lost my O: so fuck everyone

I was told tonight that I had lost my O: on washington*irc due to “lack of trust” by my admin, which was translated into “my best friend thinks your a golddigging whore so i’m yanking it.”
what had happened, in my view, is that i would not sleep with his best friend, so said best friend decided to make my life uncomfortable and cause a ruckus, resulting in my removal from the undernet network as an ircop. well not that swift, took my admin a week before my admin did it but i knew it was coming and i’m was not surprised. the irony is that haela had warned me about said best friend months ago and i failed to listen to her. i’m sorry kara.
i don’t sleep with someone, they talk smack about me and i get punished. yay.
I can still irc if i choose to, my admin can’t stop me from doing that on that network. The problem was is that for nearly a year I was a fixture on several help channels and I’m unable to help them now. I am not going to be on irc for awhile to cool my jets. Spent far too much time on it anyways.
i’m wholly tired of the he said she said bullshit games that seem to follow me around like there is no tomorrow. i have ZERO idea what it is about me that people seem to want to step in and just cause a ruckus. In high school i was a whore due to some vicious rumour started that i had fucked the whole swim team (um, i was still a virgin at the time and it was nearly a gang rape i fought off). As i got older, people for some reason loved using me as a pawn to either get something or meet something. The irony is, the blind hope I had that it would dissipate as I got older only shows that it hadn’t.
I am 30 years old. I am definitely not a conventional type of person, but there are some fundamental truths or given beings that i think we all should have, and one of them being having good friends (ie people who won’t stab you in the fucking back). Or being honest with each other, or at least open minded. I am just so TIRED of all this fucking bullshit and the layers of BS people use to surround themselves. It makes me sick.
I’ll be back on irc eventually, but in the interim you can reach me via e-mail, or
icq: home: 1231211
work: uunetgrl
aim: home: lisaisamodgirl
work: uunetgrl
yahoo: modgirllisa
those are always up and running.