Tag: LiveJournal

I played this game of will he or won’t he call?
I’ve been high since I woke up this morning. Dancing around my apartment in my tank top and panties to 80’s songs while my dogs looked at me like I was smoking something. Their eyes just followed me as I shimmied around to various songs.
I played this game of “Will he or won’t he call.” I gave him until 5pm — by then no call, I was going to call him and see what we were doing for dinner. If he was going to fuck off, that was cool. I was actually cool with that, I was just happy to see him alive again. I could lay the demons to rest and I’d be right as rain. Really.
But he called. 🙂 heh.
Now I suck at chess. That whole logical thinking out — I don’t have it in me. It doesn’t work with me. But when it comes to interpersonal relationships, I thrive on that whole “will he or won’t he” game that we play when we are curious about someone. Miguel is the Bobby Fisher of this game. It was easy when I was 17 because I was (gag) in wuv with him. He was my world and he was everything.
He doesn’t know me anymore, he was nervous on the phone. I’m the same but I’m not. He said there were many layers to my onion (Shrek reference and I started laughing so hard on the phone). He’s not sure what my next move would be where as when I was 17, it was easier. He knew how to have control over me. I believed everything and was gullible. I wore my 17 heart on my sleeve.
Now I’m 31.
I’m not so easy now. I don’t carry my heart on my sleeve and goddamn, if anyone wants me they have to work for it (mhm girlfriend). I\’m like this enigma with him, I think. Not sure why I think that — it\’s like he\’s curious as hell and yet he\’s nervous. He said as much to me on the phone, only not in so many words. I said “Is it the piercings and tattoos?” He laughed nervously. I asked about dinner:
“We are doing dinner tonight?”
“You said you wanted to last night.”
“Oh, well I have a lot of stuff to do. I got up late, didn’t get rolling around to do it till now.”
“I meant later on tonight.”
“Oh yah, that’s a possibility.” ”
“You know, I need to stop getting involved, romantically and platonically, with people who can’t make decisions.”
“I make decisions everyday.”
“Okay, are we doing dinner or not?”
“Sure, that would be cool. I like being selfish. It’s exciting.”
“Good, I’ll hand control over to you. You pick the restaurant.”
“I don’t like being in control.”
“You like being selfish, it falls under control.”
“True. I’ll call you about dinner.”
I’m the same and I’m not.
Evil laughter has been ringing around my apartment.
We talked more about Josh. He wanted to find him again. I pointed him over to his mom’s, because I had no idea where Josh would be, his mom would know. He’s cruising over there and they might come over here. We might have drinks, we might not. Who knows?
I have another train of thought, but I’ll do that later.

He just left about 1/2 hour ago
Btw, this was *our* song — how cheesy! Anyways, I was getting tattooed tonight when my phone rang — and it was Miguel. HAH!
I was lying on my stomach and apparently giggling so much that darkdepths and Pip kept smacking me to stay still. heh.
He just left about 1/2 hour ago — after hanging out at my pad for a good portion of the night.
What do you say after 10 years? A lot? Nothing?
Catch up on old times? He looked virtually the same. I kept calling him grandpa since he turns 32 next month. His hair was longer like in a pony tail longer. He’s got this curly ass hair and I’ve always seen him with short hair. That was weird. His voice changed too — much like Josh’s did when I saw him earlier this year. Apparently I sound exactly the same. Not only am I not getting old, my voice hasn’t changed either.
I kept wanting to touch him, to make sure he was real. I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t, I just didn’t.
I dunno. I could still feel that pull — it was weird. I was already making a checklist of things that had not changed and things that had changed. It was weird.
Honestly? He was the only person I was worried who I would run into with the tattoos and the piercings — because he was one of the few who had a huge impact in my life. He was down with it — haha. Especially the buttercups. Turns out he’s a huge Powerpuff Girl fan. Who knew? 🙂
My brother was pushing me to hook up because my brother was impressed. Miguel drives a ’00 Audi TT fully loaded. Has his own business, essentially is doing very well. He thought the letter was a joke — at first — and said it made his year 🙂 Said he had been looking for me and didn’t think to try the Internet (heh! What a surprise that would have been — Lisa — naked!) I quipped to him tonight that up on the website is things he’s already seen – heh. Been thinking about me a lot.
We might be doing dinner tomorrow night. He owns two motorcycles and we might go for a ride next weekend. 🙂 I’m not thinking anything other than friendship, there are a lot of things about him that i don’t think I could deal with. A lot of things that I alluded to darkdepths and of which I can’t talk about here or anywhere. Not baggage just — a lot of stuff. I see the big picture and while he was the man who lived with his passport in his back pocket, I just don’t know.
Horoscope for October 19:
You’re radiant today, and glowing with happiness! This is a refreshing change, after the gloom and doom of the past few weeks. Apparently, the decisions you made worked out for the best. Or, even better, perhaps you’re in love? In any case, lisa, it will be even easier than usual for you to communicate with others and share your joy. Let the good times roll!
A lot to take in.
Too much I think.