i care because?

Today I got called into the managers office at work, and I knew why I was being called and it was not really that big of surprise to me. I was called in because of my “attitude” and apparently to sum it up telling sales reps to go fuck themselves is a bad idea. Very bad apparently but you know I’m very well aware of what i said and when is said it.

Work-wise, I’m at the end of my rope. I’m angry to start with because I got bumped from being a team lead. Now this doesn’t sound so much like a big deal but, it was because it was important to me. I’ve got this sinking feeling that raises are going to be long in coming because of the new power structure. Off track, anyways, so that’s part of it. Secondly, I’m noticing some coworkers that I am in contact with who apparently feel it’s necessary to speak down and to dummy down everything. It’s not that I don’t like being told what to do, I just resent it, when it feels like i’m being talked down to.

It has also came very apparent that I do not speak english. Really. I speak Lisa- ease. Things that should be very clear because of specific circumstances I have were basically laid out in the open, it has been apparent that it is not. I also dislike being second guessed and knowing I’m right in the first place.

The problem is, literally, if I am having acute paranoia about these things or if they really are true. My thinking as of late has been not that everyone is out to get me, or that it was really negative but more so that x follows y follows z, even though majority of the time it’s all just me being nuts or complete coincidence. But i string the events together anyways to see what happens.

I’ve also been having weird little quirks that are kind of getting to me, like I have to hold the arm rail when I walk down the stairs or I will fall. It’s not because I’m a klutz, it is because I truly feel i’m going to fall and break my freaking neck. And when I was smoking, jesus was that a bitch since i had to walk down a few flights of stairs.