Happiness according to Cabin Pressure

Happiness according to Cabin Pressure
The crew of Cabin Pressure.
The crew of Cabin Pressure.

Dear Internet,

As soon as my on making happy post went live, I got an almost immediate email response from my dear friend Beth that was nothing more than dialogue from an episode of Cabin Pressure. As some of you may know, I’m a huge fan of the radio series (as is Beth) and I have probably listened to it its entirety at least a half a dozen times. If the banter of Douglas and Martin, the goofiness of Arthur, and the ministrations of  top dog Carolyn don’t have you in stitches, then it is pretty clear we could never be friends.

 

MARTIN: And that’s enough to make you happy together, is it – your shared belief in the terrificness of you?
(Flight deck door opens.)
DOUGLAS: It’s not a bad start.
MARTIN: But does it make you happyTruly happy?
DOUGLAS: Oh, well, come on. No-one’s truly happy.
ARTHURI’m truly happy!
MARTIN: Oh God.
DOUGLAS: No, Arthur; you are cheery. No-one’s interested in the secret of true cheeriness.
ARTHUR: No, that’s not true. I’m fairly often just completely happy. Like, for instance, when you get into a bath quickly and it’s just the right temperature, and you go … (blissfully) … “Ohhhh!” I mean, no-one really gets any happier than that.
MARTIN: What a depressing thought.
ARTHUR: No! No, it’s not, though! Because those sort of things happen all the time, whereas you’re hardly ever – you know – blissfully happy with the love of your life in the moonlight; and when you are, you’re too busy worrying about it being over soon. Whereas the bath moments – there’s loads of those! Oh! Like when you realise your knuckles are ready for cracking.
DOUGLAS: What?!
(Arthur cracks his knuckles.)
DOUGLAS and MARTIN: Eurgh!
ARTHUR: See? I was happy then. Ooh – wait! I’ve got another one.
(Flight deck door closes as Arthur leaves.)
MARTIN: Did you order the motivational seminar by Forrest Gump?
(Flight deck door opens again.)
ARTHUR: Apples!
DOUGLAS: Oh, no! Please spare us the crisp crunch of the first bite of an apple.
ARTHUR: No, no, of course not. No-one really likes apples. That would be like liking … wood. No – I mean this.
(Sound of an apple repeatedly landing in Arthur’s hands.)
DOUGLAS: What?!
ARTHUR: This – tossing an apple from hand to hand. It just feels really nice. I could do it for hours. Try it.
(He tosses an apple to Douglas, who also starts tossing his from hand to hand.)
DOUGLAS (after a moment): You know, there is something rather pleasant about it.
MARTIN: Oh, for goodness’ sakes! I don’t believe it!
ARTHUR: Try it!
(He throws an apple to Martin, who joins in with the apple-tossing.)
ARTHUR (after a moment): See?!
MARTIN: Well, it’s … satisfying, but I wouldn’t say I was happy.
ARTHUR: Give it a bit longer.
(Flight deck door opens.)
CAROLYN: Good grief. The world’s least impressive troupe of jugglers. What on earth are you doing?
ARTHUR: Nothing!
MARTIN: Nothing.
(As the boys continue to toss their apples, Douglas begins to idly hum the tune of We’re Busy Doing Nothing.)
ARTHUR (loudly)That’s it!
(Martin cries out in surprise.)
MARTIN: Oh! Arthur, you made me drop my apple!
CAROLYN: Oh, Martin. Surely the only professional pilot who cannot successfully juggle one apple.
ARTHUR: That’s the tune, though!
(He gargles the beginning of the tune, still getting it wrong within a few notes.)
DOUGLAS: Oh!
(He starts to sing.)
DOUGLAS: ♪ We’re busy doing nothing, working the whole day through … ♪
(Martin is already humming along by the second half of the phrase, and now joins in the singing.)
DOUGLAS and MARTIN: ♪ Trying to find lots of things not to do … ♪
(Carolyn joins in.)
DOUGLASMARTIN and CAROLYN: ♪ We’re busy going nowhere. Isn’t it just a crime? ♪
(And now Arthur joins in – somewhat discordantly – for the last line.)
THE WHOLE CREW: ♪ We’d like to be unhappy but we never do have the time! ♪
(They all laugh.)

 

x0x0,
Lisa

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