Dear Internet,
It’s evening hour here at Throbbing Manor and Game of Thornes is about to start soon, and then Vikings right after. I had plans to complete various types of work this weekend and the shows were to be my present for jobs completed, but that did not happen and I have to find a way to be okay with unplanned failure. Failure is such a harsh word, but I am not sure what else to call it? How do you explain you’re so overwhelmed with things, you feel as if you’re drowning? Simply by writing it? It airs it in public, sure, but it does not help alleviate the feeling.
I have found myself in often the predictable role where I throw so much out to the heavens, expecting very little to come back, but here is it is – a nice fortress of things for me to hide behind. Then this is coupled with frustration when the things you want to succeed but for whatever reason, fail. A current example is I reached out to the local library system to work with them on joint projects since they are a block away from MPOW. The projects were all free or paid for by grants/somewhere else — and, they rejected them all. How do you, as a public library, reject free programming that will not require resources (or very little resources) from you?
Then there is frustration’s and overwhelmed’s sibling, discouraged making an appearance. Outside of my home life, I feel like I don’t get the support I need or require, because I’m a pawn in someone’s game. This sounds like I’m wearing tin foil hat time, but there is a level of truthiness to those words. Some of it is professionally related, some of it is personally related, but I just have not been wanting to deal with the world lately and everything is suffering.
I’m trying to figure out how to cope, but I don’t feel like I’m being successful. That sends in a whole set of emotions on the failure of success.
After what seemed an eternity, we’ve got EPbaB moved to a new host. I’ve written up a post about the hows, whys, and process, which is getting published on April 2. I fear to post anything on April 1 for it might be mistaken as some elaborate ruse. (Not tin foil hat time here either.) I’ve started cleaning up posts from the LiveJournal migration I initiated a week or so ago, and sometimes, the past just needs to stay buried.
xoxo,
Lisa
This day in Lisa-Universe in: 2003