for the last two days i’ve been uploading the old chronicles into the new format that i talked about oh so long ago. you see, pauly had created this neat database for me that allows me to write a chronicle anywhere in the world via a web browser and while it doesn’t have all the tricks of blogger he felt really slighted i wasn’t using it. i told him that going through the past was hard and especially if i had to reread it all over again as i uploaded the crap to his new database. but he was insistent that i give it a try (and modify it to my own needs so that it would be completely personalized to my tastes).
so i did it.
over 200 entries later, i started reflecting to the writing i wrote and the person i’ve changed. what really hit home with me today was that going through all the old stuff within the last year about moving to virginia, being with paul and start a whole new life.
looking back on the last 6 months, i noticed that all the dreams and promises i made to myself to make that a reality wasn’t happening. shit got fucked up. and i started getting sick — really sick. having anxiety attacks, feeling like crap, gaining weight, not talking to anyone — stuff that was chronicled here and not chronicled anywhere but inside my head. i was going to the doctor literally every week because i couldn’t take feeling like this — and who can. the chest pains, feeling of being not being in control of my body, the whole nine yards. PHYSICALLY there is nothing wrong with me. Mentally, well, that would take years to fill.
so i’m wanting to the do the right thing. i really do want to do the right thing. but that requires a lot of change on my part and a lot of the changes aren’t that easy to make. like quitting smoking, and losing weight and working out. finding a job i like and doing stuff FOR. ME. stress takes a huge toil on your body — whether or not you want to believe it or not. my body is acting like it’s 90 and the funny thing is — after all the talk of death and morbid crap that i wrote in the past — i don’t want to die. i really really do not. i want to LIVE.
as the chronicles has it’s second anniversary this month and goes onto entering it’s third year, i thought that i would start all over. reintroduce myself to you. introduce yourself to me. lets meet and befriends. and hopefully, when this all blows over, we’ll be happier for that.
so hi.
my name is lisa.
i’m a 6′ tall 270lb network engineer living in virginia. (well depends if i have my job tomorrow or not heh).
i live with my boyfriend Paul. he’s a programmer for thinkgeek. we have a lot of flakey geeky friends who hang out here. we make plans and break them occasionally. like every weekend. or something.
moving right along, my goal is to lose weight (can we say 100lbs. whose rooting for me over there?) and to finally quit smoking (i’m down to my last two right now). and to just FEEL better and not have to pop pills every five minutes because i think i’m dying (i’m not — really).
i boast an impressive cd list and an even more impressive shoe collection. i like texture and fabrics. i like the colors orange and lime green. i love bands like rem, afghan whigs, the eels, blur, new order and luna. i like things british. i like reading. i LOVE wildflowers. i love wild kinky sex (as long as it’s from paul). i love reading and doing things creatively. i like tacky and kitsch.
that’s me in a nutshell.
and so we begin on another journey with lisa — and this time hopefully she’ll get some shit straight.
or die
Category: The Lisa Chronicles
moe sucks
the end.
x0x0x0x
lisa
and in other news
having no neighbors downstairs lasted approximately 12 hours.
we found out today via jen that new neighbors were already moving in. pauls talking about meeting them and indulging them into warez, pron and lan parties.
also, i finally got around to updating my CD list. i want to thank everyone (a tonne of people) who sent me CDs for my birthday. the funny thing (hahahah. hehehee. hohohoho.) is that since i’ve been adding any old cds to my list as i hear about them, for the most part, i have no idea who half these people are that i now proudly own. no matter. i’m thisclose to finally breaking the 300 barrier for my collection. we also spent the night watching 16 candles, St. Elmo’s Fire, The Breakfast Club, and Weird Science. What i need explained to me is: why do they have dvds of 16 candles and the breakfast club but NOT pretty in pink? there is no justice in this world.
those crazy russians
at approximately 11:17pm last evening, i slammed a nail into the wall.
we all clapped our hands in glee.
when i first had moved into our apartment, we had no furniture. paul wasn’t moving in for a few more months and all that we did own was a bed and two 8′ tables that were stored for computer use. the living room, 20’x16′, was utterly and completely empty.
i heard everything my neighbors were doing downstairs. i heard them yell, cry, scream, fuck, throw parties. some nights i couldn’t sleep because i kept hearing her obvious love cries as he shoved his manhood down her tight love snatch.
i was not a happy camper.
thanksgiving weekend paul had come up to survey his new kingdom. as we had invited friends over to partake in our domestication, we heard banging on the floor. it was those crazy russians banging on their ceiling to get us to shut up. 8 people sitting around a table drinking and playing card games made them nervous. the hubby came upstairs and started screaming at paul. it was 8pm in the evening.
the following business day, i had gone down to the renters office to complain. here i am, a single girl living solo until the man of her dreams moves in and i have to deal with these morons and their high sex pleas every night.
they had beat me to it and complained to to the office about US. i laughed. the rental assistant (named appropriately lisa) told me that she knew they were crazy. she had lived below them for years and knew about their loud parties, their fights, and everything else. she offered to mediate and go talk to them and explain about how unreasonable they were being. later that afternoon, paul and i were taking a nap when someone pounded on the door. it was the crazy russian wife bearing cookies. since we were starving and feeling apologetic we made peace. later that night i got sick from said cookies and paul laughed. it figured, did it not, that their peace offering made us sick.
in the later months, as paul and i started to accumulate furniture, we really didn’t hear from the crazy russians again. one night they threw a hissy fit because i was putting together the teevee stand but it has been relatively quiet.
until recently.
we noticed that they were arguing more and stuff was being moved. a hand dolly had stood outside their door and on this past tuesday morning as i walked by their apartment door, i looked (i’m nosey) and saw that it was wide open. the apartment was empty. paul, who works from home, told me that while i had been at work they had moved all their things out.
they were gone.
paul and i rejoiced over this and secretly believe that our own love cries drove them out of the apartment. maybe they split up or maybe they found a house. who knows, who cares.
now all we have to do is get rid of the mcse across the hall who keeps trying to throw his garbage by our front door and we’ll be set.
x0x0x0x
lisa
wow, i haven’t been fucked like that since grade school
this sums up my feelings for the week.
x0x0x0x
lisa
z104!!
s is just me, or does anyone else notice that most american top 40 radio stations are called “Z104!” or “THE EDGE 107.9!” or some bullshit? I swear to god, what the hell is our public listening to these days? It helps that my damn car radio has been on the fritz for the last four months and I have been listening to stuff recommended to me or to cds that I have bought (Luna has been spinning nicely in my player for the last week — the do a really neat rendition of ‘sweet child of mine’ by GnR). So tonight, sans Paul I turned on the radio to find out the choices I have are incredibly limited (it’s fourth of july for godsakes). I can either hear the Metallica concert (beer good — Napster bad) on the “alternative” station or I can listen to Z104! to their “greatest hits” which consisted of bad dance remixes of TLC and Britney. But I like Britney, so I sing along. And then I hear that stupid song “can you take me higher” by that lame band that was hot for a minute and then dropped just as fast due to all their lyrics sounds the same. I swear, the line “can you take me higher, to that place with golden streams” makes me think of someone getting a golden shower. or something.
anyways, through my solo ride cross country (yes, i drove cross country alone, i am COOL), it was the same deal. I remember thinking that I have 100 CDs (which I got bored with by the time i had gotten to Texas) and opportunities galore on the radio stations and ALL THE MUSIC sounded the same. It was unnerving. The only thing that seemingly amused me was that a radio station in Dallas was giving away a Mercedes. Only in Texas!
sleepy bye bye
you’ll notice a few things: new layout and new design. found some older writings that i had written some time ago on various subjects. you can check them out on the archive page, under “misc.”
ooka thought it would be cute if i was a coderbuff chick. tomorrow (or is it today?) i will be the featured coderbuff girl. check “Open Knightly” for the series.
i’ve also started a mailing list where the topic of discussion will be, me! of course, what else did you think we would talk about? sign up at egroups, sign up on the mailing list and email the list talking about: ME.
i’m fucking tired.
damn paxil.
x0x0x
ranting: or why i’m getting annoyed with the whole “generation x” feel good books, websites, cutesy domain names and anything else i can think of
rynsey came over tonight to keep me busy while the boys were watching rasslin’. She and I walked around Safeway and two bookstores gossiping about people magazine (where are they now? issue), thanking god that we weren’t watching the PPV and various other topics. The topic at one point came up to web logging, journals, curtsey domains, and the like:
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE THINKING OF?
Ryns and i were sitting here looking for bras online when i piped up about the curtsey domain names: “Do they just pick out random names from the dictionary, hop over to internic and get a .org after it?” rynsey just shook her head and laughed. she had an explanation for most of the websites i was naming (on why they were named for such), but it seems to me that the trend recently isn’t just getting a cool domain, but getting a domain with any old word or a word you are fond of (however it seems that some of the words i would be interested in using for a domain are taken already by the same said group i am talking about here).
i spend hours upon hours checking these damn websites out. it’s almost an obsession with me. going through blog’s list of “who just blogged freshly” i check to see who has a “cool” domain and who doesn’t. if the blog is on a “free” site (like GeoCities or tripods or crosswinds), i will not check out the site. i am, an internet elitist. (i also do the same thing for diaryland.com as well as other websites for zines/journals/diaries — i check to see the domain name first before i go to see the site).
this goes without saying, that i’m bored with the current trend of things on the web.
i’m bored with going to websites and finding projects started and never finished or never explained why they were abandoned (like teethmag.com for instance). i’m finding it harder and harder to find good information or sites worth reading without finding something similar to someone else’s site. i came across this one only to have Paul and a few people who were standing behind me ask me wasn’t that a site i had already done. when it wasn’t but carried some of i’m also scared about a new idea i came up with as i had found a zine that had the idea, ran with it and has even down to the marketing idea we were thinking for verbosity already in place.
now, you have to understand my thinking: if i see something, i don’t think to make it better or think to make it different — i just wonder why people want the choice — because we have so much available to me. why have three different restaurants offering hamburgers (mickey d’s, burger king and wendys) when one is enough? i’ve thought this way for years. and it’s hard for me to make the distinction — and even more so (however, i’m the connoisseur of pens. pentel rsvps in fine point blue please) now as i get older — i keep thinking: who am i, what do i like, and what do i want.
home by ikea
we love ikea.
almost every room in our apartment has *something* by ikea in it. our living room has two futons, three tables, bookcase, floor rug. bedroom has dresser (new from today’s outing), two end tables. kitchen has assorted things as well as the bathrooms. i heart ikea. the only ONLY fucking problem is that it’s out in Potomac Mills, which on a good day I can do the drive in 25 minutes (and that is getting on four different highways to get to). But the good driving days here are few and far between. I also heart Potomac Mills as its one huge shopping mall that carries nothing but outlet stores. When Jeff saw the Nautica store, he cried. Now i have a dresser (that i put together, thank you very much. all paul did was screw in the knobs — but he is very good with screwing) with two drawers that are empty as i don’t know what to fill them with. figures. i bitch about not having enough space for months and now i have boatloads of it and nothing to put into it.
the funny thing was, that i was willing to pay the 69 bucks for delivery of the dresser when the guy looked at me like i was crazy as this was my only item. if you are not acquainted with ikea, the premise is that the reason why the furniture and crap is so cheap is due to YOU putting the damn thing together as well as taking it home. Generally this is a good idea, but i was already lugging around two huge frames for art work we had bought plus a heavy bag. carting out two heavy boxes for the damn dresser didn’t make sense to me. when i explained to the clerk that we were lazy (we do have to add in that i live on the third floor AND paul is the king of lazies), he just started laughing. the clerk promised to watch my stuff while i trot out to hell (er the parking lot) to grab my car and pull up. right when i had pulled into the parking spot to load my stuff, it started trickling rain. when i threw the frames into the back seat and had gone to get the dresser boxes, it was down pouring. by the time i had gotten the boxes into my trunk, i was soaked and had to remove my shoes and flip the air on as the steam from the heat of my body being wet was fogging up the windows. The clerk helping me load my boxes gave me a thumbs up seeing my “FSCK ME” plates and the “I brake for pornstars” bumper sticker.
i drove home at a leisurely pace (while talking to paul on my cell about buying a doggy — the verdict is still out) and pulling out ont 495 it was clear — no rain, no storm, no nothing. my windshield wipers were making the “squeak squeak” noise of rubber against dry glass. when paul, derrick and i had left an hour later to go to dinner, i got caught in the same storm — and this time i was wearing a white t-shirt.
some days you just can’t win.
6/16/2000 12:18:22 AM
the dark side
okay. paul had set up m*sql on the box so that i could update automagically off of a webbrowser and then the box crashed and things have been — well weird. i’m in love with blogger these days — the uses for it — and i have succumbed to the evil forces by using it now for THREE freaking websites. silly me. you know times are a changing. i have removed netscape from my machine completely (4.73 seems to NOT like me — and nothing seems stable) and am using IE5.5 almost exclusively now. I say almost as i still use netscape at work on my sparc.
today i had signed onto AOL (yes yes i do run aol sometimes. i had signed up nearly 2 years ago when i was working for slip.net to test connectivity problems with customers) and had forgotten that i had signed up to beta test their new software — and somehow i had gotten accepted to their list (i wonder what they base their criteria on — or the fact that my screen name is linuxgurl) and was reading about the new beta tests when i got messaged by some kid. literally a kid HALF my freaking age. there are many reasons why i don’t sign onto aol anymore (being that i get a lot of messages from newbies due to my screen-name being what it is) and i just felt so OLD.
i’ve been thinking more so about this in the last few days since i turned the big 2-8. I celebrated it with a few friends from work who shared the same birthday and one of them had turned 31. I asked him how it was like being over 30 now and he said he didn’t care. Turning 21 was the big one — after that it was smooth coasting the whole way. and with me, it’s not like that. sometimes i look at paul and wonder — we’ve been together for nearly a year — and NOW it hits me he’s 8 years younger than me. The irony is in a way, i was always the oldest amongst my friends when I was growing up — most of them were always a year or two younger than me. i kept thinking of all my friends from Michigan — josh, sherry, shelly, shane, mike, and scads of people who i don’t remember anymore. Jenni forwarded me the info for my 10 year reunion next month. i don’t know whether to laugh or cry about the details.
healthy as a horse
for months, nay years, i’ve been living under the impression that i’ve been sick with various ailments. none of them terribly serious but concerning for ones health to be sure. within two weeks i got told that the previous doctors assessments were *wrong* and that i’m healthy as a horse.
i’m confused.
and you are probably wondering, why are you confused? that is awesome news. but that still doesn’t explain what seemingly is wrong with me!
you see, about 10 years ago, the doctor confirmed that i had polycystic ovarian disease. this means (basically) i have too much male hormones in my body (which accounts for my agressivness) and causes cysts to be built up on my ovaries causing me to not get my period regularly AND that i could have problems having children. i schedule an appointment with a doctor who specializes in PCOD and i’m excited. all my damn problems seemingly are caused by one singular thing. she talks to me, checks me out. blood pressure normal. has me get blood drawn. slaps me on a new pill that is supposed to make my life easier and bearable — and then…
i start my period 2 weeks early. i’ve been so moody pauls started calling me dr jeckyl and mrs hyde. and the doctor called me to tell me that my blood tests were normal and there was nothing to indicate that i had PCOD. nothing. i’m clean. no problems. so why do i exhibit signs if my blood tests are fine? its frustrating. i’m so sick of my body reacting violently to even the smallest amount of stress. i’m sick of always being grouchy. no one, i mean no one, can be this much of a fucking hypochondriac.
geez.
so now i’m taking my tired ass to bed.
x0x0x0xx0
lisa
birthday countdown part deux
my birthday is tomorrow! it’s not too late to buy me something!
i brake for pornstars
last weekend paul and i were at the mall shopping around. i had no idea what i wanted for my birthday. since we have the means to buy what we need when we need it, i haven’t been lacking in anything.
paul pulled me into a goff-in-a-box type store and i saw the perfect bumper sticker i brake for porn stars. since i’m a pronstar and not a pornstar, i bought it anyways. the following day after affixing said sticker on my car, i nearly got rammed into at least FIVE times from people trying to read it. either that or virginia drivers are even more horrid than i thought.
speaking of driving, on Tuesday i finally took my ass down to the dmv to get my license replaced (i’ve lived in virginia since november, you’d think i’d do this sooner) and to get my tags. now. here is the screwy part:
i’ve been informed by several virginia residents that the cost of getting plates/tags in VA is quite expensive. it’s based on the tax of the car which can actually run into hundreds of dollars. i was so afraid of it costing an arm and a leg, that i opted to get plates in cali before i left (which was an arm and a leg in itself). but then (dramatic pause) my plates expired, i had gotten busted for speeding (twice) and found out my license was suspended (punishable to time in jail in virginia). so i set out to find a list of things to do before heading to the dmv.
in the state of virginia, you need to have safety/emissions test done first. then it’s on to the dmv where you tell the customer information person what you need to do, they give you a ticket and you wait for your number to be called. the cost of my plates were a lot cheaper than i had anticipated. cost of reinstating my license, tags/registration for my car (for two years) plus personalized plates (that say FSCK ME) came to a grand total of 130 dollars. today i love virginia.
the other neat part was that you get your license right then and there. why does that excite me? because i remember living in california and in Michigan you had to wait weeks to get your license. *snap* picture taken, wait 10 minutes, schazam! new license.
28
tomorrow is my 28th birthday.
and i’m having issues. major issues.
why is turning 28 so fucking hard?
if someone has the answer, mail me.
my old ass is going to bed.