i sold my soul for a playstation

i don’t know how it started, but lately i’ve been going on and on about playstation (psx) and tekken. this spurned a debate about gaming in Userfriendly, when one of the channel regulars said that for “favors” i could have his souped up psx plus 20 games.

Since these “favors” weren’t detailed, i bugged the person when i got privately messaged by someone else that said they would send me a “new” playstation (minus games) for FREE! as long as I didn’t prostitute myself out. He wanted me to keep my self-respect in check, he stated.

While the second person has met me and can testify to my hotness, i was a bit amused (and tempted) to take up on his offer. I told him that thanks for the kind offer, but I could not take such a gift under those kind of circumstances, but that i appreciated the offer regardless.

this brought a fury of um, response from someone close to my heart.

later on, the conversation dated back to older gaming stations and i started going on about the Atari 7800.

Remember those things? They must have come out in way early 80s (i’m thinking 82-83) and basically were emulations of the arcade style games (graphics and all).

I loved my 7800. I kept it up until we moved to grand rapids in 1985 and beyond as we had played frogger, q*bert, pacman like mother fuckers. I once topped pac man at either over a million or 10 million. I forget which, but I remember taking a picture of the screen when I did so (and I still have that pic!).

Another channel regular, Gruuk, came up with a link to ebay that showed that there were 7800s FOR SALE! WOAH!

The current price on one was out of my league (around 150 bucks) but another one (and this one HAD q*bert) was in my price range.

I, of course, bidded on a piece of my childhood.

This spurned off other seeking. I bidded on a rare Afghan Whigs vinyl as well as the ultra-rare JudyBats cd “When Souther Bells,” which I have been looking for forever.

Add this up to the cd’s i bought of Ned’s Atomic Dustbin God Fodder, Bauhaus 1979-1983 Vol 1 and Swing The Heartache: BBC Sessions. I also purchased Sister of Mercy’s Vision Thing.

And I coaxed (cajoled? begged? pleaded? batted my eyelashes?) Paul to spring a whopping 6 bucks on a TI 99/4A. This was my FIRST computer ever. I learned how to program BASIC on it.

God, I got wet just thinking about it. An Atari 7800 and a TI-99/4A!!!

woohoo!

god is an alcove
i completely and totally understand that i’m regressing into my childhood.

First it was the obsession over old computer equipment and it’s also been music.

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been slowly hunting down music from my youth.

Bands like Charlatans UK, The Stone Roses, Happy Mondays just to name a few bands (and including the ones listed above that I bought cd’s for). I’ve been jamming to Spinner recently (and getting other people hooked on it. the ModernMix and Alt.90s channels 0wnz).

i’ve been on the hunt for MP3s that remind me of bands that I love to listen to. That whole Manchester sound that supposedly died in the early 90s. Brit Rock, with a dash of techno/industrial thrown in. Paul ripped Bauhaus’ “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” and I’ve been bopping around going “undead undead undead.” One thing I will say about Paul, since I’ve met him on-line, my cd purchasing has increased tenfold as he loves the same fucked up bands as I do. Also, CdNow has a “similar artists” info for all the bands. So I’ve been reading those and going “OH YEAH! I remember them!!” and going “damn I need to stop spending the dough.”

Speaking of which, i got tickets to see VIOLET FEMMES AT THE FILMORE!

this week has been owning so hard.

i waited for the joke
Amongst other neat-o things is that Shelly got our apartment. She moves in on August 28th. I got the phone lines turned on. I got a job OFFER from the dot commie people. I have an interview with the Washington Post.

my shit, definitely does NOT stink.

let’s see, emotionally i’m exhausted. this week decided to be the week from hell with people mind fucking left and right, breakups, declarations and other lovely things. i’ve been backing off left and right about this. i can’t deal with it and it’s not worth dealing with.

mike “I can’t call a girl cos she’ll think i’m paranoid” norton

finally sent me the signed SIP books AND the picture he drew of me (mike, not Terry Moore).

chit chat
As you know, I’ve made it pretty obvious how to contact me. Click on the link in the top nav bar for “contact” and everyplace that I hang out at is listed. However, someone suggested that I set up a bulletin board for discussing my chronicles. You can do so by going to all that and a bag of chips club on yahoo!. It’s been up since July 3rd and it’s somewhat populated. Go! Now! Discuss my interpretation of something or another! 🙂

the shaft theme is playing.

time for bed!

x0x0x0x
iMaul

a cool, dry place

is a movie that i rented tonight and could relate to on a very serious level. it’s a story of a young father whose wife has left him and their son. in one instance, the wife comes back and while the father is trying to get on with his life, re-asserts herself into his life. well, attempts to. and he looks at her and realizes that he still loves her after all this time and as they lay there, she looks up and starts crying. he asks her what is going on. and she says “I don’t think I’ve ever loved you.”

talk about some fucked up shit.

———-

since I’ve been back from mayumphis, I’ve been sulking around the house like it was nobodies business. i couldn’t figure out what was really wrong because everything seemed to have fallen into place. but i knew what was wrong.

you see, i fell in love. and my affections weren’t returned. pride asserted (and damnable logic) told me it wouldn’t have worked anyway. too many problems and not enough of anything. i knew my affections weren’t going to be returned but as it was once said, i was going to wrap them around my little finger and i had to assert myself regardless. i had to know one way or another. but, it wasn’t to be so.

as i lamented to a few friends about this turn of events, many people reminded me that i still had a large group of people who loved me and cherished me. and even larger group of people who worshipped me on various levels. i know that my own “stupid” actions (as i still see and will forever see) causes me to act in strange ways, sometimes it takes liquid courage to get it out.

part of the problem and what was bothering me is that I’ve been watching people’s relationship fall apart around me. platonic and intimate it didn’t matter, nothing was working out. and the weird thing is that those whom i thought were more emotionally fucked up than me had found solace in doing other things within themselves. finding themselves. getting themselves back on track.

i wasn’t quite sure how i was going to deal with all these emotions — i could (and have) rationalized on many levels about my own emotional state and noticed a few patterns about myself that would have predicted the outcome of the events. i however choose to ignore them and went on my merry little way anyway because i thought “this time was different” and it was. i have made, i hoped, a wonderful new friend and while i maybe too spicy for their mild sauce, friendships are nothing to sneeze at either.

in the interim, i’ve been watching a lot of movies and resorting to my old tricks that i do when i’m down — which causes me to do a lot of introspection about myself. many of the same issues that had been developed before hand were never really resolved — and in a way i had used this person to alleviate those pressures. but a lot of the ground work i made onto myself was done alone — and while they had pushed me to do those things — it was obviously me that did all the work. they may have nudged me in the right directions but it was me who did it all myself.

many people have said that someone who doesn’t fall in love with me is a doo-doo head (to put it nicely) but i can’t fault someone for not liking me in that way. pride has dictated too long ago that i could never ever want someone who doesn’t want me back — and i won’t break that rule now. while too many films have depicted the story of people figuring out later on that the person they never thought they should be with, they SHOULD be with and it was too late — reality begs to say that only happens in the movies. and i can accept that. really. i haven’t come this far in my life not have.

i know, honestly, that many of what i wanted and much that i want is projected upon each successful suitor. i do not take the time to learn but instead foster my own ideas on what that person should be and am sorely disappointed when they are not whom i think they are. i have long have had a habit of falling for people who do not share my own affections, and finding out later on that they end up marrying some female they have just met within 6 months of the ending of any romantic interest between us. i can count at least five different examples of this happening. i met a guy a year ago and during casual conversation he told me his stats were much higher: the girls he has dated have ended up marrying after him — ‘cept it’s been ALL the girls he’s dated even remotely seriously. he had me beat by a long shot. i’m glad, on some fucked levels, to see that it’s not just me.

one of the main reasons i haven’t written since i was in mayumphis and since i’ve been back is partly because too much is going on in my head to really sit down and write about it all. i wanted to put together something that wasn’t so embarrassing and so personal yet i knew not how to do it.

this is my life.

and it’s all about being on the web. i will forever be known as “the on-line diarist known as lisa”. i cannot not be this person. of anything i’ve learned within my 2.5 years in SF was mainly about projection and patterns and other fun stuff. emotionally i think i’m much more stable now then when i got here (though the level of psychodrama has increased “bad boys bad boys” not decreased).

but i still refuse to be afraid to not talk about how i feel. and i refuse to not write about it either. if you are involved with me in anyway — this is something you have to realize and this is something you have to recognize. i will not change this aspect of my life.

but i had to say this. i had to get it out so that it wouldn’t be rattling in my head because then i start thinking about it more so and analyzing it when i need to chill and let it go.

so it’s out.

i’m really really tired. ultra-slacking does wear on you. tomorrow will be the hot topic of where lisa is going to move to. stay tuned.

x0x0x0x
moi

cruisin’

So Lisa wants to drive around Memphis… Unlike most civilized societies,
our public transportation system combined with the vast area that the
city covers only leaves one option. Rental. But hey, she did it in
style! Got a white convertible Mustang! Yow! Hell I just wanted to go
driving in it! All we needed was a cell phone, some helicopters chasing us, and an army of dancing bikini girls, and we would had a rap video!

After work, we picked up my not so happy friend, Ron and headed towards the river (No, not to pour cement around Lisa’s feet and throw her in, but
to show her the pretty side of Memphis). We all walked around the edge of
Tom Lee park (obviously named after the famous “Men in
Black” actor, Tommy Lee Jones…not) and discussed property values and Cybil Shepard’s house. Nothing make you more thirsty than standing in 1000 degree weather, so we hopped in our fly G-mobile and sported off to my favorite watering hole and your too, I’m sure, T.J. Mulligans. Ah, Mulligans its been so long since the taste of their turkey and cheddar had passed my lips, and it was a good thing… Even if the waitress did want to kill me.

We sat. We talked. We all bonded. It was a beautiful budweiser moment. But
soon we all got tired of sitting and the crappy folk singer started to
play, so we hit the streets in the fly mobile again. Drove past Joe’s Cool
Sign (A neon masterpiece that alone should raise the tourist rate here
in Memphis), and dropped Ron off home to his den of a thousand cats. We
thought we could impress Lisa with the massive girth of Lebowski the
hideously obese kitty, but she was not phased. Oh well. After that, my sauntery southern self was ready for a nice 8-24 hour nap, but Lisa seems to be running on nuclear power, so I took her to one of my favorite bookstore’s in Memphis, Bookstar (Yeah, I know its a chain, but they are pretty cool… I mean the idea of turning old movie theaters into bookstores is brilliant). She bought Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I had seen the movie, so I didn’t. She tried to explain the difference between Linux and Unix and why I should learn PERL but most of what she said could not register in my primitive artboy brain. The iced mocha was good though.

Came home and argued about who gets the couch and who gets the bed. Never met someone who actually WANTED to sleep on the couch before… Fine by me.. It’s your back, bub.

I’m not for sure exactly, but I think she may have had a party while I was
asleep. A girl gets pretty popular with a car like that!

Yours Truly,

Darth Mike


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