she’s quaking

be afraid.

be very very afraid.

For the last couple of months, Matt and the guys from work have been trying incessantly to get me to play Quake or any of the other RPGs lan-type games. I’ve been resisting with “I don’t play games” but when Matt got me the 16MB AGP vid card, handed it to me, I knew I was lost.

This past Friday, we installed Quake2. All day long I started futzing with it because the whole concept of killing people without going to jail is kind of appealing. I futzed and futzed and futzed and finally got it working. When it did work and I entered the arena, Matt killed me in under 3 seconds. Not fun. I logged off and tried playing solo — but the game kept stalling and I was getting frustrated. I reinstalled a different version of Quake 2 (namely, the upgrade) and that worked. But I wanted to kill people dammit. I then downloaded Quake3, and installed it. But since Quake3 is tourney style, again I was dead pretty quickly.

I retold this whole story to Justin over the weekend (whom he thought it was amusing) and last night he came home with a legitimate copy of Quake which we both immediately installed on our boxes. For over an hour last night Justin and I hunted each other and I got mah ass handed to me 9 to -6. However, it is fun. I’m downloading the patch for quake 2 now :D.

violet eyes
Justin’s new schedule has me getting up between 4:30a-4:45a to take him to BART so that he can get to work. for the first time in a few weeks, instead of staying up, i immediately crawled back into bed when i got home. i didn’t wake up till nearly 11am. Woopsie. Since I’m leaving in three weeks anyway, they have been pretty lenient with me at work. Woopie. So I spent most of yesterday doing household items and talking online while my clothes got tided.

someone in the channel mentioned about buying colored contacts and i said how when i was younger i had gotten both green and violet flavor eyes. i had to dig up a few pictures to prove my point:

Lisa at 17
Lisa again at 17

Now, don’t yell or email me about how fucked up the hair is — I had no idea what the hell was going through my head at the time. However, I was at Shelly’s apartment in Wyoming, MI sitting in “my” chair (we all have that right? we go to a friends house and sit in the same chair. i also was obsessed with using this glass for drinkage that was actually a fancy measuring cup. Shelly didn’t understand my obsession with this thing.).

So, I post the pictures to the channel and to be honest, I got really disgusted with how people reacted to them. Why? because the first thing everyone noticed was the weight difference. In those pictures, I was 50lbs thinner. Big difference. Okay, fine, I can deal with that. The main thing was that people kept going “oh you were so cute/hot/beautiful” almost as if “what the fuck happened to you?!?”. Well, I’m 10 years older than I am in those pictures. I don’t think they are the best representation of me at that age but it really irked me that people were so fucking shallow.

The biggest pet peeve i’ve always had for a long time was people not accepting me for me but accepting me for what i looked like. It was like, jesus christ people, grow up. I’m still the same person 50lbs or not, purple eyes or not.

I was ranting and raving to Paul about this because it was bugging the fuck out of me. he was like “lisa, you were cute and innocent then, but to be honest, you ARE HOT now weight gain or not.”

The thing is, I’ve always known i would grow into my looks. I have such strong features that I knew that I would get better with age. Like a lot of people didn’t believe I was 17 in those pics and a lot of people don’t believe I am 27 now. Then it was always that I looked older and now it’s that i look younger. I can thank my mother (for once) for having her beautiful genetics.

I have always ALWAYS known that I was or never would be conventionally beautiful and that doesn’t bother me. I’ve not let it bother me for years because it helps weed out the imbeciles and numbskulls who hit on me. Same reason why I got pierced in the various fashions that I have — because i know and have always known that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. Which is just fine by me. I don’t want the whole world to love me — just one person. That’s fine enough for me.

But what REALLY irks me is that people who are so, just, ugh, normal, pass judgement on me as they sit on their 300lb fat asses eating king dongs and HO-HOs trying to tell me I look like shit. I always look good. I can afford to be egotistical because I am god and what I say goes. I’ve never had a problem getting a man or winning over friends. The problem I have is that the men that generally like me are fucking nimrods and bore the living fuck out of me.

But enough about me. let’s get on to something interesting!

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moi