Collection of Cunning Curiosities – August 29, 2015

A weekly compendium of things that delight my fancy.

Dear Internet, You can follow this collection on Pinterest. x0x0, lisa

Fanciful Delights

little-house Discovered, via Two Bossy Dames, Our Bonnet Syllabus which is a tongue in cheek send up as f this class really existed. Of course, we all want it to exist. You can follow along by setting up your own group and working your way through the syllabus with friends.
Fan of Blackaddr? Of course you are! Quotable, semi-fictional history of England, cunning turnip Baldrick and Edmund Blackaddr might possibly be back, reports RadioTimes. But see, there in lies the rub! News sites take a quote from an actor about X and report that X may or may not be coming back because of said quote. It’s been 15 years since the last one-off episode of the show, ending around the first world war, what could they possibly tell us?
A cheeky look at Shakespeare’s early years, the film Bill is produced by the same people who produce Horrible Histories. Scheduled for UK release on September 18th, it more than likely won’t make to the states, it does look like a delight.

This day in Lisa-Universe in:

i’ll do anything to write, but, I won’t do that

Dear Internet,
I’ve been on a massive pitching frenzy in the last few weeks. I “sold” (no payment) a flash piece to 101words.org and I have an interview and another review on No Flying No Tights, also upcoming. Currently, I have 12 pieces outstanding, including pitches to big name websites. Anything interesting showing up on freelancewriting.com, I snare ferociously. Everyday I find at least one job to apply for, one more pitch to write, and several fingers to cross.
(A magazine I queried, who seemed to love me, reneged when I submitted my pitches. My followup went unanswered. A small note, “Sorry, these aren’t right for our site” would have been appreciated.)
(I know this frenzy of finding freelance work is what I should have done last year when I officially left my job to write full time, but, hindsight and etc.)
Rejection, I know, is all the name of the game.
Here is what I also know: Non-fiction is my strength. Based on what I’ve done so as much as writing fake articles for the applications, I’m good at what I do. It’s not Pulitzer (yet) but it’s pretty decent.
My love, what I want to do, is write fiction. Again, my strength seems to be in short (flash sized) pieces. 1000 words or less, I’m your girl. It’s the bigger chunks of text that perplex and make me nervous. I can do stream of consciousness on Twitter to the tune of 70,000 tweets at 140 characters per tweet is, well, a lot of characters. (Last count approximated about 10 books based on what I’ve tweeted. Holy. Shit.)
So I work hard everyday writing something, no matter how minute, in the fiction world. I have a project I’m challenging myself with by writing 100 stories that are only 100 words a piece. I’ve got 10 so far. It’s a start.
Also in the writing mix, I’ve not worked on any Freyja Thomas stories in quite some time. That’s another thing in my todo pile that seems to get bigger and bigger.


The thing about being a burgeoning paid author is we’re willing to take just about any opportunity thrown at us to get our name out there. freelancewriting.com is a great resource, along with my trusty Google alert which looks for “fiction” and “call for submissions”, ProBlogger, and Writing Career have been great sites for fiction AND non-fiction. Also, I cannot forget my favorite site of all, Duotrope. There is a lot out there and it’s a matter of finding the right niches for me.
I am specifically thinking of sites like UpWork, which is where you barter work for pennies on the dollar. Literally. Lots of the employers have small budgets, want content created with no byline, and created on the super cheap. By cheap I mean $1 for a 300 word piece. Not $1 a word or $1 per sentence, but $1 for 300 words. Fuck. That. I tried it for a week and the amount of work vs the payoff was worthless. Fiverr is another example of this great American capitalism.
There are a lot of other sites out there that prey on the same ideology: Starving writers need to eat, write for pennies, do not receive bylines or able to show their clips. The more you work, obviously the more money you make, but to what cost? Why spend your time giving other people credit for your work when you can use that time to create (and sell) your own?
That, my friends, is the million dollar question. Not pennies, but million dollars.


In other news and world reports, I bought lisa.wtf sometime back and I’m using it as my portal to all of my sites. It was getting confusing on what sites to put on what signature file, hand out, and other tides and greetings. This solves the problem. (For those wondering, no, I do not use this URL for profesh stuff. Let’s be real here.)

Go check out lisarabey.com with its brand spanking new front page and some updating. I’ve been writing so many damned author bios (each site has a different word count), that it seemed easier to have them all in one place.

xoxo,
Lisa
P.S. Don’t want near daily emails or can’t make it here everyday but want to keep up with what’s going in my world? Subscribe to A Most Unreliable Narrator, a monthly-ish newsletter roundup of what’s happening. Bonus! Comes with GIFs!

This Day in Lisa Universe: 2014, 2000

Things I Don’t Understand

Dear Internet,
I’ve been working on non-journal related things lately, which as left me little time to write here. Not much has changed from the last time we spoke, but I am still here.
Inspired by this post over at The Hairpin, here is a list of things I don’t understand (unranked)

  • People who hate the word moist
  • People who let their gas tank fall below 1/4 tank
  • Egg salad sandwich eaters
  • Minecraft
  • Football
  • Basketball
  • Golf
  • People with more than 2 kids
  • idk
  • Snapchat
  • Pastoral paintings
  • Whisky
  • Bourbon
  • Amanda Palmer
  • X-Files reboot
  • Arrested Development
  • Complicated coffee orders (venti skinny half half sugar free caramel latte. Little ice.)
  • Roses
  • Pointillism
  • Capers
  • Use of the word gross to describe anything from war to the color of paint
  • Non bed makers
  • Zombies
  • Jonathan Franzen
  • Mushrooms
  • Cricket (the game, not the insect)

I’m sure there is more I am missing but this should give you a good idea of what perplexes me on a daily basis.
xoxo
Lisa
P.S. Don’t want near daily emails or can’t make it here everyday but want to keep up with what’s going in my world? Subscribe to A Most Unreliable Narrator, a monthly-ish newsletter roundup of what’s happening. Bonus! Comes with GIFs!

This Day in Lisa-Universe: 2014, 2008, 2001

Collection of Cunning Curiosities – August 22, 2015

Johann Georg Hainz's Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

A weekly compendium of things that delight my fancy.

Dear Internet, You can follow this collection on Pinterest. x0x0, lisa

Writing

How To Divorce Your Mother In Three Easy Steps
Manga Classics: Emma
In Which Lisa Rants About Various Things
In Which Lisa Rages Against the Stigma of the Mentally Ill

Fanciful Delights

This week it’s all about upcoming movies and television shows, silly places and things.
This is probably a single most amazing thing I’ve seen this week. Oxford U. (yes, THAT Oxford) really, really want Taylor Swift to speak at their prestigious Union. So what did they do for an invitation? Mashed up some celebs who have already spoken into her song, Shake It Off. It’s pretty fucking glorious.

Teddy turns 40 this Christmas.


I’m currently reading The Last Kingdom by Bernard Cornwell, which is the first novel in The Saxon Tales, is being produced as a television show. Moar Vikings/Saxons please!

There is a motte and bailey castle for sale in Wales. If you loved me, you buy this for me.
Coming in November is Victor Frankenstein, a retelling of Mary Shelley’s seminal Frankenstein, starring my future husband, James McAvoy and his side-kick, Dan Radcliff. EEEEEEEEEE.

I am a huge, HUGE fan of John Oliver and recently he did a rant on the propensity of evanelgical churches. His end response? He created a legit church, Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, to showcase how much these churches are a scam. And YES, according to IRS guidelines, Oliver’s church is legit.

wittybitchespreen
xoxo,
Lisa
P.S. Don’t want near daily emails or can’t make it here everyday but want to keep up with what’s going in my world? Subscribe to A Most Unreliable Narrator, a monthly-ish newsletter roundup of what’s happening. Bonus! Comes with GIFs!

This day in Lisa-Universe in: 2014

things I have written

Dear Internet,
It’s been a busy week over here in Lisa-Universe. For starters, the written word pieces I mentioned a few weeks ago, published. The first piece, “How To Divorce Your Mother In Three Easy Steps,” is available over at WittyBitches.com. The piece proved to be pretty popular.

Preen.
Preen.

That was pretty exciting.
The second piece published, for No Flying, No Tights, is a review of a new manga series, Manga Classics, which specializes in classic books translated into visual prose. My first review, Manga Classics: Emma, is now up! I interviewed the author, Stacy King, yesterday (I’m currently transcribing a 45 minute video call into text. Oi!), which will be published sometime in the next few weeks. The nice thing about doing reviews of this calibre is the publisher is sending on books from the current collection for me to read and review. I adore that this job has a lot of perks.
This, of course, means I got to update my bibliography and resume. I’ve also added a few sample clips that I churned out this week for writing jobs. It’s nice to see published pieces from places that I do not own. This has been, in the writing world, a pretty awesome week.

I’m on the East Coast now and have been for the last few weeks. The whole reason I am here is to go job hunting, which — isn’t happening. I’ve had nary an interview or even a phone call since I’ve been here; it’s incredibly frustrating. I’m forming plans, as I always do, but what I can tell you is I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. While I don’t necessarily feel as if I’m at the end of my rope, I do feel as if I’m running up against walls.
If it were not for the published pieces, I don’t know how I would feel.
In order to keep myself relevant, I’ve been teaching myself to code. I know, I know, I’ve been on the offense in regards to coding not the only thing in the tech world. But as more and more positions I’m interested in start to advertise they want coders of varying degrees, it was time to bit the bullet and get with the program.
I’m constructing my entire education around various coding classes I bought over at Stack Social and Udemy. I’m also looking into Code Academy for additional classes.
The thing that is having me chomping at the bit is where I’m located, there is nay a place for women coders to hang out. Interestingly there is very few social clubs for programmers as a whole. I’m only a short train ride away from NYC and yet this area is a wasteland. I’m working on finding online spaces for women to get together and that has also been slow going.
It’s all a wait and see game, one of which I have grown weary.

MINI watch
In other good news, I took Jeeves in for an alignment this week and the wait was three hours longer than they had quoted me — so the manager gave me a MINI watch. With my MINI car collection (nearly a dozen and growing), my world domination of MINI is coming to fruition.

Mentally? I’m doing – okay. Not 100% great but not down in the dumps either. I’ve long correlated my mania is a tip off of my hormones racing at the beginning of my period but this is one thing I find I cannot 100% control. Hell, even 50% control. My feelings of sadness, anxiety, and loss of overall control have very realistic seeds and I have to keep reminding myself of those things are natural, not disease based, things.
I’m seeing a therapist now and I have signed up with the local Depression Bipolar Support Alliance group, giving me a support system in place. I’m also mediating daily — I’m on a 37 day streak! But I still feel anxious most of the time, I’ve got a new fear of driving, which is apparently not unusual but it makes for interesting dichotomy in regards to the fact I’ve been driving for over 20 years, including several coast to coast trips. Why now? It’s a new thing, for sure, but why and what is what perplexes me.
Therapy better fucking help. I’ve got things to do.
The therapist and I talked about my hyper-sexuality and the coinciding factor I do not get a lot of pleasure out of the sex act itself. She pointed out, with my sexual history, by initiating and fucking someone first, I’m in control (as opposed to previous experiences where my control was taken from me). Once those words tumbled out of her mouth, suddenly everything clicked into place and I sighed a huge sigh of relief. I no longer had to be the goddess of fuck anymore — and that in and of itself is freeing.
xoxo,
Lisa
P.S. Don’t want near daily emails or can’t make it here everyday but want to keep up with what’s going in my world? Subscribe to A Most Unreliable Narrator, a monthly-ish newsletter roundup of what’s happening. Bonus! Comes with GIFs!

This day in Lisa-Universe: 2012, 2010, 2003

What’s in my bag: The Packing List

Dear Internet,
I recently came across an article of a list of what one woman carries in her purse. Since we know I have a lovely fascination with packing lists, I thought it was a good idea to see what’s in my bag.
image of my purse or bag
After looking for loads of months/years for the perfect messenger bag/purse, I think I may have stumbled across the perfect one. It’s small enough for me to use as a purse but big enough for me to carry my life. It’s got a front pocket as well as several inside pockets. It’s sturdy canvas so with my klutzy ass and spill something on it. The color is pretty neutral and it’s unobtrusive. (Yes, I know, I dress like a walking roll of Lifesavers but I like my bags to be more neutral.) Now the only problem with this bag is that the strap is too short as I need 52-54″ strap, this one is 48″ or so.
TheExHusband convinced me to try this bag out for awhile because he was sick of me buying items and sending them back. I know the feeling.
stuff in my bag
The stuff:

  • Zelda bag, which carries drugs (legal kind), lipsticks/make-up, tampons, and basically all lady needs
  • Two packs of gum. One from MINI, one I bought because I forgot about the one from MINI
  • Sunglasses in Union Jack case
  • Flowery case to hold my checkbooks and other flat/papery things so they don’t get smushed
  • 2 containers of Tic Tacs
  • Sparkly black wallet
  • Small skull notebook
  • Bottle of Ibuprofen
  • Moleskine and pen bandolier
  • Plastic bag to hold my glasses (need to get a new case for them)
  • Another pair of sunglasses (this pair lives in my car, but I tend to forget to put them away, leaving them in my purse)
  • Granola bar
  • Epi pen
  • Nail file
  • Pear shaped change purse
  • Car keys
  • Pen to leave in my car
  • Union jack folded shopping bag (not seen)

Could I get rid of some of my shit? Sure. I’ve even carried a much smaller bag but I always find that I’m missing something, so back to the big bags I go!
I’m opening up comments to see what others carry in their bags, so comment away!
xoxo,
Lisa
P.S. Don’t want near daily emails or can’t make it here everyday but want to keep up with what’s going in my world? Subscribe to A Most Unreliable Narrator, a monthly-ish newsletter roundup of what’s happening. Bonus! Comes with GIFs!

This day in Lisa-Universe: 2012, 2003, 2000

Collection of Cunning Curiosities – August 1, 2015

Johann Georg Hainz's Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

A weekly compendium of things that delight my fancy.

Dear Internet, You can follow this collection on Pinterest. x0x0, lisa

Reading

Reading has remained pretty steady even though I’ve taken up a new hobby that perhaps I haven’t mentioned, coloring. Yes, I’m apparently 5 (again).
I finished Scarlett Thomas’ Dead Clever, which I really liked. The anti-mystery (if you’re a fan of Kate Atkinson, you’ll like this) was predictable in some ways but the writing was tight and not superfluous, which I adored. Rainbow Rowell’s Landline I also really liked, again, for the near sparse writing, atmosphere, and storyline. It also helped the main characters and I are in the same age group because it seems lately most of the characters in contemporary fiction are millennials or old fucks. Being stuck in the middle puts my nose out of joint.
I finished the series of Jane Austen, Vampire with Jane Goes Batty and Jane Vows Vengeance by Michael Thomas Ford, in which Jane is turned by Lord Byron and lives secret life in contemporary up state New York. The premise sounds ridiculous but it’s funny, fluffy, and a nice palette cleanser.
Right now I’m reading The Last Kingdom by Bernard Cornwell and The Dragons at Crumbling Castle by Terry Pratchett. I’m hoping to have these finished by Sunday, when I move, but I don’t think that’s going to be possible.

Fanciful Delights

I’m not going to lie: I’m totally a child of the ’80s. It’s not rare to find me blaring songs from my days in high school and early college days. When I heard there was a remix of Tainted Love called, appropriately naughts version, Tweeted Love, I thought it was amusing. Then I saw the video and thought it was fucking brilliant. The premise contains the song in forms of tweet names. Trust me, whomever came up with this is a genius.

Clarice Lispector's MONKEYS
Clarice Lispector’s MONKEYS

I have mentioned Clarice Lispector many times before and I will continue to mention her until everyone has read her work. This week, Pen America published Lispector’s Monkeys as part of their flash series and it’s hard to believe how contemporary Lispector’s work is despite the fact it was written over 70 years ago. Go. Read. Love her. You won’t regret it.
 
 

This day in Lisa-Universe in: 2013, 2o13, 2o12, 2012, 20122011, 2003, 2003, 1999