Month: August 2003

re: don’t shut me out

HGFH emailed me a rather long email and I’m including my response here. Basically I’m sticking to my guns and while I might admit I was a bit harsh I do not apologize for what I said to her in the first email.
With that being said, if you happen to read this, there is a quote about my mothers response to my suicide attempt. What happened was that when I was 17, I attempted suicide with pills only to be found by friends shortly after the attempt. Stomach was pumped etc, the whole nine yards. Upon coming home, my mother responded, “Next time, use knives and not my medicine if you are going to attempt suicide.” My mother has no recollection of this little happening, well happening but it was when the stages of her own disease (depression) were starting to get worse. Who knew 10 years later she herself would attempt suicide? Oh the irony kills me on that one.

First off, my mom got her disability hearing. It’s in September. Good luck to your mom on getting hers quickly as well.
Secondly, my intention, albeit a bit harsh, again was not to inflame, irritate, or embarrass or kill our friendship. It has been basically many months of pent up aggression about how our relationship actually STANDS.
Thirdly, I wanted you to respond. I wanted you to read what I wrote and to respond to it. I have every intention of responding to you, as I’m doing now via email. The one thing I have learned about us is that we seem to clear up better understanding via email than voice or IM simply because we have time to think about what we want to say. I do understand that what you wrote is from the heart and I appreciate that but I don’t think you actually read what I wrote and that bothers me.
This has nothing to do with our ‘friendship’ per se, rather, it has everything to do with how you treat me. This is the key point. I tried to explain to this to you when we were at Applebees because I took you on your word and told you how I felt and you either didn’t get what I was saying, I was not explaining myself clearly enough or something because I could not make you understand just how clearly I felt about how you treat me. I felt like it took great courage for me to tell you to your face and you kind of poo-poo what I said. You did not address anything I asked of you in that email other than about the computer issue. The problem I have with you is that you act like a martyr and that everything revolves around you. It is clear that while you value our friendship your definition of our friendship is different than mine and that pains me. For 17 years I’ve lived under your shadow and I’ve tried to explain to you, many many many times that I am tired of being though of as secondary to everything else. For example, in high school and later when you found other friends to hang out with, you quite often choose to forget about me and hang out with them. Shannon was one and Sherry was another and Love is yet a third. And your retort is that I did the same, but see, that’s how it differs. I never intentionally dissed you until after you dissed me and I can’t tell you how many times this upset me. In later life, yes, you have been there and you know many things about my childhood most people have no clue about (ie: my mothers response to my suicide attempt) and I do appreciate that and in no ways am I shutting you out or keeping tabs about what is more appropriate in terms of help (ie my father dying vs your computer issues). It has everything to do with me standing up for myself and not only to you, but to Jeff and to Danny. Jeff knows that I am upset at you but does not know why. He does not or cares not to understand my anger. While I am very prolific in my writing as you do know, i do not always get the point across until at the very end.
Again, my point is not to disarm our relationship OR to make you go away, I want you to really think about our relationship and really make sure it’s clear that you understand where I am coming from. I have felt that I have lived in being ostracized from you, Jeff and others simply because my way is different than everyone elses choice and I will no longer put up with anyone telling me that what I’m doing is wrong or crazy or anything else. I need for you to really understand that more than anything.
As for the computer issues, I am no longer feeling like I can do computer support for you because you do not listen to what I have to say. While you will say that i am the computer goddess you have fought with me before on doing things simply because even if my way is tried and true, you read something else that differs. If my way is so wrong than I would suggest that you find someone else to do support for you. However, in light of the recent Blaster Worm, I would suggest you download the following:
http://www.microsoft.com/technet/treeview/?url=/technet/security/bulletin/MS03-026.asp
If you have Windows XP, download WinXP 32bit.
If you do not have the blaster worm, then download it anyways and patch yourself up. It will not require you to reboot however, download the following:
This is a FREE (as in no money) virus scanner. It runs everyday and will also do automatic downloads of virus updates for you.
Please do not respond until you’ve read this fully and then email me. I have no intention on ditching you as a friend, rather, I’m asking we take a serious look at our friendship.
Lisa

update on re: don’t shut me out

HGFH hasn’t emailed me and that suprised me. I think my email to her was a suprise and it’s not that I’m going to diss her, rather, I’m going to make very clear that it’s my way or the high way. No more whipping girl, more excuses, nothing. Speaking of which, I haven’t heard from Danny either and not that I expect to as he’s a big ass pussy, but hey.
UPS dropped off the dsl mo-dumb (which SBC told me would come via USPS and in five business days, it’s barely been two business days) grrr, answered the door with soap in my hair and a bathrobe. Finished my shower and went to work seeing if this modumb worked or not. Found out that they had mislabled some cables (like a plainly very clear telephone cable they have ‘cat 5′ sprinkled all over it’) and finally got it working. yay. the pcmcia slot in my laptop is not fried as I had very very sorta thought so no more sitting here making faces while on dialup. Even checking mail was a bitch in part thanks to IMAP on three servers was slowwwwwwww
Aquinas emailed me to finally tell me my PH101 grade posted from LAST SPRING. My argument had been that without this grade, I’d be short 3 credits for being a junior and thusly still be sophmore standing which in turn fucks up my funding because the money is based on junior status. This has been my main argument for the last three months. The academic advisor emails me that I’m STILL short 3cr from being a junior due to a class I took in the spring and then dropped. I emailed her back and said “um, no. According to aquinas I transferred 36cr, took 15 and passed 12 in the spring and 12 in the summer, of which all 24 i passed. I also notated that one of my classes just ended this past saturday so that class hasn’t postred yet either. Fucking jesus christ, is this really difficult to keep track of? Apparently so!
My brother laughed last night because i’m literally now a semester behind him in college credits. He’ll be graduating in Winter 04 while I’ll be graduating Spring 05. bwhahahaha. How funny is that?

There is a new sherrif in town

If I had a gun right now, I’d be blowing the smoke away from the barrel but since I don’t have a gun, we’ll just pretend.
The one thing I recognized about myself when I moved on my own is that I have huge issues with standing up to people I like/love/whatever. People I don’t know I can talk smack all day long but this fucking catholic guilt (as in, left over from my youth, not a recent addition thanks), makes me feel terrible when I voice my opinion on something. My mouth is what made me so er, popular with UUnet and why most people were uh, cautious of my mouth. But I have big problems with sticking up for myself, especially in matters that I think it will count in.
With that being said, I took what greentara said about HGFH being passive aggressive and spent most of the day thinking about this subject. I came to a few conclusions.

  1. I would rather be alone for the right reasons than friends (platonic or intimate) with someone for the wrong reasons. Case in point, HGFH, my brother and Danny.
  2. I will no longer be someones whipping girl.
  3.  I will no longer back down when someone attempts to correct me and tell me i’m ‘wrong’ or ‘crazy’.

For the better part of my adult life, I realised that those who were close to me (sic) where the ones who often said I was wrong, crazy, or completely off base on everything from how I treat my dogs, to how I wear and what I wear to purchases. It didn’t matter what it was, but I was always wrong and my decisions on everything were always knocked down. I whipped my brother into shape and then I took Danny on and finally HGFH also got some coming to her too. She accused me in a few recent emails of “interrogating her” causing her “humiliation” and “embarrassment” but you know, that’s not how i see it at all. I see it as standing up for myself and if she still wants to me a ‘friend’ when the dust settles and the gun is back in my holster, we’ll see. But chances are, when she gets that email, she’s gonna be upset, and unlike before, I’m not afraid of what her reasons are going to be.

mon-aye

I once a had a roomate back when I was living in SF that would bitch about the cashier ringing up incorrect price on something and turned out that the item was mismarked and it was like 39 cents difference or something retarded. She went on for about 15 minutes about this 39 cents. I finally dug up the 39 cents and slammed it into her palm. Will this shut you up, I asked. She just looked at her hand and to me while her friend laughed. The woman had two degrees from UC Berkeley, you’d think she’d get a CLUE, why the fuck is she stressed about 39 fucking cents?
I have issues with people who use money or the price of objects to whine or complain. Like my aunts who consider 5 bucks for burger fries and a drink at a resturant (not fastfood) is expensive. But when they find out that I took my mother to a decent place and paid 80 bucks for dinner for the two of us, they got pissed I didn’t invite them.
Perhaps my value of the dollar is skewered, but I’m not impressed with people who have $$$$ and label drop, and on the same token, I can’t deal with people who think that Olive Garden is expensive and BITCH about how expensive it is.
I guess living with metro areas, I just got very tired very fast of everything being about who you had stuck to your back and how much money you had in your pocket. Hey, I got a platinum card too buddy but it doesn’t mean shit. And yah, I’ve been dirt poor but that don’t mean shit either.
I’m just really tired of people bitching about money. Houseguestfromhell upon hearing I was going to spend 35 at a salon to get a hair cut kept saying “Well, it’s YOUR money…” (Yah and she looks like she goes to a barber, wtf ever). When she asked about what happened with my pc and I gave her the links to pc’s I was eyeing she was like “That seems to be too pricey for my blood, but whatever”. Everything ends with “whatever” or “it’s your money” with her. And you know, I may be broke this week, and I know when I shop, I SHOP, but my bills are paid and i have a roof over my head, so what the fuck? And yah, I emailed and asked her what her issue was with the whole money thing. It’s driving me fucking crazy.
She’s also one of those people who say “I have an opinion on XYZ but I’ll keep it to myself” and I’m like, WHAT THE FUCK. Don’t say shit like that unless you plan on telling me. Danny is like that too. that shit drives me insane. If you have an opinion and you are not going to tell me, then don’t tell me you have an opinion! Jesus.
And it’s not just her either, it’s others. I’m really tired of people assuming, like my aunts, that because I have a trust fund, I’m rolling in it. One of my aunts called me last week because she was 250 short on rent and she was three months behind and had gotten all but the last 250. I wired her the money but it wasn’t JUST her, it’s been others who think that because I support my mother, I should/could/would support them too. Um, hello, it’s in Canadian dollars and it’s not worth THAT much. It’s essentially to pay for my living and school for the next two years and the rest will be put towards retirement. But when people hear “trust’ and “Fund” suddenly I’m this person with a silver spoon in her mouth. Hey you know, i’m really fucking sorry my dad DIED and left this to me when I was 28, but you know, whatever. Hey, it wasn’t that long ago I was robbing peter to pay paul but you know, people forget that.
so yah, you know, whatever. *snort*

the end of the part time girlfriend

danny and i have been doing this ‘dance’ for seven years. yes, seven long years between cross country moves, boyfriends, girlfriends and what not and we always end up back ‘together’. This time around, for the last 8 months we’ve been vaguely seeing each other (if seeing each other once a week is being vague). We’ve only had sex less than a handful of times but it has been within the recent month or so that things began to gnaw at me. I realised that for all of the things I loved about him, there were all these things that I didn’t and I had wavered back and forth about this for the last few weeks.
Now to be fair, he knows that i had put personals ads up, but even then i still didn’t feel like i was ‘cheating on him’ because we are not together. But I was tired of being this convenience for him on friday and saturday nights and he has this IRRITATING as fuck habit of “danny would you like to go out with me” and him saying maybe. I DETEST PEOPLE WHO DO THAT. He went so far as last weekend as saying I was being desperate for the big get together we did. Not desperate that I couldn’t get another date but desperate if i wanted him.
All week I’ve raged with this internal war deciding what is it that I want and what is it that I wanted from him and what the fuck was this shit anyways. Two people who I spoke to about said that it was a comfort issue — he was comfortable and I had to hold back myself because I too could see this as well.
Other things began to emerge the more I thought. I was his dirty little secret. I was okay to prance around in public with major pda going on or to friends who knew both of us, but in the eight months together did he not once come to me and invite ME to go out with him and his friends. I haven’t even been to house save ONCE in the last eight months due to his exgf living there who hates my guts because she knew that he was/is in love with me. Even when they were together. She doesn’t even KNOW i’m back in GR. His life is like this proverbial soap opera and I decided, I wanted to be killed off or made the main character. This recurring bit part was killing me.
Due to my lack of internet issues, I emailed him and told him to call my cell to let me know when he was coming over. I had fallen asleep on the couch listening to “Helen of Troy” on tivo when I heard someone at the door. I was groggy from three hours of sleep from last night when I had answered and it was him. We sat on my couch for awhile watching the movie and I finally got up and changed to go out. He was, as par usual, indecisive about what to do. We ran a few errands and eventually he gave me a tour about him growing up in the city. We drove all over GR and we stopped at a few cemeteries and I walked around amazed at all the dates on the stones. I said “Lets drive to Holland or Grand Haven and watch the sun set.” He said “No, my eyes will be blinded the whole drive there.” I replied “Let me drive.” He sort of shook his head. As we were driving back towards my general area, he took a different route that lead to Holland. It also went by my house. I played this game with myself to see if he would get off at my exit, and he did. I lost. He told me he wasn’t feeling well and I hadn’t been feeling all that great either but I didn’t want the evening to end just yet. As he pulled into my parking lot, suddenly I was like a bat out of hell trying to gather my things to get the fuck out of his car. He had unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled me over into this hug that was like something an aunt or a long lost cousin would give you. I hate those kind of hugs. I pulled away and as I did so he leaned over and kissed me gently on the cheek. He pulled back and asked me what was wrong and I sat there staring out of his grimey windshield not sure on what to say. I invited him upstairs. He declined saying he wanted to go home and shower and relax. I told him he could stay the night and chill with me and again he declined. He then asked me what was wrong and this whole time I kept staring out that fucking windshield. He put the car in park and my door was wide open and my bag was on the ground and I had my right foot planted squarely next to it. I debated on saying what i was feeling and finally I did.
“I’m tired of being your part time girlfriend”.
He gave all these excuses and I just sat there shaking my head. I am tired of being your friday night/saturday night convenience. I work all week he says and added that we go out on the week too (Once, in the last six months, that was last week). I corrected him on that. He said what do you want, I said, I want you and I don’t know if you want me back but I can’t go on like this. I don’t want to be JUST your part-time girlfriend. I listed a few more things.
All he said was “It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”
No agreement no lets talk about it, just, “I’m sorry.”
I mumbled see you later and hopped out of the car, slamming the door behind me. I heard him pull his car back and I thought “maybe he’s parking and he’ll come up to talk to me.” So I walked into my apartment and dropped my stuff on the kitchen counter and waited. I took deep breaths waiting for that door to bang but it never happened. I grabbed my garbage to go out and walked back outside, hoping I’d see him walking towards me. As I crossed the parking lot, I scanned the area looking for his car.
It wasn’t there.

song was unintentional, i swear!

Okay, question:
I am bipolar with a side dash of social anxiety disorder. I’ve been feeling pretty damn good for these last eight months and yah I’ve had my ‘days’ but not like it used to at all when I used to be crippled up in bed for days because I was so depressed or I was so manic that I’d stay up for days on end.
So my question is, should this not concern me that I’m bipolar? I’ve done the drug route (and have been on lithium, buspar, wellabutrin, celexa, and other half dozen I can’t remember) and all the shrinks have not worked (been seeing them since I was nine) and I guess I’m going the more au natural route but either I’m too strong willed or something because being bipolar is a major illness and yet I’m kinda like, totally nonchalat about it. In fact I’d say than othe the rare really blue day, I’ve been pretty even keel.
Questions? Ideas? Anything?

streaming

Streaming is/has been up for some time now as I continue ripping cds. I’m currently up to 1010 mp3s or about 70Hours of music, according to winamp;
If there are lag, it is mostly due to me ripping cds — even though my computer is pretty hefty it seems to choke every now and then and dupe songs are due to me having the same song on differnet albums. I’m not gonna get THAT pedantic about it 😉
OH and only has a maxusers 10 at any given time.
This is up 24 hours a day.

lots to update

Holy shit, I can’t believe it’s nearly 4am. Tonight I wanted to go to bed around midnight as I’m going out with Danny tomorrow and Saturday I’m going out with a tonne of people (lotus_flower, ministerofsilly, theology class paul and his wife, matt and danny. No idea what we are doing or where are going but I love planning stuff like this. Maybe I should be a party coordinator 🙂 Anyways, lots happened in the last few days so I’m gonna lj-cut stuff and read what you like. 🙂
horrorscope for August 1
What would happen if you just simply decided to take care of yourself today, lisa? This is what the planets are trying to tell you. You need to relax, to be taken care of, and to close you eyes and dream or fall asleep. Leave those daily tasks behind you today. You need peace and quiet. Lie down and empty your mind of all your worries. You don’t need to act, you don’t need to react, just lie down and relax…
She called and left me a message yesterday as I was walking out the door to the tattoo place and she placed him on the bus back to GR (he is from here). If you didn’t read the SUPER LONG ENTRY, a summary:
[23:42] modgirllisa: So let me get this straight, you haven’t seen him in 12 years let alone talk to him and you invited him down to see you in Cincy with you paying the bus fare. He shows up with five bucks and a: you are surprised that he wants to take advantage of you and b: you want to keep him there because you want to torture him?
[23:43] modgirllisa: If that is all true, are you fucking insane?
23:45] houseguesfromhell: well.. your paraphrasing makes it sound a little different than how I said it…
[23:45] houseguesfromhell: but you are right
I called her on the way to literacy training today and she told me she got a call from his boyfriend and he (her friend) is apparently a crackhead (as in, smokes the pipe not as in a figure of speech) and her friend the crackhead had apparently asked her for MONEY when she called to see if he was home okay. I wanted to shake her through the phone. The issue here is that she has had this habit of getting in touch with people from her past and then acts surprised when they aren’t what they seem. Now, I have no problems keeping in touch with people from my past but for fuck sakes, you have to draw the line somewhere and she doesn’t get that. She still acts like if they are one way a decade ago, they are the same today.
I feel very good for standing up to her. She’s VERY controlling and she takes everything as apersonal slight . We will see what happens with our friendship as her date to move back to GR approaches.
Before I bought my Canon A300, I had a Kodak DX3500 that Paul (my ex) and I had bought on my birthday in 2001. At the time, the camera for it’s features was the best bet for money. After buying the docking station, the recharge batteries, the memory card and the four year extra warranty, we spent close to 500 bucks.
As time went on, it became apparent the camera was a piece of shit. THe reason was that every image it took look like it was smeared with vaseline. As time progressed and I had found the warranty (heh), I decided on my move back to GR I was going to have it fixed and maybe get it upgraded to a newer camera if the warranty would allow it. Best Buy no longer did onsite repair and it was shipped back to Kodak and Kodak “reset the factory defaults” and shipped it back to me. The camera had the EXACT same issue when it came back and even though ministerofsilly and lotus_flower have the same camera, they weren’t experiencing the same problems, so that pretty much made up my mind to just buy a new camera and give the Kodak to my brother. Well right after I had ordered my Canon, the Kodak died. I took it back to Best Buy, told them it was broken and said “It might be something as stupid as the batteries” (cos silly me didn’t check to see if the recharges had actually stopped working) but if it isn’t the batteries, could they please look at it again and figure out what the hell is wrong with it because it stil has the SAME problem and while previous Best Buy techs told me that it was the memory card (the ones that you buy not the one internal) I disagreed because I had gone through several memory cards that worked FINE in other cameras and it wasn’t the memory card.
Well Best Buy called me yesterday to tell me that Kodak sent the camera back and it was not worth repairing apparently and I get to go into Best Buy to get a NEW ONE! WOOO! How cool is that? I’ll have two new cameras 🙂 I was planning on giving this one to my brother but now he can go fuck himself. Please see next post 😉
I won’t bore you with details on my family history but what I will say as a backstory is that my parents got married, had me and my mom left when I was five months old (I was not a shotgun wedding baby ;). She dated my brother’s father later on and got pregnant with him. My mom has always felt that since I had a father figure in my life (hah) that my brother deserved more attention. He is still the favorite with ehr even though in the seven months since I’ve been back to GR, I’ve seen her on the average of about once a month and he’s seen mother twice.
With that being said, my brother and I have a strange relationship. It’s been very off for a long time now and it’s slowly escalating till we no longer speak for weeks at a time though we live two miles apart. While yes, this is sad, the part is that I am REALLY tired of him mocking me, my lifestyle, my choices, and everything else, especially my dogs (when I’m not around, he used to bring his pitbull Chaos over and force her to fight wednesday. Wednesday weighs 17lbs, Chaos weighs like 60). He’s borrowed money from me and never paid me back, I’ve fixed his broken down 86 Caddy more times I can count, I mean really the list is endless. Well tonight took the cake. He had called me about getting copies of his resume printed and I called him back and I guess I rambled on the phone for a few minutes as I was on break from Literacy training and when he called me back, he mocked me for a good solid 2 minutes on my cell phone. I called him back, very coherent and said “You know, I’ve busted my ass helping you out in your time of need (which is often I might add) and you always mock me for everything, grow the fuck up and find other friends to “help you”. I clicked the ‘end’ button on my cell phone as angerily as one can click an ‘end’ button. Tonight after I got home he got online (phone got turned back on apparently) and he started giving me shit, AGAIN. I said look, I’m not helping you and he said “Well what the fuck do you do all day you are lazy you are xyz”. Yes, I don’t have a job, but I am doing stuff and you know, unless I’m at your door with no place to live it’s not your place to comment on my lifestyle. So then he launches into how it’s my fault how he lost out on a job oppturnity because he couldn’t get in touch with me to get his resume in. This is MY problem? I don’t think so and told him so, he has several copies of his resume that I sent him numerous times. This went on, I resent him a copy (three times) of his resume tonight and I bet I won’t hear much from him in the future. I really do not know what is going to happen with him at this point and to be honest at the path we are heading right now, I don’t see a bright future.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my tendency to get anal about my credit report. The number one thing right now that is killing me is that GMAC (car bill) is showing up twice, making it look like I have two accounts open. WHen I called equifax, I started an investigation and I got a letter today from them telling me that Equifax had contacted GMAC and that both accounts were correct. I launched into another explaintion and the person who took the call said “well, there wasn’t that in the investigation, so I’ll resubmit it and it will be taken care of”. I called GMAC and they said the reason why this happened was because it the original billing office was closed and all accounts were moved to another one and hence why they got renumbered. They said this will be resolved within 72 hours. So, lets hope on that shall we.
For some reason, people always seem surprised that not only am I single, but I’m not really dating. While I appreciate the candor in them thinking I’m really that hot to trot, I think a lot of has to do with being well, as eccentric as I am. Last I recall, being tall, chubby, heavily tattooed and pierced, a geek, a gamer, a pug owner and a student weren’t in big demands these days. But no matter, I really don’t feel like there isn’t someone out there for me, rather, I feel like it’s gonna be a long wait and I suck at dating so what the hell is the point because I get bored quickly and there seems to be no end to litany of stupid questions. One chap who chats me up on Yahoo! always talks about us getting together but never really does anything to plan getting together. I once asked him something and he said “I talk to you all the time, isn’t that enough?” Um, no genius, we never MET and if we are even remotely interested in each other wouldn’t it be prudent to say, swap emails? Maybe call ? OH I DON’T KNOW! Besides he lives in Chicago, and while he is cute and has a great taste in music, fuck him and his vinyl.
With that being said, I have in the past posted personal ads in both SF, DC and here in GR. Both SF and DC were more like looking for like minded people getting together (not necessairly sexual) but because I wanted to expand my friends groups. None of them panned out except for one guy whom I’ve simply become good friends with (hi niasyn ;] ) And even then due to differing schedueles we really don’t chat that much.
At any rate, I did the same thing when I came back to GR, I did the same thing. A few intersting people responded but it never panned out. A few weeks ago, I was talking to a few people in a irc channel I hang out with and decided to post and ad on yahoo! again to see if anything had changed in the last six months. This time, I even included pics! (Yahoo personal name is buttercupthepowerpuffgrrl if you are curious). No nibbles for a few days and I wasn’t really that worried about it. The pics were posted of me being dorky for a reason and after finding out a few couples that I knew had met via personals and had gotten married, I felt like I had hope of that maybe I could meet some interesting people.
If you don’t read the ad, here is what I say in short: I’m tall, thick bodied, caucasin, black hair and brown eyes and am single, not affliated with any religion, I’m in education/acadameia, I have tattoos and piercings, I’ve lived in several places like DC and SF, I’m in college as a undergrad. I am a music and movie buff, I love cartoons. I giggle a lot. I’m not your typical girl. I also do not have kids nor am I sure about wanting any (they do not have an option for yes i want kids but later). I post what I’m looking for is the following:
“A geek who reads. A geek who reads, like going out and is tall! A geek who reads, likes pop culture, playing video games, going out, is tall and has a british accent! 😉 So, I’m picky, this is my ad and I can be as picky as I wanna be.”
And as most people would say, that sums me up in short, right? Right. I’m pretty specific about who I am and what I want. So please tell me, why then a man who is looking for a black woman, ages 18-50 with KIDS AND is a christian who attends services MORE THAN TWICE A WEEK who is a stay at home mom would respond to my ad? Or the guy who said (and I quote directly)
“i know im not the kind of guy you are
looking for but i just had to tell you your
ad is the most interesting , cool and honest
ad ive ever read i think its great and you
must be too well good luck”
Which is fine, but the part about the first guy kills me because obviously i’m not black, christian (or at least any prescriped religion), and I don’t have kids and I am NOT a stay at home mom (pugs don’t count). The second fact is is the fact that yahoo allows people to IM the person who wrote the ad, which shows up in trillian as (and from what others tell me, with them as well) as my regular Yahoo address. So That is a bit um, freaky. Because I’d like to keep the two seperate thanks!
But WHY would someone respond if I am not what they are looking for or what they are looking for? And if it were once or twice, I’d be like, that’s fine but this happens EVERY single time I put an ad up. Geez. Hello. I’m not interested in hanging out with you and mother on a sunday afternoon.
Another thing that kills me is that on my yahoo profile page ) several things, like my nickname is “lisa”, i have a long set of interests, my website, that i AM female, where I am located (at least general idea) and I’m in education. Now the funny thing is that I get all these yahoos on yahoo! who will IM me “A/S/L” or “What are your interests (um hello, it’s on my profile page moron) or my particular favorite (this happened this past tuesday)
16:13] dreamcatchermja: Hello There, My name is Michael. I am from Wyoming. I am a Working Chef but I am a Double-major in Accounting and Business Management at Davenport University
[16:38] modgirllisa: hello.
[16:39] dreamcatchermja: Hello
[16:39] dreamcatchermja: How are you today?
[16:40] modgirllisa: just peachy
[16:40] dreamcatchermja: So where are you at now?
[16:40] modgirllisa: in my apartment
[16:41] dreamcatchermja: In G.R.
[16:41] modgirllisa: yes
[16:41] dreamcatchermja: What’s your name?
[16:41] modgirllisa: Lisa
[16:42] dreamcatchermja: Hello Lisa
[16:42] dreamcatchermja: So what would you like to know about me
[16:42] modgirllisa: Nothing.
[16:42] dreamcatchermja: Why?
[16:42] modgirllisa: Because you sound boring.
[16:43] dreamcatchermja: Whatever
[16:43] dreamcatchermja: I like to go to concerts, the beach, and I have jump off a bridge and more
[16:43] modgirllisa: That’s nice.
[16:43] modgirllisa: bye now.
[16:44] dreamcatchermja: I have played chicken with trains and I used to swim in Thunderstorms in Lake Michigan
[16:44] dreamcatchermja: I am Risk Taker so call me “Boring.”
[16:44] modgirllisa: First off, playing chicken with trains and swimming in thunderstorms is not being ‘edgy’ it’s being stupid
[16:44] dreamcatchermja: So you think you are a challenge or what?
[16:44] modgirllisa: and you are boring.
[16:45] dreamcatchermja: I don’t think so.
[16:45] dreamcatchermja: That is when I was young
[16:45] dreamcatchermja: Now I am working hard to have the finer things in life
[16:45] dreamcatchermja: I am going to own several mall businesses
[16:46] dreamcatchermja: So what do you for a living?
[16:47] dreamcatchermja: So what do you for fun?
[16:48] dreamcatchermja: I like to go to thh Beach, play sports, and dance
[16:51] dreamcatchermja: I’m sorry if offended you. Are you ok
[16:56] dreamcatchermja: So what kinds of things spark your interest?
[17:03] dreamcatchermja: I would like know more about you and your interest
[17:10] dreamcatchermja: So tell me something about you? What makes you so fun?
Now first off, I live in Wyoming, subburb of grand rapids, NOT the state 😉 Notice the time breaks, I’m not responding because he’s boring and I left the house and I come back and he’s talking to himself. Jesus christ on a pogostick.
Now, another person who IM’d me recently, YET another winner:
[02:40] beam_me_1: interesting list of interests
[02:40] modgirllisa: thanks
[02:42] beam_me_1: Nin to de Sade is quite a leap
[02:42] beam_me_1: profound to profane
[02:43] modgirllisa: not really
[02:43] beam_me_1: i m all ears
[02:44] modgirllisa: that’s a terrible thing to be
[02:46] beam_me_1: matter of opinion
[02:46] beam_me_1: i m all tongue too – at times
[02:47] modgirllisa: again, another terrible thing to be
[02:50] beam_me_1: and you are a sharp shooter
[02:53] modgirllisa: why thank you, i think
[02:54] beam_me_1: its easy to point and shoot – isn’t it?
[02:54] modgirllisa: well apparently not if you are still here.
[02:55] beam_me_1: i didnt say you were hitting the target
[03:01] beam_me_1: the lisa chronicles
[03:01] modgirllisa: can i help you with something?
[03:02] modgirllisa: or do you ljust like to repeat what is already clear?
[03:07] beam_me_1: what is clear is that no one is interested in mundane
daily lives when there is so much misery
[03:08] modgirllisa: no, what is clear that you are boring me.
[03:09] beam_me_1: or getting under your skin
[03:09] beam_me_1: who reads this?
[03:10] beam_me_1: that you brought a doggie bag home
[03:10] beam_me_1: no amount of school will cure that
[03:13] beam_me_1: it must feel good to feel important
[03:19] modgirllisa: it surely does.
[03:19] beam_me_1: i meant self-important
Here is another one just because it cracks me up:
[01:24] zepher46: …yeah..baby!!…
[01:25] modgirllisa: i’m sorry?
[01:26] zepher46: ….I mean like …YEAH..BABY!!!…
[01:34] modgirllisa: um, sure.
[02:08] zepher46: …later baby….right now its time for
And this one too:
[16:36] iamr0b0t: saw your butt
[16:36] modgirllisa: that’s nice.
[16:36] iamr0b0t: cute
[16:37] iamr0b0t: thats it
[16:37] modgirllisa: thanks. have a nice day.
[16:37] iamr0b0t: you too
[I had posted a pic of my ass on my website. The direct link is here.]
I mean, what the fuck? Heh. Yah and the time breaks are all not modified by me in any sense. But I just don’t GET it! I mean yes, some people would argue that I’m putting myself out there and thusly I can expect these kind of comments (like the ones who see Marquis de Sade and expect that I will be all about getting into BDSM and shit, on yahoo. Yes I like text bdsm. Oh yah baby! Don’t you see me hanging out in the porn forums all the time?) and then the ones who when I had tall people listed on my interests (since removed) at yahoo, would IM me and they would be these fetish super short guys who were looking to have wild sex with a tall female. And while yes, I could remove the interests and remove the website but you know, fuck it. I don’t have anything to hide and I’m very well versed in ignoring the lamers.
I MEAN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IS THERE NOT A SINGLE GUY WHO IS NORMAL (well normal for me anyways…)
If you are not in the know, Thunderbird is the stand alone mail client that is spun off of Mozilla project (). Thanks to kethryvis and our mutual friend Gordon, I was able to figure out it maybe a bug (or a quirk):
I feel so proud!
My final training tonight for literacy training and I got a nify cert. I’m pretty excited. However, I may have fucked up my chances (I think anyways) because I approached the coordinator about a problem I’m having. It’s long been said that I might have a learning disablity because of how I act in certain situations (I can’t concentrate or focus, I have difficult with some tasks such as I’m more of a visual and tactile learner so that auditory learning such as in classrooms is difficult) and a few other things. Apparently there is a local
learning placement program that will test me and it is income based (as in i don’t have any so perhaps this wil be free!) . She seemed concerned and it’s not that I can’t read obviously or comprehend but I’m thinking perhaps they might not let me tutor because of this? I dunno, I’ll find out tomorrow when I call her 🙂
So fingers crossed!!
Damn, I’m done!
BED!

stolen from dojie

The reason why I’m making this private is because a good chunk of my 50 closest “non-friends” I either USED to know or USED to work with and well, we are not on friendly terms anymore. I just thought this was funny 🙂 Oh and dojie, I am on DSL and it still took a few minutes to pull up.
Closest 50 non-Friends for writergeekgirl:
1: susboid, 2: ladyfirebird, 3: lj_maintenance, 4: gruevy, 5: mitrian, 6: lazygarden, 7: ciannait, 8: techranting, 9: dellaran, 10: wechsler, 11: cutadrift, 12: ivory_temple, 13: lj_nifty, 14: calnhobbes, 15: kentarokurahone, 16: edamame, 17: belle1446, 18: boondocks, 19: snapdad, 20: butterbee, 21: clarsa, 22: trillfreelance, 23: panicsyndrome, 24: benetleilax, 25: gloomcookie613, 26: inkie, 27: dilbert_feed, 28: obfuscate, 29: signal11, 30: foxtrot_feed, 31: twistedlogic, 32: pikajew, 33: ih8you, 34: darthmoo, 35: jennarosczyk, 36: lanthinel, 37: professorbooty, 38: bubblegirl_713, 39: gracilejenn, 40: katiemacalister, 41: kayoko, 42: lilstar78, 43: monkeywriter, 44: anomaly6, 45: ass_hats, 46: dpg16, 47: herph, 48: indigoskynet, 49: jwhorfin, 50: libertarianism
You can get your own here.