In which Lisa waffles and talks a lot of smack

I’ve had enough caffeine today to power three power plants with all the energy I’ve been exhibiting. Even my hair is nutso but that has more to do with me doing the “Oh shit, I finished my paper at 5:15, I have class at 6:30, it’s a half hour drive and I still need to shower!” look. One thing I can say about having longish hair is the lack of need to wash it everyday. It in fact looks better after not being washed for a day or three. But I’m sure you’re not reading this to hear about my personal hygiene.

My relationship with Patrick since Sunday has been interesting. We are caught in that limbo world where anything is game and anything can happen. I called him, hyped from finishing my final Shakespeare class and teasing my professor about the prof needing hip boots to read my drek of a paper. I was also bouncing off the walls from all the caffeine I had imbibed today.

The banter between Patrick and I was light and fluffy. I had quipped my often said quote that I would never date a woman because they were far too high maintainance and then added that I may need to retract that statement because it seemed that I kept finding men who needed just as high of maintainance as the women. Har. har. har. I was laughing as I said this and he noted that HE was not included in that statement because he was such a low maintainance kind of guy.

I was giggling madly to the point where he kept saying “What? What?”

Then the mood flipped 180 and we were like US and Russia during the cold war, everything became Machivellian and subtexts were running rampart. All the words kept pouring out of my mouth and it was those moments where everything is so coherent and sounds so RATIONAL but you have zero idea where they are coming from. I love moments like that because I know I’m on a roll and I sound so smart. Hah!

This came when the following question that left my lips, “Hey I need to ask you a question and I want you to answer me as honestly as possible.” “What?” “Do you want me to come next week?”

45 minutes later we were no longer any closer to an actual answer to that question and he kept throwing it back in my direction, “It’s up to you honey.” “But I don’t want to come if it will make you uncomfortable.” “Well I have no idea how I will feel when you get here.” Silence from me. “Okay, I will be uncomfortable.” “Then I won’t come.” “But I want to see you.”

Back and forth we went until he said he had to go because he had promised some friends to meet them online for a gaming session and I told him while I admired his um, commitment to his friends, he had a habit of cutting out an important conversation, to eventually be picked up later and it never is. You know, like our relationship.

Ding ding ding.

He said that what he was afraid of being caught in this limbo land where everything between us when we are physically together is GREAT and goes to hell in a hand basket when we are apart. I agreed to that sentiment. I’m waffling, cos on one hand I do love the asshole on the other, I keep talking about all this smack to him about my wants and needs only to have them turn on a dime two minutes later.

You know, sometimes I wish I were a dog. A dogs love life is so much easier than we humans and our upper levels of thinking. You just sniff some ass and *unf unf unf* it’s done. None of this rationalization and over-analyzation bullshit.

In my next life, I want to be a dog. YOU HEAR ME!