i want to rip someones head off and fucking feed their intestines to my dogs

first, there is the houseguest from hell. I’ll include her little conversation with me here:
i also changed her username to “houseguestfromhell”. Yes it’s long but it gives you a jist of what she’s like. The good stuff is at the bottom.

[23:03] houseguesfromhell: you there?
[23:04] modgirllisa: hey there
[23:04] houseguesfromhell: are you upset with me?
[23:04] modgirllisa: no why?
[23:04] houseguesfromhell: you haven’t returned any of my calls
[23:04] modgirllisa: i never got any of your calls
[23:04] houseguesfromhell: you haven’t been answering my im’s
[23:04] modgirllisa: um, the last IM i got from you was when we talked last week
[23:05] houseguesfromhell: not like i sent a lot but i think i sent 2
[23:05] modgirllisa: no, never got them
[23:05] modgirllisa: huh
[23:05] modgirllisa: now the phone thing i can understand because i got the software updated and it’s not taking vm’s now
[23:05] houseguesfromhell: i left you messages on you home and cell voicemails
[23:05] modgirllisa: um
[23:05] modgirllisa: my home vm is showing 0
[23:05] houseguesfromhell: i left you a message on your home phone saying htat I thought something was wrong with you cell phone voicemail
[23:05] modgirllisa: when?
[23:05] houseguesfromhell: let me think for a minute
[23:06] houseguesfromhell: i was calling to ask you a question that only you would know and if I could remember what I was trying to ask you than I could remember what day it was
[23:06] houseguesfromhell: last week sometime
[23:06] houseguesfromhell: like maybe thursday or friday
[23:07] houseguesfromhell: and i called yesterday but got no answer on cell phone with no vm and didn’t leave a mesage at home cause i thought you might be mad at me
[23:07] modgirllisa: no, i’m not.
[23:07] modgirllisa: i called my mom yesterday because i had to do some paperwork for her apartment rental stuff
[23:07] modgirllisa: and she said dhs had called and left me a vm over the weekend on my cell phone
[23:08] modgirllisa: and it wasn’t there
[23:08] houseguesfromhell: i think katie misses the girls
[23:08] houseguesfromhell: she has been acting very weird and lonely sort of.. Not that im trying to by pass what you are saying.. she is just up in my face crying
[23:09] modgirllisa: wow
[23:09] modgirllisa: that’s weird
[23:09] houseguesfromhell: did you go to your last class yet?
[23:09] modgirllisa: for creative writing?
[23:09] modgirllisa: nope that is august 9
[23:09] houseguesfromhell: yeah… thats the one you have every 3 weeks
[23:09] modgirllisa: yep
[23:09] modgirllisa: i finish up literacy trianing this week
[23:10] modgirllisa: and finish working on the web project for the tattoo shop and do homework for the august 9 class too
[23:10] houseguesfromhell: how is jeffie doing?
[23:10] modgirllisa: phone got disconnected
[23:10] houseguesfromhell: his?
[23:10] modgirllisa: so i don’t know
[23:10] modgirllisa: yah his
[23:10] houseguesfromhell: awww.. cell or home?
[23:10] modgirllisa: apparently jeremy is telling him he paid the bil
[23:10] modgirllisa: home
[23:10] houseguesfromhell: does his cell phone still work?
[23:11] modgirllisa: barely
[23:11] modgirllisa: he needs to get it replaced by sprint
[23:11] modgirllisa: and we’ve been trying to work that out but he’s working afternoons still
[23:11] modgirllisa: so i never see him
[23:11] houseguesfromhell: awww
[23:12] houseguesfromhell: so I have a situation that I am dealing with and I could use your advise
[23:12] houseguesfromhell: do you have time?
[23:13] modgirllisa: sure
[23:13] modgirllisa: go for it baby!
[23:13] houseguesfromhell: ok.. so there was this guy that we worked with at ASI named Tyrone Lockridge. Black guy.. very femine.. do you remember him?
[23:13] modgirllisa: um, nope.
[23:14] houseguesfromhell: ok.. well..
[23:14] houseguesfromhell: he and I became pretty close friends. We went to Chicago one day together and we used to hang out a lot…..
[23:14] modgirllisa: k
[23:14] houseguesfromhell: he says he had a crush on me.. I was very comfortable with him cause I thought he was gay and just didn’t know it yet.
[23:15] houseguesfromhell: so.. one of the movies we saw together was Mo’ Better Blues..
[23:15] modgirllisa: wait he says he has a crush on you NOW?
[23:15] houseguesfromhell: no
[23:15] modgirllisa: kay
[23:15] houseguesfromhell: so that movies was on the other night and it made me think of him …
[23:15] houseguesfromhell: so I looked him up.
[23:15] houseguesfromhell: I found him
[23:15] houseguesfromhell: he is gay.. but in denial
[23:16] houseguesfromhell: like he says “Im not gay…” and then a couple of sentences later “When I was with Tracy (a guy) for 7 years…”… and he is trying to say that he was with Tracy and will never be with another man.. Ok .. Whatever dude.
[23:16] houseguesfromhell: …
[23:16] modgirllisa: Paul was like that.
[23:16] houseguesfromhell: Ok.. so he was going through some stuff at home.. and I wanted to see him.. so I invtied him to come down here and visit….
[23:17] houseguesfromhell: so he is here
[23:17] houseguesfromhell: and we are not getting along
[23:17] houseguesfromhell: like way worse than you and me in June kind of not getting along
[23:17] modgirllisa: woah
[23:17] houseguesfromhell: he is supposed to be here until sunday
[23:17] houseguesfromhell: today is only tuesday.
[23:17] houseguesfromhell: he is driving me crazy…
[23:17] houseguesfromhell: so let me tell you some of the stuff that is getting me
[23:18] houseguesfromhell: so.. he is the guy who is messing with that author that I told you about… (and yet he is not gay).. and he told lynn that he would not be with him unless he was well compensated financially (whore).. so he is basically just trying to whore his way through life..
[23:19] houseguesfromhell: but you aren’t supoosed to do that with friends!!
[23:19] houseguesfromhell: not with people you are not trying to sleep with!!
[23:19] houseguesfromhell: he came down here with $5
[23:19] houseguesfromhell: five dollars
[23:19] modgirllisa: you’re kidding
[23:19] houseguesfromhell: for a week long trip
[23:19] modgirllisa: how did he get down there?
[23:19] houseguesfromhell: I bought his bus ticket cause it was cheap
[23:20] houseguesfromhell: and its not so much that I am paying for everything.. cause you know me with paying.. but its like he came down here expecting that and he is trying to get us to do all this stuff that he doesn’t have to pay for cause he is expecting me to pay for it!!
[23:20] modgirllisa: Why don’t you buy his bus ticket back home?
[23:21] modgirllisa: i mean, this is unlike you
[23:21] modgirllisa: really.
[23:21] houseguesfromhell: and he is approaching it like I am a gay guy he is trying to sleep with like “take me here” and “take me there” kind of thing
[23:21] houseguesfromhell: ok.. here is why.. and this is a preliminary reason.. not a final reason
[23:22] houseguesfromhell: we had a blow up tonight.. and I will tell you about.. but because of what he did afterward.. that I kind of feel like I partially want to “torture” him by keeping him here and not knowing when he is going home.. and.. if I send him home before he asks to be sent home than he is goign to view that he won and he got the best of me
[23:23] houseguesfromhell: now.. listen to what happened
[23:23] houseguesfromhell: I plugged in my cell phone cause it was dead
[23:23] houseguesfromhell: about an hour or so later he said “Is your phone done charging?”
[23:23] houseguesfromhell: I said “I don’t know”
[23:24] houseguesfromhell: He went over to the phone.. unplugged it and carried it over to the sofa..
[23:24] houseguesfromhell: I said.. “did you have to unplug it? It messes up the battery life if you don’t let it charge completely. You can make a call with it plugged in.”
[23:24] houseguesfromhell: that is when he flipped..
[23:25] houseguesfromhell: he said “You knew I wanted to use the phone. Why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you if I could use the phone?”
[23:25] houseguesfromhell: I said.. you didn’t ask me if you could use the phone.. you asked if it was done charging.
[23:27] modgirllisa: How long has it been since you’ve seen him?
[23:27] houseguesfromhell: ok.. hold on
[23:34] modgirllisa: shell?
[23:34] houseguesfromhell: hold on im on the phone with jeff
[23:34] modgirllisa: my brother?
[23:34] houseguesfromhell: yes
[23:39] houseguesfromhell: ok.. im back
[23:40] houseguesfromhell: so anyway.. that is when he flipped.. he was like.. why are you being so literal? Why is everything that I said examined word for word and analyzed?
[23:40] houseguesfromhell: before I could come out of my mouth with a question on what he was talking about he continues to go off about how uncomfortable I have made him since he showed up and how he is out of his element and that I am taking advantage of him
[23:40] houseguesfromhell: 12 years
[23:42] modgirllisa: So let me get this straight, you haven’t seen him in 12 years let alone talk to him and you invited him down to see you in Cincy with you paying the bus fare. He shows up with five bucks and a: you are surprised that he wants to take advantage of you and b: you want to keep him there because you want to torture him?
[23:43] modgirllisa: If that is all true, are you fucking insane?
[23:44] houseguesfromhell: so.. he went outside like he was going to smoke a cigarette. but didn’t have any as he was trying to quite smoking.. and was out there just talking shit about me.. right on my own porch.. like.. “Oh no you are not making me uncomfortable all these miles away from home. You do not appreciate the fact that I am here. You are talking to me like a 10 year old child and you take everyting so literally. This is ridiculous and I have never experienced anything so horrible in my entire life.”
[23:45] houseguesfromhell: well.. your paraphrasing makes it sound a little different than how I said it…
[23:45] houseguesfromhell: but you are right
[23:45] modgirllisa: get off the computer
[23:46] modgirllisa: tell his ungrateful ass he is going back on the first bus back tomororw
[23:46] houseguesfromhell: huh?
[23:46] houseguesfromhell: jeff said.. stop calling him he is goign to call you on your cell phone
[23:46] houseguesfromhell: ok?
[23:46] modgirllisa: um
[23:46] modgirllisa: i’m not calling him
[23:46] modgirllisa: and my cell phone is dead
[23:47] houseguesfromhell: is your house phone buys?
[23:47] modgirllisa: nope
[23:47] houseguesfromhell: busy*?
[23:47] modgirllisa: i just turned the phone on and off
[23:47] houseguesfromhell: he is trying to call you on your house phone and said its a busy signal
[23:47] modgirllisa: see above
[23:47] houseguesfromhell: why did you tell me to get off the computer?
[23:48] houseguesfromhell: the bus schedule is not convenient for me tomorrow.. its 545 am and 1010 am
[23:49] modgirllisa: it’s not convient with you
[23:49] modgirllisa: you know, you really take the cake
[23:50] houseguesfromhell: why shouldl I wake up at 330 in the morning or leave work to take his ass?
[23:50] modgirllisa: gee
[23:50] modgirllisa: i wonder
[23:50] modgirllisa: so he’s not around to further irriate you and take advantage of you?
[23:53] houseguesfromhell: i need to think about the best way to solve this
[23:53] houseguesfromhell: Im gonna head off to bed
[23:53] houseguesfromhell: I have to work at 8 tomrrow
[23:54] houseguesfromhell: ok?
[23:54] modgirllisa: sorry
[23:54] modgirllisa: trillian got caught up
[23:54] modgirllisa: fine.
[23:55] houseguesfromhell: ok.. i will talk to you tomorrow

So then my brother calls me back finally (on his cell) and because his house phone got disco’d (the roommate not paying on it you see) and he wants me to pay one of his bills for him online. Because he is dyslexic, he can’t tell the difference between a few letters and gets pissed at ME because he can’t fucking read. I get into the site and pay his fucking bill for him (out of his pocket not mine) and I tell him of an opportunity that grahamwest was interested in with him for some future work. ANYWAY, i said “Um, Jeff, they don’t shut the phone off after a single month of not paying the bill, and if he paid it a week ago they got he money already. Why don’t you get on Jeremy’s ass about why he isn’t paying the bills as you two share an apartment.” ANd he said “Jeremy is a grown ass man and can take care of himself.” I’m like WTF? HELLO! ANd he starts ranting and raging about my bill paying with my ex paul, um, our phone was never dico’s honey and we made over six figures combined. I got so pissed i slammed down the phone.

Now i’m angrily chewing on a straw.