things have been really weird lately.
im not sure how I want to respond to anything.
i don’t know how i feel.
I don’t know what to do.
i don’t know what i want to feel.
something really cold, insanely cold inside of me.
shivering up in a ball, getting closer and closer to being almost non-existent.
this is life.
the images i see everyday, seem surrealistic. the dark green of the tree’s

i feel a lot of pain.
various and sundry things that never seem to go away. the same old ache.
the same old bull shit.
the same old crap that never changes.

i never asked to be who i was.
i never asked to be what i am.
i never asked for this.

is there really some deity that is playing tricks with our minds.
something that is trying to prove us wrong as we go along?
is it all an illusion?

i never should have fucked him.
i never should have done the things i did.
i sit blinded by my actions. no room to breathe.
people offer to help, but what can i do?