I’m feeling particularly frisky this evening and had been thinking of some things about my looks recently, namely to the overwhelming response to the picture I posted a few weeks ago and hence the new lj icon. I’ve always been a great believer that I should be accepted for the brain and not the bod, and yet I know that’s not necessarily realistic. We are a society that feeds on the young and the attractive and if you don’t fall into that your shit out of luck. Yes, beauty is subjective, but on the flip side, I’ve seen many women of all ages and sizes who are fucking stunning and I realise that is also because of how they carry themselves and how they act. Beautiful souls do shine through (too many women on my list reflect that, so I won’t list them). It’ called confidence and I’m finally wearing it.
As I’ve publicized here, I’ve done the personal ad route since I’ve been back in GR with very little success (I’ve met one person who I like and we have yet to meet yet!) Oh, even with the goofy ass pics I posted I was getting responses but it was from men who weren’t even remotely LIKE me in any sense of the word. Like the gentleman who was looking for a black woman 18-50, who attended services 3x a week, was college educated and had kids — PLUS was a stay at home mom to boot. Do I even remotely sound like that? No, of course not.
Armed with new confidence and the new pic, I went back to http://www.nerve.com and updated my ad. Salon, Nerve, The Onion and many others use the same service called SpringStreet but it’s all integrated into said sites. I’ve been a fan of Nerve since they first opened years ago and had a founder account. I had a few credits left that I must have bought, geez, who knows how many years ago so, I updated the picture and started randomly answering ads. Oh, unlike before where I was ‘looking’, now I’m not. I’m not expecting anything in return other than to ditch the credits and clean the account out. While I’m all for online relationships, I need something more in my life and it might not even be a relationship with someone. I’m more of the flirty type right now. I’m floating in a sea of my own making.
So while I was browsing, I found an ad that looked familiar and I couldn’t figure out why. The id of the name was tugging at the back of my brain and then it dawned on me that we had corresponded before and had moved on to personal email and then it dropped out of the blue. No explanations, nothing. I didn’t let it bother me, and moved on. But the strange thing was, the pictures he showed me were of an alright guy. Sometime later, I found new pics of him and went EWWWWW. (I remember Llarian commenting on why I thought it was being superficial I didn’t find him attractive, but i can’t find the post). So it’s six months later, I’m flipping through Nerve, find the first id. Keep flipping, find the second id. Both id’s are his, I remember him telling me so, but the irony is that it’s a completely DIFFERENT pic than any other ones I had seen of him or that we had swapped. The other irony is that both of is ids are completely and utterly different in profile.
The other ironic thing is that the picture of me, a full on face photo, is also probably one of the better pics of me in a long time and looks NOTHING like the pics I swapped with him. It’s almost like looking at two different people, six months later. It’s all just very bizaare with me right now 🙂
So you have probably already gathered that the new pics of him are of course HOT. Well duh, why would i bother rambling if he wasn’t?
It’s just all very surreal. I probably won’t hear from him, but that’s also totally okay. It was just one nights procrastination instead of doing homework 🙂