Now, neither one of us (Michael nor I) can recall the exact *date* as to when we met. We do recall however the instance as being fairly friendly. He had msged me about something in particular that the channel was discussing, and we had gone to great lengths to discuss it privately. It was not a flirtation type of thing, and sex was not brought up *then*. In my real life, I had shortly begun dating Dan, and was still living at home with my parents. I knew that while Dan was/is a great person, he was not right for me. Something inside of me told me that it was not occurring for us. And it wasn’t that I did not love him, because I do, it just seemed so temporary. But after the long list of men I had dated, Dan was *real* and he was *here* with me.
Anyway, I told Michael up front about my relationship, and we never really spoke about it. It became a nightly thing for us to talk for hours, about everything and anything. And one day, he had said or done something where as i threatened to kiss him…which i did 🙂 From there, something magical occurred, I can’t explain it, but it just did. 🙂
Michael knew about my life, through my writings and through my words and emails when he did get them (his email sucked), so we primarily relied on our conversations .
The whole ideal became really intense. I moved in with Dan shortly after that, and tried to make a life with Dan. Which, as you all DO know, was not working. Michael and I talked of meeting, primarily in December when he got his vacation. But he wanted to up that to November, when he had a weekend off. I was for the meeting, by far, but!, he was planning on driving from Raleigh, NC to here (Grand Rapids, Michigan), and looking at LEAST 12 hrs, for a weekend. He really wanted to do it, and I really wanted to meet him, so we talked about it, never sure when the exact date was going to be.
About a week and a half before we met, he told me that his vacation was set for the weekend of Nov 8. So it was set. He planned on leaving Raleigh after work on Thursday and planned on getting to Port Huron (where we opted to meet instead of GR) around Friday morning.
We both grew nervous at the thought. The whole concept of *us* was quit wonderful and different in every aspect. First, we were friends before we were *lovers*, we did not hardly argue, we always talked out things, and he is just plain different. He doesn’t lie to me, I don’t lie to him, and most of all, we talked. About everything!! And he was real, and he felt pain, and most of all, he understood me 🙂
So the day grew closer, and finally it was time. I took Friday off, and planned on waiting at the hotel for him till he came in on Friday. I left work Thursday night, and drove to Port Huron (about 3 hrs from me) and the MINUTE I pulled into the hotel, the song “Possession” by Sarah Mclachlan came on the radio. The song has meaning to Michael and I, and this was the first omen of many that weekend. I checked in and got settled in. Michael called me before he left, and I gave him the option of staying in NC, if he wanted to, and he said no, he wanted to come up here. I got into a huge argument with my aunt Jackie, when I had called her, trying to explain to her the whole situation, and she didn’t *understand* what was going on. I also called my aunt Roberta and left a message with her as well to let them know i was in town (I grew up in Port Huron and most of my family lives there, still). I finally fell asleep about one, when my aunt Roberta called me to let me know she got my message. She called back at 6:30 to get me up to take me out to breakfast.
Time was getting closer.
I could barely eat due to nervousness, but I did eat something so that I would not pass out. I tagged Michael getting in anywhere from 9a-12p since neither one of us knew *exactly* how long the drive is (894 miles-he clocked it ;). My aunt stayed with me at the hotel watching movies with me when Michael did call at 11am to tell me he was outside of Columbus, Ohio. It had been a rough night and he was going to be there shortly. Adrenaline was pushing him, hard, to get to me, and I was staying awake due to nervousness as well.
We had decided that to meet at the convenience (otherwise known as *party*) store in front of the hotel, so that upon actual meeting, neither one of us would be intimidated by the hotel room or the thought of having sex, if things went bad.
So I waited. Did my hair 15 times, and chain smoked and watched the clock. We had calculated that he would be in Port Huron around the 2-3pm area.
Finally he called.
I looked at the phone thinking “this is it” it’s either going to bomb or be wonderful.
He told me he was in the hotel itself, and had in fact walked by our room a few times (so THAT is why I kept getting shivers). The pay phone was down at the store, and he decided to come straight to the hotel to call. He was even able to pick my car out of the parking lot (I dunno, think the sticker that said “Grand Rapids Community College” gave it away though…;) He told me he was at the front desk, so I said “I will be there in 2 seconds”, and he goes “Will you?” and I said “YES!”. I grabbed my room key, and ran out the door, and ran right into his arms jumping on him. He started laughing and twirled me around for a bit (did I mention he was 6’7????? 😉 and we just stared into each others eyes, the electricity flowing through us, foreheads against one another, just staring and believing and touching, and he reached up and touched my face, and we kissed so gently, just staring at each other, making sure the other was real. And it was a crossed emotion between happiness and sorrow, as it had taken so long to get to that point. We just kept looking at each other, and touching each other, and finally decided to move his stuff into the hotel room.
And we just looked at each other, slowly kissing each other, each moment prolonged by the rest, and the clothes started to slowly come off, and we started moving to each with each other…….and well.. ahem. 🙂
The rest of the evening was not as spectacular. Michael had gotten NO sleep in between the driving and having been up for about 36 hrs. We stayed in that night, and I had taken care of him as he had gotten sick from lack of food and sleep. He was quit grouchy…but I expected him to be. After he rested somewhat and felt better, I snuggled in his arms to fall fast asleep.
And got woken up at 3am by him pulling me towards him tighter.
And got woken up at 6am by him needing me. 😉
And got woken up at 10am by him needing me again… 😉
We awoke to a day filled with possibilities and wonderment.
I had picked Port Huron as the place for us to meet for many reasons. One being that I grew up there and 2. It was far as from GR as I could get. It was important for me to show Michael what constructed me to who I am today, the little idiosyncrasies that make life all that much more interesting. We drove by the house where I grew up in, we sat and swung on the swings where I went to school at. We ate lunch at the restaurant in the downtown area where I used to go every Saturday as a kid. We drove by my favorite hiding spots where I used to write. We hung out at the mall and browsed in the bookstores for hours.
And he took it all in.
Becoming more of me with every minute. Port Huron is a magical place full of sadness and life for me there. I often go back to remind myself of ‘why’ I became who I am. And it was important to me that Michael knew “all” of me, and not just what I perceived to tell him or wrote to him.
We had made a pit stop at the graveyard to see my grandmother, and when I genuflected at her grave, this voice came in my soul saying “This is the man you’re going to marry”. And the voice kept repeating itself over and over again.
After watching the new flick, “Romeo and Juliet”, we decided to go back to the hotel for the night.
There, the unexpected occurred.
For close to 7 hours we laid there, becoming one with each other in many ways. I had the ability to put my hand on his head, and while stroking his hair, feeling the pain/passion/life flow through my fingers to body, cursing through my blood, and he could do the same to me. He could put his hands on me and *feel* everything that had occurred in my life. It was both scary and wonderful at the same time.
I could *see* Michael in different aspects of his life, different events that occurred with him, and I could *see* all of the emotion that he had locked in there, the passion and the pain. When the pain hit me, i started to cry and when the pleasure hit, i started to shake and shiver as though as I was orgasaming, and it was better than orgasming, because it was with HIM, with Michael. And I looked deep into his eyes, and I saw him as I would see him as if he was an old man.
Many many mystical things occurred that night, many omens and different type of events had occurred. One particular moment occurred when I had literally stopped breathing, due to exhaustion, or something else, I’m not sure, but, i recall that Michael put his lips to mine, and we started breathing the air together through his lungs and our lips..so we really were *one*, we had reached that goal, “Simunye” (which is Zulu for “we are one”).
The love-making was something else as well, during this whole 7 hr phase, we petted and caressed, and when we both finally exploded in this intense dizziness of passion.
And sometime during that time period, I had told him I had a present for him.
Some time before I had left on the trip, I had gone to the mall to purchase a set of sterling silver bands, just plain bands. The reason to me at the time was that as a joke/serious, Michael had found this web site called the “Church of the Subgenius” where you could have “ShorDur” Marriages. Michael had signed us up for 12 Millennium. And so when I had seen the rings, I had bought them as a joke/serious thing back.
In the middle of the intense pleasure and intense passion and connecting, I had presented Michael with the ring, placing it on his hand, and then gently sliding it on his finger. I made it clear to him that it was *not* an intention to propose that we got married, but more as a symbol of our love. The world is circular he told me, and everything comes back to that notion. The rings were representative to me, of that statement. He started to sniff, I remember, and I made him promise that he could not take the ring off, if he did, then he would have lost hope in us and in love.
After snuggling together all night, (what a sight, that must have been, two tall amazons ;)…his body pressed up against mine, and our legs and feet intertwined together…and we awoke in the early morn, with our need again….
While he was in the shower, I smoked a cigarette and got out *my* ring, and went to show him. I closed his eyes in the shower and then slowly had him open them, showing him the matching ring on MY finger. He smiled down at me, and leaned to kiss me, and we could feel *it*, whatever *is* is, that all too powerful feeling that overcomes us and takes us away, that special love that defies feeling/words and emotions.
His leaving was hard. I had a lot to do on my end. I had already told myself that I was going to break up with Dan regardless of how the weekend went. I had to figure out what was going on with Michael and I, I had to find a place to live.
I didn’t cry when he left. Yes, a part of me got ripped out when he drove away, and my last image of him is twirling the ring around his finger. And that pained look in his eye..ripping my heart out watching him leave me, for what seemed the millionth time in my lives, my worlds, but in reality, this would be the first time.
I had some family to see, so I went to go see them. My Aunt Roberta, who had stayed with me on the morning I was to “meet” Michael, told me that her friend, who also happened to be the general manager at our hotel, had heard some maid’s gossip about room 121 (our room). When we had *thought* no one was around in the area where we met, some of the maids had seen us, and were talking about us, the “wonderfully” romantic couple. I chuckled at that, and relayed the story to her, her eyes growing when the story unfolded. I kept twirling my ring around, knowing he was doing the same thing, hoping that all was well with him.
The drive home for me was painful. I had many things to do, including finding a place to live. I knew that once I told Dan it was over, he would want me out ( we are currently living together). The first place I stopped was my mothers, where I begged her to take me back. She would not. I sighed, left my cat at my mothers house, and drove to the apartment.
I told Dan before he went to work.
And that was the hardest thing I could ever do.
He called in sick, and I held him while he cried.
I felt, guilty for being what I was, and I told Dan that I was searching for that ‘mythical’ love, the kind that lasts over lifetimes, a soul mate. He told me it didn’t exist. I didn’t argue with him, I just accepted him as a non-believer. I slept in the bed that night, while Dan slept on the couch. I called Michael numerous times, to have him call me the minute he got home.
Michael actually got home at noon Today. The drive took him almost 24 hrs. He had hit bad patches of snow on the way home, and various other sundry things.
And he told me that he had done a lot of thinking on the way home.
He told me that he loved me, truly loved me.
And that it would be a mistake if we didn’t try.
And I almost started crying at work, I was so happy.
Michael is making plans for us, with him moving here or me moving there. We are still hammering out the details as yet.
Michael and I are so wonderfully alike and so wonderfully different. We are both Alpha and Omega, the saint and the prostitute, Yin and Yang, complimenting each other and becoming one with each other. And it was so beautiful and so pure, that nothing in my life can simply compare it, not the passion, the beauty, the passion, and the connection. The power, the strength, it was truly, one of life’s great wonders, one of a kind type of thing.
Michael made it home safely, and the power is *still* there. My heart aches not to be with him, missing his body next to mine and his feet tangled up with mine. I miss looking at him as he talks, looking deep into his eyes, watching him do things, looking at the passion/the hunger/the need there, FOR ME, and for me alone.
I personally feel that this relationship is based on many different levels. The pain he and I go though to get to this stage, and each sub stage that follows, where joy begins and never ends.
And that my dear friends, is the story of what happened. All really quit romantic, all really quit wonderful. I’m Michael’s now, free and clear. No more hiding behind Dan and no more hiding behind silences and whispers. Very few knew of the weekend and now the whole world knows about what is going to happen, and deservedly so.
One day I would like to put up Michael’s thoughts of this weekend… his perceptions, what lies behind those magical green eyes of his. Expand more of a diary type of thing as we progress closer to being together, permanently. Let the whole world that if you hold out for the best, it DOES happen.
And for those curious to know, the new picture on the front of my web page is one that I drew about 2 months ago. The ONLY piece of art I have ever really done, and liked. The stick figures represent Michael and I, and the purple line represent what is separating us. On the meeting page, I have put a heart in to symbolize what is has occurred. The picture, called “Life” is on both Michael and I’s desktop at home and at work. The revised addition on the page is called “heart” for its obvious reasons 🙂
Are we in love? 🙂
You could probably say that…
And I miss his touch, and if I inhale deeply, I can almost smell him…
Hurry Michael, I miss you.