kethryvis wrote me a very beautiful letter last night, which I need to reply to. She brought up many good points but what it comes down to right now, and things that justify_me and greentara said was about growth. This whole year has been about growth and while I can’t predict the outcome of what is to happen between him and I, I need to finish this in order to grow. I do. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to many, but the way I see it, sometimes you have to go back before you go forward. It’s about birth death and being reborn. He hit the nail on the head when he was telling about me about the movie Red Dragon, but not in the evil way he thinking of Ralph Fiennes character of becoming. We are always becoming.
We are dynamic creatures, we have to be.
He called me last night and we were on the phone for an hour. We talked about computers and I’m still tripping over that. He was impressed I got his computer working until — it died again. We talked about the world and everything inbetween. Found out he goes to the same coffee shop over by AQ which I just now started to frequent. How fucked would that have been to have gotten my double chocolate mint mocha to see him standing there.
No matter what happens, this is it. The end. Finis. Kethryvis pegged it in her letter to me. No more searching for people anymore in the past, it’s time to move forward to the future. But I do need to finish things with him on this and so far, I’ve been able to tell him everything as to the whys and the hows. When it’s done, I may shed some tears but I’ll be stronger than ever and able to continue to move forward.
I want you all to know I love you. I do. Thank you for everything, I can’t stop thinking how lucky I’ve been with having you guys here in my life.
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My hororscope has predicting a lot of things the last few days which have been running around this same thread of what has been happening with Miguel. It’s been dead on target so far. I’m amused to have found this about today:
Your Daily Horoscope for October 21, 2003
Dear lisa,
A romantic relationship, whether new or long-term, could be advanced today to the next level of commitment, lisa. The chemistry between the two of you is very strong, and you’re compatible on more than one level. And today you’ll experience passion like never before! Some intense but honest and very positive discussion about the future of the relationship is likely to take place today – followed by an intimate encounter.