I’ve been trying really hard to not be so damn bitchy, but goddamn it! people’s stupidity really gets me. On a mailing list that I am on, the talk turned to polyamory, relationships, men vs women, and some of the comments really irked me. Of course, John only invited me on the list to play devils advocate. Sigh. I really hate that shit. Women tripping all over themselves to be “cool” while the men sit back and laugh. No matter where you go or what you do, the shit just don’t change!
My main loneliness, I would assume, is because I can’t get anyone to understand me. I am haunted by words from friends that keep telling me that I do this and I do that. I used to care about these things, and would take it to heart when people said things to me, but it just is so damn lonely. I feel so Randian. You know, sticking up for my beliefs when no one else will.
But there is a plus side to all of this.
This being that the topics discussed as so wide varied and so full of piss/vinegar, I get a chance to think again. It feels refreshing to be able to think about what I am going to say and really attempt to explain my views. It gives me a chance to do things that I haven’t thought about in eons. Things I’ve wanted to write about and never did. I still have a listing of all the short stories and poems I wanted to complete. I’m strange. I create titles for the projects BEFORE I write them. It’s the only way I can really feel like I have a good handle on what I want to say. So even if I have to make a conscious effort to write about the stuff that I really want to. Commentary on daily life, my style. I’ve always given a different spin on things, because obviously reality is really subjective. 😉