sassy skirt seeks alliterative ally

Last year, feeling rather despondent about the men I kept meeting, I put up a personals ad. Before doing so, I polled my friends to see what they had to say about me. The following is my favorite response thus far:

“GR woman (No! I’m still a girl, dammit!) who enjoys reading, the arts, travel and the occasional megadose of caffeine seeks a guy with similar interests. I have a fully functional brain, a tall and sexy body and a biting sense of humor; if anything of that intimidates you, sorry, please move along. I am *not* a project, trophy or challenge and I don’t need to be saved; if you can’t take me as I am, please read the end of the last sentence.”

Since 99% of the responses were from moronic twits, I pulled down the ad and went back to the old fashioned method. But since I’m always interested in meeting new people, I decided to put the ad back up. Lucky you.

“So, who am I? In a non-metaphysical sense, I’m a tall (5’11-6’1; depending on time of day and who’s measuring me) bodacious brunette in graduate school. During the day I’m a book pimp, while studying for my masters at night. In my previous life, I was a network engineer for a global corporation (if the phrase “nine billion dollar accounting fraud” means anything to you, you know who I used to work for). I embrace both the arts and technology, and feel just as comfortable discoursing on dead white male authors as I do about bleeding edge technology.

If anything, I’m a dichotomy. You’ve been warned.

I’m a music and movie buff as well as a pop culture queen. Musically, I dig everything from Miles Davis to Madchester to Bossa Nova. Right now I’m in love with Elbow and The Doves. In movies, my taste runs to independents, foreign flicks, and blockbusters. Though lately I’ve been obsessed with zombie movies. Netflix is my hero. I’m also a gaming nut and own four gaming consoles. Tivo has become my replacement boyfriend and my “children” consist of three pugs named after The Addams’ Family.

I’m well traveled, having lived in San Francisco, DC, and Toronto as well as Michigan. I’ve been to Spain, France, Germany, England and Scotland. I have a plethora of piercings (no, you cannot ask where they are located) and twelve tattoos.

I read voraciously and dig just about anything. Unfortunately, my training as an English Lit major has caused me to be a snob about books, thus if you think The Da Vinci Code (or books in a similar vein) is “great” literature, please move along. Big points if you dig Terry Pratchett.

Socially, I hit local pubs and shows with friends, read, catch up on Tivo, playing with my dogs, and writing. I plan road trips in my head, make mix cds for various moods and come up with a 1000 and one ideas that never get seen. I love ethnic food and am game to try just about anything once. I once fell asleep at the opera (I was tired! That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!), but I do like going to the theater, museums and the like. I also like just staying at home playing video games and watching movies. I’ve been known to watch entire seasons of shows in one sitting as well as What I like to do tends to depend on the mood I am in, which tends to shift. A lot.

I’m big on talking, especially debating where I tend to play the devil’s advocate. I’m highly sarcastic and my humour tends to run to the dry variety. If you can’t keep up with me intellectually, then move along please. I’m pretty opinionated and have no problem telling you what is on my mind. I shoot from the hip and usually say the first thing that come out of my mouth, which tends to get me in trouble. Very well-read, though common sense tends to take a backseat sometimes. I can be quite intellectual on some things and a complete ditz on others.

Any other questions?”