can someone please tell me about my own preoccupation with the stupid movie the saint?
i don’t know how many times i’ve seen this piece of drek but when it’s on, i /always/ watch it. maybe it’s the gadgets? the neat toys and geeky stuff. maybe it the science that got me interested in cold fusion? maybe it was magic and adventure — all girls want some sort of an adventure in their life.
whatever the reason (and it’s certainly not the fact i /like/ the movie), i watched it again this morning. hehe.
i’ve really been giggling a lot these past few days and i don’t know why. i am seemingly becoming too freaking cheerful for my own good. i am annoying my own damn self.
yesterday I read on maura.com that she hates people who sign with their middle initial. amused i emailed back and said i hated people who sign with two last names. i’m one of those people who sign with the middle initial. maybe it’s because with the intervention of the interweb that i’ve found /other/ lisa rabeys.
i just want to stand out.
i’m becoming disillusioned with journalling recently.
for the last week, i’ve spent an inordinate amount of time doing personal surfing and found that there is this echelon of people who are ‘k-rad’ and ‘ereet’ in doing personal journals. it’s like this big circle of people. i became angry. i felt like i was in high school all over again.
i /hated/ high school, lemme tell you. but i was also depressed, shy and NOT getting along with my parents. I don’t think it’s so much part of the kids hating me anymore but i do think that my own shyness and depression helped fuel whatever paranoia i had about people not liking me.
so i started checking out these damn journals and the following rang true:
- They all looked like they were designed by the same person(s).
- They all have nearly the exact same content.
- They all link to each other.
- Sometimes, even the entries are the same.
I mean, jesus christ, it’s like they have this template that gets passed out to everyone — to be “cool” you must do THIS. i found it highly amusing.
i found it flattering that i was linked from some of the pages — but truth be known, i don’ read other peoples journals. i also do not read my own. once it’s written, that’s it, its done. i found that you begin to get feelings for people you’ve never talked to and that is just way too intimate for me. i’ve “fallen in love” with people briefly over journals and it’s too much.
“You know, the people here, all they wanna do is pick you apart. trouble is: they don’t have time to put you back together again.
“i hate the internet.
“i’ve thought about moving my webpages to Europe, Michigan, Virginia or hell, maybe even Tennessee.”
and here is other stuff that bugs me, this whole “If you know me in real life, please don’t read this” or the whole “private vs public” diaries. I mean, christ! get over yourself – if you are really that insecure or paranoid than what the fuck are you doing on Internet? I mean, it’s like at work, I got into this argument with the guy who manages our NOC. He was having a tizzy about our new email naming scheme is firstname.lastnamd@company.com, and he said that scheme was a security hole because SOMEONE could get his personal information from that naming scheme and pretend to be him on the internet. Uh, I laughed. hehe. Really. I emailed back and said that:
a. if you are that paranoid about security, then stop using your firstname and lastname in your email address such as so:
Lisa Rabey (lisa@simunye.org). I mean, this is no different than firstname.lastname@company.com.
b. secondly, uh, hehe, anyone can impersonate anyone on the internet. ITS NOT THAT HARD. the new naming scheme doesn’t provide extra security or lack of security. i mean christ, get over it. hehe.
but anyway, hehe, okay damnit lisa stop giggling.
i quit smoking and i sleep better and my personality over the last few days save for the torturous first few days has been giggly. hehe. ARGH! god! and it wouldn’t be any less annoying cept i’m sitting here /really/ giggling.
smoke free for FIVE days.
I better get some mother fucking props here people.
anyway, so i was commenting about this elitism on the web to someone and its like, to me, the one reason why i love the interweb so much is that it gave me the expression and the means to be myself and i’m finding that people are slipping into being something they aren’t, in order to be cool, by following the appropriate trends.
lemme be the molly ringwalds then of journalling, because i am:
loud, obnoxious, smart, aggressive, cute, i talk a lot, i’m tall, i’m pierced. if you know me, you HAVE to get the point that i may or may not put something up here about you. if you ASK me not to mention you, for whatever reason, that’s fine, just DONT tell me. it’ll piss me off. you have to get the point that i’ve spent incredible amount of time documenting my life and feelings and i’m not changing this for no one. if you don’t like what you read here, i’m sorry, that’s too damn bad. it’s “my” life and “my” perception of it. I will never do a private or password protected journal, i mean that’s just plain wrong!
this is me, take it or leave it.
oh yeah, and i also hate this whole like surrealistic look that journals are getting these days. i mean, okay yeah this is the interweb where everything is surreal but see, to me, maybe i’m crazy, but it’s also very real. it’s given the opportunity to say things i would have never said before or even given me the courage to do the things i didn’t think i would ever do. i think that by saying “well, don’t take me seriously” or “well, i don’t want people to know or read this” THEN GET YOUR DAMN ASS OF THE INTERNET! i’m serious. it should be all about freedom baby and expression, not about restriction.
now if you’ll excuse me, the sun is calling my pasty supple ass out to be outside.
x0x0x0x0x,
moi