what i want


no on told me you were lovely — i just decided it was so
you got that glow
like sunlight on the windows of an empty room
like television snow

it’s late Saturday night/early Sunday morning (4:16am to be exact) and i have been thinking lately (you can never be too hungry) about love.


yep — THAT four letter word. (I’m still waving goodbye)

shocking isn’t it?

these last few weeks have been — well — wondrous in all extremes.

well. I’m not in love.


i have a cleaner precept of what i want. there seems to be some miscommunications that because of what i present to the world vs what i am. well — that’s a paradox. so. lemme explain 🙂

*tapping podium*

I want:
someone who brings me flowers
i can’t stress this enough. i love flowers. maybe i get that from my mom — i dunno — but all i know is that i love it when flowers are given to me. and I’m not talking roses — i adore wild flowers. and i like being given them for no special reason other than “I’m thinking of you” or x,y,z.
someone who is tall:
okay, there have been some disparaging arguments made to me about this (as i am being to elitist). well, fuck’em. look, I’m 6′, i need someone who i can wear shoes with. i /have/ made exceptions in the past, but it bothers me. it’s a preference. so I’m not changing this. end of point.

someone who is educated/intelligent
another quandary that people have gotten in tizzy’s about: college edubacation. i demand it. i think school is a wonderful thing (as i sit here and wait for replies on whether or not I’ve gotten accepted yet). and i plan on finishing my degree. I want someone who knows what the fuck they want from life. who has ambition and passion in what they are doing. who have some sense of self. Also, its history in my family for the women to be educated and the men haven’t gotten past the 5th grade. I am NOT going to follow in that footsteps. which brings up the next one …

someone who reads
i cannot stress this enough! i read. a lot. my topics range from everything from fizics to Templars to trash. i like someone who has some semblance of taste and reads and may know what the fuck I’m talking about from time to time.

someone who likes music
i love music. my goal at one time was to write for Rolling Stone. I love music. I love going to concerts. I love music in general. My favorite bands are: The Judy Bats, Afghan Whigs, The Verve, REM. I also dig techno/industrial, 80’s, ambient, (I only like music when I’m stoned), the Manchester sound (things British mmmmmmmmm), old alternative rock. I also have a perchance to quote old rap lyrics.

someone who digs movies
i love movies. excuse me, i love “sexually intrigued period pieces”. heh. meaning that movies like Orlando, Elizabeth, Cousin Bette, The Governess. i have a weakness for them. I can’t help it. My favorite movies also tend to fall in the independent films/foreign like “Still Breathing”, “Red/White/Blue” trilogy, “Boxing Helena”, “Trainspotting”, “Exotica”, “james and the giant peach” “pump up the volume” “heathers”, “Clerks/Mall Rats/Chasing Amy”.

someone who is a geek
I’m defiantly computer literate — are you?

someone who has style
i have style and panache. i don’t know what my style is — but it i get complimented on it enough. i can’t describe it other than i wear just about anything — and i feel comfortable in both jeans/t-shirts and skirts and tank tops. i wear cutsie little butterfly pins in my hair, i look damned good. i need someone to compliment that.

someone who has self-esteem
alright — this is a toughy. i like guys with attitude. i have moxy — they need to have attitude. and i am prone to having severe self-esteem problems — that’s fine — makes me more human. and they need to understand that I’m not always going to be as strong as i pretend nor do i expect them to. but they need to have some sort of self.

someone not into drugs
now, i don’t have problems with someone who likes to take a toke now and then — but i did that shit in high school. i don’t mind drinking (mmmmmm….black/tans) but constant abuse bothers me. it’s just not my thing man. drugs are a form of weakness, to me.

someone who understands my sexual past
okay — this is going to be probably a long entry, but there needs to be a few expressions on this. first and foremost, i have a sexual past. i lost my virginity 10 years ago this July. i have been sexually active. i have lived with bf’s. I’m not an innocent virgin. i do have self-respect. i use condoms every single time i am with someone. how many people I’ve been with isn’t anyone’s business. i haven’t done everything. however, the point being is that if i choose to be with someone it is someone i choose to be with and i choose to be with them. who i have been with in the past doesn’t enter into the equation. now, men have said to me “lisa — i understand” but they haven’t. because when i fall in love — i really fall in love – and it irks me that they have such little respect for me that they can’t believe that I’ve said it to others in the past. big deal. no one is perfect. obviously the relationship didn’t work out or else i would still be with them. now for my sexual preferences, i want someone who has a libido, who isn’t afraid of being open to new things sexually and who isn’t into just plain vanilla sex. i want someone who has passion and isn’t afraid of man handling me. i want someone who makes me feel complete and so that i can roll over and snore like a man. 😉 Now, to me, sexuality or being interested in sex isn’t just about being male/female, but it’s also about a part of who you are. I want someone who is aggressive. I WILL not make allowances for this anymore. I refuse to marry or be involved with someone who is not my sexual equal. It just ain’t happening. i want someone who can look at me from across the room and feel the passion crackle like fire between the two of us. i want someone who can and will have me in a parking lot because that is what the decision has required. Lemme put it this way, I want someone to listen to Afghan Whigs “1965” and get it. If they get it — then there is no further explanation.

someone who makes me laugh
I love comedy. I love someone who has a good sense of humor. I love someone who can make me laugh. ‘Nuff said.

someone who is switchy
Okay, I’m switchy. I am a Gemini. What do you expect? But by switchy I mean the following things:
I’m passive/aggressive. I tend to be aggressive for the most part — but i have my passive moments. I get passive the more comfortable I am with someone. Some days I love going out and other nights I want to stay in and couch. It’s just the way it works. I go through moods and the person I’m with needs to understand that. which brings me on to the next part…

someone who understands bipolar and manic/depressiveness
no joke. i am manic depressive/bi-polar whatever the flavor of the week is. and the person I’m with has got to understand that there will be times when I’m snuffling under the covers and other times when I’m bouncing off the walls.

someone who is obsessive/possessive
Okay, this won’t come to a big surprise to many that know me, but I tend to be obsessive/possessive about the guys I date. primarily the ones I really like. I’m a one man woman, and when i find someone i really like, i get all possessive about them. i obsess about them.i can’t help it. i won’t stop it. this is a part of me.

someone who is creative/dreamer/ambitious
i want someone who is willing to take risks. who is willing to say “hey! this is what i want and I’m not afraid to go after it”. i want someone who is driven but not overly so, who loves what they are doing. i want someone who isn’t afraid of being themselves. whose honest with themself. whose not frightened by what they may fear. i want someone who is willing to step over the lines for what they believe in.
i don’t want someone whose perfect, i want someone whose perfect for me.