International diss Lisa day

Someone emailed me politely about my lack of lj-cut skills *koff* and I went through and cleaned up the last month or so of entries. They are all nice and neat behind lj-cut. When I told another person what i had done, they told me they were thinking of removing me because of my recent straying from using the lj-cut foo. In so far as the verbosity, well, if you can’t deal with all the posts, either remove me or create a Lisa filter. I’m not cutting down on number of posts per day because someone doesn’t like it.
I had forgotten that it was Danny’s birthday yesterday. He got on Yahoo! before I left to go tutor with the Literacy Council tonight and I asked him if he wanted to hang out tonight to celebrate his birthday.
He said “Well, South Park is on.”
“I get home at 6-6:30pm and South Park is not on until 10. You’re going ot be busy for four hours?”
“Well, I have shit to do and you have homework.”
“I’m on fall break.”

If you are going to engage in conversation with me, and I have told you I’m trying to get out the door, do not sit there and play these ‘games’ with my time if you know I’m in a hurry. I asked him out and he was being wishy-washy. I told him I was going to be home between 6-6:30pm, to come over and we’d hang out and do whatever. He said fine.

It’s now going on 9pm, no Danny. Fuck it, I’m tired of his shit and I’m done even attempting to be friends with him.

To make matters worse, when I got to the library today to tutor, my student was not there. I had told her last week that I was going to try to switch our days to Tuesday but I called and told her that we were still on for Wednesday, same bat time, same bat channel. I told her to call my cell to confirm she got the vm. Never called. Checked my home phone last night and no message from her. I just assumed she would be at the library. She wasn’t. I ran all over the damn place looking for her and no phone call or nothing as to why she skipped.


Earlier today, I was on the phone with the family realtor. We had an appointment today, but I got up so damn late that I called her an hour before our appointment to tell her that we (my brother and I) were not going to show up. I had tried to call Jeff earlier to reschedule We ended up on the phone for hours talking about family and catching up etc. My brother called me at 10:50am (our appointment was for originally at 11am and we live a good 15 minutes from her, not including time to go pick up his ass). He called an additional three times looking for info.

He just called me about our next appointment and I went through what she wanted us to bring to the meeting. She’s like a family friend and she did well by my mom on her house purchase so I feel comfortable doing this. But then I remembered the little incident of what Jeff pulled at the restaurant Saturday with Miguel there and I got really fucking angry. We started screaming and hung up.

I’m not buying a house with my brother. I’m going to try to do this alone.
Fuck. Jeff. I don’t need my 24 year old brother ratting me out and telling my secrets to someone I had not seen for 10 years let alone sit there and tell me in the restaurant that I was being too harsh to his roommate and then turn around and do it to me. He then says — “Well, you do it all the time!” — OH WHEN? WE NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.

Conversations between my ex-Paul and me:
angrypauly: interesting
LisaIsAModgirl: what?
LisaIsAModgirl: graham says he looks like you
angrypauly: bleh
LisaIsAModgirl: pauly
LisaIsAModgirl: i dated him when i was 17!~
angrypauly: mhm
LisaIsAModgirl: till i was 22!
LisaIsAModgirl: You and I have been split up for a year.
angrypauly: mhm
angrypauly: i can still be jealous
LisaIsAModgirl: mhm.
angrypauly: im always jealous of my exs
angrypauly: MINE
angrypauly: hehe
LisaIsAModgirl: :p
angrypauly: i dont share
angrypauly: <- failed kintergarden
LisaIsAModgirl: lol



Btw, I pulled all my personal ads.

I got bored.

Regardless of what happens with Miguel, I’m not going to be venturing into that area again anytime soon.

Everytime we hopped out of the cab, he’d walk next to me: Miguel Part VIII

Everytime we hopped out of the cab, he’d walk next to me, shoulder to shoulder. How did you get so tall?
I held up my foot, It’s the boots I said. He’s pretty short, only about 6’1.

We went to this kitschy little chinese resturant somewhre in New Buffalo and I had walked by him and kicked him in the ass with my foot sideways as I walked by. He started laughing.

The process to load steel takes a long time — we were laying in the back of the cab, spooning in the cab. We held hands and giggled listening to a local talk radio show on AM radio while the trailer rocked from the steel being loaded.

“Did you ever write down ‘Lisa Dunkelberger’?” he asked me.
Yah, I said. All the time. When I was 17.
We laughed.
“My mother won’t like your tattoos.”
“Has Sarah met your mother.”
No he said and smiled. His mother lives in Guam and has been for years.
“not my problem.” I said and just looked at him.
“What will our kids say?”
“That mom was a cool ass bitch and daddy was a codgy old fuck.”
“You’re probably right.” and we laughed together.
“We are not even dating,” I said, “and you have us picking out china patterns!”


I had brought my essays with me from Modern Cinema (I picked up my final and got an A on it). I explained the movies we watched and the questions and my answers and he was like “woah there Einstein!” All day he kept calling me Einstein. He loved it. He got all excited when we talked about Ameros Perros, Annie Hall and The Godfather.


He has a girlfriend.
When he and I split up, he fucked around and met up with a woman 10 years his senior, who he ended up staying with for 7 years. Once that ended, He met up with Sarah, who is 12 years his junior. It’s not my place to say what occurred between them, but I will say that from his perspective, I got angry because of the way she treated him. Even went so far at one point to try and beat the shit out of him (and he stands about 6’1). He kicked her out and assumed she was going to move into her own apartment down the street and she ended up moving to Missouri with her mother. Lots of baggage. They broke up and he’s not happy but they have been talking again and were working on things but — the thing is, she’s in MO — of course things are great but he’s not happy, he doesn’t look happy and he told me more. He said he needed to tie up things with her. He was with her because she was familiar and comforting — despite everything.that had happened. “In short,” I said, “She’s asked you to put your life on hold?” “My life is not on hold.” “Yes it is.” He just looked at me for a long time and didn’t say anything.


His cell phone is dead and he’s waiting for Nextel to replace it. He won’t have the phone on the road and i know that if the rest of the week is anything like today, I won’t hear from him until tonight. I already made the decision to spend the night, if he asks. No sex. Just sleeping. That will be the true test of intimacy. I just want to be with him.
This weekend, I’m going to my mom’s and he’s going to MO, which was already planned far in advanced. What happens after this weekend will be what will happen.

He told me, quite passionately, that he doesn’t want me out of his life again, no matter what happens after all of this is said and done. I thought about this and today I feel strong enough to handle that. On the other hand, I don’t know if I can handle that. Despite everything that was said and done, I had NO INTENTION of looking him up to shag. Danny was one thing, Miguel was another. I did not expect to still feel what I feel and I did not expect to still find him sexually attractive. That was a bonus. But come what may, this was the right decision. It makes me more free to move on.

Miguel has nothing to do with the following.
I started making life plans more concrete. I have an appointment with a family realtor next week to buy a house here in GR. That has a been a decision that has been coming down the pipes for months. I’m tired of paying rent and the girls not having a place to call their own. I want a bedroom with red paint and a nifty headboard for my bed. I will still go to school until I graduate from Aquinas in 05. Hopefully with honors. I will still be taking the GRE’s in the spring and applying to grad school next fall. But I started talking to Miguel about my dream to open up my own coffee shop/book store again, one dream I’ve harbored for years and i want to do that too.

The world has suddenly all these possibilities.