Another lost piece found and now published here for the first time.
there goes the fear
Filed under: miscellany lmr @ 2:31 am in 2005
My new pink mini-iPod, Academic Hussy, is busy charging. iTunes has imported all 40 gigs of music and I’m listening to the doves again, while twirling around in my chair. Wednesday, then Pugsley, have climbed up onto of the freshly laundered clothes that I had set aside for eBay. Wednesday is now laying at my feet and Lily is off being mischievous, which I’m sure I’ll find out later.
I’m finding I’m lacking the ability to verbalize what I want to verbalize. Lisa and I talked for hours and hours, rounding the situation out and over again. I can’t even talk about it because there is nothing left for me to say ó really. I can regurgitate the same shit over and over again and find no answers.
And I keep wavering. Hard. Back and forth like a pendulum. Nothing feels certain about any of my decisions. Nothing feels concrete. I’m on a slippery slope, falling fast.
So I keep busy, and yet still my mind wanders and I hold on to pieces of hope, buried down deep, because if I don’t, I’ll end up laying on the couch in a huddled crying mess. I remind myself the darkness will one day clear.
So instead of pithy deep comments, I’ll leave you with two songs by the doves.
pounding
I can’t stand by / And see you destroyed / I can’t be here / And watch you burn up
Lie for the moment / And lie as a decoy / So does it matter / If I give in easy?
So why / Is it so hard to get by?
And I say / We so down / But it’s now or never baby / We don’t mind
If this don’t last forever / See the light / But it won’t last forever
Seize the time / Cause it’s now or never baby
Let’s leave at sunrise / Let’s live by the ocean / I don’t mind
If we never come home at all / Steal the morning / So set in motion
In and out of love / And institutions / Cause I know / This can’t last for long
And I say / We so down / But it’s now or never baby / We don’t mind
If this don’t last forever / See the light / But it won’t last forever
Seize the time / Cause it’s now or never baby
So why / Is it so hard to get by? / And I say
We so down / But this can’t last forever / We don’t mind
Cause it’s now or never baby
the last broadcast
I was thinking about what you said / I was thinking about shame
The funny thing how you said / Cause it’s better not to stay
Sure enough if you feel nothing / you’re better off this way
Gets to the point where you can’t breathe / it’s the last word
I can see it standing
So here we are / At the last broadcast
Here we are / Our last broadcast
Sun on faces made us feel alive / The colours of the sky
Southern trees, made us enemies / Who knows the reason why?
You can’t escape yourself / You can’t just fall away
It comes to the point when you feel nothing / This is the last time
Cause I can see it in your eyes
So here we are / At the last broadcast
Here we are / Our last broadcast
This is / The last broadcast
Here we are / Our last broadcast
