I played this game of will he or won’t he call?
I’ve been high since I woke up this morning. Dancing around my apartment in my tank top and panties to 80’s songs while my dogs looked at me like I was smoking something. Their eyes just followed me as I shimmied around to various songs.
I played this game of “Will he or won’t he call.” I gave him until 5pm — by then no call, I was going to call him and see what we were doing for dinner. If he was going to fuck off, that was cool. I was actually cool with that, I was just happy to see him alive again. I could lay the demons to rest and I’d be right as rain. Really.
But he called. 🙂 heh.
Now I suck at chess. That whole logical thinking out — I don’t have it in me. It doesn’t work with me. But when it comes to interpersonal relationships, I thrive on that whole “will he or won’t he” game that we play when we are curious about someone. Miguel is the Bobby Fisher of this game. It was easy when I was 17 because I was (gag) in wuv with him. He was my world and he was everything.
He doesn’t know me anymore, he was nervous on the phone. I’m the same but I’m not. He said there were many layers to my onion (Shrek reference and I started laughing so hard on the phone). He’s not sure what my next move would be where as when I was 17, it was easier. He knew how to have control over me. I believed everything and was gullible. I wore my 17 heart on my sleeve.
Now I’m 31.
I’m not so easy now. I don’t carry my heart on my sleeve and goddamn, if anyone wants me they have to work for it (mhm girlfriend). I\’m like this enigma with him, I think. Not sure why I think that — it\’s like he\’s curious as hell and yet he\’s nervous. He said as much to me on the phone, only not in so many words. I said “Is it the piercings and tattoos?” He laughed nervously. I asked about dinner:
“We are doing dinner tonight?”
“You said you wanted to last night.”
“Oh, well I have a lot of stuff to do. I got up late, didn’t get rolling around to do it till now.”
“I meant later on tonight.”
“Oh yah, that’s a possibility.” ”
“You know, I need to stop getting involved, romantically and platonically, with people who can’t make decisions.”
“I make decisions everyday.”
“Okay, are we doing dinner or not?”
“Sure, that would be cool. I like being selfish. It’s exciting.”
“Good, I’ll hand control over to you. You pick the restaurant.”
“I don’t like being in control.”
“You like being selfish, it falls under control.”
“True. I’ll call you about dinner.”
I’m the same and I’m not.
Evil laughter has been ringing around my apartment.
We talked more about Josh. He wanted to find him again. I pointed him over to his mom’s, because I had no idea where Josh would be, his mom would know. He’s cruising over there and they might come over here. We might have drinks, we might not. Who knows?
I have another train of thought, but I’ll do that later.
Month: October 2003
The lamb being lead to the slaughter: Miguel Part II
He just left about 1/2 hour ago
Btw, this was *our* song — how cheesy! Anyways, I was getting tattooed tonight when my phone rang — and it was Miguel. HAH!
I was lying on my stomach and apparently giggling so much that darkdepths and Pip kept smacking me to stay still. heh.
He just left about 1/2 hour ago — after hanging out at my pad for a good portion of the night.
What do you say after 10 years? A lot? Nothing?
Catch up on old times? He looked virtually the same. I kept calling him grandpa since he turns 32 next month. His hair was longer like in a pony tail longer. He’s got this curly ass hair and I’ve always seen him with short hair. That was weird. His voice changed too — much like Josh’s did when I saw him earlier this year. Apparently I sound exactly the same. Not only am I not getting old, my voice hasn’t changed either.
I kept wanting to touch him, to make sure he was real. I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t, I just didn’t.
I dunno. I could still feel that pull — it was weird. I was already making a checklist of things that had not changed and things that had changed. It was weird.
Honestly? He was the only person I was worried who I would run into with the tattoos and the piercings — because he was one of the few who had a huge impact in my life. He was down with it — haha. Especially the buttercups. Turns out he’s a huge Powerpuff Girl fan. Who knew? 🙂
My brother was pushing me to hook up because my brother was impressed. Miguel drives a ’00 Audi TT fully loaded. Has his own business, essentially is doing very well. He thought the letter was a joke — at first — and said it made his year 🙂 Said he had been looking for me and didn’t think to try the Internet (heh! What a surprise that would have been — Lisa — naked!) I quipped to him tonight that up on the website is things he’s already seen – heh. Been thinking about me a lot.
We might be doing dinner tomorrow night. He owns two motorcycles and we might go for a ride next weekend. 🙂 I’m not thinking anything other than friendship, there are a lot of things about him that i don’t think I could deal with. A lot of things that I alluded to darkdepths and of which I can’t talk about here or anywhere. Not baggage just — a lot of stuff. I see the big picture and while he was the man who lived with his passport in his back pocket, I just don’t know.
Horoscope for October 19:
You’re radiant today, and glowing with happiness! This is a refreshing change, after the gloom and doom of the past few weeks. Apparently, the decisions you made worked out for the best. Or, even better, perhaps you’re in love? In any case, lisa, it will be even easier than usual for you to communicate with others and share your joy. Let the good times roll!
A lot to take in.
Too much I think.
sWEeT dreams
Today and tonight ended up being pretty darn internesting.
I stayed up till 7am working on my portfolio and ended up blowing off my Astronomy quiz (which I’ve been calling my midterm, but isn’t) and I emailed the prof and rescheduled it for when we are back in school next week after fall break. Woke up late as shit and drove like a bat out of hell to AQ to drop off said portfolio. Also sent the letter I wrote to Miguel. Picked up my Modern Cinema final, and aced it. I’m not quite sure how one would get a B or lower in that class.
Forgot my cell at home and didn’t get a chance to call darkdepths until much later when I got home. Due to time constraints, we met up for Qdoba and went to Best Buy to return one of my digital cameras because a toggle fell off and got it totally replaced. Also picked up a 64Mb memory card for it and we headed off to the tattoo shop so that I could get the other Buttercup finished.
I told darkdepths I was glad she was coming with me because I was feeling really trepidatious about going especially after what happened last week and the previous week. Well, color me shocked as when I got there, A. treated it like it never happened. In fact she told me that R. busted his ankle and leg while in the mosh pit last night and was at the hospital. I felt terrible, but yet in a way I didn’t. From what was being said to me via A, it was like things were going to go back to the way they were — with no thought about the business OR the fact he smacked her up.
I wandered over to Pip’s studio and apologized for being late. He was tattooing a girl and wasn’t done with her yet and it was her first tattoo (poor girl she was frightened). I said quite loudly “Hey pip! Did you hear I was a lesbian and was trying to steal A. away?” He said “You know, I was going to ask you about that. R. was telling people that all over the shop and I thought he was nuts considering you’ve had boyfriends etc” We started laughing. Pip hates R. and vice versa. I made the decision I’m going to stay away from the shop unless I really need to go. I’ll keep throwing my business there but R. gives bad juju and I doubt anything will change.
Since Pip couldn’t fit me in that night, I rescheduled for Saturday night, with darkdepths in tow. We decided to go back my house and chill for awhile and see what was going on, watch movies and the like. Came home and Ben had been messaging me and he was drunk. We said “WOOHOO!” and after walking the dogs, convinced him to get on VoIP with us. WELL! I’m not quite sure how it started but we started taking pictures and trading (we went and then he went). What ended up was staged shots and naked photos on both sides! WOOHOO!
The public post was one of them, the icon in this journal is another. The rest are online but not in the gallery nor are they in my usual directory either. 😉 The irony to this was that she and I were almost totally sober while he, was not. It’s amusing and yet secure in a way she and I just stripped naked and posed all over my apartment. But it was fun. Ben asked if we could do this every friday night and we laughed. I kept asking him if he was going to regret doing this later when he wakes up and realises what he’s done. LOL. He said no — but we have got him almost convinced to come to the States, which ruled in my book. 🙂
A very good time was had by all.
socks break: Miguel Part I
I’ve been fascinated with what people put on their feet lately. I was noticing in one of my classes today that damn near anyone who was wearing closed toe shoes/boots (while this is michigan and it’s 30 degrees out, people will still wear sandals: barefoot), I saw dozes of fun socks peeking out from under pants. It’s like some sort of unknown phenomenon where you must wear kooky socks regardless if they match your outfit or not. I’ve gotten quite a collection myself, partly in thanks to pikajew who hooked me up a few years ago for a birthday or a christmas thingy. So I’m sitting here in sweatshorts and a mr bubbles tshirt with these really fun dark blue socks on with the words ‘kinky’ on them along with some kooky cartoon. Don’t ask me, I just report the news.
One essay down, the ‘hard’ one and one more to go. I keep thinking I have early morning class tomorrow and I don’t — my astronomy midterm is not until 1:30pm. As long as I’m in bed, er, in a few hours, I should be good (I hope).
I’m curious about my study habits. I have a pretty good sized L-shaped desk that holds my 19″ monitor, fax machine, copier/printer, and assorted junk. It’s nice and spacey. My desktop is bitchin’ at 2.6ghz and broadband — yet I choose to hang out at my dining room table where my books are sprawled everywhere working on my old ass laptop with the 12″ screen. I love space. Right now all my books, notes and assorted gadgets are sprawled all around me (with one leg propped up on the table and the other one I am sitting on in the chair). Hell, I have a big comfy leather chair in which I can sit in at my desk and yet i choose the hardback dining room chairs. I think I feel that the desktop will just suck me into not doing work — it’s been known to happen. Sit down to check email and it’s nine hours later. Things take forever to load on my laptop and essentially it’s just good for basic internet stuff and writing papers (however, it is difficult to gauge space in papers when your resolution is 800×600).
darkdepths and I are hanging out tomorrow after class and tomorrow night I’m getting the other buttercup finished — finally (if there is no fucking drama associated with it). Possibly getting together on saturday for fondue! Unfortunately, there is not a Melting Pot here but I do have my fondue pot and I just need to get a bunsen burner for the underneath and food stuff and it should be fun. Megan is going back to the Twin Cities for the week, my brother will be working and darkdepths is heading back to A2 as well. Most of the people I know are taking off so I’ll be heading to my mom’s on Tuesday or so and hanging out there next week. November is looking to be shaping up as a busy month. My friend Karen and I are heading to the Magic Stick in Detroit to see Twilight Singers (and I haven’t even fucking bought their new album yet — this must be remedied!). ach is coming to Chicago to see family and I’ll be heading down there to hook up with him. Patrick, a very old friend of mine called me tonight to tell me he is coming from Colorado to MI in a few weeks to see family and wants to hook up — which I can’t wait to see him. I haven’t seen him since… 1997 at Def Con — damn it’s been a long time. He’s also thinking about moving back to the Detroit area, which will be fun. He and I did some crazy ass road trips together back in 1996 that took us all around SE Michigan and Canada. Good times man, good times.
I was thinking the other day when I was driving that it was a shame that things didn’t work out with tiglore and myself — but you can’t force chemistry. I’m in the mood to date, I’m realising that more. On the other hand, I’m pretty content with being solo. I keep seeing all this bad juju with some couples and I think “Yech, not me man!” and then I see happy couples and I go ‘awww — fuckers’. While I play at being the whole bitter old hag bit, it is just a schtick. You DO realise that right?
After French midterm, I met Megan outside where she was hanging out with some other people in our class. I had the brochure in my hand for the class trip to Paris in the spring in which I want to go to (Megan and I have ‘other’ ideas on what to do in Paris *ahem*), and I noticed that the prices were for students “under 25” — and I was bitching about the “adult” price which was jacked up 300 bucks more. Roland, the other student, asked why I was bitching, and I said “because I’m over 25” and his mouth dropped open to the point I could see his tonsils. “No way!” — Megan and I laughed (she knows how old I am). “I thought you were 21!” — hahaha. “No, she’s over 25”, Megan responded. I never alluded to how old I really was. Rumour had it that Roland was hitting on a 32 year old woman simply so he could brag he bagged a 32 year old — he’s all of 18.
——————
He’s in the fucking phone book.
When I first moved back to GR, I called Josh, a guy I’ve known for about 15 years. Josh had told me the summer of 2001 when I had come back home to take care of my mom that a guy I had dated from when I was 17-22, Miguel, had been looking for me. To make sure I was okay, how I was doing etc. Josh hadn’t spoken to me in a few years and didn’t have my whereabouts and had nothing to report. Josh had told me in 2001 that Miguel had opened up his own restaurant south/north of town (I forget which), and when I got back to VA I had dropped him a letter to the restaurant — and never heard anything. In the interim years, I had casually searched for him only to find nothing on the fucking Internet under the variations of his first name and the two last names he uses. Earlier this year, I was browsing through classmates.com and found Miguel listed. Excited, I dropped him a note lettting him know I was in town, how were things going etc. Never heard a word and classmates.com deletes all mail after 60 days. I never bothered to follow up because at this point I thought it was a dead trail. No end.
Lately I’ve been having dreams about him, and I don’t know why. it’s been a good decade since I’ve seen him and things ended fairly — dramatically. Why, out of all the people in my life, does he continue to haunt me? I had a dream about him recently and I was thinking about looking for him again. I log into classmates.com and find that he is no longer listed. Search the internet again and nothing. This bright idea hits me to look in the phone book.
There he is, listed in black and white. Down the corner from AQ.
he. has. been. in. the. phone. book. all. this. time.
Now what?
One essay down, the ‘hard’ one and one more to go. I keep thinking I have early morning class tomorrow and I don’t — my astronomy midterm is not until 1:30pm. As long as I’m in bed, er, in a few hours, I should be good (I hope).
I’m curious about my study habits. I have a pretty good sized L-shaped desk that holds my 19″ monitor, fax machine, copier/printer, and assorted junk. It’s nice and spacey. My desktop is bitchin’ at 2.6ghz and broadband — yet I choose to hang out at my dining room table where my books are sprawled everywhere working on my old ass laptop with the 12″ screen. I love space. Right now all my books, notes and assorted gadgets are sprawled all around me (with one leg propped up on the table and the other one I am sitting on in the chair). Hell, I have a big comfy leather chair in which I can sit in at my desk and yet i choose the hardback dining room chairs. I think I feel that the desktop will just suck me into not doing work — it’s been known to happen. Sit down to check email and it’s nine hours later. Things take forever to load on my laptop and essentially it’s just good for basic internet stuff and writing papers (however, it is difficult to gauge space in papers when your resolution is 800×600).
darkdepths and I are hanging out tomorrow after class and tomorrow night I’m getting the other buttercup finished — finally (if there is no fucking drama associated with it). Possibly getting together on saturday for fondue! Unfortunately, there is not a Melting Pot here but I do have my fondue pot and I just need to get a bunsen burner for the underneath and food stuff and it should be fun. Megan is going back to the Twin Cities for the week, my brother will be working and darkdepths is heading back to A2 as well. Most of the people I know are taking off so I’ll be heading to my mom’s on Tuesday or so and hanging out there next week. November is looking to be shaping up as a busy month. My friend Karen and I are heading to the Magic Stick in Detroit to see Twilight Singers (and I haven’t even fucking bought their new album yet — this must be remedied!). ach is coming to Chicago to see family and I’ll be heading down there to hook up with him. Patrick, a very old friend of mine called me tonight to tell me he is coming from Colorado to MI in a few weeks to see family and wants to hook up — which I can’t wait to see him. I haven’t seen him since… 1997 at Def Con — damn it’s been a long time. He’s also thinking about moving back to the Detroit area, which will be fun. He and I did some crazy ass road trips together back in 1996 that took us all around SE Michigan and Canada. Good times man, good times.
I was thinking the other day when I was driving that it was a shame that things didn’t work out with tiglore and myself — but you can’t force chemistry. I’m in the mood to date, I’m realising that more. On the other hand, I’m pretty content with being solo. I keep seeing all this bad juju with some couples and I think “Yech, not me man!” and then I see happy couples and I go ‘awww — fuckers’. While I play at being the whole bitter old hag bit, it is just a schtick. You DO realise that right?
After French midterm, I met Megan outside where she was hanging out with some other people in our class. I had the brochure in my hand for the class trip to Paris in the spring in which I want to go to (Megan and I have ‘other’ ideas on what to do in Paris *ahem*), and I noticed that the prices were for students “under 25” — and I was bitching about the “adult” price which was jacked up 300 bucks more. Roland, the other student, asked why I was bitching, and I said “because I’m over 25” and his mouth dropped open to the point I could see his tonsils. “No way!” — Megan and I laughed (she knows how old I am). “I thought you were 21!” — hahaha. “No, she’s over 25”, Megan responded. I never alluded to how old I really was. Rumour had it that Roland was hitting on a 32 year old woman simply so he could brag he bagged a 32 year old — he’s all of 18.
——————
He’s in the fucking phone book.
When I first moved back to GR, I called Josh, a guy I’ve known for about 15 years. Josh had told me the summer of 2001 when I had come back home to take care of my mom that a guy I had dated from when I was 17-22, Miguel, had been looking for me. To make sure I was okay, how I was doing etc. Josh hadn’t spoken to me in a few years and didn’t have my whereabouts and had nothing to report. Josh had told me in 2001 that Miguel had opened up his own restaurant south/north of town (I forget which), and when I got back to VA I had dropped him a letter to the restaurant — and never heard anything. In the interim years, I had casually searched for him only to find nothing on the fucking Internet under the variations of his first name and the two last names he uses. Earlier this year, I was browsing through classmates.com and found Miguel listed. Excited, I dropped him a note lettting him know I was in town, how were things going etc. Never heard a word and classmates.com deletes all mail after 60 days. I never bothered to follow up because at this point I thought it was a dead trail. No end.
Lately I’ve been having dreams about him, and I don’t know why. it’s been a good decade since I’ve seen him and things ended fairly — dramatically. Why, out of all the people in my life, does he continue to haunt me? I had a dream about him recently and I was thinking about looking for him again. I log into classmates.com and find that he is no longer listed. Search the internet again and nothing. This bright idea hits me to look in the phone book.
There he is, listed in black and white. Down the corner from AQ.
he. has. been. in. the. phone. book. all. this. time.
Now what?
Because I am bored and sick of homework
In part because I know several other people here on lj have yahoo personals and i’ll protect those innocents (hah, yah right), and because I want to kill the french language, I present you with a recent list of people who have responded to my yahoo ad. This does NOT include the numfucks who IM me on a near daily basis.
First off my ad: http://personals.yahoo.com/us/buttercupthepowerpuffgrrl
The latest responses:
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1064520674-486877
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1008865052-698429
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1054957496-137656
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1065097553-872571
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1050086320-840591
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1040790206-679460
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1061994748-604170
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1065555057-981325
Conclusion: Time to rewrite the ad. All I keep getting is old farts who are Christian, Outdoorsy and “like to have a good time”. Even though to me, it is VERY clear that since I did not check Christianity as an option in what I was looking for. What is even better is the idiots who respond to me via IM who say “What do you do?” — um, it IS in my profile, did you NOT read? Apparently NOT.
insecurity
I have big issues with people who talk shit to hide their insecurities. Especially when it’s used to attempt to come between a friendship because that particular ‘person’ doesn’t like me.
Example.
R. has been telling his girlfriend that I’m a lesbian and bad juju because IÂ once had a fivesome which included two women when I was living in san francisco. I had sex with two women. BIG FUCKING WOOP! So he thinks that of something I told him in passing a long ass time ago, that I’m going to go steal his girlfriend and fuck her. This is the reason he tells her she can’t ‘go out with me’ because either I’m slutting around and grabbing men or I’m going to fuck her.
And oh, another female the gf and I know also has had sex with girls but yet she’s okay. I was so livid when the gf told me I couldn’t see straight. I’m tired of the animosity R. keeps showing me despite all the shit I’ve done for them and there /is/ no singular reason why he needs to treat me like shit and talk smack.
R. and I got into verbal fisticuffs tonight in a parking lot however I did not find out about this tidbit till later. There is more to the story, obviously, but since that is not my story to tell, I can’t.
I’m just bloody fucking tired of drama and manipulative emotional nitwits. I’m 31 years old, not in bloody high school. I see these people handful times a month, IF THAT and he’s ALWAYS rude to me and I’ve been nothing but nice to him.
And oh? I especially love the logic behind all of this. I have my fucking cunt pierced, I can’t have sex even if I wanted to. I’m such a paranoid about taking exceptional care of my piercings that WHY THE HELL WOULD I ENDANGER MYSELF for some ass? Le hello? Earth to human?!
Je prefere le cock!
fucking morons.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Found out today that someone I would consider to be a close friend, is getting hurt by her long standing boyfriend of many years. This, apparently, is not the first time. It took ever ounce of strength I had to not bash his fucking head in when he walked by.
In which Lisa has committment issues
So, HGFH and I have been emailing back and forth. Despite me being totally upfront with her, she’s absolutely convinced I hate her. I don’t hate her, but I’ve known her for 17 years and we’ve never really sat down and talked about our differences. Ever. Oh, we TRIED but that got pushed out of the way with the quickness.
Especially considering we spent at least 10 years living in different states, it’s easier to push it to the side. So her emails to me are about how much I hate her (which, again, I never said). My emails to her are convincing her I don’t hate her, I just have a problem with what she does in some things but on the same hand I’ve also praised her for being my friend.
She wants to break off being friends from me.
Which, totally surprised me, seeing as she was the one who wanted closure on our argument (fine, i agree to that) but WANTED ME TO BE UPFRONT AND HONEST WITH HER ABOUT HOW I FEEL! I told her she was being passive/aggressive — again and that she needed to either stick with one thing or another. IE: If she wants to “review our friendship,” fine, I have no problems with that but don’t email me about how you don’t want to be friends with me and in the same email you want closure and work this out. You can’t have it both ways. I’m sorry, but hey, if you want me to be honest with you, I will.
Long story short, I told her to email me if she wants to pursue this and work it out or if she really wants to break it off. Just for the record, I don’t bear anyone ill will — ever. I don’t give that kind of power to others — I’ve learned only what that kind of power can do. I don’t hate — oh sure I’ve been catty but it’s not like I’m sitting there making voodoo dolls and sticking pins in people and wish them ill will. Shit don’t work out, fine and dandy, it doesn’t work out. People mistakenly get this idea that because I have strong opinions I’m also a hate monger and I’m not and I really resent the fuck out of it if you think I am.
Also on the update issue, tiglore and I finally met up on a date — and it didn’t work out. :/ We did part as friends and are planning on hooking up some weekend (this upcoming one or the next) to do a GodFather marathon and to generally hang out etc. He said I was now regulated to his order of “sisters” which I’ll take in high regard. Then the bastard tells me that if we had worked out, our next date he was going to bake cookies in shape of roses! Men! I tell you!
Sometime later on in the week, tiglore and I were talking about crush with Pip, the tattoo artist whose picture I had on LJ a few days ago. I told tiglore I would be hesitant about pursuing something with Pip simply because he works at a shop I frequent and it falls under the same category for me as dating people I work with — I just refuse to do it. It doesn’t appeal to me and I always seem to have drama surrounding my life so any way to minimize it, I will. The irony is that friday night as Pip was tattooing me, he was telling me how he would never pursue someone he tattooed unless it was outside the shop. LIke he met his girlfriend via the shop, but she pursued him at his second job. He’s afraid of the ink whores who come in just wanting to get with an artist for free ink.
But conversation was stilted. Like, every damn time I come in, we are ALWAYS talking and after I got my outer labias done, I ended up staying at the shop for another two hours while he was working because we were talking about everything under the sun. My appointment on friday got bumped because one of the owners told Pip he had to take an overflow appointment because another artist was running behind. I didn’t end up getting ink till later on in the evening and while he was tattooing me, we barely spoke a word to each other. Oh yah we talked but it was — different. I don’t know if it was because we had things on our minds or what but after a break when a bunch of the artists went out to have a smoke, I got to listen how they talk about women. OMFG, I felt so removed from my own sex by these skanky women that they date and thinking that I’ll be spending the rest of my life alone because I’m not skanky. I can’t win, I tell you! When we did talk, I asked Pip about his gf and her name is Heather. No offense or anything to any of the Heathers out there, but all I could think of was the movie Heathers. There are issues between those two and well, lets just say it’s not my place to get involved and so I will remain just the SINGLE ink slut who goes in to get inked.
In other news today, Paul IM’d me (my ex, not AQ Paul) to tell me he wants to come visit for Halloween because apparently Slayer is playing at the Orbit Room with Hatebreed and a few other bands on Halloween night. I was planning on going to go to ministerofsilly’s house with him and his lovely wife lotus_flower and pass out candy. OR the shop usually throws a huge halloween bash as well. But hell, that would be cool to see slayer. I already bought my costume 🙂 Let’s just say it’s sexxxyyy. Anyways, either way, looks like I’ve got plans for Halloween. Now the interesting thing is that Paul has an extra ticket to see Eddie Izzard at the DC shows. Now HGFH and I were supposed to go to the Detroit show and I’m going to suppose if we are no longer friends this is off and Paul invited me to see the DC show, which falls during my Fall break from AQ. So, I might be in DC for a few days and if I do, I’ll be sure to let people know so we can do dinner or something 🙂
The weirdest thing happened this weekend: I had a 65+ year old woman tell me she loved my knee high black boots. Go figure.
la di da
If you haven’t already checked out this most def comic, I beg you to start reading!
http://www.queenofwands.net/
Thanks to kikikimi for the heads up 😉
Rocked my Modern Cinema mid-term 🙂 Did not do so hot on my astronomy “quiz” (what quiz has 116 points??). How the hell did I miss out on the “why is the earth heliocentric” — jesus. Helios — sun! Hello lisa! earth to lisa!
The irony here is that I thought I aced the astronomy “quiz” and did poorly on my MC quiz. Go figure. 🙂 Had another test in MC today about “Annie Hall” and “The Piano” (good thing I DID watch that movie 😉 and I think I rocked it hard core. I was witty and profound 🙂 The same prof teaching the class is going to teach one next semester on Romeo/Juliet, using movies. Like using the two major versions of the movie (including the one with Leonardo DiCaprio), plus West Side Story, plus “Shakespeare in Love” and a few others. It sounds like an awesome class. So, I’m going to most def sign up for it.
I’m trying to get to lj-comments but as you can see it’s after 3am and my plans to go to bed early were shot to shit. tonight as some things came up. I’m going to be gone all day tomorrow (and seeing Bowling for Soup tomorrow night). Thursday is all day classes and study session with Megan in French. Friday is classes, stopping by to see Pip and show him what I have in mind for the next tat, then home to do homework and laundry. Saturday/Sunday off to mom’s for the weekend. Plus I have insane amounts of homework due so I’ll be working on that in between breaks tomorrow. Ugh. But it feels good to be busy 🙂
So, I’m getting a bit freaked out now about how people are suddenly having this “you are mine” affect towards me. As I reported on Sunday, Danny came by and I invited him to come to the shop on Monday for the piercing, of which he came. But he was making all these remarks that were just — not appropriate. It was like he did NOT hear a damn thing I said to him in early august. It was like — nothing ever happened. I saw Pip raise his eyebrows when he saw Danny walk out behind me when we came out of the booth and then Danny dutifully departed. I dig Pip. I wouldn’t say a lot but I do think he’s hot and he’s interesting. I’m always up for meeting interesting people and I know last time I talked to him a few weeks ago he was in an on and off again relationship. I’m not saying that I’m going to try to rat-a-tat that ass (though we were making lewd comments to each other about it), but I am saying, what if there WAS a chance? I sure as shit don’t want Danny hanging around sniffing because I’ve been there and done that not only got a tshirt BUT a nipple ring to boot (he bought me my right nipple piercing). I’ve TRIED to make that relationship work and it’s not. We are far too different people. Time to move the fuck on!
Now there is my brother. This is just plan WEIRD, but I think it’s because we are so close. He’s been working weekends to make extra cash along with working normal week day PLUS going to class. Yes, we live only one mile apart and we call/text each other everyday but we haven’t had a chance to get together because I’m always out doing something and he’s at work in the afternoons so when do we hook up? Well the last two days he’s been calling and either I missed his calls but he’s getting — downright PISSY about me not calling him back. It’s. Been. Two. Days. Earlier this summer we didn’t talk for TWO MONTHS due to an argument we had. Tonight as we left Denny’s he gave me a hug (and crushed my right ear– the one with the conch piercing — holy shit did that sting) and he’s like “Call me!” — I’m started bitching about how he acts like it’s been YEARS since we’ve last seen each other. Weird.
Then there is a few guys I know who are sniffing around but it’s like, they get mad if I talk about someone local who I’m interested in or that I went on a date with tiglore last week. Hello. I’m single. I’ve BEEN single for what? nine months now. I make no claims on anyone and why should they make claims with me? Men, take note, if you LIKE a woman, will you PLEASE tell her and stop this childish bs. Lastly, the HouseGuestFromHell. Well! She emailed me this very passive aggressive email today and basically told me in no uncertain terms that the ONLY reason she’s moving back to GR is because of me. WHich I appreciate but.. well read my response:
I will not be used as the sole reason or one of the biggest reason for you to move to grand rapids. I told you from the git go that I plan on moving from here when I graduate from Aquinas in 05 to go to grad school. As much as I like the area, what I want to do is not offered here, period. Grand Rapids is a growing city and there is much to offer but for education, I’m totally limited by my choices to further my education. If you are basing me as being the biggest reason for coming here, than what are you going to do when I leave? While you are one of my oldest and dearest friends, I have started finally to build a social scene here with other people who I can relate to. This is not to disregard your feelings, rather, I am recalling when you came up in July and it was the weekend before my finals and you knew before hand that I was going to be busy and you made it clear to me that you were going to be able to have fun with others other than me, which I was happy for you to do. However, that turned out NOT to be the case and I felt guilty that I had to study and that took away from “you” time. I will not be put in that position because first and foremost, regardless of who I am friends with, my education comes first. I will not bend to the will of others because of this. Period. Yes, I take full responsibility for the pause on the “argument”, on the flip side however, I’ve sent you numerous emails to your home account to never even get an acknowledgement on them. Even though they were mainly tidbits of interest, not once did you acknowledge them. Even when I emailed you about Sarah’s new single, you didn’t even reply, which surprised me. Everything in quotes is from you. Anything quoted inside the quotes is something you quoted from me, to keep it simple on who said what.
“Ok.”it has everything to do with how you treat me.” I need you to elaborate if you can on that. I understand that you are saying that you have an issue with the way I am treating you.. but what way am I treating you.”
My biggest issue right here is how you seem to ask me for advice on anything and then you contradict me/get defensive when I tell you what I know. Let’s start with computers. You call/email/im me about a problem and I tell you what I think it is based on what you tell me. You find alternate information either from someone else or on the web that may contradict what I’m saying and you automatically take that person’s side. It’s fucking annoying and I’m sick of it. Like when the computer guy came to your house to fix your pc and you had me on IM on your other machine and you were relaying stuff back and forth. What the hell was the point of that? ANother instance is when you asked about that townhouse on 60th and Division and I told you that it was Clterville. I also told you that the area was white-trash central, loaded with modular homes, factories, low end trailer parks and the mental hospital was local. You got defensive and said that the advert said it was in Kentwood. You get defensive on everything I say when you ask me for advice on anything, I don’t even know why I bother anymore when you ask because almost all the time you automatically find fault with it.
“I have abandonment issues and this is how they manifest in nme.”
I can no longer believe to be this true with you anymore. You are now 30 and you use this every time you feel remotely threatened by anyone taking me or anything away from you. This has become your automatic response and you either need to get over it, see a shrink or do something because I no longer will take this an the answer as to why you are being cranky.
“Next.. I don’t know what you mean by that I act like martyr. I don’t really know what means and then how it applies to me.”
Your definition of a martyr was right, however, some people act like a martyr to be the center of attention. You do this occasionally. I’m proud of the things you’ve accomplished and how you have raised Marcus but anytime someone happens to you negatively, it’s always the other persons fault, mainly when you end a friendship with someone. It’s always tit-for-tat. If they cross you in anyway regardless sof how trivial it is (like not sending you a card for your birthday or whatever), that person is automatically on your shit list and that person is always at fault. This is how you are a martyr.
“You said that our definitions of friendship are different and that it pains you. I would like to understand how they differ.”
Your definition of friendship was right on and I agree with that, but see my answer above. You do tit-for-tat with your friends and that really REALLY bothers me. It has me walking on a tight rope and I feel like if I do live up to your standards, you’re going to diss me. Regardless for how long we have known each other. I dislike feeling that way. Also, you seem to always have to be /in/ control of the relationship as well. Yes, I know your automatic response is that you have “control” issues, fine, so do i but I at least cut people slack and you don’t do that with me or with anyone in your life that I see. If things don’t go your way, you get into a tizzy with it.
“Ostracized,huh? You feel banished and excluded? I am thinking that I can’t be thinking about this the right way… How in the fuck have I made you feel ostracized? I have come to see you 4 times this year alone. I talk to you all the time and email/im you almost everyday. What am I missing from the picture?”
This is not about you coming to see me, this is about when you and Jeff get together, you two think it’s great fun to make fun of me, from everything from who I sleep with, to my lifestyle choices or you two bring up shit from when we were kids that you seem to think is effing hilarious. Well, I’ve told him and I have told you in the past, I don’t find it funny. I was suicidal throughout highschool and had a fucking hard time coming to grips with myself until my middle twenties. I dislike being teased in a hurtful manner, and while you two may not think it’s “hurtful,” I do. Yah, some stuff is humorous but it just seems that when you are with Jeff or with Danny or whatever, that I am the one who always ALWAYS gets picked on. That’s how I feel oscertized. Also, when you get together with Danny (when he has been around) and/or with Jeff, you always take their side if I’m having an argument with one of them. I’m always made out to be an irrational/crazy/take your pick on how I feel about X subject. I’m tired of it. I’ve told Danny, I’ve told Jeff and now I’m telling you.
“You refusing to pay rent unless I kicked Boobie out of the apartment that you no longer lived in. It was my life and it was my life lesson that I had to learn, but you felt you needed to interject your “pressure” so that the situation would be solved in the way you wanted to solve it.”
I thought we agreed never to bring this up again?
“Lastly, I am so confused on the computer issues paragraph of your email. When did you give me computer advise that I did not take?”
Yes, this was partly in response to when the tech guy came over, but there has been many times when I have told you about XYZ (nothing coming to head here) and you take it with a grain of salt, like you think I’m right, but you’re not sure kind of thing. I don’t MIND helping people with computer help, really, I don’t. I spend a lot of time helping out Jeff and Jeremy, but with them they just accept what I say or they don’t. You are not like that, you are almost argumentative on everything. Not quite, but it feels that way.
From another email:“I don’t know why you are making this seem like I am by myself on this because you do the same thing. You emailed Miguel and Alan.. and maybe others.. so why the inquisition on understanding why I am doing it?”
The difference s that you are almost too naive when you go looking for people, it is as if you are trying to recreate the past instead of moving forward. Oh, I will admit at times I’m guilty as anyone on doing this as well, but with you it’s almost like an obsession. I admit that yah, it was cool emailing alan and Miguel, but I didn’t expect to hear back from them. It’s like you don’t think about what you are doing when you do this. It’s like you totally expect them to remain the same as they were when you left them and people are dynamic beings, we are not static. You want everything to be what it was in 1987, and it can’t be like that. When you found Mike Knuckles again, that was cool and all, but I had no real desire on seeing him again. I wish him well etc ad nauseam and there are no hard feelings but I have no desire to see/interact with him again as we were never that close and you seemed really REALLY put out that I didn’t want to hang out with him. Same thing with Love, until I made it clear that I wished her no ill will, rather, I had no interest in seeing her. Like with Josh, and with that I was disappointed because I HAD been so close to him up until I moved from GR in 1997. But things change. Right now I’m going through a period of my life where I’m weeding out people who are not being positive for me and not allowing me to grow. Danny got the boot around the same time this argument started and Jeff had his talking to. I DO love you and I think of you as my sister but I really think that there has to be some major changes in our relationship, that while you can always depend on me being there for you and being there for you for the ups/downs, I’m not always going to be local to you. That I will have many other interests and friendships other than with you. That I will always be evolving, and if you can’t see or even contemplate any of this well.. then, I don’t know what else to tell you. Lastly, I dislike your passive aggressive behavior. One minute you are cool with the pause because of life intervening on the other hand, you are telling me that if I don’t respond in a “respectable time period” that you are cutting off our friendship. I understand you have every right to want closure to this and I agree with that, but your choice of wording put me off and I was even MORE hesitant on emailing you to finish this off. I’m not a puppet at your strings and this is EXACTLy what I mean when I say you have control issues you REALLY need to work on.
lisa
tahoebean update
I have no news to whether or not she has had the Bebe yet. No phone calls or emails have come. It’s been over 24 hours since she went in yesterday for a possible inducing and she told me that morning either her hubby or her mom’s girlfriend/partner would call me with news.
I just called her house and left a vm with both my home and work er cell numbers. I emailed this morning and am going to email again.
*fret*