surpass that of IAD.
I feel more and more out of place when I talk about my travels when in my own mind, I do not do more than go where I want. In my own eyes, the world is so large and I’ve seen so little, it’s hard to distinguish from what is “well traveled” to what is not. I guess it does sound a bit exotic to say I’ve lived in San Francisco, Washington DC, and Toronto and then come back here to good old GRap as the locals call it. Why would I want to come back?
There was a girl I had worked with at the cawfee shop who had said that her world consisted of Kent County and that was it. She had no desire to travel beyond her “bubble” as she called it. She wanted to get married, have babies, and be a mommy. She was all of 18. She had no desire to see the world or explore outside of her bubble. There are those I know who have traveled outside their boundaries physically and could not comprehend what they saw. I mean that here they are, traveling around the state, country or internationally, and disliked it.
Personally, I don’t know what it is. Is it the restlessness that I feel? Which I automatically think that is really screaming of my own lack of commitment. Can I feel comfortable to one day settle down in one place and be happy or even just content? It is difficult for me to say. The Geography of Michigan class that I’m taking currently shows just how diverse Michigan is, at least from a geographical point of view. There is so much to see and do here (as shocking as that may be when taking into heart my thoughts on Michigan and the Midwest in general), that I feel overwhelmed. I haven’t even been any farther than Traverse City and have yet been to the Upper Peninsula, and for being a “local,” to me that is disgraceful.
Because my trip plans for Europe have fallen through, I had been thinking of renting a cottage up in the UP for a week. Just me. The dogs. My laptop and pray-fully, no internet connection. I have found that the more I live alone, the more I like it. I’m more of private person and now I wonder if I will ever really be happy being with someone in a relationship. I think about that part quite a bit, that my own happiness is coming from within, but yet even at that stage, I would never feel comfortable being with someone else. Things like having a family do equate into this, but I do not ever really see someone else as being by side. I’ve honestly thought that if I was not married or in a committed relationship by the time, I was 35, I would end up having IVF kids. Keth and I joke about that now, but the more I look at it, the more I realize just how much of the truth it may be. I’m not scared of this idea, I guess I’ve always thought that it would be better to raise a child alone than in a relationship where it was abusive, and the issue is that it’s becoming clear with my own relationship choices that abuse is all I know. That is not to say that all the relationships I’ve been were abusive, but it all goes back to Alan and when I had for a brief moment in time the “perfect” relationship in my eyes only to have it blown up in my face – all because he had cheated on me.
Danny says I carry extra guilt left over from my Catholic upbringing, and I’m not quite sure that is true. I can see why he would think that but I’m tired of feeling like I have these rigid set of morals and ideas only to find the world shifts too much into the grey pattern area. Most of it conflicting. Like I do consider emotional cheating to be cheating. I cannot abide by the fact that if you are in a relationship that you would have the audacity of wanting to be with someone else. Oh, I know it’s human relations to look and admire attractive people, that’s fine, but when it becomes something else and ends up being more than a fantasy, then it becomes dangerous. Why get married or be with someone if you don’t, truthfully, want to be with them? That’s never made sense to me and those who know me the best would know the agony I went through prior the separation with Paul. It made me numb. I felt nothing other than I did not want to be here and I had to leave and I could never communicate to those just how difficult it was TO leave. The one thing I did resent was the common ideology that if you are not happy, then just leave, that I could pick up and go and no one seemed to take into account that they only knew my side of the story or even better, they knew only what I would tell them. They did not walk in my shoes and they did not seem to understand when I tried to make the situation clear.
I have this sinking suspicion I’ll always be a solitary person, and that discovery has hurt more than anything else. Not that being solitary is bad, but simply that not having someone by my side would hurt. I’ve dreamed of being with someone, this ‘being’ if you will, that would compliment me as I would compliment them. True wuv. So now, I wonder if I feel disillusioned simply because of past experiences or what the deal is. Hope is there, it’s a small flame, and it’s becoming smaller. In the end, I’m tired of a society that is cruel and malicious and I just wish people were nicer to each other, but that wish doesn’t seem to want to work out.
Keth says, maybe I’m looking too hard? She said to me when I was lamenting about this to her fairly recently and I can see why she would say that. If you’ve searched for “something” for over 30 years, it’s very easy to get discouraged but it’s difficult to keep up hope. It’s difficult to feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know there are many difficulties that I have sustained in my life that have bucked the system. I’ve left high school and went back and got my GED. I went to college, only to leave and come back many years later. Things that professionals say are the hardest to do, I’ve done. Yet I feel no satisfaction from these accomplishments.
($Deity save me from ignorant people. Please. A girl in my Geography of Michigan class asked if we had to know the bedrock type. Hello. Geography. Pay ATTENTION! Another woman compared the term ‘outwash’ (the left over silt from glacier movement) to the leftover drippings of Guinness. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.)

collegiate life

You’d think, that with the big to-do about going back to college, I’d write about it. But not one peep has passed these lips in written form since i went back. I don’t know why that is. I found a strange currency within me, the more things that are private, the less i’m apt to write about them. I also found that the more I care about someone, the less I’m to approach them in conflict about a disagreement.
But that is neither here nor there.
This past semester was my fuck-up semester. I allowed myself to work at my own pace and see what happens. I got an A and three Bs, which I was thankful for but I learned if I applied myself, I did well. When I was slack ass, I did above average.

as i told kethryvis when I saw an updated picture of one of the guys i was going to meet up with via my personal ad

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
So glad I did not end up meeting him. Hello. Yuck.
heh.
Yes, I am that shallow. Move along please.

Birthday Cards

There are no limits to to put on the cards. Use your immagination! (says she who is immitating spongebob squarepants right now)
Make it anything you want, what you think i like or what you like. Use any kind of media. It’s your art.
Dont’ sweat getting it to me in time for my birthday. I’m a slacker, let us not forget 🙂
I’m just putting my address here. Just send them along. If you have any questions, do let me know
2730 Woodlake Road SW
#4
Wyoming, MI 49509

volvo driving soccer mom

the ONLY reason why this is private is because i gots an email from coffeeshoboy. Apparently Beth, the wife owner of $Coffeeshoptobenamed said that Dave, husband-owner, said something to the effect that how you can’t “Change people” and how I didn’t fit the image they wanted. I know of a couple of instances where this might come into play, like I fixed his computer for him? Heh. Several times. Their POS pos is really a POS.
I have to learn to let go. There are MANY things in my life that do not resolve and it bothers me and I just need to let go.
But i’m glad he still emailed if anything I’m going to go see his band this weekend, with Danny, so no pressure there.
I found out that one of my best friends locally has been diagnoised with narcolepsy, which, it’s been freaking her her husband and her kids out. Since I’m free during the day she and I have been hanging out at bookstores, coffeeshops and tomorrow we are meeting for breakfast. I feel like such a soccer mom. minus the volvo, kids and gear. Though lately i’m into this whole skrit and flipflop thing.
who knew?

cracked halo

Getting fired has done wonders for my social life.
Really.
First my chiropractor was hitting on me. Well, he was being overly flirtatious. He’s this 5’8 yuppie punk but he’s funny and he makes the owie in my back go away. We were talking about tattoos and I told him about the whole Ben thing and he said “I just BET you are fun to hang out with”. He LOVED ben’s reaction to the whole thing.
Yeah, barrel of laughs. i watch tivo and play video games! But hey, if he thinks i’m the life of the party then so be it.
Secondly, I’ve been hanging out with Jenni and her husband, Jesse. Last night was all american food fest of mac’n’cheese, green beans, and cherry cheesecake. We played UNO all night and it was FUN. After my second appointment at the chiro today, I met up with Jenni for cawfee at a local bookstore (hells yes i will boycott my explace of employment) and there was a cute barista working and I gave him a long lingering look directly in his eye. Why the hell am I getting so brazen?
Jen and I hung out for better part of the afternoon today and in which, I found the solution to my cd storage problem. You see I have about 500 cds and no method of displaying them. Most cases were far out of my price range and I could not find anything that I liked and sure enough, Linens’N’Things had really cute on-floor displays
I bought two.
Sorry for the long URL.
Anyways, so my big friday night plans were to do the GREAT CD ORGANIZATION OF 2003! I’m anal about books and music organization, I like to know what I have. Seeing as I have bought or almost bought duplicates and triplicate of things, but that didn’t pan out.
You see, I almost had a blind date tonight, but I pussied out.
I mentioned the personal ads a week or so ago, and well, it turns out GR has a few interesting men. I use “few” loosely because that is literally all there is. At any rate, I’ve been corresponding with a few via email and one asked if wanted to meet up for some bier, but I chickened out, LIKE i always do. I get so damn insecure, I need to wash insecurity out the window.
I’m working on it.
Anyways, so Jenni said ‘Hey, Jesse and I can come with you to dinner tonight with BlindDateMan and that way you guys won’t be so uncomfortable.” Which is cool and all but I know J, she’ll tell stories about flinging my bra into the ceiling fan when we were in high school and other neat stuff. Like ditching our prom dates. hah. Anyways, for once, I didn’t mind that she would embarrass me (because I love you lee!) which is a change from before, i would have died. My how things have changed.
Jay said that Jesee commented that since I’ve been back I’ve been a lot more relaxed, which holds the theory that I was right about the $Coffeeshopwhoshallnotbenamed in firing me. I went and picked up my paycheck and they said neither jack nor shit to me. Which was fine, I did not care. I’m not gonna stress over what happened because they were so insecure.
I was to call Jay later on after I got home but it slipped my mind as I had talked to Danny almost immediately after walking in the door and told him that I had gotten fired and then I asked him what he was doing tonight and we agreed he’d come over for pizza and help me organize cds. Well then Jay called shortly after and I knew Danny would be here at 6:15pm or so and even though I knew Jay for 15 years, she’s never met Danny. So I said “Hey, lets all meet up for dinner.” So they agreed to come over to my pad since they had not seen it yet.
SO they get here around 7:30 or so and Danny is still not here yet. I called him and he said “i’ll be over in a minute.” Well another hour goes by and I’m like “wtf” and Jay said “Lee, I love you, but I have kids to get home to, and we need to eat” and I didn’t blame them at all. I kept apologizing, I mean Danny had been late but not THIS late before. So I called his house and got his answering machine and hung up, thinking he was on his way over. Another 1/2 hour goes by (Danny lives no more then 20 minutes in SUPER HEAVY traffic away) and I call him again and leave a very VERY curt message. I tack this BIG sign on my door that said “Danny, thanks for standing me up. Lisa” and left. We decided to go for steak at Logan’s. We JUST turned onto the main highway and my cell rang and it was Danny. He asked where we were and I told him and asked where was he. He said I just came from your house. I said oh you saw my note? And he said, no, i just drove by and didn’t see your car so I left. I said Jeff has my car, what the fuck, you’ve come over before with my car being gone and it’s never been a problem before?
He asked where we were going and I told him and asked if he would meet up with us and he said “I think not.” I was REALLY angry. Pissed. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. I hung up on him. We get to Logan’s and Jay asked what Danny looked like and I described him “Tall, bald, goatee, wears tshirt and jeans” because she thought he’d come up and I said “no, he wouldn’t dare. I hung up on him.”
He showed up as we were eating appetizers.
So it turns out, that Danny’s sister lives across the street from Jenni and Jesse and they were good friends with her and yet they never met Danny. How funny.
Danny drops me off and the next thing i know we are making out like two teenagers in my parking lot. NOt just kissing but serious making out. I stopped and giggled and left before it got too heavy. What the fuck has come over me. God. I want the world and I know he won’t or can’t give it to me. Jesse is right, we use each other for convenience.
So i get home and I have a message on my answering machine.
It was CoffeShopBoy.
Backstory: Coffeeshopboy is a guy I worked with at $Placethatwillnotbenamed. He was literally one of the cooler people there. He ALSO had the same musical taste as I did (rough range) and he was a reader and writer (bad grammar but fuck it. It’s 3am). He was interested in the same authors as I was. We always had a blast working together.
But.
He’s 21.
A WHOLE FUCKING DECADE YOUNGER THAN ME.
AND.
He has a girlfriend.
Lisa does not tread on other women’s property. Friends yes, but that is where the line is drawn.
I was so just aghast he didn’t know Joy Division for fuck sake! Or has HEARD New Order Substance for the love of pete. It was a travesty.
So I made him a mixed cd. Keth was calling me “Mrs. Rob Gordon” from the movie “High Fidelity”. Hey, I have my morals. I do not tread on taken ground.
He was just so fucking cool and he was going to school to be a journalist and well, it was just damn cool. I fretted because I liked him as FRIEND and I wanted to convey that because finding cool people to hang out with in this town sucks ass.
Unlike Ben, I just want to jump ben’s bones until he forgets his own name because ben is just all around sexy in that tall european cool as hell way.
But I digress.
End of backstory.
So he leaves this rambling message about how much he liked the cd and he heard I had been let go and how much that sucked. And he told me he liked the bands I had selected, especially Interpol and Catherine Wheel. Hoped that he saw me around some time and to take care and then suggested a band for me to check out (Sheila Divines, very cool!).
So I called him at home. Got in touch with his roommate who when I told him that the owner of $Shopthatwillnotbenamed compared me to him (roommate used to work there as well) when they fired me and he laughed and said he knew who I was, that CoffeeShopBoy had talked about me (!??!). SO I gave Roommate my number and told him to have COffeeshopboy call me.
COffeeshopboy is in a band, very pixie-ramones-emo. Pretty good stuff actually, raw but good. I liked it. turned out he had put his email address in the cd cover, which I had not checked till this week and I have had the cd for almost two weeks. Doh. So I emailed him as well and told him I had called him at home, hope he hadn’t minded and that i’m glad he liked the cd and that to call me to go for a beer or whatever.
heh.
So, BlindDateMan.
while were waiting on Danny to SHOW HIS FAT ASS UP, we swapped pics online and BlindDateMan is ALSO in a band (what is with me and musicians lately?) and he said I looked like his exgf (heh). I get that a lot actually. BlindDateMan and I swapped this fairly long missives via email and he got a kick out of my gallery online. I gave him my cell number but he never called. Huh. Men are fucked. I mean we exchange missives that are fairly personal and no phone call. I also gave another guy my numbers as well, he was quite fun to talk to as well.
My luck?
The world falls out and CoffeeShopBoy will never call me or email me (which means, well, no chance of hanging out with a cool person platonically). The BlindDateMan will suddenly develop amnesia and other guy will be a freaky stalker who I’ll have to kill to keep myself safe.
I do not have good luck with men. Period. WHy OH WHY can’t it be easier to just bash them over the head and said “GRUNT. Me lisa You Man. You Mine.”
I bloody fucking hate dating.
Or, pretending to date as it were.
That is all gracie.
x0x0x
Lisa
ps: If you are single, stay away! I’m ovulating and my pheromones are going ape shit! Back off or you will be pounced!

I’m no longer slinging coffee for jesus.

One of the managers called me and said that they were no longer requiring my services and that it was not working out.
Did not say the real reason, at least to me.
What they said they were receiving far too many customer complaints about me but! if you would have said this to me 6 months ago I would have agreed I was angry and rude and depressed. I would have said “yes, you are right.”  Because that is the place I was in then and that I knew to be true. I COULD NOT DENY that to be true.
But this time it does not feel right. It feels really false, like there are other reasons and this is the one they are using.
The part that scares me the most is either I’m either REALLY REALLY blind to how I greet/treat people and am in deep denial or else there is something else going on, which I’ve felt happening since they came back on vacation awhile ago as I had prepared myself to be fired then when I told one manager that the other had been quite rude to me – like had me almost in tears. Then they both confronted me about it afterwards talking about how they had said it “with love.”. Then there was the time the one manager literally yelled at me when I said I had a headache (from the pinched nerve in my back) and started talking about how I was screwing her over just like everyone else screws her over, even though i stayed on when i felt like I was going to throw up.
I was getting worried lately about their whole passive-aggressive behavior.
So is it me?
Is it?

sex and the single girl

I e-mailed someone a few days ago I had an interest in last year, a link to my newest tattoo because I knew he would be interested in the body art (being a connoisseur of tattoos himself). I had not spoken to this person since earlier this year when he had e-mailed me apologizing for more or less dissing me (there is of course more to the story and while it’s not complicated, this is just the quick and dirty way of explaining things) when I was living in Virginia. The whole situation was very intense to begin with and at one point i had wanted him so much i ached.
It had been so long since i had ached (and it was not just a sexual ache) that I quite enjoyed aching (for what it’s worth). I digress. So he emails me back today and tells me his best friend (who is a girl) and he are dating, something I knew was going to eventually happen. There were so many LARGE BRIGHT fingers pointing to the situation from the very beginning of our introduction that I found myself erasing what I was typing today because everything sounded petty, even when it wasn’t meant to be. My words to him were short and to the point. The nicknames were long tossed aside and he got removed from “mine” to “hers.” It did not matter that we no longer spoke, that’s just the way it is.
This is why you never EVER go back, even with the most innocent of intentions.
——————–
Last week, Danny had come over and we watched Secretary, which was one pretty sensual movie and I highly recommend it. On the way out the door, Danny leaned in and licked my ear. I don’t know if he was trying to be cute, sexual, gross or what, but I freaked out and started hopping around going “ewwww” because his slobber was running down my ear drum. It was NOT sensual or sexual all. Later on I felt bad for being such a ditz that I kept messaging him to come out with me this weekend to go see X-Men:2 so that we could hang out together and finally got a response from him that we would meet up Saturday afternoon when he got home from work at my apartment.
Now my goal Saturday was to get up early, study, then get sexy for the “date.”
This is not what happened.
I woke up at 1:30pm (Danny was to meet me at 3:00pm) with a headache that was literally like having nails split through my skull. I laid in agony for a few minutes but the dogs were begging to go out so I stumbled into my kitchen where I was trying to get their food and I ended up vomiting into the sink. Mainly mucus, my stomach was making these jarring noises that kept making me feel more ill, so while I’m retching over the sink, i am shoving a blueberry muffin down my throat to quiet the jarring. God it was bizarre. Dogs get let out, fed, aleeve popped and I can’t shake this headache.
I almost fainted in my bathroom when I vomited into the toilet (while still shoving blueberry muffin down my throat btw) and finally dragged my arse off to bed where i laid down for a half hour. Danny showed up and when I asked him to please stay with me, he refused. He didn’t want to ‘sleep’ as he called it and all i wanted was someone to hold me because I felt like shit.
Apparently in the span of time between our conversation and him walking down to his car with a “I’ll see you later” motif, I ran outside in my pajamas to beg him to stay. I just did not want to sleep the day away and be alone. It was so beautiful outside and my headache was slowly subsiding. I made him promise to come pick me up at 5pm so that we could go out.
Some very wise women had said that you could be sexy at any size, age, or whatever. It was all about the attitude. I’ve been downright tired of my style lately and I needed something “new.” My hair, which is growing like a weed, cannot be tamed. I am so afraid that if i go see a hair stylist that I’ll end up with short butchy hair and as cute as that was I WILL HAVE HAIR DOWN TO THE MIDDLE OF BACK. Even if it is curly. Even if it looks like i stuck a finger in a light socket. So there is that.
Then there is my style. People keep telling me i dress “cute” but I’m bored and need something new. I am however poor and raided my closet trying things on. Yes it was to go out with Danny, but who cares? I need to spice things up as the whole tshirt and jeans thing is getting boring (again). I tried on shirt after shirt after shirt and nothing was just well screaming WEAR ME. I swapped out cute strappy sandals for the flip flops and wore jeans instead of a skirt. I still refuse to go shopping before I go to Sac and Vegas AND until i weed out my closet and maybe I can find sexy another time. I think I’ll pick up a few books on what to do with medium length curly hair because this is killing me.
We go to the movies and see X:Men-2 (hello! Colossus is 6’8 of MUSCLE rowr!) which was great (and I bet the dvd will have loads of neat crap) and we decide what to do with dinner. The problem with Danny is that he cannot be decisive. He will not make a firm commitment on something he wants, it’s bloody fucking annoying. I’ve been dying to try out new restaurants and since it seems the only way to go to these places is solo, which I’m fine with, I do it quite a lot actually. So we end up at a local eatery and he was telling me how a friend of his is paying for him to fly down to see her in Texas. I keep poking fun about he’s going to get laid (he’s wearing a tshirt that says “Man Whore” on the front this whole time) and he keep saying nothing is going to happen, which i tease and say oh yes it is. He’s such a whore! Blah blah. He says yeah it probably will but he’s not counting on it as the last time he had a vacation was when I was living in San Francisco and he came out to visit. This was six years ago.
He also starts teasing me back about how I won’t “give it up” and he gets all defensive about how he hasn’t had sex since January and it is not because he has fuck buddies, because he does, but because he wants something more. The whole conversation was weird and while we were sitting at the restaurant he literally shouts:
WELL YOU WON’T HAVE CASUAL SEX, SO WHY DOES IT MATTER?
“Danny don’t think that section (I’m pointing to about 25′ away) heard you.” He looks. “Yah they probably did.”
He also goes on (loudly) about how I’ve been back for nearly five months and I tease and do not put out. How I will never probably put out. It’s so difficult to put out to someone who refers to their fucking penis as being “hung as a hamster” (His reasoning? Because if he tells them he is hung like a hamster then they won’t be disappointed to find out he’s not. Okay then.). Who also farts and belches. I realise as humans that we have bodily functions but when someone is laying with their head in your lap, it’s not cute to far, no matter WHAT you think.
It’s difficult to want to have sex with someone who passive aggressive. Geez, you know I’ve laid this out so clearly before it’s becoming monotonous. A few choice things just need to occur to get me going and it’s not even that difficult. Danny falls in the Paul category that once I’ve slept with you, romance and passion are out the window. We no longer have to work for it so buh-bye.
And you people wonder why I left?
——————–
It has always made me giggle to see condoms next to tampons, even though I know they fall into the whole “family planning” stages. A difficult conundrum has been what to do when I meet a guy to uh, date, as it were. Do i buy condoms ahead of time? Do I let him take the responsibility? What kind do I buy? The last two men I slept with (Paul and Justin) both wore Magnums, x-large condoms. Nothing is more humorous than going to a store to buy condoms with a tall white boy and having a black woman ring you up and eye your boyfriend as she passes the condoms over the scanner.
Back in my early 20s, I used to carry condoms in my wallet. I was not sleeping around by a long shot, but when I was in a serious relationship I did not want to be told ‘no’ because we didn’t have protection. Now I don’t know if I’m so crazy about that idea anymore, mainly because I’m terribly afraid of even dating someone again.
Therein lies the irony.
——————–
Which hasn’t stopped me from putting up personal ads.
Again.
Graham once said that it seems the more we throw to the world the more we hope that someone will come back to stick (not his exact words, I’m paraphrasing) and I’m finding that the more I keep throwing out the net the more it seems the more disgruntled i get. It seems no matter HOW specific i get in the damn ads I always get the most fucking end all be all of losers who respond. Some are just so far out of what I am like and specify that I wonder what the fuck they are smoking to think I would be remotely interested.
I’ll probably pull the ads, again.
Because after viewing what Grand Rapids has to offer the single girl, I’d rather date my vibrator.
——————–
Which goes without saying about my friendships with guys who do not live here.
Like with Ben.
Ben’s safe because he’s 4k miles away.
Ben’s also pretty passive-aggressive but more in a good sense and not in a bad sense. Ben’s also pretty cute.
I have zero idea if we would date if were living in the same zip code, hell the same time zone but I do know that it’s safe and protected and when he pisses me the fuck off I can “turn him off”. That’s what so great about online relationships. There is enough intensity to feel real but the strangeness of it allows for the double check of reality. It doesn’t matter with platonic or romantic, it just is.
Don’t ask me what happens when we meet up in Europe this summer, because I’ll be travelling with him for at least a week. I do know he does not snore so hey, what more can a girl ask for?
——————–
All I know when it comes to love, I want someone who isn’t afraid to take chances. Someone who has quiet passions burning within their soul.
x0x0x