Month: September 2003

porn star pussy

Why do are some clitorial orgasms more intense than others? Why do I come with someorgasms and with others, I still remain fairly dry? These are not rhetorical questions!
The other night I was hanging out with the girls at the tattoo shop, we started talking about the size of our labias. We were commenting on whether or not our pussies looked worn out and tired like porn star pussies.
I’ve seen enough porn and genital piercings to notate whether or not that particular pussy was attractive or not. There are some women who are so gappy, you can shove the Eiffel Tower up their cunt and they wouldn’t even know it was up there. Some women have pussies that look beautiful and then their face, you want to throw a bag over it.

half a world away

I’m in love with one of my classes, Advanced Composition, because the professor is NOT a hard ass. This is not to say the professor is not difficult, she is, but she also gives us a lot of freedom for the subjects we write on and they can be personal, which rocks. There is something about dry academia that turns me off and since she’s pretty liberal about what topics we can write on, it’s great for me in terms of writing growth.
An assignment given to us recently was in response to an essay we read by Adrienne Rich called “When We Dead Awaken: Writing as Re-Vision” and our response to that in terms of how we have grown much in the same way that Rich has.
For my topic, I picked my mothers attempted suicide, which you know is always a big hit at parties. The essay will be a discourse on societal views and the ‘hush hush’ topic when I mention — which is always matter-of-factly and people cringe! Cringe I tell you because it’s a ‘secret’, don’t air your dirty laundry in public, blah blah blah.
Writing about it tonight is a catharsis, because it seems appropriate after being on the phone with one of my aunts for nearly two hours and I had this strong urge to call my mother and tell her I love her. When I got her on the phone, she was in a hurry to get me off because she was going to go play poker with her cronies.
My how the world has changed in a little over two years.

i have NO idea

Danny just left and I’m left feeling — strange.
He had IM’d me a few weeks ago about bringing me a present and we finally caught up with each other today and he just left.
Conversation was stilted and polite.
He brought me a Betty Paige sticker and some Powerpuff Girl stuff. He said he had been saving it for my Christmas stash only decided to bring it over now.
My brother called when he was here and when I told him I couldn’t talk because Danny was here, my brother called me “weak” — in which case I hung up the phone.
Danny guessed correctly what I was getting done tomorrow and he might stop up at the shop.
I have no idea what this means or how I feel.
Other than I was screaming like a maniac when I was cleaning out my conch piercing and jesus christ, I’m NEVER bearing children. 🙂
I’m going to keep with the axiom that it’s always good to expand ones circles of friends.

Yet another reason why men are idiots

I really appreciate you think i’m ‘hot’ with my long hair but you have KNOWN i’ve been single for almost a year now, why do you keep going on about how we ‘should’ meet in random city for quick sex? Jesus christ.
That is in refrence to a guy I knew when I was living in DC and we both moved from the area. He’s been alluding for months about us hooking up but i never took him seriously — and why should I? Men who sit there and talk about ‘what’ they are going to do and NOT do it, turn me off. Don’t sit there and tell me how you want to see me/ call me/ etc, just fucking do it for the love of god.
IM’ing me telling me how much you want to bang me, really isn’t attractive either.
Guys, take this as a personal tip, please.
I’m more about action, not talk.

In which Lisa conducts an experiement

I’m feeling particularly frisky this evening and had been thinking of some things about my looks recently, namely to the overwhelming response to the picture I posted a few weeks ago and hence the new lj icon. I’ve always been a great believer that I should be accepted for the brain and not the bod, and yet I know that’s not necessarily realistic. We are a society that feeds on the young and the attractive and if you don’t fall into that your shit out of luck. Yes, beauty is subjective, but on the flip side, I’ve seen many women of all ages and sizes who are fucking stunning and I realise that is also because of how they carry themselves and how they act. Beautiful souls do shine through (too many women on my list reflect that, so I won’t list them). It’ called confidence and I’m finally wearing it.
As I’ve publicized here, I’ve done the personal ad route since I’ve been back in GR with very little success (I’ve met one person who I like and we have yet to meet yet!) Oh, even with the goofy ass pics I posted I was getting responses but it was from men who weren’t even remotely LIKE me in any sense of the word. Like the gentleman who was looking for a black woman 18-50, who attended services 3x a week, was college educated and had kids — PLUS was a stay at home mom to boot. Do I even remotely sound like that? No, of course not.
Armed with new confidence and the new pic, I went back to http://www.nerve.com and updated my ad. Salon, Nerve, The Onion and many others use the same service called SpringStreet but it’s all integrated into said sites. I’ve been a fan of Nerve since they first opened years ago and had a founder account. I had a few credits left that I must have bought, geez, who knows how many years ago so, I updated the picture and started randomly answering ads. Oh, unlike before where I was ‘looking’, now I’m not. I’m not expecting anything in return other than to ditch the credits and clean the account out. While I’m all for online relationships, I need something more in my life and it might not even be a relationship with someone. I’m more of the flirty type right now. I’m floating in a sea of my own making.
So while I was browsing, I found an ad that looked familiar and I couldn’t figure out why. The id of the name was tugging at the back of my brain and then it dawned on me that we had corresponded before and had moved on to personal email and then it dropped out of the blue. No explanations, nothing. I didn’t let it bother me, and moved on. But the strange thing was, the pictures he showed me were of an alright guy. Sometime later, I found new pics of him and went EWWWWW. (I remember Llarian commenting on why I thought it was being superficial I didn’t find him attractive, but i can’t find the post). So it’s six months later, I’m flipping through Nerve, find the first id. Keep flipping, find the second id. Both id’s are his, I remember him telling me so, but the irony is that it’s a completely DIFFERENT pic than any other ones I had seen of him or that we had swapped. The other irony is that both of is ids are completely and utterly different in profile.
The other ironic thing is that the picture of me, a full on face photo, is also probably one of the better pics of me in a long time and looks NOTHING like the pics I swapped with him. It’s almost like looking at two different people, six months later. It’s all just very bizaare with me right now 🙂
So you have probably already gathered that the new pics of him are of course HOT. Well duh, why would i bother rambling if he wasn’t?
It’s just all very surreal. I probably won’t hear from him, but that’s also totally okay. It was just one nights procrastination instead of doing homework 🙂

Lisa is a badddddd girl aka The Bad Ass Girl in French Class

Lately I’ve been feeling very centered and within myself, and no longer feel like the intimidated person I feel when I’m in new social scenes. My trip to the bar a few weeks ago was proof of that as well as being more assertive in the classes I’m taking (ie: If I have a point to make, I’m going to make it, not sit and be mute). I’ve also been been very open about my opinions lately and it’s been funny because the more I speak the more I’m finding I’m getting along with people better. This is not pertinent to LJ per se, but it has been instrumental in day to day relations. I love it.
One of the girls in my french class and I have started hanging out together and she’s just so — RAD. And she’s only 19 but she’s a lot like me and what was funny was that as were walking to our cars after class today to go to Denny’s to study for french and we ran into her roommate and she introduced me as the ‘badass chick in her french class”, which I was honored by. Anyways we had a great time at Denny’s and my brother stopped by and worked on his homework as well (he left work early as he was feeling sick — yet manages to put away a huge ass burger). The really funny thing was in class when she said something to me comparing me to another guy in our ‘group’ and I said (rather loudly) – “Oh, I dunno, if Roland has 38DD breasts, I’d be suprised” and she starts laughing, Roland laughs and this 18yo in front of us turned beet red.
It was great.
Then we had to do a relay and I was captain of our team. He put our captain names on the board and w ehad to race up to to the board (1x a time, six people on each team) and conjurgate our fucking verbs and the Professor would say “excellente lisa!” and i wouldn’t hear the excellente and pause thinking i had congurgated incorrectly. hah. We came in last, but we were demanding a come back. My group cracks me up. While we all want to bash ms.know-it-alls head in, it’s still great fun.
After we had left Denny’s, I went to the tattoo shop to drop off the photos from our night out drinking and Pip was working. Pip is the british guy who has been working there for months and come to find out we are both going into the same ideals for graduate work so we always talk about — well everything. He’s got these amazing blue eyes. ANYWAYS, so I was leaning over the counter as he was in the back office and we were shooting the shit blah blah blah and since it was near closing he said “C’mon on back, I don’t bite.” My response was “Too bad, I like it when they struggle.” Good times man, good times 🙂 He’s also the same guy who was eyeing my breasts when I came back to the shop after changing to out.
He’s lost his british accent after living in the US for over a decade, and i kept telling him if he can score more women if he pulls it back up. 🙂 Not that I’m suggesting anything mind you. We were chatting outside and he’s loaning me some stuff for entrence work into grad schools in the UK. He’s applying to Oxford. I asked if he would get in, and like me on applying to Harvard, he said “Slim to none chance, but it would be a great rejection letter.”
We have a lot of the same schools in mind along with the same goals (finish undergrad, get masters, get phd). I like talking ot him, he’s cool.
Bad things? He’s 22 and is short. Isn’t that always the case? 🙂
Oh and he has a gf, and we were talking about the whole on-off again and I talked about Danny (whom he knows) and I told him that was so off, since he’s seeing me coming into the shop by myself more often now.
Who knows, sometimes it’s just fun to speculate. As always, nothing will happen.

lisa is a THIN mod girl

A year later! hah! Everyone remembers when I inadverently turned writergeekgirl into a community (I can’t find the post when I was begging people to come back, but hey 😉
Anyways, I had MEANT to turn into a community and never got around to it. Since I’m running on three hours of sleep and i was supposed to be in bed hours ago, here is short end of the stick.
Thanks in part to both banacheq and sillz_ who have both changed their lives tremendously as well as the always insightful essays from the very lovely greentara, I’ve been thinking about this whole ‘lose weight thing’. This isn’t something ‘new’ perhaps, but banacheq gave a lot of good advice when we were in Vegas this past summer and it’s been rolling in the back of my head for a long time and lately I’ve just been realised I’ve been tired of this body. I’ve lost 20-25lbs since I moved back home and the jeans I just bought are baggy (I still think that it’s just that the jeans (two pairs) were mis-labeled, but hey) and I feel better but I need to lose more — like in the 100 lb range.
That is not a typo. Anyone who has met me doesn’t believe it nor how much I tell them how much I weigh but it’s true, so hey, no skin off my nose.
There are a million and one reasons why I want to do this but the thing that has been holding me back is lack of community support. I Just don’t get the vibes at all, so, I’ll create my own community. But I don’t want it here in writergeekgirl.
If you’re interested, join . The posts so far are only me but if someone else wants to post to spread the community, then let me know and I’ll give you acess. I’ll be posting pics of my chubby ass once I can talk my brother or someone else, along with a lot of weight thought and theory on my own part.
Let me add, this has nothing to do with a man. For being a chubby geek girl, the one thing I’ve never lacked was having a boyfriend. While it’s always sounded arrogant to my ears, it’s always been true. Also, I’m not looking at being uber skinny, because that isn’t me. I like having curves, I just want to be less curvacious and I’m not interested in what size I wear either, I just want to look good, for me.
So we’ll see what happens but I’ll be posting over there and your welcome to join me and if you don’t, it’s cool. 🙂

Interesting

I haven’t heard from Danny since I wrote this nearly two months ago. Not one word, one peep, a phone call or anything of the kind. Mutual friends have asked where he was and I ixnayed that he was a dork of the biggest variety and needed his nuts kicked in. Maybe it was all the alcohol talking at the time? Who knows.
He just IM’d me he wants to come over and give me a present. I’m all for surprises but you know, now I’m like, nervous.
Why does he want to see me and what could he possibly say that could make me change my mind?