Month: August 2003

kill slit tingle’s throat

Anyone who games on gamecube and/or played Zelda:windwaker w/ the gba will know my pain. Tingle is fucking useful but geez, he sends me messages like “T-I-N-G-L-E LOVES YOU!”. It is, annoying.
I’m in a pissy mood and it’s not because of Zelda (rather, Zelda is helping me relax). First off my back hurts and I’ve been to the chiro already today and my back went crunch all the way down but he can’t see why it’s aching (especially in the middle of the spine) because he doesn’t feel anything wrong or see anything wrong with my adjustment. Monday I’m going to the massage therapist (named steve) who for 30/hr is gonna make me feel gooood. I hope.
Secondly, can I say I hate Aquinas again? OKay, I hate them again. I got my grade back from creative writing and got a B+. That doesn’t piss me off. What pisses me off is both semesters I averaged a 3.0 gpa yet my accumulative is LOWER than when I transferred in. I don’t get it. I called school, and left a very detailed vm. I’m terribly concerned because this upcoming year I have to have an accumalitive of a 3.2 to get to grad school. Hello. Stress.
Second, the insurance company. Called them today after picking up my laptop and pc to find out what to do next. Woman on the phone tells me not to fax anything in (er?) and then asks about the cost of the PC and the laptop retail (which I’ve told them many times over and over). I tell her that the pc was hand-built (which I’ve stated through this entire process) and that some pieces, like one of the cdrw’s we bought at 300 for the damn thing two years ago or more when they were super expensive. anyway, they tell me that they found a comparable machine at circuit city for 900. Eh? Apparently, my new machine is considered an ‘upgrade’ — they only do ‘comparable or like kind’ when insurance does replacement. Well, first off, they no longer make my machine anymore or the parts! So yes, it will be an upgrade. I kept telling them, look, I put this together myself, what part of that don’t you understand? As for the laptop, they need to find something ‘comparable’ to that. They said “we will only pay what we owe you”. I was like fine I’m not arguing with you, here are my receipts through my semi-working fax. Apparently they will add up everything together, deduct the 500 and cut me a check. Oh joyous day.I got frustrated because the second time I called, the woman kept insisting on various things I was never told. “Well it’s in the notes!!” “Doesn’t mean she told me.” “SHe spoke to you at 3:01pm.” “No, she did not. I was at the doctors office.” What in fucking hell is your problem!!

Um, okay.

There is a girl, who I know from IRC and it is very casual. She seems to think we are the tightest of friends and we’re not and I’ve told her so. So she just pasted me a link (damnit, i thought i had her blocked across the mediums) and I, nosey as ever, open it.
Apparently, it’s a message board for my little pony fiends and her boyfriend posts to the board how he asked her to marry him.
They want a my little pony on the cake.
????????????
And people wonder why I’m anti social?

Okay guys, need your help

everyone say hi to tiglore.
We met up on yahoo personals and have finally decided to meet up — however we can’t think of what to do. Im’ ixnaying inside stuff (for the most part) because after spending 3+ hours on the phone today and countless hours chatting online, we spent most of the voice time being geeky and talking about our respective pets.
Last night we spent a few hours looking for things to do and came up with extreme sports (nah), Elvis’ Car Road Show (nawww). We’re looking for something fun and creative to do and that will take pressure off of the first meeting but we’re not like shut indoors in a movie or something. We both dislike (for the most part) seafood and remember he’s a geek and i’m a geekette and well, 🙂
Ideas? Options?
ps: he owns two tivos and has more gadgets than me and has read terry pratchett. albeit he’s not perfect, he’s not british! :p

the tao of lisa

I have noticed, with quiet pleasure recently, this growing of introspective analysis from my friends, even though for the most part, I’ve never met half of them face to face. Yet I find this bonding getting closer between us even if we never speak of it in daily conversations. While I used to fret that the depth of the knowledge I know of someone seemed to weaver between being shallow or my own judgement, I’ve noticed the barriers have been falling left and right and while I’m stuck in Michigan with unable access to hug or play with them, I feel pride for their journeys as they too struggle what I am struggling with. It seems to be this uncommon bond that we seem to have pulled together, without planning or warning, and have embraced ourselves and each other, again, even if words are never directed as so.
In many ways, it is like a revolution of sorts, albeit a quiet one that is growing in numbers. It doesn’t matter who started it or who the ring leader is, it just feels as though we are all moving in the same direction and it pleases me that the more that I reach out,sometimes blindly, to this unknown world, I feel all this love coming from around the globe that is faint but growing.
The ideal of what “human” is and our psyche has long been since discussed via philosophers, theologians, writers, assmonkies and anyone else with an asshole. We can speculate and titillate and fondle our emotions only to find that even when we feel that we are alone, we truly are not. This is difficult to comprehend, I know, because even in my weakest hours when I feel like the world is against me and that there is no one to save me, there is some underlying truth to the heart of it all that there are others out there and while we are not geographically close, or of the same race,or of the same creed or even of the same culture, we seem to be finding ourselves to each other.
The nihilistic masquerade we throw over ourselves is dissolving. Recently I’ve been upset because I’m no longer angry and that pissed me off (ironic) but I realised NOW due to recent changes in the world that I don’t have to be angry (necessarily) to justify the means or the ends. Perhaps it’s wisdom or an unkown strength? Who knows, but lately the world has been coming into a brighter light and I have not had the reasons to find out why. It’s not a spiritual thing and I have not found “God” (even though my mother would be happy as punch to know that) but it’s something else entirely. I just feel like the whole world that I once knew has been dissolved in the blink of an eye and there was really nothing, per se, that changed other than similiar minds coming together and finding each other and acknowledging that this exists. in a way, it’s almost like being enlightened but I don’t think I can quite describe the feelings and give them their true benefit (then again, it could be sleep deprivation). As corny as it is, the truth WILL set you free.
I’ve rejected most common and accepted methods of ideology because therein lies the fallacy of interpretation. The contradictions each of these ideologies play breaks my heart because in the search for one thing, everything else is rejected and in true Gen X style, I rejected everything I was told to believe in, except the ideal of believing in myself. I was searching for purity and truth and love and found hate greed and blaspheme riddled within people I knew and in the texts I’ve read and the things I’ve experienced. Pure, true souls are not regaled to the insane, the innocent or the naive. I think we are all innocent of life because we have yet to discover and form opinions of life in and of itself. While we breathe, shit, fight and make love, for most it is mechanical there is no life.

with apologies to the person i posted this to…

this is actually a comment i posted in someone elses journal, but i liked it well enough to post in my own
—
I’ve often thought how truly wonderful it would be to be with a group of people like that. I’ve been trying recently to bring together friends here locally at dinners and such and while *I* have a good time it doesn’t seem others do not. The irony of this is that no one calls *me* to get together (Though to be honest, one couple has told me i could visit them anytime, I still feel too shy to import myself on them). I noticed this happened everywhere I lived, with the exception of my early 20s when I was here in GR and I had a fairly large circle of friends but now those people have disappaited into thin air.
I also took to heart your post on chat, and I found that I often get sucked into the same thing as well. But the irony is, there is only so much I can do by myself and I have been trying to ‘get out’ there but it seems that I can’t be that super casual person that makes these type of friendships viable. I’m not saying that it’s impossible for me to have general relationships but perhaps, like you, I require more sustenance than what I’m currently getting now. The other thing is that many people in our age group, at least locally, can’t relate to, at least, me. I’m not married, I don’t have a partner or kids, I don’t own my own home and I’m not following the typical line most 31 year olds go. Plus that whole ‘travelling’ thing seems to shock people too. I don’t know it’s so difficult to understand I’ve lived in a lot of places but it is.
I also find that I have difficult staying power with making and keeping friends, because of that inablity to keep up the friendship. Now I do have friends but I find that unless I feel that person is as interested in me as I am in them, the frienship fails. In a way, it’s very ironic, because I want the ability to call up someone for casual coffee and yet I don’t have the type of friends (as you stated) who enjoy that.
I rented “Four Weddings and a Funeral” this week and I cried not about the whole marriage thing but about how these group of people were so close and so /loving/ to each other. I got intensly jealous because, like you, I’ve been a loner for most of my life. While I’m comfortable being alone and with keeping friendships open that I love, those people don’t live in my general area so I’m back to square one. So, I don’t know.

Will Rome fall to their lustful excesses?

Sorry, great quote on the hitler channel.
Here is a question (and really it is about no one in particular. really! I mean it!):
All my life people have told me they were attracted to me due to my “strong personality” (whatever that means). And that has been described from everything from being manipulative, to aggressive, to assertive, to being blunt and forthright. Yet on the other hand, if a strong personality needs “help”, usually people are kind of — frightened about helping. Maybe they think that said person (not necessarily me) will bounce right back or they can’t approach said person (which has been said to me too often when I needed emotional support, that I was “unapproachable”). Then there are the ‘weak’ people, the ones who can’t seem to get their shit together and come off as these totally almost helpless and subservient and I watch people flock to these creatures and the irony of that is that I know that this is an act. The whole helpless woah is me I can’t do jack or shit is — an act. And honestly, it’s not any ONE person but dozens of people through my travels that I met that are like that. And when I call them on the act or when I tell someone secondary it’s an act, I’m called a bitch and many unpleasant things. These are the people who turn a simple cold into a five-day sick fest. Why is it that the ones that ‘act’ are the ones who get all the glory and the ones who are true do not? People used to say that they liked me better when I would act more like a dainty flower and personally, I wanted to gouge my own eyes out.
I don’t get “the act”. I’ve left too many people like that in VA, SF and originally in MI and it’s like, this pattern that keeps repeating itself. I literally get sickened when I come across it because I want to shake these idiots.
And don’t speak to me about Karma. I’ll pop a Buddhist cap in your ass. I may have gotten a C- in theology, but don’t forget I rocked the final.

grrump

GVSU has my file still on, well file and I can go in the spring if I want. I also have to swap out my financial aid, which isn’t that big of issue. They took my brothers 72 credits from his old Uni so I should have 76 after the fall if I go to the GVSU in the spring. The cost is HALF of what Aquinas is and it’s not the money issue but the SHEER lack of BS of hoops I’ve had to jump through at this piece of shit college. This would mean my brother and I would be attending the same college and he is probably one semester ahead of me in graduation. heh.
grrump.
Maintance called and apparently the guy had the same problem at another location so they are researching this. No one else has filed a claim (not even the guy upstairs whom I went banging on his door earlier to tell him I had — bastard). I just can’t even begin to comprehend this bs. ugh.

fuck shit goddamnit

i hate aquinas.
That passion is now growing.
I fought for three months to get my Philosophy 101 grade because the fucking stupid professor hadn’t submitted it yet. SHe finally submitted it and I got the grade.
B-
The probem here, is that One paper is was an A and the other paper was a B, so with the final two papers how the FUCK did i end up with a B- average? I could not have DONE that poorly. You know, maybe I should go talk to gvsu because when I applied to them last year (and got accepted) they had everything on line for my degree ALONG with what classes would be good for me etc in my acceptance letter. Fuck I hate aquinas.