nightly thoughts

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who lack motivation and determination. Nihilists, if you will. I can’t fathom or begin to fathom this attitude of “OH! WOE IS ME!” candor that seems to be sneaking around lately.

Case in my point, my ex Danny.

Danny is a jack of all trades kind of guy. He’s artistic (he’s a painter, creates wonderful things with chainmail and metal in general), he’s smart, he knows things. He’s got interests in EVERYTHING. He’s got a lot of talent in a lot of different areas and he just seems to UGH not want to do things. For instance, he’s had my grandmothers rocking chair for YEARS and has plans to sand it down, revarnish, paint and put it back together for me. This started when I was living in SF, to give you a clue how long he’s had this project. But he’s also completely remodelling his house (which is also admirable), so I haven’t been too pressed about it.

He’s also heavily tattooed, pierced in the right places (wink wink), bald , and hella cute. Smells damn good too.

Lisa and Danny, 2003.
Lisa and Danny, 2003.

He knows he lacks motivation and determination. He knows how I feel about this. I would have married him YEARS ago if it weren’t for this (and well a few other issues as well but those are relatively minor) and he knows that as well. Like tonight we were sitting at Don Pablo’s for dinner and he was telling me about this FANTABULOUS idea he has and I’m like DUDE, run with it. He refused. But I know him and so he said himself, projects that become well, PROJECTS take the fun out of it. We need to work on that some more.

But he’s not the only one.

A mailing list I’m on dedicated local pagans (well you know, gotta hang out with the freaks) has been heavy with discussion about people being laid off and yadda yadda, and it’s not that that bothers me, I know many who have been laid off but the lack of doing something ABOUT IT irritates the hell out of me. They placed the blame on everything but themselves and seem to lack resources to want to figure something out. My motto has always been “If there is a will, there is a way!” and it’s not just about getting help from others but shit, I’ve always pulled myself up by my own bootstraps and figured shit out. These people JUST DO NOT GET IT (not danny, he gets it, the ones on the mailing list). One girl started whining about how she could not afford college for her kids (She’s like, 21 if i remember) and I wrote this pithy piece on yes, funding is available and listed alternatives to college such as CC’s and used kethryvis as an example of someone who went in with an ultra low GPA and came out a fucking winner. I also used my gf Shelly as an example of someone who is interested in trade school to make a better living for themselves. I just can’t deal with this I’m so BLAH attitude. Paul had it too, I wanted to beat him senseless with my platform flipflop and that is ONE of the major reasons why I can’t deal with people. People asking for help should FIRST find help themselves for anything. Fuck, the internet is a WONDERFUL place and just sitting there with their thumb up their ass kills me.

So there you have it.

Picked up a few more Terry Pratchett books tonight. I can’t slug through HP:OOP again. I was about to beat Harry up the first go around. This is the worse of her five books BY FAR! Some guy at Best Buy when I was dropping off my piece of shit kodak camera (old one, not the new one) to get repaired, commented on my Grover tshirt. Couldn’t tell if he was flirting with me, it’s been too damn long since anyone has (at leas, f2f).

Still simmering about my prof’s comment from earlier. Drowned myself in Animal Crossing tonight and am about ready to go to bed (Yes, it’s 5:18am. Fuck off. I have coffee in the morning). Project due for my creative writing class on Saturday (last class of the summer). Sent in loan shit for this upcoming school year (totally paid for, not a cent out of my own pocket until I graduate in 15 trillion years). Went to the tattoo shop tonight and showed them what I’ve done with the website so far (just a splash page while I work on the back end stuff). Am relearning things and teaching myself new things. But they are very happy with it so far, which rocks. Now DEATH is paid for and future work will go towards new tattoos! woopie!

I’m audi 5000 g.