intense copper red
the weekend is almost over, but unlike every other weekend this time it’s different. I wish I could give a better description (as justin is sitting here kneading my shoulders) but I can’t. I just feel completely and totally in love with the world at the moment.
interlude
Jeff S. or Jeff Z.?
Shit. I’m going to go with Jeff S. Justin and I were sitting here debating about it. I had no interest in looking at Jeff Z’s kitty cam, I just need a pic to compare the two to see who was who. Goddamnit! 😉
I’m really hoping that Jeff S. isn’t going to be too pissed for me swiping this picture. Strange, the last picture I have of Jeff S. shows him in this 80’s haircut from when he graduated from college (in 96). he’s cute, but not the hottie you see before you. If it is Jeff Z? Big deal. I would much prefer it to be Jeff S.
What is also strange is this dream I had last night. In fact I had several dreams. One of them was me getting with two girls (not at the same time mind you). must have been a wet dream 😉
the other dream was I was with this man and it wasn’t someone that i had ever been with before in any context. and he was my true love. either i’m wishful thinking or watching too many movies. but i felt so goddamn happy when I woke up. Jesus, someone smack me. I’m not perky polly!
Anyway, this picture looks remarkably like that guy. What if it is Jeff Z? Well like I said, it looks remarkably like that guy. If it is Jeff S.?
Well, unfortunately, I ruled out all men in the state of Pennsylvania, so either he would have to move or it isn’t him.
but it’s a nice thought.
murder
now for the depressive part of the list, my friend shelly called me the other night to tell me that Larry had been murdered. Larry is her sons Marcus father. Seems that Larry has been working these last few years at this club in G-Rap called 54th Street. I used to go there on occasion. He bounces the door and one night (that night) a few patrons were attempting to get inside the club when they knew the bar was closing. Larry kept attempting to keep them out. One of the guys pulled a gun on him and shot him in the face. The bullet went right up his nose and through his brain. He was pronounced dead at 5:30am in the morning.
I knew Larry as well, and I felt horribly guilty about his death. I know, I know, it was not my fault. But it always kills me when someone who is attempting to get their life together ends up dying violently. Shelly is faring pretty well. She and Marcus are going to be driving up to Michigan (from Virginia) for the funeral later on this week. I was tempted to go as well but I couldn’t take the time off and I would be there more for Shelly then for Larry’s family. Shelly said that was quite okay with her, as she had already was fine and was more concerned about Marcus then anything else.
cute boyz
There are two cute boys in my poly sci class. None in my cultural anth class, none in my physics class and 1 cute boy in my tragic drama’s in Greek history class. I’m set.
old friends
I popped my email today to find that I had gotten a letter from an old school friend of mine, Jenni Lusk. Jenni and I go -way- back (to 10th grade even). I haven’t spoken to her (or really anyone) since I moved to cali. I immediately emailed her back and gave her all my phone numbers. She called a bit later.
It was wonderful speaking to her. I hadn’t spoken to her in ages. We caught up on her and her son Dalton’s life as well as people we both knew. Seemed that everyone had the same thing going on and nothing had really changed. It was strange that I was just thinking of her and Julie a few days ago and wondering how they were. I didn’t get a chance to speak to either one of them when I went back home to G-Rap for Christmas. I had mostly figured that they had all moved away, which is obviously common in people in my age group.
We talked for about an hour or so, catching up on things.
Sometimes I really, really miss home.
Author: pookiebear
still breathing
I saw the most amazing film this weekend.
still breathing.
Justin, as always, fell asleep and snored through it. I’m attempting to find words to describe the movie. But the thoughts are escaping me at this moment. The movie is defientely lush in it’s cinematography. It almost made me want to move to San Antonio, Texas because the scenery was so fantastic. It’s the story of two hard-headed pessimists who fall in love. not just any type of love, but true love. you know, the kind i’m sort of desentized to now. 😉
I don’t know what it is about that movie, but I feel ‘hopeful’. I can’t quite explain how I feel other than things feel, taste and smell different to me. I’ve been a strange mood all day. One of neither hyperness, excitable, or anything that would convey some sort of “happy” emotion. I just feel “hopeful” about things now. Maybe it’s the fact I’m heading back to school (and it’s already started! wooo!) or maybe because jeff s. emailed me today out of the blue to show me his cam. or maybe because while people are sneering at my short hair, i’m absolutely loving it. I have no idea what it is that is making me feel so damn happy, i just am!
I felt, watching that movie, that i was missing a lot of out my life. It wasn’t really about who I was with (Justin) or what I was doing, it was internal. completely. strange how movies make you feel sometimes. I remember when I had seen Map of the Human Heart a few years ago, I felt the same thing: hopeful.
skool
As many of you probably already know, i’m hitting the books starting today.
I have been talking about going back to school for the last two years, since I left in spring of 96, but never got around to it. I dreamed about it, thought about it, scammed for it, but nothing occurred. Finally, I sat down with myself and said “look, you -are not- getting any younger. you have to take the opportunities -now- or else you will regret not finishing your degree.” so true. I don’t care on how I do it, but I want to finish my degree by the time I am 30. That’s the only stipulation. I’ve thought about what I could do, and realistically I could finish it this semester. If I took 22 credits, plus work full time, plus this and that. I was very tempted to take an NT course because then I could say I had -some- certification. My boss Don thinks that I should go into computers because I’m talented, and a degree would get me anywhere. But I want to be a writer -> though the money is in computers. Nothing is saying that I can’t do both. A person who has a CS degree can do just about anything -> really. I never applied to half of the jobs that I wanted because I’m not certified. I’m all self taught. Shit. I’m having issues at 6:20am in the morning. I can’t be having that! Hrm.
I think I will go take a look at the course catalog right now and see what’s happening.
1 hour later
sweet!
Found all the courses that I wanted and was able to set it up so that I won’t be killing myself. Somehow I managed on getting 20 credits this semester (just 2 shy of graduation), however it doesn’t seem like that bad of a schedule. this is what I’m signing up for:
- Political theory
- US History
- Elementary Physics
- Philosophy of Religion
- Cultural Anthropology
- Elementary French
Sweet huh?
I’m pretty stoked about my classes. See, I’ve already completed all the basics except for the humanities qualifications as well as my stupid history class. I have two I(ncompletes) due to my accident in 1994, but I kept reneging on finishing those up. Ugh. Plus a science class is needed. The astronomy classes were lame 😉 Nothing like what was offered at GRCC
So I got my unofficial transcripts faxed to me yesterday. It was cool. My overall GPA was higher than anticipated (I hadn’t even though I had hit a 2.0) and I’m just shy of a 3.0. I was so stoked. I just needed a 2.0 to get into a major college. Surprisingly enough, I could have applied to a multitude of colleges and gotten in based on my scores already. Plus add in all the extra-curricular work I did on the outside, I’m not as bad as I thought. But, I want to go to school -now- and am doing it -now-. You can’t transfer more than x amount of classes to certain colleges, but I have 38 credits thus far (thought I had more) so that’s fine as well. This will put me at 58 (if I take all classes and complete all classes). I’m soo stoked. badda boom badda bang 🙂
interweb 101
the internet is so damn cool sometimes. i constantly am amazed at what you can do.
i just went to Grand Valley State University and Michigan Secretary of State web pages and found information that I needed. i was able to apply on-line to GVSU and figure out what I owed in damn speeding tickets in the state of Michigan ($264 bucks). This shit is so rad sometimes, I almost have an orgasm.
I have to go get ready for class.
I wonder if that cute boy will be there 😉
pussy galore
I had spent a good portion of my night last night making sure this damn thing was redone. I had enjoyed doing the site with more fervor than I had thought possible. I’m in love with my new design and also how it looks overall. Fresh/clean/sparky, I think it reflects me in many ways that other designs haven’t been able to. I believe the information is more up to date and current and isn’t all text based (which it was before). It’s amazing how three graphics, two colors and drop shadow (and a partridge in a pear tree) can make a site look. I still refuse to do heavy graphic intense pages along with javascript/java/midi/blinking intense pages as well. There simply is no need for it.
make a new friend/keep the old
While doing the website last night, I came to the conclusion that I needed to have an archive page. Sure, I’ve been doing TLC for nearly eight months now, longest running span in any format in the four years I’ve been doing this sort of thing. So, I started stockpiling all my old “works” on the archive page and THAT alone took several hours. Why? Well for one, when Slip.Net lost my main website for simunye.com, I had lost nearly a 1000 files, including the work I had saved while mirroring F.U.C.K.. I have written 10-15 pieces within a years span for them, and then it was all gone. It made me realize that my writings was woefully out of date. I had not updated it since early 1998 as well as have “forgotten” that it existed.
It was as if I was trying to hide something.
So, for nearly two hours, I spent playing hide & seek looking for the lost files and getting them all organized on the archive section. It felt -really really- good to read some of my old things. I still think a bunch of it is crap-o-la, but hey, that’s just me. I plan on updating the year in review: 1997 as well as do one for 1998. It was scary to think just how much of my life is now on the web. With putting up these pieces, I realize and see how much I’ve grown/change as well as the world around me. Enjoy.
our little secret
If you are a fan of techno/industrial/house/dance music (or whatever they are calling it these days), may I suggest that you pick up Lords of Acid’s newest cd Our Little Secret. I had the opportunity to check it out when I was back home in Michigan, and loved it. I haven’t purchased the full length cd as of yet, but I did get their cd-maxi-single of Pussy, which has several re-mixes as well as the song The Power is Mine. I’ve been walking around humming the damn thing for a few days now, so you -really- must pick it up.
amazon bitch queen
I’ve been trying really hard to not be so damn bitchy, but goddamn it! people’s stupidity really gets me. On a mailing list that I am on, the talk turned to polyamory, relationships, men vs women, and some of the comments really irked me. Of course, John only invited me on the list to play devils advocate. Sigh. I really hate that shit. Women tripping all over themselves to be “cool” while the men sit back and laugh. No matter where you go or what you do, the shit just don’t change!
My main loneliness, I would assume, is because I can’t get anyone to understand me. I am haunted by words from friends that keep telling me that I do this and I do that. I used to care about these things, and would take it to heart when people said things to me, but it just is so damn lonely. I feel so Randian. You know, sticking up for my beliefs when no one else will.
But there is a plus side to all of this.
This being that the topics discussed as so wide varied and so full of piss/vinegar, I get a chance to think again. It feels refreshing to be able to think about what I am going to say and really attempt to explain my views. It gives me a chance to do things that I haven’t thought about in eons. Things I’ve wanted to write about and never did. I still have a listing of all the short stories and poems I wanted to complete. I’m strange. I create titles for the projects BEFORE I write them. It’s the only way I can really feel like I have a good handle on what I want to say. So even if I have to make a conscious effort to write about the stuff that I really want to. Commentary on daily life, my style. I’ve always given a different spin on things, because obviously reality is really subjective. 😉
Five months from today…
I will be 27.
*shiver*
101-ROM error
I am surrounded by four computers: Windows 3.11/95/98 and NT 4.0 workstation. I am proficient on all of them. I am frightened by that aspect.
Shit I fucked up. I am building our software using IEAK and I forgot to put in the dialer and the stack. Aww well. Don said “whatever it takes”. So I’m doing “whatever it takes”. Don also thought it was appropriate to give me a Dilbert cartoon from January 10th. Pretty much it’s about Wally bitching to his boss about how the “expected” amount of time it takes to complete a project as well as the “realistic” amount of time it takes to complete a project are two complete different things. This is true. They want this fucking software like three weeks ago, however, since i’m also in charge of end user support/GO! and building out other machines, I’m just curious as to where in my copious free time I am to do this all. Let’s not also forget that twinkletoes also bestows x,y,z things for me to do.
So now I’m killing time waiting for Internet Explorer to install itself on Windows 3.x machine (which is ironically has 16MB of ram on a 486/66 with a 400MB hard drive). So I’ll be here for awhile. While I’m waiting, I’m going to go get lunch. Chinese probably. Where a girl here found a half-cutup cockroach. 😉
beautiful dreamer
so you are all probably wondering if I died or not. Nope. However, the amusing thing is that I literally brought the new year in with a bang with leaving the anal sex story up on my site for nearly a month. 🙂 Well it was funny to an extent. It didn’t dawn on me (like it never does) that i would literally hang out with people after they have read my diaries. Meaning, when having dinner with Esther and friends over the past few days, didn’t dawn on me that her reading my entires would have her think of me any differently. truth is, i would be giggling up a storm if i sat with people that were having problems having anal sex. 🙂 But that is just me.
Hope that everyone had a kicking new years and Christmas. I made out like a bandit this year. Perfume and a sweater from Justin (along with a love note), new handbags from Cathleen. Flowers and money from Dad. Money from mom. Danny took the cake by getting me my belly button repierced, a gift certificate to Barnes and noble, a chocolate orange, and hot tubbing! We had the BEST time in GR. Gads, I want to move back so bad. But everyone thinks I’m on crack. My brother, mother, Sherry and Danny all said that I had to stop smoking the pipe. I would hate it, I was romanticizing it, glamorizing it. The whole nine yards.
Truth is, I probably was. But see, I feel loved in GR. I felt like things had taken a stance. The irony was, that i kept looking around for people I knew, except I didn’t see them anymore. And then I realized, I didn’t care. I had the important people in my life already, so finding some slobs wasn’t really worth it.
But I felt more “me” when i was in GR then when I’m in the bay area. Okay, true, the bay area ain’t got nothing (entertainment wise) on GR. nothing probably does, however, this area does suck unless you are making the fat cash.
plans plans plans.
gotta make the plans 🙂
olive juice
say it really slow.
trust me on this.
Lisa’s old skool sex shop
i’m bored.
today i sat down with danny on icq discussing things. nothing majorly earth shaking, but it was hard having a conversation with him, with Karen at his house and justin flopped on the couch. both were watching the same thing while danny and i talked about everything else. he said “maybe we should hook them up?” jokeningly. i laughed and agreed. justin has been trying to get rid of me for a couple of bucks and a pack of twizzlers, but, so far not even james could come up with the offer.
so we laid down on our bed (justin and i) and attempted to have a long talk. nothing came out of it. since i’ve been back, my sexual drive has dropped to a near zero. i don’t feel enlightened or excited by anything anymore. i’m haunted by the words that sherry said on her trip last year with her then bf bruce. they were having a great time in Florida when it seemed that all bruce wanted to do was have sex. sherry just wanted to go have fun.
but the thing that irked me, was the conversation that danny and i had on the way to the airport. he said something to the tune of “if you were even 1/10th responsive sexually like Karen is, you would NOT be a sexually frustrated woman.” I took that as a major insult and turned my head away. danny didn’t mean anything by it, i’m sure. justin echoed the same thing this evening during our talk. i asked him to spank me, to prove how responsive i am but that didn’t do anything. i felt flabbergasted. me? sexually cold? justin says i need to be more vulnerable around him. he also thinks that the belly button piercing was a bad idea because now i won’t let him touch my tummy. that’s fine. i’m paranoid as it is about having anyone touch my stomach. it’s not rock hard flat, so therefore in my eyes it’s disgusting. i want to be a supermodel. cept i’m too old now. sherry got miffed when i said she was a size 6. she’s actually a size 4.
so to add insult to injury, i now feel like this cold hearted being with no sex drive. lord knows i’ve probably had enough of the stuff to last anyone a lifetime, but i can’t stop thinking about passion or love and mainly with certain people in my life. so when to be told that i’m not sexually responsive or worse yet, that i’m cold and unfeeling, it throws things off the kilter and makes me feel even worse.
>maybe i should just become a lesbian or something.
or maybe just dump justin and live a sexual free life for awhile.
decisions decisions decisions.
basically i’m just mad.
here it is that two people who one hand rate me as being their top lover and then turn around and tell me i suck?
god, why is it always me? not them?
jeff would testify that i was most sexually responsive, but then he would also say i wasn’t vulnerable. so what the fuck?
ARE NOT I THIS PETITE LITTLE FLOWER?
I’m just angry at something. Maybe I should stop worrying and see a shrink and get my head straightened out. i will be the first to admit that i am having issues with sex right now, but i’m NOT COLD and UNRESPONSIVE.
fuck’em.
When I wake up, in my makeup
*yawn*
Waking up at 5am has got to go!
I feel drained and exhausted by 3pm everyday, and I want to go to bed when I get home from work. I keep hoping Justin will get another shift at work so that he can go in later, but nothing as of yet. He says they are trying to mandate a new set of shifts so that more people can work the 8-5 or 9-6 hours, but it’s not happening as of yet. I can’t believe I get up at 5am as it is. I love this time of morning. It is so surreal.
The following is not approved for children under 18
As many people know or have rightly guessed, my sex life is pretty open. There seemingly isn’t anything I have done or have yet to do (save me and two men, but I’m holding out for the right guy). One of the things that I like doing occasionally, is having anal sex with my lover. Now, I’m not speaking of him having anal sex with me, but the other way around. (If I need to draw you a picture, it would probably be best bet to go ask your parents about the birds and the bees).
I enjoy sex. I enjoy making love to my partner and I also enjoy being rough and rowdy. Missionary is okay, but not for long periods of time. The more rough it is, the better I like it.
Justin likes being sweet and sensual, so after over 6 months of being lovers, we are still finding a perfect middle ground. A friend of mine telling me about his nine year relationship with his boyfriend tells me that the middle ground take awhile to get to. I’ve initiated Justin in being more open about his likes/dislikes and also finding common ground when we are in bed together.
So the other night, we are getting all sexual and I let slip that I really want to fuck him. I was in the mood for being aggressive/dominating, and having him on his knees. He cringed and said something like “if you really really want to…”. And I said “I do.” But instead of making it more passionate, or working up towards it, it became more of a clinical procedure. First he had to go clean his anal area. Then the lights came on and the candles blown out so that he could see what I was doing. next was watching me put lube on the dildo because he wanted to make sure that I put enough lube on the damn thing.
So there we are, justin on his knees with his ass in the air, cringing like a school boy. I couldn’t stop laughing because obviously by this time I was feeling as passionate as a cat on a hot tin roof. he goes in telling me about how a few years back, he had to have an anal probe due to a serious gallstone problem he had. And that experience left him pretty anal (snicker) about his ass. He said the procedure was painful and he couldn’t sit for an extended period of time.
So i’m attempting to do shove a dildo up his ass, and he’s cringing and making sarcastic remarks. I can’t stop laughing because the whole scene was absurd. Finally, I smacked him on the ass and told him to get up. I put everything away and got dressed. There was no point in continuing our little experiment because i was no longer interested. He thankfully got up and ran to the bathroom for more cleansing.
My ex-lover Alan turned me on to this when we were dating. I had taken a very well lubed finger and shoved it up his anus one night and he screamed in passion. The man was writhing around like a two cent whore begging for more. It’s all about power, for me, to be in control. Of course the whole world knows that se7en (aka Christian Valor Ansieres) was into getting his ass fucked. He told me stories of how he used to jerry-rig dildos so he could back up into them and fuck them himself.
Other lovers that have come and gone from my life were pretty open about it. I found out via extended phonesex/netsex sessions with Jeff that he would have gone for it (never attempted, and don’t really want that image in my head). It’s not something that I require, but if the person wants x and I want z, we should be able to communicate on how to find it. But Justin’s whole behavior was a turnoff, so I wasn’t interested in finding out if he liked it or not.
Of course now, it’s perfect teasing material.
Last night we were sitting on the couch watching “Frasier” or something and he kept attempting on putting his feet on my lap. Justin has big feet (size 14/15’s), and even though he has pretty blue toenails, his feet are pretty calloused from all the exercise he does. I started shrieking about his “nasty” feet (I don’t know why they gross me out, they just do). He finds it damn funny I have ‘issues’ with his fucking feet. he says I should be able to let him put them on me when he wants to. I countered that with “Then you should let me fuck you when I want to.” He agreed to the point and suggested we buy one of those mini-dildos (about the size of a finger) to get him started.
Now that will be interesting, don’tcha think?
Lisa 2000
I’ve been pretty busy. busy enough to not have done the lisa chronicles AND! (drum roll) to actually backtrack the last few days because I think they are pretty darn exciting.
Tuesday: 12.8.98: The Great San Francisco Blackout
As half the world probably already knows, SF had a blackout (pre-Y2k test run?) last week. Cause was “human error.” This “human error” left over 1 million people without power for a minimum of between 4-6 hours. Cellular phones were jammed as people were using those as soon as the lights went out. Traffic was jammed due to no signal lights. One woman calling into an AM news radio station bitching about how SF’s “Finest” should be directing traffic and not giving out parking tickets. I said, quite audibly, that the woman should “shut the fuck up.” I was pms-ing? Or something that day.
We personally didn’t get any power till after 12:30pm PST. This sucked as we were planning on leaving right when the power switched back on. Generators? ha! you can forget it. Ours all died and we were one of the only ISP’s who were having problems. However, by mid afternoon majority of the power and problems were resolved and we were back up and running.
As stated above, many commented that this felt like a pre-Y2k test run. That gave me food for thought for about 10 seconds before I dismissed it out of my mind. Reason? PG&E are looking to lose -a lot- of money for this little fuck up. Claims are being filed due to this “human error.” Do you think they want a repeat of this in a little over a year? No. But we won’t discuss the Y2k problem. It gives me a headache.
It was the one day I was glad I lived in Oakland.
Thursday: 12.10.98: Not So Silent What?
Tonight was Live 105’s not so silent night Christmas party, being held in both San Jose and San Francisco. The SF line-up sucked by in comparison, while the SJ line-up look like it was going to be a rockin” night. I had scored not only free tickets but VIP passes to the shindig. The only bands *I* wanted to see was Everlast and Cake.
But it seemed not to be mine. 🙁 By 4pm that day, we were having some major problems with the computers in the tech area. Coupled with a splitting headache, I gave up my ticket to Jason. Chris was supposed to drive the three of them (Christ, Jennifer, Jason) to the show. By 6pm, I saw Jason and Jennifer still roaming around the office. Turned out Chris flaked (as per usual it seemed), so I got to go -again-. I left work at 7pm, and as we were heading south of SF, I heard the announcer (they were also broadcasting it live) announce that Everlast was up next. I cringed. I looked at the time. it was 7:15pm. The show wasn’t slated to start till 7:30pm! And when did a concert ever start on freakin’ time?!?! So I sat there, slamming my fists into the steering wheel while speeding down 101 as Everlast did his thang. Damnit. I think I frightened Jennifer and Jason. That’s okay though. Jason bought a pint of smirnoff and when we arrived at the show, we did quick shots of it as we walked towards the stadium.
The only bands I got to see were Cake and Garbage. Soul Coughing came up after Everlast and thus we missed their set as we were too busy parking. We walked out during OffSpring, Hole we listened to on the radio (gods! Courtney Love sucks fat dick! Literally.) and Rancid didn’t come on till 12:10AM, right when I dropped Jennifer off at home.
It was a sucky, sucky night.
The VIP passes were cool, but they were serving cheapie beer (bud light) and carlo rosi wine. geeze, even *I* would have served something better than that. No one hung out in the VIP area and they weren’t too strict about checking for the passes either as we walked in several times without them noticing. All it was, was the media hypes smoozing with each other. I had already been there/done that during college.
I’m seriously thinking of writing to tommy boy records and requesting an autograph of my man everlast. This shit bites!
Friday: 12.11.98: Four Hour Tour
I strolled into work late today as I had already worked nearly 40 hours this week as well as having that damn headache from the night before. Found out on wednesday that Computer Currents had their winners for their annual readers poll. guess who won? you’ve got it. Slip.Not won for best isp as well as best web hosting. Gawds! who would have thunk it? As someone once quipped, it seems that either the polls were rigged or someone was on crack. to celebrate, Ted made us take a company picture.
ick.
However, all was not lost on me. All the wimmens in the house (and the mens to be sure) dressed up in their finery for the Christmas Party aboard a damn boat that cruised around the Bay. Free dinner and drinks completed the evening.
As stated, most of those i work with dressed up. Me? I wore t-shirt and jeans. I had dressed up the night before and wasn’t about to go stumbling around on a boat, knowing i would be drunk, with a skirt on.
Turned out I was the bright one (gee..). Most of the grrls froze to death while I disco’d my way across the back end of the boat in total warmth.
i.rock.my.world.slip.net.
here is a cumulative listing of the evening:
*Dinner sucked. Made up for it with an open bar that I learned I’m in love with Cosmopolitans and that marchino cherry’s are my best friend.
*We almost went back to the boat dock (called a slip, get it? ha.) because some of our illustrious members were smoking pot and the captain threatened to turn us in to the coast guard.
*I was the life of the party. The more I drink, the more I dance and the more I danced, the more I impressed people (i think). Justin was amused because majority of the mens wanted to dance with me. they were gay, but hey! it’s my ego we are stroking here.
*I almost got into a fist fight with one of the sys admins. he attempts at being condescending by day and submissive by night. thought he was being cutesy when he did *something* (don’t remember) but it pissed me enough to push him and punch him in the chest. damnit, i need to stop picking fights with people. 😉
*They wouldn’t let me go partying with everyone after the tour and no one would drive to freaking east oakland to hang out with me. gawd! my life sucks.
Saturday: 12.12.98: Chaos Manager
Received a phone call this morning from Jason. Seems that Scott (shock shock) didn’t wake up to get to work on time. Sivan called Jason sometime around 10am and I got a phone call short time later. Could I please drive into SF and unlock the tech area? Sure. i had already planned on going into work for a few hours so I didn’t have a problem doing this.
Arrived at work, seeing Carolyn and Sivan hanging out with Jim Lincoln in the reception area. My key doesn’t work. Paged sys admins, no response. Paged ted to my cell phone since no other phones were in use. Jim leaves as I attempt to coordinate the troops. Track down a sys admin who shows up and gets us in. In the interim, contact Scott due to his page but his line is busy for over an hour. bright light bulb goes on above my head as I realize he’s probably on aol. Log into aol and put him in my notify list. bingo! he’s the first one who shows up. I msg him and ask him what is going on: is he going to work or not? he msg’s me back and says that his car didn’t start last night (friday) when he got home from the party and he had to walk back to his house from BART, which was an 1.5 hour jaunt. he doesn’t have money for the bus to take back to bart nor does he know what buses to take. Frustrated, I told him the situation was under control and log off. he emails me begging not to try and get him fired because I don’t like him. Excuse me? I don’t dislike anyone. People get on my nerves, sure, but I don’t expound energy with fuckups. Sorry, that ain’t my style.
I emailed him and said his own actions would be his calling card. i only report them to the higherups.
This is what he did (more or less):
*Didn’t wake up on time to get to work (he had to be there by 7am and didn’t call anyone till after 10am).
*Didn’t make arrangements with any of the other supervisors to take his spot.
*Didn’t attempt to reconcile or bring his ass into work.
I noted to Don Juan what occurred over the weekend since he was in Arizona.
Scott is *not* my responsibility. If the company wants to keep him on after this (and his other problems of getting to work on time, etc) that is Slip.Net’s responsibility, not mine. however, to me, if you value your job and want to make a living, you could at least have a track record of getting your ass -in to- work instead of whining about it to others how you can’t. Geez, I learned the hard way that not to many company’s favor someone who isn’t going to take their job (even if it is with slip.net and even if it is shitty) if they don’t mosey their ass on in on time. Scott was already fired from the GAP because of his constant lates. Doesn’t look too hot.
And this kids, has been another report from the bunker.
keep right
For the most part yesterday, I walked around in this almost hazy existence. There were several minor issues, not including my own personal mental health almost jonesing every five minutes. Somehow I made it through the day, but when I got home from work, I realize “what am I going to do now?” i had made no plans, no questions, no idea of what to do with my free time. I opted for climbing into bed in my pjs and eating ice cream, but when justin bounded in and hopped (literally) on top of me, i could only smirk.
he asked me if i wanted to talk, and i said “no.”
but when he left, i started yelling through the door and he came back in. i talked about how “boring” my life was, and how “dissatisfied” i was with everything. everything that i have already said and rehashed a million times in my head. this stuff isn’t new, by far, however the holiday time is when it hits the most.
justin says living with me is exciting because he never knows whom he is going to “meet” sorta speak in a period of a day. my personality and mood range from up high to down below. in fact, i feel like there are at least three of us who reside in my body (talk about a major oopsie. i almost said “our body”). (i said oops up side the head.) my cats are sneaky. they keep thinking they are going to get outside. but I won’t let them! muhahahahaha.
The word I is a curious thing. Is it even just a word or is it a just a letter? not to be confused with the word eye which is obviously a noun, for it describes a thing. wouldn’t that be horrible if someone emailed me and said that I was wrong? That it was a verb, and adjective or even a proposition? (according to after against around at. before behind below beneath by. down during except for from in into in front of.) For try as they might, they will always be wrong.
A few weeks ago, I was reading a book or watching a movie. I remember now, it was a scene from a movie about Walter Winchell who for something like 30 years did a radio show. One of the characters had commented that you can’t bastardize the English language because English in and of itself is already bastardized. The words we use (at least me, maybe you, sometimes them) come from other languages. Spanish, French, German, Dutch, Portuguese. English is the white trash of languages. God, we Americans are so damn smug. We think the world revolves around ourselves. I don’t see why people bitch about Ebonics. It’s only natural that some sort of mutant language pops up after years of being taught about double negatives, infinitives, proper nouns and the like. I ASKED YOUSE A QUESTION! Dammit girl, youse knows that youse get on my last nerve. For real? For real.
I always wondered what it would be like to go insane. Truly, madly, deeply insane. My reality would obviously not correspond with your reality. My perception of the world would not correspond with your perception of the world. Just call me Queen of Sheba. Or better yet, Cleopatra. She wasn’t conventionally beautiful, but damn was she a strong bitch! I wonder if Margaret Mitchell wrote Gone with the Wind using Cleopatra as a role model. I’ve already raved how Ayn Rand stole most of the ideas in GWTW in The Fountainhead. Ever see the movie? God it stunk. Insert melodramatic music HERE!
Just finished reading Contact by Carl Sagan. Yes, it’s the same book after the movie. Or more properly, it’s the movie that came after the book. Or some such. Anyway, the book rages differently then the movie. In the book, when Ellie is on Vega, she does speak with her father, but, she is given the message that there is a deeper meaning inside of pi. Think about it. Wouldn’t that be cool? That a message is buried beneath all those digits. One friend of mine knows pi to the 6th place. I only know it to the 2nd place. I once asked Michael why pi was so freaking important (really, it’s elementary geometry). Now I know. The whole damn world is revolves around pi. Maybe I should become a “performance artist” and call myself pi. Or call myself “the artist formally known as pi” and have that little symbol action going on. That would be coool.(extra o’s permitted. please step through.)
Or maybe I should just do what I wanted to do in the first place. Be a porn star. Now that would rock. In fact, when I brought this up to several people last week, they all commented they would purchase my movies. That both frightens and disgusts me at the same time.
I haven’t thought up a good name yet. Lusty Lisa or basically anything that begins with the letter “L” (not to be confused with “Elle” which is french) is lame. Any idea’s? You oughta be in pictures.