I played this game of will he or won’t he call?
I’ve been high since I woke up this morning. Dancing around my apartment in my tank top and panties to 80’s songs while my dogs looked at me like I was smoking something. Their eyes just followed me as I shimmied around to various songs.
I played this game of “Will he or won’t he call.” I gave him until 5pm — by then no call, I was going to call him and see what we were doing for dinner. If he was going to fuck off, that was cool. I was actually cool with that, I was just happy to see him alive again. I could lay the demons to rest and I’d be right as rain. Really.
But he called. 🙂 heh.
Now I suck at chess. That whole logical thinking out — I don’t have it in me. It doesn’t work with me. But when it comes to interpersonal relationships, I thrive on that whole “will he or won’t he” game that we play when we are curious about someone. Miguel is the Bobby Fisher of this game. It was easy when I was 17 because I was (gag) in wuv with him. He was my world and he was everything.
He doesn’t know me anymore, he was nervous on the phone. I’m the same but I’m not. He said there were many layers to my onion (Shrek reference and I started laughing so hard on the phone). He’s not sure what my next move would be where as when I was 17, it was easier. He knew how to have control over me. I believed everything and was gullible. I wore my 17 heart on my sleeve.
Now I’m 31.
I’m not so easy now. I don’t carry my heart on my sleeve and goddamn, if anyone wants me they have to work for it (mhm girlfriend). I\’m like this enigma with him, I think. Not sure why I think that — it\’s like he\’s curious as hell and yet he\’s nervous. He said as much to me on the phone, only not in so many words. I said “Is it the piercings and tattoos?” He laughed nervously. I asked about dinner:
“We are doing dinner tonight?”
“You said you wanted to last night.”
“Oh, well I have a lot of stuff to do. I got up late, didn’t get rolling around to do it till now.”
“I meant later on tonight.”
“Oh yah, that’s a possibility.” ”
“You know, I need to stop getting involved, romantically and platonically, with people who can’t make decisions.”
“I make decisions everyday.”
“Okay, are we doing dinner or not?”
“Sure, that would be cool. I like being selfish. It’s exciting.”
“Good, I’ll hand control over to you. You pick the restaurant.”
“I don’t like being in control.”
“You like being selfish, it falls under control.”
“True. I’ll call you about dinner.”
I’m the same and I’m not.
Evil laughter has been ringing around my apartment.
We talked more about Josh. He wanted to find him again. I pointed him over to his mom’s, because I had no idea where Josh would be, his mom would know. He’s cruising over there and they might come over here. We might have drinks, we might not. Who knows?
I have another train of thought, but I’ll do that later.