Category: The Lisa Chronicles

11.13.01

Seven months from today I’ll be 30.
Last night Paul and I watched some tivo’d episodes of “AB Fab” and the one episode where Paul felt would be reflective of me is when Edina turns 40. He says her attitude is very reminiscent of what I’ll be like when I turn 30, or maybe when I do turn 40.
Rob and I had met for lunch yesterday at a Mexican place close to the vet, which timed out very well since I had go pick up Pugsley yesterday afternoon. I love our vet, even if they are nearly 1/2 hour away, they are open on the weekend for neuters. Pugsley returned home minus his balls and five teeth, and I returned home stuffed on Mexican food.
The talk turned to NaNoWriMo and my writing of the novel. Rob got very serious about literary criticism which wholly made me doubt what I had written. So last night for a few hours I went over what I had written and denounced it as such crap, I plan on re-writing it. I had this lovely idea in my head on what I wanted only to discover that I couldn’t finish it at the current state it was going through.
Last night in bed I half-awake mused that if I rewrote the first three chapters and pounded out 5k a words a night, I could finish the novel in 10 days, leaving me nine days of freedom.
Don’t think I won’t do this.
x0x0x

pro·crash·ti·na·tion. not a choice but a lifestyle.

it’s early Saturday afternoon and I’ve been up since 7:30. There is no humidity in the house and my skin feels like sandpaper. No matter how much moisturizer that I stick on my body and face, I still feel like my face will crack if I change facial expressions.
I’m in a strange mood. partially because I finished balancing my checkbook (that always causes me joy!) and because I got my first paper back from my lit class. I got a B- which pissed me off but the prof has great comments to say on it.
I’m neglecting everything recently and I’m finding I’m taking on way too much. several projects for the web that I wanted to complete are not done yet, I haven’t been writing for NaNoWriMo like I should and I’ve also been and it seems I spend more time responding to the yahoo club and talking to people ABOUT nano than writing. So that obviously has to change.
my shrink changed my drug prescription because I have racing thoughts and cannot concentrate. basically I’m feeling like wonder woman and getting everything on paper and actually writing nothing but crap.
this must change.

B-

I just got my first paper back for ENG303 that I’m taking at UofMaryland, and I got a b-.
I’m pissed.
But it’s my own damn fault.
I KNEW a month ahead of time when the paper was due. I knew what the paper was going to be about. So what did I do? I waited until the last day it was due, sat around futzing everywhere to write it and finally finished all 3000 words in a shot of glory at 3am Monday morning.
I didn’t edit it, didn’t proof-read it other than spell check and word count (heh) and handed it in. But one thing did make me happy:

Lisa,
You have many interesting ideas to share, and you have the wherewithal to become a good writer. Your vocabulary is strong, and your sentences aim at an admirable complexity. They do not, however, often reach that level, tending instead to break up on the shoals of awkward constructions that make the paper difficult to understand in places. With practice and closer attention to style and the grammatical niceties, you could really develop. For other comments, helpful ones, I hope, see the text of your essays.

SO.
On the rating scale of 1-5, I got fours (good) on everything other than ‘grammar’ and ‘communication’. feh. AND I GOT A B-. I’m grumpy. Maybe he’s a tough person — like they don’t get an ‘A’ other than being perfect. I am not perfect (here we go hitting oneself upside the head again).
I’ve been solely neglecting everything, wait I should say de- prioritizing what I should be doing. I need to get myself together and start maybe allocating time to say write the damn novel for NaNoWriMo and writing more here plus the few other blog spots I hang out. Geesh.
I’m off to do homework and write.
x0x0x
Lisa

tuesday

Received a call this morning from my OB/GYN in regards to my sonohysterogram that i had done a few weeks back.
This surprised me because i was ‘supposed’ to make an appointment right after i had it (and fuck, they are both in the same freaking building, i could have just walked upstairs after i had it done) but never got around to doing it. What surprised me about the call was that when I returned the call, the nurse sounded a bit, hectic to see me. As in “we need to see you right away” kind of voice. The voice that kind of made me “shit” and tell my bosses i had to leave work early this afternoon to go see the OB/GYN. I wasn’t nervous, afraid or really concerned. I just figured, well, whatever happens happens and I’ll take it as that.
Turns out my instincts (or feelings as it were) were correct. It was officially diagnosed today, October 30, 2001; that I have Polycystic Ovarian Disease (PCOD). Now the irony of this is that I self-diagnosed myself a few years back when I stumbled across a site that talked about the PCOD and it’s related symptoms (excessive body hair, missed periods, mood swings, being overweight, etc) and I said “god damnit! that is me to a T!” but the doctors I had been dealing with at Kaiser Permente have been like “well, you don’t overtly have the symptoms (seeing as my ‘excessive body hair’ was not like an ape, so i was okay according to them) and well your blood work came back normal, so, therefore you don’t have it.”
I was frustrated with KP because they seemed to take this kind of attitude with everything they do in regards to health care. It took prodding from my mother to get an ultra-sound and me going to see a highly recommended OB/GYN (and willing to shell out the 250 a visit that he charges for out of network costs) to get this resolved. But I’m HAPPY that it’s official, because now I don’t feel like I’m being psychosomatic with having these freaking issues with my period and ‘female problems’.
I went through three separate blood tests (one with KP when I was on the pill and two with the new doc before and after my period). I’m healthy as a horse. There is, chemically, nothing that indicates that I have PCOD (which was what KP was going by) and it took the sonohysterogram to prove that my ovaries were cystic to get the point across. Well bully for me for being healthy, considering I’m 80lbs overweight, I smoke and only recently have I been eating properly.
So the good doctor (who is cute to boot) is putting me on a new pill to help shed the lining of my uterus and to get everything under control. Getting a D&C is not really necessary in the future unless i don’t start shedding. I can have kids in the future (I still consider myself too young at 29 to be birthing them babies), but heck, at least i know i have the chance now, where as before, I didn’t think I could.
The other irony is that I had bounced a check, oh say a month or so ago, at the local salon where I go and get my nails done. No big deal to me, ShittyFucks is forever having problems with their “computers” (so they say). I don’t feel embarrassed to have bounced a check and I don’t think other people should feel that way either. So, anyway, I go in to get my nails filled and I tell the receptionist “I bounced a check two weeks ago, I just found out the other day via my bank and I see you have not resubmitted it yet. I can pay for it right now if you wish.” The receptionist looks at me like “Ohmygosh, I can’t believe you are publicly admitting that you are bouncing a check” and says out loud “Well, we don’t handle this ourselves, this is handled by our other office in Arlington.” And I was like “Fine, what should I do?” and she states wait till I hear from the main office.
So I waited.
I’ve been back to the salon TWICE since this (I go every two weeks to get the nails filled, I do) and I have yet to receive anything from them. So I come home today and check the mail and finally have something from the main office. Dated over a week ago — telling me “This is a serious manner and will not be taken lightly. If we do not receive payment within the time allotted, other collection actions may be taken.”
Now, if it were so damn important for them to receive the forty-one dollars from me, why did it take them nearly TWO months to let me know the check bounced? And why did they date it a week and a half ago and yet I only received it TODAY? And the best part! They are having me pay at the salon I bounced the damn check at.
Personally, I find this highly hilarious and I’m slightly pissed off. I’ve gone to this company and told them, every time I’ve gone in since the check bounced, that I have yet to receive word about said check. I value my credit and I honor my debts, and I’m a bit pissed at this letter. I don’t have a qualm paying for the bounced check, I have a qualm with thinly veiled threats when it took them two months to get back to me on this.
I think it’s the principle of the thing.
But then again it’s been said I’m weird.
——————————–
It’s 9:28pm and Paul is playing with our new sound system and I’m yawning as I have to go to bed for a 4am turn up in the morning. To get in the spirit of things, I went out and bought a cordless phone with a headset to work with customers. heh. I’m taking this on-call shit a bit too serious sometimes. But then again, a cordless phone with a headset isn’t a bad idea. God bless Radioshack.
x0x0x
Lisa
 

enough

I got on the scale this morning and when I saw how much weight I was gaining back, I decided enough was enough.
Back in late April, a friend of mine and I went to Weight Watchers and where I had lost 20 lbs in nearly two months. I had kept the weight off for the most part of the summer and while I was gone to MIchigan for five weeks — and still kept it off up to about a month ago. The 20 lbs was just a drop in the bucket to the grand total, but I’ve noticed that my weight has slowly been creeping up again and I thought to myself “Self, time to take WW seriously again”.
Lately I’ve been feeling overrun with items mainly because of school and work. My mothers situation hasn’t been helping in the slightest and I’ve also been feeling the pressure to start too many effing projects only to not finish them. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and I’m letting the stress lead me to eat food and not think about what it’s doing to my body.
Plus my jeans are getting tight again and the irony of that is that I bought one size larger than I normally bought in the first place because finding jeans are so hard to fit. I know (and I’ve said this a million times before) that I’ll never be stick thin — and that’s fine. I like having a little bit of wiggle to my body but I want to not have so much wiggle to knock out a third world country.
heh.
So with that being said, I’m going to be working on ‘challenge’ with a few friends of mine within the next few weeks. Nanowrimo starts on Thursday and so I know for the month of November I’m going to be pretty effing busy.
I’m not awake yet.
x0x0x
Lisa

heroin is so passe

i swear, i must have ADD or ADHD or something. I got up at 4am to upgrade a customers bandwidth and thought to myself “Self! You have about 3 hours to work on email/website before you need to get ready to go to the therapists. Use that time wisely grasshoppa!” I responded back “Your right, I’ve been so busy lately that i haven’t had a chance to get caught up on the website or do email or anything”.
So I had these grandiose plans to do an entry this morning and god damnit, I WILL! I can type fast (80wpm) and hopefully I can get this done before I jet out of here before we er I go to the shrinks.
So news news news first:
Paul and I went to the couple therapist a few weeks back and that went okay. I came out of it sounding like a bitch on wheels and he sounded like a monster. I suppose that’s normal for couple therapy. I’ve never been with another person before, so this should be interesting. I think he and I are both afraid of the outcome because we’ve both been pretty passe about going back. But I’m determined to keep my end of the bargain and make us go to get our issues resolved for I am NOT marrying him or committing any further till I feel comfortable doing so. Our fighting has toned down quite a bit but to me, the issues don’t feel so resolved. I still have a lot on my mind but since we are at the point where the arguments become almost moot and I feel like we are spinning our wheels. He IS trying to make things better and I feel so am I, but we’ll see. We have another appointment tomorrow morning.
Work has been driving me nuts — and I asked for it since I was bored so I can’t complain. I’m in the process of re-writing some of our documentation for procedures since some of it is sorely out of date and it was pissing me off. I’ve also started a new project which requires me to carry a pager — starting November 1st I will be the “after-hours scheduled on-call person”. What this means, in short, is that if a customer wants to do a cut over or dns change or whatever after hours, the engineer asks his backup, if the backup declines, than he asks the group. If no one picks it up, I will. I am hoping to do this to defer the cost of my dsl (hahahah — fuckers won’t get me my t1 😮 ) and to help out cos I like doing that kind of stuff. I will be enforcing this like a sunofabitch because we have few engineers who will tell a customer “oh, just call in and someone will do this for you after hours” and this totally pisses me off to no end because it creates false expectations and we have strict after hours procedures since our install department is only open until 7pm EST. So yah, I’ll be doing that. For being on-call (sorta) they usually will install a t1 as “incentive” however since WCOM is being cheap fuckers, this is not happening in my case AND i have dsl (1.5down/384up). BUT! I don’t have static ips, I can’t do my own dns and I can’t get the business dsl from Verizon as they don’t offer static ips ANYWAY (and I’m ohh so close to the CO 😮 ). UUNet does NOT partner with Verizon so basically I carry a pager and they pay for existing dsl line and I can VPN to our network if I so choose.
Also, there was talking of finally giving me a raise in status to level 3 engineer — which means jack to you but it means a new pay for me. BUT since the damn hiring freeze, I’m not getting it and probably won’t get it till when the hiring freeze is over. fuckers.
School is also kicking my ass. I was slacking on the reading assignments for it and I was five weeks behind. But I started hitting the books right after I got home and have caught myself up. I have a paper due this weekend which I will be working on tonight or this weekend (he’s giving us a three day lap to turn it in). I’m taking ONE class right now, but I’m also taking a mid-semester class that starts this week and I’ve already started reading for that class — have to so I won’t fall so far behind.
All of my school work thus far is on-line via UMUC which offers online degrees in various subjects INCLUDING English — hot damn. I might finally get my BA/BS (they keep switching it at UMUC) at one point in my life.
My brother Jeff is trying out for the Grand Rapids Hoops a CBA/IBL professional basketball team this week. There are currently 10 spots open and I’m really confident that he’ll make it. You can read all about the Hoops on their website and cheer my brother on. Plus the mofo will finally start paying me back for all the freaking money I loaned him in the last few years.
November is gonna keep me really busy as I’m participating in National Novel Writing Month. In short, the contest is to write a novel (50k words or more) from 11/1/2001 till 11/30/2001. I can see this is already going to take up the bulk of my time and I’m really excited as the very very very few times I’ve tried my hand at writing fiction, I’ve basically, well, sucked. But I’ve been sitting here drawing out plots and story lines and fleshing out the characters. The point is about quantity not quality but hey, i know this is not going to be the ‘Great American Novel’ that I wanted but fuck, it’ll be under my belt.
Because of this, you can watch my progress at NanNoNuts, which is a blog a few of us are using for support/etc during the writing process. I don’t know, honestly, how much time I’ll have to devote to the journal during the month of November, so at least you’ve been warned 🙂 I want to do more chronicling of what I’ll be doing during that time period, but we will see.
Lets see, what else. I’ll be heading back to MI in November for a few days to spend with my mom in Port Huron. I found out that the house I grew up in is for sale — don’t know the price but my mom said if saw the house I’d cry. We got the house in the late 1950’s and sold it in 1985 when we moved from Port Huron to Grand Rapids. One day I’ll write about it and I’ll include pictures of then and now. I’m afraid as my aunt Roberta said that the house is in total ruin. ugh.
It’s 7am and I gotta jet.
love you,
Lisa

NaNoWriMo

So,tonight Paul and I are on our way home when I start telling him about doing NaNoWriMo. I will be the first to admit it that I may not finish and that I may not even get somewhat done, but damn it, I want to be able to say I tried. Now, the thing is he said to me something that was unencouraging — and I don’t remember what it is off hand. But it really made me sad (which sounds trite but true) and he said something along the lines of “Well, you have had all these opportunities in these last few months and never followed through” (uh — huh?) and then he went on how it wasn’t my fault and he was encouraging me and that I hardly write anymore — well I DO write — quite a bit. I write to myself in paper journals and I write to friends and I post on all the boards that I’m on. I’m one mad writing fool. I was just fucking pissed that he said that shit to me. This is exactly what I mean by what he doesn’t even have a clue to what I like to do and what I’m about.
Goddamn.
I’m angry.
But yah. follow my progress here on livejournal or here.
x0x0x
Lisa

house of leaves

kara was mentioning on emphamail about this book House of Leaves and how it’s fucking with her mind. ana was talking about it as well. All the time I keep thinking “goddamn it, that book looks/sounds familiar” and sure enough, buried under my other ‘to read’ books was said book.
I’ve started reading and yes, it does fuck with your mind.
frightening.

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