high fidelity

a few years ago, i had written a fairly lengthy email to a mailing list i was on in regards to how i had fantasized my life would be like when i was in high school in comparison to what was reality. to say i was disappointed is a small under statement by far. i was thinking about this recently when i was reading a book (also by said name in title) High Fidelity which chronicles the tales of a 35 year old guy who owns a record store and realizes, he needs to grow up. [side bar: why is it that this book has 184 user comments on it and yet almost everyone one of them HAS to give a brief synopsis? geez.]

Yes, this book the movie of the same name.

just so you know what kind of mood i’ve been in reading wise lately, i’ve been plowed through Model Behavior, American Psycho and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

if that does not give you an idea of what my mind has been like, then i don’t know what does. 🙂

what was my point?

hell if i remember, or that CHiPS is on teevee right now, and after spending time talking to keth, setting up the new amazon associates partner thing and talking to paul about the new cgi crap for pronstar.org, i’ve completely lost my mind in what i am doing.

and i just got sidetracked reading keth’s page. Hon, you are NOT working for inreach anymore and dan doesn’t live in calgary anymore. it’s so time to update your page.

i keep wanting to do shift-a for some reason.

esc – shift a.

so where was i?

so i’m sitting here thinking about a 35 yo who hasn’t grown up yet, a 26 yo who is affluent and off killing half of manhattan and a black transvestite. and i’m wondering about me.

i read somewhere about an infamous pronstar who reinvented herself at 28 and viola there she was.

i’m irritated by an acquaintance of mine who spent quite of bit of time explaining via his journal how it was no longer a journal any more and i was like “this guy is spouting a bunch of crap” and i had written a rather mean and scathing email about how he was being a fake pretentious asshole and didn’t send it. i honestly didn’t see the point. he’s got scathing humour. i once told him he sold out, and he emailed me back saying that everything wasn’t about money and i had this long email in my head i wanted to write to him about how i wasn’t talking about money and giving up his artistic vision for the sake of something or another and then i realised: he’s a bright guy, he’s going to either ignore this for it’s tripe that he think it is or he’s going to respond and i realised that it was too much energy to tell him how i felt, even though, in the past that is something he had wanted from me. and it comes to me, i really don’t know this guy at all — not really. i know of him, and we’ve shared journal entries and talked to each other, but it’s not like we’ve made major impacts on each other. maybe we have and i haven’t paid attention to it but the point being is that i realised that i didn’t care about what he thought any more (one word or two)? i used to think he was a bright scathing wit and he still is, but he’s lost his edge. (And I’m a major chicken shit for writing this in *my* journal, but no one ever said life was fair).

it got me thinking about my own life.

Paul and I are happy.

I need to reiterate this because i’ve gotten several close friends asking me if we are on troubled waters. nope. paul and i are like the the proverbial married couple: fat and happy. both of us have gained weight and are actually fairly successful in our jobs. while we have little time to ourselves (das geek-haus is becoming a popular hang out place, enough to warrant a mailing list).