with apologies to the person i posted this to…

this is actually a comment i posted in someone elses journal, but i liked it well enough to post in my own

I’ve often thought how truly wonderful it would be to be with a group of people like that. I’ve been trying recently to bring together friends here locally at dinners and such and while *I* have a good time it doesn’t seem others do not. The irony of this is that no one calls *me* to get together (Though to be honest, one couple has told me i could visit them anytime, I still feel too shy to import myself on them). I noticed this happened everywhere I lived, with the exception of my early 20s when I was here in GR and I had a fairly large circle of friends but now those people have disappaited into thin air.

I also took to heart your post on chat, and I found that I often get sucked into the same thing as well. But the irony is, there is only so much I can do by myself and I have been trying to ‘get out’ there but it seems that I can’t be that super casual person that makes these type of friendships viable. I’m not saying that it’s impossible for me to have general relationships but perhaps, like you, I require more sustenance than what I’m currently getting now. The other thing is that many people in our age group, at least locally, can’t relate to, at least, me. I’m not married, I don’t have a partner or kids, I don’t own my own home and I’m not following the typical line most 31 year olds go. Plus that whole ‘travelling’ thing seems to shock people too. I don’t know it’s so difficult to understand I’ve lived in a lot of places but it is.

I also find that I have difficult staying power with making and keeping friends, because of that inablity to keep up the friendship. Now I do have friends but I find that unless I feel that person is as interested in me as I am in them, the frienship fails. In a way, it’s very ironic, because I want the ability to call up someone for casual coffee and yet I don’t have the type of friends (as you stated) who enjoy that.

I rented “Four Weddings and a Funeral” this week and I cried not about the whole marriage thing but about how these group of people were so close and so /loving/ to each other. I got intensly jealous because, like you, I’ve been a loner for most of my life. While I’m comfortable being alone and with keeping friendships open that I love, those people don’t live in my general area so I’m back to square one. So, I don’t know.