Dear Internet,
I knew mania was upon me not because my brain was slightly throbbing or that I was feeling more invincible than usual, but when having lunch with work husband #3, I was keenly intent on the fish monger and his ice. So much so, I struck up a conversation with him about the habits of keeping the oysters and other delicacies chilled as they laid prettily in the case. I followed up my witty banter with some succinct comment on ice machines and what not.
Really, I am quite the charmer.
Sometimes I don’t know what is worse, curled up in bed in an attempt to keep the world at bay or when it flips and I need to fix all of the world’s problems right this very minute. And if it means staying up until the deepest witching hours to get started, then so be it.
Two weeks ago I was so struck with anxiety and despair, I could barely leave my hotel room while attending a conference. Earlier this week, I was so overwrought with rage that the only way to keep myself from falling apart is reading trashy literature. Then it shifts again and now I am HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY.
And making inane conversation with random fish mongers.
I used to long for normalcy, or even better, a chance of being more even. Now, as soon as this week, I’ve realised those are not the things I need, they are the things I want. What I need is a way to harness, if that is even more possible, and make the fan dance of moods work for me rather than against. Stop censoring myself, for one.
And if the darkness comes, and it has , then I need to surrender to it. As long as I don’t let it swallow me whole, as long as I remind myself it will pass (and it will), to be mindful as much as I can that this is cyclic and I will whirl around the peg board towards something else, then I can survive. To quote Neil Gaiman,
Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
And even the very most important thing to remember, (somehow I have to create very visible reminder), to is to apply self-care. Generously. Without regret. For that is how we will slay the dragons.
xoxo,
Lisa
I can see how they do it, naturally, but with much better grace than I. Into the deep they go, followed by the shallow cut formed by their bodies as they slice through the water.
And that is where we end up, here you and I, circling around until the first one falls.
It’s strangling me, holding me down and keeping me hostage. I am gasping for air, the pulling of the under tow as I move faster against the current. “Come back!”, you yell.
But I cannot hear you.
Somewhere between the worlds I survive, neither alive nor dead, neither a ghost nor breathing. Neither heaven or hell, but who am I kidding? The population here is not 1, it is millions. We just pretend that everything is fine.
Lend all the tired ones your light,
tiptoe in every window,
But leave the suffering hearts in darkness.
On paper it looks good. Admirable. Some are envious of our success. But it is all hollow, isn’t it? It means nothing, it is nothing, it will be forgotten sooner than we think. Whatever legacy we had planned or hoped to plan will be for naught. We are but millionths of a second in a time that spans billion of years.
In the cosmic sense of it all, we are either parasites or carriers. Mainly we are destroyers.
I can see how easy it is for them to move across, make that final cut through the void. Choose life over death or death over life. They made a final decision, consequences be damned. They were in control, and for that we should be eternally grateful.
xoxo,
Lisa
Dr. Reza Aslan, acclaimed author and scholar, will be speaking on Youth Revolt: The Future of the Middle East April 16 at 7PM at Fountain Street Church.
The event is free and open to the public.
Azlan, who has written four books, will be addressing the topic of the younger generation of Muslims and their acuity for being socially conscious, politically active, and technologically savvy. He will also be discussing the development of the new Middle East and his predictions for the future.
For more information about tonight’s talk, visit the library’s Subject Guide on the [Continue Reading]
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
Speaking from Among the Bones (Flavia de Luce #5 ) by Alan Bradley
(Amazon | WorldCat | GoodReads) Last year, I was skeptical about carrying on with the series, but I am delighted that book #5 has picked up from the mistakes of book #4 and has been vastly improved upon. The plot twist at the end was definitely not one I was expecting, but considering it has been building up over the course of the series, it was not a major surprise. Flavia is still a delight and her unabashed love for the inspector and his wife, the parental units she never really had, is pushed to the side of the story rather than taking a random, “Oh let us talk about it when I need filler” back seat. But considering what Bradley is setting up, it seems more reasonable we should be discussing this more than not. There are other matters that need to be addressed, which weren’t, but hopefully that and the twist will be the set up for book #6.
P.S. Just found out that there is a movie coming in 2015 of the first book! That is kind of exciting.
Watching
Stella
Christmas special and fourth season confirmed, Jones’ is in talks for a fifth season of this brilliant show. At the surface, it’s a show about a young grandmother (Jones), trying to make it in the world her own way while handling her still young family, her career, and her love life while set in the adorable Welsh town of Pontyberry. But dig deeper, and it’s a show purely about relationships, personal, familial, and intimate, and how there is no one size fits all to any of them. It’s also about being true to you, even it means going against the grain. Stella is not a flash show — it’s not a procedural, it’s not wiz bang, it’s not even really much of anything but a slice of in medias res but the writing, the characters, the side stories endear the fuck out of this show to me. Friday nights are the best nights when this show is on.
Mr. Selfridge
Now beginning its second season in the US, I won’t reveal much other there the show seems to be picking up in terms of story and appeal. Lots is going to happen this season, some of it seems predictable and others, not so much. This show is very much still finding its feet, but it’s going much further then its counterpart, The Paradise, ever hoped to go mainly due to the wealth of side stories happening, making it much more entertaining and enjoyable to watch. Season 3 has been commissioned, so we’ll very much be hearing more of the world of Selfridge’s.
W1A
Never let it be said that the Auntie is not immune to poking fun at herself — picking up where Twenty Twelve left off, our hapless hero Ian Fletcher is now the head of Values at the Beeb and well, hijinks ensue. It’s a short series, only four episodes, but because it’s not centered around an event like Twenty Twelve was, there is a lot of potential to keep it going. Well, as long as Hugh Bonneville can fit it in between his tenure as Lord Grantham.
Honest
A one off series of six episodes from ITV, Honest is available on Acorn until April 7. I banged this out over a few days and was surprised to learn it was not renewed for additional series. You’ll definitely recognize many, many of the actors from various current shows, the send up of it being a criminal family going straight was not badly handled (it had a few gaffes, but what show is absolutely perfect its first time out?), and it was what TV should be – entertaining. If you have Acorn and are looking for something to watch this weekend — this is it. It is also available for on Amazon Instant Prime.
The Walshes
Only three episodes for the entire series, the tales of a close-knit Dublin family alllllmooost made it, but not quite. Written by Graham Linehan, he of Father Ted, Black Books, and other fine television shows, it should be funnier! Punchier! Quotable! But The Walshes, the family, came across as creepy losers rather than loveable rejects.
Blandings
At some point, I am going to do a piece on my love of drawing room comedies, and especially on my old buddy Plum, but it is sufficient to say that another season of Blandings has ended and for that, I am sad. But the wealth of new quotes and such I’ve picked up will forever live on, guv’nor.
Top Gear
Everything I know about cars, I’ve learned from Top Gear. This season felt shorter than usual, but it was still highly entertaining. Carry on, my bridge building friends.
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
Dear Internet,
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
Rumpole and the Sleeping Partners
I would not style myself as a Cumberbitch, but! If Benny is in a production of something (e.g. Sherlock, Cabin Pressure, Starter for 10), I am more than likely going to love it and Rumpole is no exception. BBC has commissioned Bennylords to kickstart Rumpole series, the famous curmudgeonly barrister by John Mortimer, but going back in time to when Rumpole was young. The 45 minute radio serial was a delight and Benny is exquisite, as always. The serials can be heard in the US.
Watching
How To Get Ahead
Stephen Smith breaks down how to get ahead in various major times in history: Medieval, Renaissance, and then the French court at Versailles. While you won’t necessarily learn anything new about those periods, the content is presented in a logical and entertaining manner.
Cosmos: A SpaceTime Odyssey
Neil deGrasse Tyson is rebooting Carl Sagan’s beloved Cosmos show for the modern viewer, and oft cheesy CGI aside, it is a damned delight. I feel immensely smarter and well rounded when I watch.
Episodes
Will Beverly and Sean go back to the US? Will Matt get finally get respect? What is going on with PUCKS? Will Carol get the recognition she deserves?
Doctor Blake Mysteries
Recently discovered, I’ve been slowly working my way through these stories. Based in Ballarat, AUS in the 1950s, there is all sorts of drama, twists, and character development. It doesn’t quite have the panache of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, another AUS period drama, but it is engaging.
The Walshes
Comedy about a tight knit, geeky Dublin family, the first episode was hit or miss. The purposeful awkwardness sometimes comes off as a bit cliched and forced. The gags and set up seem too over the top to be believed, but then there is brief sparks of warmth and genuinality.
Black Sails
Not enough swashbuckling, the plot seemed thin on the ground, and I couldn’t muster up enough interest to keep up with it weekly BUT TheHusband seemed to really enjoy the plot and the acting. Hopefully season 2 will pick up.
Big Fat Quiz 2013
Hosted by Jimmy Carr and packed with loads of celebrity panelists. Yet, if you watch QI, or hell even most British panel shows, you’ll note there are apparently only 12 people in all of the UK worthy of appearing on such shows. BFQ at least had the lone American (and woman!), Kristen Schaal, on this episode. Overall, it was mostly belly aching funny, except for Carr’s grating laugh which got tiresome as time progressed.
Kate tipped me off to this newish Pure Michigan ad of Grand Rapids that is so heartwarming and touching, you are beyond desperate to visit this magical place.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moQiXZO6R1A
Except, it’s not quite 100% true. Shocking, I know. The biggest faux pas is that the lovely lake shots they keep interjecting? Lake Michigan is roughly 30 miles away. The art museum looks way more entertaining then it actually is, and the walk through the forest shot? GR is urban sprawl, that’s not even really in the city.
But hey! AMBIANCE IS EVERYTHING.
P.S. Rowster Coffee is a few blocks from Throbbing Manor. So there is that.
SlideShare’s new Terms of Service [link is to email sent to subscribers, site has not been updated], clearly outlines that in the future,
Your LinkedIn account will power a richer experience on our service, and in the future may be prioritized over other sign-up or log-in options on SlideShare.
Like most, I was on LinkedIn. Then they got hacked and bumbled how they handled the hack. As I never used LinkedIn at all after the initial set up as I never found it useful or helpful, it seemed silly to keep a service that I barely used and had terrible security practices, so I dumped it.
As I was not aware that SlideShare was part of the LinkedIn “family” (why does marketing keep trying to push The Walton’s ideology of closeness and goody-too shoes on to everything? How many people will even get that reference?) and I would not have felt as irritated it were not for the line of “prioritized over other sign-up or log-in options” in their latest missive. I am not going to create an account with a shitty service who can’t keep their security audited to keep using a less than optimal service that I was not thrilled to use in the first place.
Fuck. That.
So I decided it was time to move my decks from SlideShare to something else, and I remembered there was a operator within Google that you can use to find similar products/pages/services. But as I couldn’t remember the operator, I started out with typing “better than” and got the following:
I made sure to capture the fact that I was logged into Google when I did the search, since Google relies on your search history when it comes back with recommendations. Now it really makes you wonder what the hell I’ve been looking for in the past to get such a bizarre assortment of recommendations.
And oh, the operator? It’s vs. Searching slideshare vs brought up a whole slew of alternatives to SlideShare and I’m porting everything over to Speaker Deck.
P.S. Yes, I’m aware the SSL on the site has expired. I have not had time to update the cert, which I will be doing sometime next few days.
Dear Internet,
Today’s topic is gratitude, what is it, how to use it, and what it is good for. Namely, is it some crystal-pyramid-unicorn-touting-touchy-feely concept so many life coaches and feel good evangelists tout as a viable way to find better harmony within yourself or is it being used as a gateway for products and services that you do not need but are constantly told you do? Or can you skip the shamans and their wares and change your life by applying daily doses of gratitude on your own?
If you define: gratitude and use the drop down drawer below the definition in Google, you will see the following:
What’s interesting to me is not word use dipped over time, but the uptick that begins in about the year 2000, roughly when we started becoming more public with our new agey ways of life.
I will be the first to admit when it comes to crystal-pyramid-unicorn-touting-touchy-feely concepts, I am skeptical. But, I do not see the harm in trying something to see if it fits your lifestyle and if it helps? Who cares if it comes covered in sparkles and dragon semen. And as we all know, I am a big fan of not following convention.
Back in December, I decided to start exploring the concept of making myself happy, which did not get the kick off I wanted. But that’s okay, life is about being able to roll with the changes and being as fluid as possible.
But that does not mean I’m not always thinking about ways to make my inner life more pleasurable, centered, and overall better. As someone who cannot metabolize 99.99% of the drugs on the market for my various gifts (Bipolar, ADHD, anxiety), it is imperative to me to find non-drug ways to get my brain in order.
Cutting out caffeine from my diet and doing my daily morning five minute meditation, when I remember, has helped tremendously. But this is often not enough. My gifts creep up when I least expect them and even being cognizant of your maladies is often not enough to keep the demons at bay. Thus, I’ll try anything once.
Sometimes twice, just to make sure I really like it.
I recently came across an article on how to be happier in 5 minutes a day. The idea is pretty simple: You spend $30 on a pre-fabbed notebook, answer the prompts, and viola! Happiness is all yours.
But only if you shell out for the $30 notebook first. Of course.
Now I collect notebooks like crazy such as any project needs its own notebook, and yes! This time, I will start a paper journal and keep it forever. And look! These were on sale!
You know how it is.
So instead of splashing out on yet another notebook that I would use for two days, I made my own. I pulled out an old Moleskine I had repurposed for other projects and was a bit on the falling apart side, so it was perfect for the project. I used colored fountain pens, calligraphy markers, and Sharpies to plan out the journal. I created a title page and index pages to act as a table of contents. I figured if I kept this going for the remainder of 2014, I’d need enough space to allow for the growing table of contents.
After the index was completed, I used a wide tip calligraphy marker to print out the DATE at the top of each page, and then starting from the bottom up, every five to six lines would be a new prompt.
Thankfully, the article had an image of what the inside look like and the prompts seemed easy enough.
Three things I am grateful for
What would make today awesome
A daily affirmation
Three amazing things that happened
How could I have made today better
In the bought-for journal, at the top of the page is some prescribed quote and a weekly challenge. In my version, I left the space intentionally blank. I decided to add a quote, image, or something that caught my eye for the day. The idea then being putting it next to your bed and writing in it in the morning first thing and at night, as the last thing. This is not to be a roundup of what I did all day and etc, but just little capsules of things that you experience every day and are grateful for.
I spent an evening putting it together and while it looks like a Life Saver exploded on the pages, I decided to give it a go for a few weeks and see how I felt.
(I just noticed I put “sexy dreams” as something I was grateful for within five days of each other. What can I say, I really like my sexy dreams. Even more so when mine seem to have a rotating cast of characters.)
The first few days I found myself kind of halting about what to put down, especially in the “Three Amazing Things That Happened” prompt because I am not someone who goes around saying “amazing,” more like “brilliant.” (Note to self, change “amazing” to “brilliant” in the next version.)
The “Daily Affirmation” prompt turned out to be quizzical at first because I was determined to not write trite cliched shit or spend 900 hours looking up inspirational quotes on the internets. I wanted it to be things that I believed in and felt were true to me, and would come naturally from within. That turned out to be the easiest prompt to fill in when I thought for sure it was going to to be the hardest.
So nearly a week in and I found myself thinking more about the things that I have rather than the things that I want. This is a huge change in thought for me, because if there is one constant in my life it is that I am always on the lookout for the next THING no matter what it is. Finding a way to step back and learning to appreciate what I have is tantamount to my inner world.
Do I feel joy, inner divinity, and oneness with the world? Not quite, but I can see how just spending five minutes a day writing down what is important to me (obviously sexy dreams) and daily reminders of what it means to be me, even if it sounds hokey, is possibly turning out to be a very good thing.
xoxo,
Lisa
P.S. If you have ever watched Spartacus, how the characters often said “gratitude” is running through my brain as I wrote this piece.
