Dear Internet,
It’s my fifth consecutive year of C2E2, and I only have my iDevices, so enjoy the images.
P.S. What the fuck is with the lemon? It’s from a BBC radio play, Cabin Pressure, where one character hides a lemon in plain sight and another character has to find it without disturbing where it was lain. Fans have adopted this as the traveling lemon where we take pictures with / of the lemon in our locales. It makes a good ice breaker.
xoxo,
Lisa
Wake up to a text from the airline that today’s flight has been “delayed” and that I need to possibly reschedule. Check and discover that I would have a 20 minute change between my two flights; able to rebook slightly later flight going to another hub. Fuck MSP
Morning ritual: Wake up, use the facilities, pop contacts in, take drugs, turn kettle on for tea, figure out breakfast. While the kettle is heating up, fill last nights Bopple and also the humidifier. With tea and breakfast in hand, check email, Facebook, Twitter. Respond as necessary
Get to the airport, check bag for flight (I know, I know; BUT, they were calling for volunteers to get off the flight so I knew it was going to be tight getting my bag in)
Flight is delayed because of weight issues; people are taken off the flight. Plane needs to be deiced, we’re now nearly 30 minutes late leaving GRR; which is fine. My original flight is now four hours delayed and I would have never made it to my destination. Fuck MSP. Again
Get to DTW and book cheeks to another concourse to make connecting flight. Make it, but flight ends up being delayed for 1.5 hours due to maintenance issues, then more maintenance issues, then deicing. It’s like we’re flying on Gertie.
Dear Internet,
Can I just tell you I find it a leetle bit hilarious that I’m wearing my Captain Canada tshirt while wearing Agent Carter’s lipstick today? Consider I was crying over my breakfast earlier about not having had my teddy bear in almost a month, well, any bit of laughter is better than none.
TSTBEH and I have concluded my drugs need to be adjusted, but it is going to be some time before I can see my mediating therapist (about a month). I see my GP in the week following of my arrival back to GR, but she will most likely just renew what I have and not make adjustments. Thus, I need to keep it together for another month. While I know I can, here’s to future epistles on navel gazing from yours truly. Oh. Joy.
I’m not all over the place like I was before the drugs, thank fuck, but the cracks are definitely showing through and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. Mainly, I feel unmotivated, listless, and tired all the time. To prove how tired my body thinks it is, the other day I had 1.2L of hot coffee, a glass of iced coffee, two venti coffees while we ran errands, and I still fell asleep watching TV later that afternoon. With that much caffeine pulsing through my system, one would think I would be wired and bouncing off the ceilings.
One would be wrong.
I haven’t worked on my line edits for TLC project in awhile (I will regret this, I know) but I have been working on another bit of the project and one pattern emerging from my work is that all of my existential crisis’ start in the fall and go through winter. Every major break-up, bold moves, and the like always happened during the fall/winter months. TSTBEH pointed out that part of his depression was ruled by the lack of Vitamin D in his system, which he now supplements with pills and he suggested, and I agreed, that I should get my Vitamin D levels also checked to see if I’m having the same issues. This was also, incidentally, brought up with TheBassist shortly before TSTBEH suggested the testing. As both men present as physical depressives, I surmise they may be on to something.
Bearing in mind I’ve cut off all contact with TheBassist (which coupled with #teamharpy business meant I deactivated my primary Facebook account and started a secondary, non-Bassist filled, one using my potential new legal name), TSTBEH pointed out I should cut off all contact with him in addition to TheBassist. I heartedly agreed because what was right for one must be right for the other. TheBassist was aghast that I wanted to do this self-care work alone while TSTBEH is in fact encouraging it, but with trepidation. Both men feel that my being alone could be problematic in that I could get wrapped into some kind of manic cycle, and I see their point. But the fact and truth remains I need to pull a Gabor and fix me before committing to anything or one.
Even with all of this going on, in my head and in my heart, I am over the moon about my apartment and my things (hellllooo teddy). My stuff. My garbage. My shit. My dirty laundry. I’m excited about laying about in my own filth and not having the worry that I am impeding on someone’s time. I’m thrilled that all of what entitles this sojourn will be laid on me and me alone, that any decisions or processes I require can be forged by me and me alone.
So even when I’m crying for TheBassist, or pining for TSTBEH, or in desperate need of a kiss that will never come, I will do all of this in the luxury of my own place.
xoxo,
Lisa
P.S. Today’s title comes from the now defunct radio show, Cabin Pressure.
The cottage from The Holiday.
Dear Internet,
Happy early Svein Forkbeard day. I’m in the wilds of Connecticut prepping for the series of holiday events that will be happening over the course of the next few days. Tonight most of the Connecticut family is heading to the midnight service and I’m thinking of joining them. There is something about theological rituals during the holidays that I still yearn for even though I do not prescribe to any particular religion.
Like previous years, I’m in the throes of making holiday cookies. This year the list is small: macaroons, white chocolate cranberry oatmeal, no bakes, sugar, and finally, gingerbread cookies. I’m shipping cookies to my brother and TSTBEH and of course, leaving some for the Connecticut family. Since the next couple of days is going to be jammed with family activities, I’m stealing time when I can – like waking up at 5:30AM to start the prep work for the cookies and the cornbread stuffing for the big meals that are happening today, tomorrow, and Boxing day. Nick Frost plays Santa!
It’s also time for holiday episodes of my favorite British TV and radio shows. So far Stella, the first part of the Zurich episode of Cabin Pressure, and first episodes of Good Omens have played. Then of course come the regulars and new shows that are upcoming like: Doctor Who, Downton Abbey, and Miranda. This is yet another reason why I love the British: the unabashed love for holiday episodes of their favorite shows which Americans give no fucks about.
But I have to reaffirm the bigger news than holiday cookies and TV shows; though in my world, those are very good things. Skaldic Press Presents
Reminder about the 4x a month newsletter from Skaldic Press (my publishing arm) that includes updates from Exit, Pursued by a Bear, so glad is my heart, and other adventures in addition to Skaldic Press. Includes themed GIFs. You can check out the archives for a better taste of what to expect and then subscribe below.
The Lisa Chronicles, Vol 1: 1998
Also another reminder that my book is now available for pre-order. Publishing date is January 31, 2015.
From the blurb:
In 1998, having an online diary was a brave new world. Mailing lists, communities, chat rooms, and more all sprung up over people’s favorite diarists. Now we would call them bloggers. But then, THEN was a whole ‘nother beast. Then writing online was intimate. Then it was more personalized and personal. Then writers had less shtick. Not much was expected of these online exhibitionist scribes other than the ability to tell a good tale and regularly update.
I miss those days.
I never expected to get rich or famous, but what I wanted was to be able to connect to others who were like me. The scared, the frightened, the brave, and the bold. (No relation to the terrible soap opera of the same name.) I wanted to eat the world and in 1998, what better way to do that was through the Internet?
What can you expect from the first volume? Love, conflict, obsessions with people, places, and things. Rotating cast of characters and adventures. Sprinkle of song lyrics here and there. Pop culture references galore. Sex. More sex. Profane words and a bipolar girl desperate to connect with a world she did not understand.
While this work has been edited for grammar, clarity, and the obvious typo, it remains largely unchanged from when it first appeared online nearly two decades ago.
And lastly, every word here is true.
So if you’re intrigued by the book description or want to help support me thanks to the saga of #teamharpy, I would be most grateful if you would pre-order the book.
[amazon template=image&asin=B00R2808QE]
<<<<>>>>
Not much else is going on in my world right this very second other than prepping for the holidays and editing my book. Typically I feel some sort of sadness and isolation since my family and I are not very close, but while I feel some semblance of that feeling this year, being around people who care kind of lessens the pain. I still feel awkward and out of place, but when do I usually not feel a disconnect to others’ lives?
The drugs may stabilize my moods, meditation may help me deal better with impulse feelings, but some things about me will just never change.
xoxo,
Lisa
Lemon pendant that arrived today courtesy of my good pal, Val.
Dear Internet,
Yesterday, my irritableness got worse as the day and evening progressed. TheHusband helicoptered all day, “Are you okay? Is something going on or is it just the crazy? I love you – here, let me hump your shoulder.” I wavered between telling him to fuck the right off and then shortly after, clinging to him like a wet blanket and then pounding my fists weakly into his chest.
“Why are you doing that?”
“Because isn’t that what all maidens in distress do?”
“It’s definitely the crazy.”
Before it got terribly late, and the dog had been taken care of for the evening, I popped a full Klonopin, snuggled under my warming blanket, and started main lining the second season of Miss Fisher before falling asleep. I have to be careful when I take a full dose, for it knocks me out cold and depending on how exhausted I am, I have been known to dead sleep 10-14 hours before even beginning to stir.
Whatever I was expecting the drug to do, it did it for a little while but this morning when I woke, my teeth were grinding and I was on edge. This is fairly unusual since Klonopin tends to reset me, which of course sets the pace for the rest of the day chock full of anxiety. It is a good thing I am heading to my shrink, Dr. P., this afternoon.
It was a year ago this month I went back on my bipolar meds and then started up on the ADHD drugs, while live blogging it all. For nearly a year, until I went off the Lithium again 2.5 months ago, my emotional life was in a constant state of flux. In addition to the flux, I felt so fucking defeated when the ADHD drugs would not work as promised. But I was not surprised. I had been down this road before a decade ago and I remember swearing I would never do drugs again and yet, here I went and here they were.
And here I am still struggling. Today marks the fifth day since I’ve left the house, which is not as depressing as it sounds. We have been bombarded with snow for nearly two weeks, the accumulation probably between 2′-3′ and more is coming this weekend. TheHusband and I, neither of us keen to be out in this near blizzard like conditions, were dutiful enough to get two weeks worth of groceries together to keep us going during the time. I promised food posts and images, but i kept forgetting to take my camera with me as we cooked. But let me assure you, everything has been delicious.
Presents have been trickling in from friends and family, which has been cheering me up. The winner of Christmas this year may be my friend Val who sent me a traveling lemon, which I can wear on a chain and is a reference to one of my favorite radio shows, Cabin Pressure. My Mother-in-Law sent us books, a new crock pot, and this Hark! A Vagrant viking tshirt. You can never go wrong with buying me a t-shirt.
I have not worked on my book project in several days, of which I am not trying to get too stressed about. I keep reminding myself that while it is a lofty goal to cram a novel in 3.5 weeks, even just by the amount of work i’ve done already is far ahead anything I’ve done before.
Now it is time to leave the house for the day. Wish me godspeed!
x0x0,
Lisa
P.S. My guesstimates were not too far off on snow accumulation – since December 8, our area has gotten 22″ of snow.
The crew of Cabin Pressure.
Dear Internet,
As soon as my on making happy post went live, I got an almost immediate email response from my dear friend Beth that was nothing more than dialogue from an episode of Cabin Pressure. As some of you may know, I’m a huge fan of the radio series (as is Beth) and I have probably listened to it its entirety at least a half a dozen times. If the banter of Douglas and Martin, the goofiness of Arthur, and the ministrations of top dog Carolyn don’t have you in stitches, then it is pretty clear we could never be friends.
MARTIN: And that’s enough to make you happy together, is it – your shared belief in the terrificness of you? (Flight deck door opens.) DOUGLAS: It’s not a bad start. MARTIN: But does it make you happy? Truly happy? DOUGLAS: Oh, well, come on. No-one’s truly happy. ARTHUR: I’m truly happy! MARTIN: Oh God. DOUGLAS: No, Arthur; you are cheery. No-one’s interested in the secret of true cheeriness. ARTHUR: No, that’s not true. I’m fairly often just completely happy. Like, for instance, when you get into a bath quickly and it’s just the right temperature, and you go … (blissfully) … “Ohhhh!” I mean, no-one really gets any happier than that. MARTIN: What a depressing thought. ARTHUR: No! No, it’s not, though! Because those sort of things happen all the time, whereas you’re hardly ever – you know – blissfully happy with the love of your life in the moonlight; and when you are, you’re too busy worrying about it being over soon. Whereas the bath moments – there’s loads of those! Oh! Like when you realise your knuckles are ready for cracking. DOUGLAS: What?! (Arthur cracks his knuckles.) DOUGLAS and MARTIN: Eurgh! ARTHUR: See? I was happy then. Ooh – wait! I’ve got another one. (Flight deck door closes as Arthur leaves.) MARTIN: Did you order the motivational seminar by Forrest Gump? (Flight deck door opens again.) ARTHUR: Apples! DOUGLAS: Oh, no! Please spare us the crisp crunch of the first bite of an apple. ARTHUR: No, no, of course not. No-one really likes apples. That would be like liking … wood. No – I mean this. (Sound of an apple repeatedly landing in Arthur’s hands.) DOUGLAS: What?! ARTHUR: This – tossing an apple from hand to hand. It just feels really nice. I could do it for hours. Try it. (He tosses an apple to Douglas, who also starts tossing his from hand to hand.) DOUGLAS(after a moment): You know, there is something rather pleasant about it. MARTIN: Oh, for goodness’ sakes! I don’t believe it! ARTHUR: Try it! (He throws an apple to Martin, who joins in with the apple-tossing.) ARTHUR(after a moment): See?! MARTIN: Well, it’s … satisfying, but I wouldn’t say I was happy. ARTHUR: Give it a bit longer. (Flight deck door opens.) CAROLYN: Good grief. The world’s least impressive troupe of jugglers. What on earth are you doing? ARTHUR: Nothing! MARTIN: Nothing. (As the boys continue to toss their apples, Douglas begins to idly hum the tune of We’re Busy Doing Nothing.) ARTHUR(loudly): That’s it! (Martin cries out in surprise.) MARTIN: Oh! Arthur, you made me drop my apple! CAROLYN: Oh, Martin. Surely the only professional pilot who cannot successfully juggle one apple. ARTHUR: That’s the tune, though! (He gargles the beginning of the tune, still getting it wrong within a few notes.) DOUGLAS: Oh! (He starts to sing.) DOUGLAS: ♪ We’re busy doing nothing, working the whole day through … ♪ (Martin is already humming along by the second half of the phrase, and now joins in the singing.) DOUGLAS and MARTIN: ♪ Trying to find lots of things not to do … ♪ (Carolyn joins in.) DOUGLAS, MARTIN and CAROLYN: ♪ We’re busy going nowhere. Isn’t it just a crime? ♪ (And now Arthur joins in – somewhat discordantly – for the last line.) THE WHOLE CREW: ♪ We’d like to be unhappy but we never do have the time! ♪ (They all laugh.)
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
Dear Internet,
I’ve been sick with the plague half the week and traveling a lot the other half, so not a whole lot of what I wanted to do got done. There was also a lot of sleeping involved, and it’s hard to consume media when you’re dreaming of living in a villa in Italy.
Cabin Pressure
Still working my way through the series, but I’m now at the beginning of season 3, which means it’s only a few more short cabin commutes before I’m done again. Thankfully, I’ve got a few things lined up to take its place.
Night Vale
I mentioned this last week and a few days prior to that and finally got a chance to listen to 5 or so episodes of the show. It is delightful and reminds me much of our little village in northern Michigan. It’s especially poignant when reading the police blotter of the weekly newspaper.
Reading
I cannot tell a lie Internet, reading has been poor but in so far as books have gone. I’ve been consuming more content via my RSS feeds — even bankrupted the count to 0, which was glorious, and have been keeping up with feeds instead of shunning them like the pox. I’ve also been keeping up with my magazine subscriptions (Vanity Fair, New Yorker, JASNA, American Libraries) and work routing magazines (BBC History, Computers in Libraries, Library Journal).
Books currently in rotation:
Miranda
I binged watched this again while I was sick this week and I still love every moment of it. Rumours are that it will be back in 2015, which seems awfully far away but isn’t. My next goal is to pick up her book, Is it Just Me?. in audio format as that is apparently the only way to consume it as Hart herself narrates.
Time Traveller’s Guide to Elizabethan England
Based on the book of the same time, Ian Mortimer takes you through a time period but as a travelling guide. Interesting concept, and in written form it works quite well. In visual form, some of the effects were off putting and I found myself mind wandering in some spots, but overall very interesting. The two biggst issues I had were of the constant shots of Mortimer walking through desolate fields and the CGI drawn in effects how things might have looked. It felt a little too flash bang.
The Bridge (US)
Based off the Swedish/Danish series of the same name, the US version places a murder on the Bridge of the Americas, joining El Paso, TX and Juarez, Mexico. Crime solving with one main character from each state department entangles, hilarity ensues. Not really. While the show as a lot great moments, some of the characters seems a little wooden. We also found that while we have watched all the episodes, the catch up of the previous week’s episodes we never saw or remember. Despite its quirks and often sloppy dialog and plot lines, there is enough to keep us entranced each week.
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
What the World is Reading 2013 Sampler (Amazon | Google Books)
While at ALA, I was very judicious in picking up ACRs but couldn’t resist this sampler from Penguin. What is brilliant about the sampler is that it gave me bite size chunks of new authors with the downside being that I could not finish the story without buying the book. The first taste is always free.
Out of the dozen or so tales, I was intrigued with three or four of them enough to add them finish later on, but over all I thought the collection was fairly weak.
You can download the sampler, for free, from Amazon and Google Books.
Listening
Now that I’m commuting between Throbbing Manor and Throbbing Cabin, I’ve started listening to my radio shows again. I’m doing a run through of The Castle and Cabin Pressure – both again. Season 4 of The Castle came out last fall and I realised I had not listened to it. And Cabin Pressure? Well bing bong! Next up on the list is Welcome to Night Vale, which has become the new black according to all of my internet friends.
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
Dear Internet,
Another week of lots of television watching, and less of doing much else. Dr. H. pulled me off of Concerta last week, upped my lithium and thus a week of drug experimentation went by. Of course, as I was temporarily off the legal meth, I took that as invitation to drink as much caffeine as humanly possible. Which gave me all the speed of the legal meth but none of the focus and concentration. When I look back at my browser later in the day, I would have no idea what the devil I was doing to get me there. Porn? No, but close. My mind is all over the place, and when I did one thing, I would have to do something else at the same time.
No reading, no writing, no letter writing, nothing was done this week.
I worked from home for a bit this week, but like personal work projects, I was all over the place and unable to really complete anything.
For the follow-up call a week later, Dr. H. said I should go back on Concerta gain, so today we start at on 36mg dose. Hopefully this means less sounding like I snorted massive amounts of drugs when I’m writing these posts.
Pompadour — “A woman’s hairstyle formed by sweeping the hair straight up from the forehead into a high, turned-back roll.” Named after the Marquise de Pompadour.
If you wanted to see Beowulf in its original glory, but can’t make it to England, here is your chance
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
Dear Internet, Listening Cabin Pressure
After waiting for what seemed like an entirety, season 4 of this most hilarious BBC4 radio show started on January 9. Written by John Finnemore, it stars Finnemore, Benedict Cumberbatch, Roger Allam, and Stephanie Cole. Undeniably quotable, it’s the tale of a one jet airline, MJN Air, run by a brassy old lady (Cole), with her may be missing a few cans from a six-pack son (Finnemore), a captain who takes his job a little bit too seriously (Cumberbatch), and a former sky-god whose recently become aware of his mortality (Allam). The oddball crew get into variety of odd situations every week, and you find yourself not only falling in love with the show but also becoming emotionally invested in the characters lives. John Finnemore posts his writing notes, deleted scenes, and other minutia on his blog. It airs Wednesday at 1:30 PM EST / 6:30 PM GMT. (BBC Radio is available legally outside the UK via its website, iTunes, and other streaming music/radio services, for free.) Watching Miranda
Miranda Hart has been on my peripheral for sometime – I knew her as Chummy in Call The Midwife and as Tall Karen in Monday, Monday, as well as she’s popped up in variety of other shows over the years as various supporting characters. Cabin Pressure Beth (I know many Beths, this one shares my love of CP and other Britcoms), asked me if I had a chance to see Miranda yet? She suggested that I must and within the course of 2.5 days, I mainlined all three seasons of the eponymous named show. Many feelings were being felt all over the place. Miranda is a comedy about a tall (6’1) woman, who is constantly called “Sir”, whose mother would do anything to get her married, and who harbors a crush on her next door neighbor and best friend, Gary. She owns a joke shop, much to the dismay of posh mother, that is run by her best girlfriend Stevie. Miranda harbors mixed feelings about her boarding school girlfriends, who call her Queen Kong, and are always seemingly in league with Miranda’s mother. Miranda is what Bridge Jones’ Diary tried to be but failed, except you don’t really realize that until you watch Miranda as a comparison. I found myself identifying more with Miranda than with Bridget, and I think the big difference is Miranda’s relationships with her friends, family, and herself are more genuine and honest, where as Bridget now seems like a characterture and hollow, even slightly mocking. Links
