At 08:34 AM 1/2/98 -0500, you wrote:
>Now that was absolutely entertaining.  I loved it!  I was waiting for
>Lisa's Famous Last Words ever since you left, and you delivered.  Guess
>it just took some prodding from this Big Old Ass.

Um, I saw no point in saying anything to you, as I had nothing *to* say. I wasn't going to give you that satisfaction. Just wasn't worth it. I do however, find it immensely funny that you found provoking that you had to email me your 'thoughts' on last words and entertainment. "I am Jeff! Hear me roar!" Also have to control the issue now don't you? You are so controlling Jeff, its humorous. You move everyone around like puppets. When things don't go your way, you have a hissy fit. Now that was hilarious. Your not really "worth" a letter to. Trust me, if I wanted to have said something to you, I would have previously :)

>
>It seems wonderful that you're the only person who EVER labeled me as a
>detached, cold, removed, dysfunctional asshole. 

I don't think so honey. I've heard the same damn words off your own damn lips too many times to count. And I am not the only one who thought that way. Your whole body movement was one of someone always on guard.  In fact, we spent countless hours talking about people's perception of you and how cold/removed/dysfunctional you "seemed". But OH NO! Lisa didn't think that way, of course not, she just thought you were the best thing since sliced bread! Lisa was too blind sided by "Jeffness" to think that he was that cold and detached from humans. Jeff was "beautiful". What a joke. <he's so beautiful> Your eyes were pretty dead Jeff, I wondered what the hell had been bothering me these last few days. And that was it.

> If it helps you to
>think that my friends all really think I'm this way and are too afraid
>to say it, go on thinking it.  If it helps you to really believe it
>yourself, go on thinking it.  Whatever works for you, princess.

Princess? Gee thanks, coming from you that is a compliment. God I am so flattered. I think I will pin this up on my calender and save it!

And I wouldn't really care to waste brain energy thinking about you. I find it annoying and it gives me headaches.

>
>I no longer care what you think, so I'm not about to defend my character
>or prove that I'm a different kind of guy.  It's so clear that in the
>end Lisa believes what Lisa wants to believe about a person, as
>evidenced by the way that everyone winds up being in one category or
>another in an archived F.U.C.K. file.  Box 'em up and stow 'em away.

*yawn* Yeah, whatever.
I wouldn't even consider you for a F.U.C.K. file, your too boring beyond words to mention.
Lisa believes what Lisa see's. You didn't really prove me wrong on this one Jeff, now did you?  You totally desensitized everything of importance in the "relationship". Anytime you got "warm fuzzy feelings" or even! hell, a spark, you auto killed it for "FRESHNESS". HA! "I want it to be all fresh and new". That is a laugh. Instead of indulging in things, you kept resynching and controlling the whole relationship, to "your" needs and "your" wants, and fuck what I wanted. When I mentioned what I wanted, oh no, it wasn't good enough or it wasn't "right"! And if I showed any kind of vulnerability? Oh god, lord save us! The world is crashing around. You still have no clue to what the fuck you want. That! alone is totally precious.

>
>I really am sorry if all this was a matter of me failing to be sensitive
>to how hurt you were.  But someone who hides pain behind that mask of
>arrogance, who chooses to say things like "You're the only man I liked
>who ever had the balls to refuse me" rather than really conveying a
>sense of the pain she's going through, is pretty much impossible to
>empathize with or feel sorry for. 

NO ass hole, I told you I was hurt, and hurting badly. What would it have taken Jeff? Me sniveling on the couch? You sat there, through those conversations and watched me close up inside. Any fucking idiot could have seen that I was hurting and hurting bad! I also conveyed *many* things to you sitting in front of you, staring you dead in the eye., and you told me to "get over it" and just "accept it". You choose, as always, to ignore it. Somehow, it wasn't about "The only man who ever had balls to refuse me" it was the "only man I ever really wanted to be with, who refused me". Which did hurt, a lot. You knew that. Don't shrug off responsibility. If your going to quote me, then at least quote me right.  There is a big difference.

> I don't care if it's one of your
>defense mechanisms; you have so many of those built up that I wondered
>when the real Lisa would finally stand up.  I still don't know if you
>have.  In the end it's just deliciously ironic that a person who
>considers herself so beautiful hides behind such an ugly pesonality. 
>And even more deliciously ironic that because your presense didn't evoke
>any feelings from me, you've decided that that cold person is really who
>I am.

Um gee Einstein, this coming from a man who says "IRC totally lacks any good method of communication" and yet two seconds later tells Karena "We have really connected in these last few weeks." Now, THAT is irony. Totally precious one at that. I was dying so hard that I nearly gagged on chocolate. It was just too funny. Come on Jeff, what is next? Is she, in all her infinite wisdom going to be the next one? Are you going to fall in love with her next? No! Wait! I've got it! Grace in her 18 years of experience is going to be your saving grace! Oh my god, I made a pun. Christ, I slay me.

And I also like how I was told if I was more meek and compliment, that we would have fucked. Now that is even more precious. I loved that part. This gets more entertaining by the minute.

>
>But I'm no longer wondering.  Don't go away mad; just go away.

If you think, honey, that I am going to take responsibility for this, you are *so* obviously more clueless then I thought. You *knew* from the get go, my personality, who and what I was, you *knew* from talking to me, from my web pages, from everything we ever discussed, the "real" lisa, at the core. You on the other hand, choose to ignore it, forget it, or just not worry about it. You knew, how I was and how I could be, with people in different situations. The "real" lisa you saw sitting in front of you, eating hot fudge sundae's at Perkins. Totally relaxed and having a great time. You knew specifically, how each man had treated me, how each relationship ended. You knew, from all of our conversations, that just what I *didn't* want, friendship or otherwise, and what would break me and what would make me. You are not escaping responsibility from anything Jeff. You've fed me, nothing but horse shit since day one (of this), and you still continue on. Next week, you will probably come into some other revelation about something else wonderful and everything previously will be erased. 

You simply never listened or gave me any encouragement on my behavior when i was feeling down. You totally removed yourself from any and all personal aspect of me. I can think of countless times when I wanted to "talk" to you about sundry things, and you just ignored it, or let me ramble. When even an artificial hug would have been sufficient, and you wouldn't have given me that. In fact, you used to sit there, and tell me to "get over it", especially when we used to talk anything personal, like really personal. Was this nothing but a game to you Jeff? Ohhh the irony slays me, I love it.

And I have an ugly personality? Funny that. You are the only one who has ever said anything to me about that. Ironically, everyone who even bothers to get to know me knows me to be completely different then whatever perceived/conjured image you have. I no longer care what you think. Who are you? Some guy, who lives in bfe, whose never lived out of his hometown (Oh I know, you had NO choice in the matter...yadda yadda yadda), whose a big fish in a small pond. Get real Jeff, and get with reality. Your going to be smacked awake when you enter the "real world". I love Karma ;)

Just goes to show, that you couldn't handle me, you couldn't handle shit. Anything more complex then a 18yo with raging hormones you can't handle. I love the irony. Mr big bad Jeff, prevayer of all things intense, freezes up when the chips are down. *laugh* You loved the image, the 'me' the aggressiveness, the "intensity" but deep down, your still a child. A child playing adult games. And you kept egging it on. An immature one at that, who still! Has no clue about human's and relationships. And if your calling me a liar, just look at all your past relationships. That alone is enough to make my statement. And you said it before I ever did, about your lack of "commitment" of intimacy, on a true level. Why don't you try joining the land of the emotionally mature? You might like it, it can be kind of wonderful.

And food for thought, king bee, I would have never have emailed you unless you provoked it. If you want no comment from me, then you should have done, what I warned you to do oh so long ago, stay the fuck away. :)

Have a nice day!

Lisa