hurt

i think i lie a lot
i think i don’t know a lot of things
i think i contradict myself a lot

fucking words that don’t mean a whole heck of a lot

i’m crying inside
and its hurting so badly
and i cry in vain for him to come to me
to be there
to hold me
to tell me its going to be okay

and i sit waiting for him
and i cry when he’s not here
and i look for him
and i want to reach for him

is this love?
this silence that i don’t hear
this crying out to the wind
wondering ‘if if IF’

i light candles around my room
and i close my eyes
the very essence of his presence brings me to my knees
and as my body convulses at his touch
i shiver
knowing he’s not there

and is this love?
Is it?

my stomach is in knots
my heart heavy with sorrow
i just want to be one with him
escaping the mudanities of the world
crawling under his skin
my blood being his blood
my flesh of his flesh

and can i survive without him
can i be complete without him

do i want to be complete at all
do i need him
do i want him
do i desire him
do i
do i
do i
do i
should i
should i
should i

i miss you