oh L’amour

As I sit here and write this, our gateway has died. And it’s almost funny because last week the big mulit-billion dollar company forgot to pay their phone bill — so we were forced to use 1010321 to dial out to make calls. Which wasn’t that big deal for me — I don’t call anyone. 🙂

Anyway, I’m bored. I can’t being to tell you how bored I am. I’m sitting here drinking Diet Mt. Dew and eating Rolos — and writing a chronicle. Wishing I would have left early — which I did not. buh.

New Nine Inch Nails cd is out called “The Fragile.” I got the mp3s yesterday from mah crack dealer, and let me tell you, “Even Deeper” and “Starfuckers, Inc.” of course own. I do, do so highly recommend picking it up.

Ask Lisha! Someone had decided that it would be a good idea if i started doing an advice column mixed in with my regular column. Which we all know, based on my very strong opinions, can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what it is. heh. So, without further ado, here is the first question I got (and a pretty simple one if I may add):


Dear Lisha,
All right, here’s a question. Where the heck do you go to meet people (Read: Women, I suppose) if you don’t drink and you work in an all-male enrollment, where everyone’s a decade older OR (at least one) standard deviation stupider?
SabbathRM

Funny that this is the first question, as I have been giving “advice” to several friends who have been bitching and moaning about the lack of a social life in their area. Are they listening to me? Probably not 🙂 But, since I am also moving to a brand new area within a month, this is a damned fine time to put my ideas into action!

You didn’t tell me how old you were or where you lived — which can either be plus or negative points depending on how you look at it. Do keep in mind that because of this, you have to adjust this to your flavor.

1. Are you happy with yourself? This may sound like a very trite question, but it’s a very simple one. See, all too often, we as humans, often think that finding the “right” mate will cure us of our ills — when they really won’t. The first important step is to make sure that you have /some/ sense of self. This makes for a better foundation of anything that you are doing.

2. Do for you. Again, sounds trite, but it is true. When in the process of going out into the evil world, do keep it in mind that you want to make yourself happy. IE: Don’t join a club of some sort just to meet women. You’ll end up regretting it later. Draw up a list of what your interested in. Name everything and anything possible. Also list stuff that you think you might be interested in: IE: you’ve always wanted to learn how to sky dive but never had the balls to do so. maybe now is the time for you to do that.

3. With that list in mind, start thinking of ways to get going on that list. Meaning? Very simply, start looking for clubs/mailing lists/places local to you that cater to that kind of activity. For instance, I’m moving 3000 miles into a new state I’ve never stepped foot into and have no idea what the social scene is like. While my perspective roommate is also one of my best friends, our choices in activities vary greatly. With that in mind, I started making a list of stuff i was interested in and have never had a chance to get involved with. Like linux. I would love to join a LUG. I searched and found two LUGs in my new area and got signed up on the mailing lists. I’m also into astronomy, poetry/book readings, and dancing. I’ve also wanted to front a band, play at being a domme, etc etc etc. One of my plans when I get into the area is to look for activities based around those interests. I’ve also been interested in volunteering at a rape crisis center for a few years now — and plan on giving some of my time to that. This listing of activities will help me get off my supple young ass and into the world, while meeting and greeting people. I know that I’m not going to like them all, but that isn’t the point. The point being I’m not sitting at home glued to my computer.

4. Maybe your shy. Yesh, I can understand that completely. When thrown in new situations, I tend to be more of an observer than a participant. This may seem contradictory to what many people know of me (mainly those who have meet me in social functions), but my own shyness has lead me to not take advantage of the things that were offered to me in the Bay Area. I’ve never been farther south than Santa Cruz and have never done a lot of things that I want/should have done while i lived here. In a lot of ways, I regret this but that little experience also spurned me to want to do better in a different local. With that being said, do realize that you are not on any time schedule of the sort. You have to do for you — in what makes you feel better. Don’t put a time limit on yourself.

5. Put up a personals ad. Okay, stop laughing now, but I’m not kidding. One of the many things I keep hearing from all my friends is how lonely they are. Many of the whine and bitch about how men/women suck ú and how they are tired of dating and etc. See, I’ve always been /alone/ but I’ve never been lonely per se. I’ve always known how to amuse myself (as it were). And I’m picky. Really picky. When I moved to SF and my boyfriend at the time and I had broken up a few short months later, I put a personals ad in to see what the local flavors were like. I met a few people, went out on a few dates. Okay, so they were pretentious yuppie fucks that I wanted to bitchslap, but I got /out/ and /about/ and really tired to get some sort of social scene started.

The big question is always, “but i want to fall in love” or “i know what i want, but she/he seemingly doesn’t exist”. I honestly believe that there is one right person for everyone. But people do change. I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago or even five years ago. When mah ex Alan and I had started dating, many of the core details in my life remain the same as they were then, but in many many ways, I’m a completely different person. So, what was right for me at 21 isn’t right for me at 27.

Age has never been a big factor in my life — at least when choosing someone I want to be with. As many people do know, there is a seven year age gap between Justin and I. This never bothered me so much as it did about his life experience vs mine. What did bother was that he was unwilling to /gain/ the life experience i thought was crucial. And then there is Paul, who is also younger than me but who has life experience to share. And Christian, who was older but had the mentality of a 2 year old (literally) and was boorish.

We all have a certain idea of what or who we want to be our life-mate with. My recommendation is get out in the social scene and date to see if what you think you want matches what you get. You may have a thing for snobby bitchy girls but find that when dating one, you can’t deal with them. It’s called trial and error. A lot of people don’t like this idea of casual dating, and I’m not saying be a slooty sloot and compromise. I am saying, do have a clear idea of what and who you want before you start looking.

I hope this helps you on your quest to find a girly girl.

If anyone has any other questions, feel free to email me with it. Next up will be “How to configure ipmasq and chains in redhat”.

C’mon, ask me anything, i dare ya 😉

x0x0x0x
Moi

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