definitions

i got several emails to what a quasi-fivesome meant, so basically here is the story:
several months ago, we had a party/bbq at our house. as the night wore on, i ended up kissing several women, several men. justin was there and he kissed a girl or two, and we were all drunk, so it was basically in all good fun.

the fivesome (me, justin, one other guy and two girls) proceed to cathleen’s room, from where we move into my bedroom. justin and i started fucking on the floor, the other three started fucking on the bed. one of the girls came to where we were at, and i started messing with her (while still fucking justin). after that, i climbed off of justin, hopped on the bed. i started making out with the other girl while be fingered by the other boy. and then justin got uncomfortable, so we left.
and that was it.

men in black
last night (10.28.98), justin and i get home from work. it’s roughly about our usual time. i pull up and park in the driveway, wade through the dogs, turn all the lights on. For the first time in ages, i go and pick up our newspaper from our front sidewalk. as i walk back up the steps, i keep hearing “lisa. lisa. lisa!” i stop and go ‘yeah?’ and then i hear “lisa rabey?” i kinda freak out, and walk back slowly into the house and lock the door. justin was in the bathroom, and i wait till he’s done doing what he’s doing, i tell him what is going on. he walks back the sun room and opens the front door to go outside.

the truck that the person was sitting in, was no longer there. as i look up the street, i see that he’s made a left onto an adjacent street. i continue looking and he just turns around and drives back down my street, albeit slowly. i jump up and down and point out to justin that it’s him. we watch the truck drive slowly down the street, and i start getting freaked out all over again.

I started thinking about it over and over in my head, wondering what had happened? Did I mistakenly think that someone said my name? no, my name is fairly unique, and you can’t really fuck up saying it. cathleen thought it may have be da’ chronicles, but honestly, there is nothing here that really tells me about where or what i am. sure you may think you know me, but, other than my pager number (big woop) and notating where i live (bay area California), there is no way you are going to figure out who i am. and considering i’m not as stupid to leave my home address on the web, i don’t know how this person could have found me.

there is no utilities in my name. the phone lines belong to my roommates. my car payment and everything else get sent to a different address. the car i drive is under someone else’s name (i got a co-signer). and there is no way, even with all the information available -here- on the web, that you could figure out what i really look like anyway. especially in the dark.

we are bringing the dogs in at night now. i feel much safer that way.

tomorrow, i’m calling the police. i had spoken to cathleen and christine about it as well, and we’ve decided to be ultra careful about this.

dead letter office
lately, i’ve been getting a rush of fan letters. as stated previously, i’ve gotten fan mail over the years, but now that my site is growing in readership, that will logically induce more mail.

in the beginning, i used to answer all the fan mail that i received coming in. i was always generously touched by what people thought of my website. i always took the criticism well (i thought) and just wanted to be personable enough to respond back to the people who took the time to email me in the first place.

but the trend i’m noticing, is that when i respond to a person’s email, they don’t always write me back. i’ve pounded my head sometimes thinking of what i’ve done that could have made them upset or not want to email me back, but i’ve come across several reasons why:

  • it’s pretty obvious that keeping an on-line journal means (at least to me) that i’m opening up myself much more to the world, and that while someone may know all about me, i will obviously not know all about them. this could be just disturbing (i would think).
  • they just don’t care. i don’t know, i could be pretty pompous and liken myself to a celeb, but in a sense it’s true. as long as they are watching from the sidelines, personal dope (meaning email) from me isn’t all that fantastic. it’s like if i got a letter from michael stipe or something, i would probably be in shock and not know how to answer it.

maybe those excuses sounded lame, and i definitely don’t want to come off being snotty. it’s just that, i really think it’s great people like what i do, so, i think considering the above with this probably being the second attempt that i’m being stalked, that i’m holding off answering ‘fan mail’. so if you don’t hear from me, please don’t assume i’m ignoring you. i’m not, i’m just paranoid :)but i do want to thank victoria and shelia. thanks to those two, my site has nearly tripled the hits in one day. i checked it this morning, and nearly spit out my iced mocha when i saw the numbers. i was like “what the hell?” and i checked the email account i log all my mail from this site to see a number of fan mail. ‘woah’. i’m famous, and i didn’t have to take off any of my clothes! :)Check out Victoria’s page. She’s got me listed and even quote’s my poetry 🙂 woah. i think my poetry is all crap anyway, but we will NOT get into a long discussion of my self-worth at the moment.

Basically, you guys just rock :))

never there
so, a few issues ago, i stated that i got into contact with my friend Jeff after a fight we had some time ago. Jeff has been a fan of my site, and since i know him pretty well (duct tape, ohh yeah!) that i’ve been attempting to keep in touch with him now that i’ve found him again. i’ve gotten in touch with him a few days ago, and he sends me mail about how the other white jeff is now engaged.

this threw me for a loop last night. i was all set to do da’ chronicles, but, i found i was more depressed than anything. i went to bed early, snuggling up with a book.

this afternoon, i got a letter from jeff responding to my previous email, and he wanted me to clarify something for him. i ended up writing this long diatribe about how i felt (about jeff’s engagement) and then i started getting really angry.

i’ve been trying to pinpoint why i’ve been angry, and it’s not the fact that the other white jeff and i broke up. that’s no big deal, i’ve been dumped before. but what i was upset about is how callous and how careless he was towards me, and how i basically put up with it for so damn long. if i had stopped thinking with my pussy, and started thinking with my head, i would have fared much better. but i didn’t and here i am, nearly a year after the breakup, ready to kill people again.

i apologized profusely to jeff about this. it’s not his fault, and i know he knew i wanted to know, regardless of how i felt. i like jeff, personally, and i don’t want to him to think that i’m only speaking to him because we have a common ‘friend’ (snort). that’s not true at all. jeff and i have had many conversations, long before i met his ‘friend’, and i didn’t need to spend my time bringing all this crap up again.

(but you are now lisa, hello!)

yeah, i am. but it’s just that, it bothers the hell out of me how he broke it off with me and how, later i found, he broke it off with other people in rather immature and lame moves (like over group email).

people just get on my left nerves, and dammit, it irks me.

my consolation is that, what comes around, goes around. i take faith in karma and believe that he will someday get his. either he will tire of this new fling (which has happened before) and or she will break his heart. basically, it’s he that has to deal with his fucked up bullshit, not me. and i won’t keep adding more pressure to my relationship with justin (which, is actually fine) about this crap. it’s not worth it. i won’t intentionally sabotage my relationship with him for some dumb prick who looks icky in shorts. heh. that alone is my personal salvation. i keep thinking about the other white jeff, leaning back in his chair, with his fat hairy belly hanging over his shorts. i chuckle and realize all is good with the world again.

Side note: I’ve just went and grabbed my aol mail. If one more nit wit sends me a piece of spam entitled “Virtual Boy/GirlFriend”, I will scream!!

ARGH!!!

I do IM sometimes. You can find me as either LinuxGurl or MISGawdess 😉