htmlNOT

i’ve come to the long standing conclusion that design is not my forte and i need to give up on trying to construct web pages. I wish this was much simpler said than done: i have FIVE freaking projects on the burner that currently need my attention html wise, and I can’t do ANYTHING. I used to enjoy going to other peoples sites and seeing how they incorporated design and then steal what i wanted. but i can’t do that anymore. now sites are either OVERLY done (pages with tons of flash/dhtml/etc) or look like something a third grader did. And somehow I fall in between with okay design and kick ass content. i rock everyone’s nuts.

but i’m back to being a hits whore (ie: give me unique visitors! give me page views! give me readers! give me popularity and free sex!)

okay, i’m not that desperate. but i’m getting there. i don’t know what is getting into me. considering for the last few days i’ve been afflicting i’m so forlone! oh woo is me. lemme write bad poetry on black paper and use baby powder on my face (and the boys have gone to dunkin donuts. cheers!)

gratuitous link: dayan
my newly updated CDs list

i’ve bought 20 CDs in the last month or so. Paul recently got another 20 through Columbia house and we are incorporating his 100 with my nearly 300 to to formulate a huge mp3 sever. while we like very similar music, we do not have any duplicate cds. imagine that.

i’m feeling overwhelmed reading these peoples lives and i felt overwhelmed reading my own life for the last four + years. work is going smoothly on getting this all automated (i heart my pooky bear), but for every five steps forward, it’s 10 steps back (or so it seems). paul says i need to find a purpose to write (and starting oh so many projects in such a small amount of time seems like a good kick in the ass) but i’ve never had a purpose. I’ve always just “been” if you catch my drift.

i guess that falls into my whole “i’m slacking. i want to get fired. i don’t care what it takes” attitude. My friend (axiom 2 u) talked to me tonight and told me that when she was leaving UU that she told the new managers to take care of me and Rob as we would end up being some of their best engineer. Like I said, I don’t care WHO you are (old boss scott — nudge nudge nudge) we are just highly paid tech support for some very serious technical issues (no ip routing == bad. encap frame relay IEFT == good). I don’t think i’m doing nearly enough to warrant any “praise” but it’s coming my way and I’m feeling like poop for not doing a better job even though every one says i am. Which is always how it is right? Murphy’s law and all that bs. When I think i’m doing really well, i find out i’m not doing well enough and vice versa. So I don’t think, I just do and everyone seems to be pretty happy because of the results.