friend is a four letter word

i’m slowly becoming disgusted with my “friends” both locally and online.

i’m not quite sure what’s been setting me off lately, but i just can’t tolerate people who are NOT doing things for themselves. I’m becoming disgusted because my “friends” who seemingly supposed to like me for “me” tend to like me for the fact I have a car, i have money (and often pay their way) and that my house is always open. i recently put an end to one person who was doing that to me (and had found that they were backstabbing me in the process of my and paul’s generosity). i don’t like people who use people and i don’t like the way some of my so-called-friends have been using us.

i brought this up with someone, whom i found out later, was backstabbing me in the back. i was upset and angry after everything i had given this person that they could, with such little disregard, turn around and treat me like this. it was not just me, but paul as well as now that we are together, we are singular entity, not plural.

as i’ve stated before, i’ve had very little disregard for politics and for politicking. in many ways, i’m too honest with my own assessment of myself and others around me to even think about doing this professionally. this singular reason, for being honest, is the reason why i’ve never succeeded in doing things or obtaining higher positions in my previous employment. my old employeers knew, that i knew things about them (their dishonesty, their own lack of moral fiber). this is why i never understood “big business” because half the fucking time it’s kissing some major ass.

no one, simply, wants to hear the truth. we live in this glass world fed digitally by the internet, radio stations, television stations and paper media. all too often, with my 10+ magazine subscriptions coming in a month, my whore-like attitude towards reading online journals and blogs (though i never read that many more than once) and my consumption to know, i feel more comfortable in my little shell. So you can plainly see, why if someone lies to me, betrays me or does anything to hurt me, i cut them off at the quick.

i’ve often been called a cold-hearted bitch because once i break up with someone (rather platonic or intimate), that’s it. there is no more good byes there is no more hellos. i grab my shit and leave.

and that is the the end of that.