Mike is God

mike just im’d me calling me evil.
after having an in-depth conversation with alisha and paul last night on the virtues of religion, as soon as mike called me evil, i had visions for a mere second he was god. that he was telling me my judgment.
that scared me in an ironic weird surreal way.
mike being god.
[Originally published at LiveJournal.]

sadness you crave

before i start ranting and raving, you will notice (if you are paying attention) that i have now put the goddamn cam up again. i don’t know what possessed me to do it other than the usb can i had was pissing me off and i had to have a cam again so up went the old greyscale parallel port one. so you get noire lisa — and yes i really am that pale. you will also see the lisa-patented barrette in action. and yes, i do have a nose, but what do you expect from greyscale?
this will also be a very sad and depressing mea culpa type of piece. if you want to be depressed like me, go look at my list of mp3s that i have currently playing. You’ll be tragic in no time.
this entry will be loaded with irony up the ass. and i think if you only the reason why it’s ironic, you’ll get it. but if you don’t get it, then i can’t explain it to you.
hahaha. that’s just fucked up. but it’s true.
so i awoke this morning with a strange sense of depression. it was weird to me, at least, because when i awoke i was lying on my stomach and i could feel the depression embrace me like a bird flying overhead. in a sense it’s partly hard to describe, but i just felt it slowly come over me and i got up and called myself silly for being a dumbass. this wasn’t depression like “oh god i just want to go and die, my life is so tragic *backofhand to forehead*”, this was just like, i was sad. just very very sad.
so I’ll begin at the begin.
point a: I’m taken.
point b: I’m taken.
someone once said to me you “you are so very taken!”, and i guess being in serial monogamous relationships for the past 10 years can do that to a person. i used to bitch/moan that i never had a bf in my early 20s and now i can’t remember a time when I didn’t have a boyfriend within the last five years.
one of the aspects of having someone being your bitch is that, well, free sex. and the love and cuddling and all the other shit that comes with relationships, including the arguments and the make-up sex and shit.
so yah, then you can like be single and stuff. and being single can be cool cos you can date whom you want and do what you want and you do not have to answer to anyone but yourself and don’t have to worry about hurting someones feelings. but then there is that empty feeling of being alone and not having someone around when you need someone to talk to, and then you get older and suddenly your 30 and the only thing you’ve accomplished in your life is this black book and list of fuck buddies.
okay maybe that is a bit drastic, but you get my point.
[crank! my dream complete!]
i have musing lately how no one seems interested in me. i know i know, i have pauly and i shouldn’t worry about it, but the thing is, as a human, I WANT TO BE ADORED! i want to be worshipped from the ground level on up — but the thing is, I’m taken and i should be very happy that i have someone who adores me, but deep down i know it’s not enough.
i bitch to my friends that it’s always about how I’m treated as pauls other half and as one of the guys, I’m not treated like a person or even better yet, a female. to be honest, that hurts more than anything. i feel sometimes asexual and with no feelings because the only person who seems to appreciate me for being attractive to their eyes is my own bf.
Don’t start picking apart at my logic, cos it will gets you none :]
moving right along, i have guys i flirt with but there is always that very very safe assurance that nothing is every going to happen anywhere along the way. like my friends rob and moe. we flirt all the time and it basically means nothing because we’ve gone from that line of friends to brother and sister. sleeping with them would be like sleeping with your sibling, and i am not from Alabama, so lisa isn’t going there.
Saturday night Ivette and i got all dressed up to drive to Baltimore to see my friend mandyplay with his band at some rinky dinky bar in Fells Point (like 25 people would have been overcrowded for this joint — that’s how small it was). It was a hard won fight with paul to go out that night, mainly because of his age and his lack of driving skills, we haven’t done much of anything since we’ve been to VA — and I’m really hoping that will all change when he turns 21.
So Ivette and i dressed up in bar clothes, not knowing what kind of bar this was, and well, we were overdressed, however, since it was fun to dress up for something other than a special occasion, i didn’t care. Now, mandy pandy is a long standing friend of mine that i met via TLC (go figure — he’s a fan of my site and I’m a fan of his music — much ego stroking here) and we started talking on AOL IM back in the day and he was fun to flirt with, and we had swapped pictures of each other and spoke on the phone and the whole nine yards. I like Mandy because not only was he witty and got my bad jokes, he had the same music tastes as I do (everything Brit baby!). Since Mandy was also from Miami, I wanted him and Paul to meet because I wanted Mandy to fall into the Moe/Rob categories where I could flirt with them and have nothing be taken seriously. I wanted to do things with Mandy without Paul getting into that obessive/jealous category. I just wanted some freaking FRIENDS goddamnit, that were mine and not pauls and mine and not work related. And yah, it felt good to have someone think of me as being attractive.
Silly me to think that.
Being taken and all.
Ivette and I were hanging out at the bar, drinking and watching them warm up before playing and Mandy (as promised) played a few bars of “I wanna be adored” as promised, and I was happy sitting there drinking my sierra Nevada (i had four and was pretty tipsy). Mandy was busy with band stuff so Ivette and I talked about men and other shit, and then the Skydivers played.
Overall, for all the technical problems they had, the set wasn’t half bad — it was pretty good in fact. Mandy and co launched into a full rendition of “I want to be adored” by the stone roses (unrehearsed) and I was so happy I almost started crying (having missed the roses in concert and thusly anything live, even a cover, makes for one happy lisa). After playing the song, Mandy pointed to me and said something like “This one is for you baby!” Shortly after, they finished their hour plus long set, we all headed back into the, what would be called the “green room” and talked.
Something changed — whether it was me or the tension or atmosphere or the fact I kept drinking and chainsmoking, i don’t know what changed. My heart was aching because I had left my cellphone in my car and I knew paul was calling every 15 minutes but on the other hand i wanted to be adored and that is what I came to Baltimore to do.
I went from teasing Mandy to ignoring him and having more fun talking to his bandmates Rand and Mike. It was like I wanted to be adored by Mandy and on the other hand I had a boyfriend and I wasn’t willing to take things any farther than flirting because I valued my relationship too much. But Mandy was pretty much ignoring me and talking to Ivette and whether it was something i blew out of proportion or not, but on the way home I said to Ivette “he was hitting on you, wasn’t he?” and she said “Yes.” I slunked down in my seat and just stared out at the landscape of 95 on the way home to my fiance.
i started beating myself up inside for even thinking those thoughts. For the most part, Paul and I are really happy and I know Paul satiates everything I need, but my own thirst and trouble with being committal drives wedges in us which starts fights, which ends with me curled up in the bed just reading to make the thoughts go away. There are weeks/months that I want the whole happy nine yards with Paul and then i get in moods and I want to fuck shit up.
So i was in a mood to fuck shit up.
Ivette and I waited around like two groupies for them to finish loading mandy’s car. There were talks of grabbing food but by now it was going on 2am and home was over an hour away. If we left at that point, we would be home at 3:30am at the earliest and if we went for food, even later. Paul would be furious and I wasn’t sure how far I wanted to push the line at this point.
[hello frantic frauds of verse.]
Mike dropped us off at my car, in which it was required of Ivette to undo her boot to grab the car key. I jumped in the passenger side, since I had much to drink and drove to meet Mandy back in front of the bar.
When we pulled up in front of Mandy’s car, paul and i were arguing on the phone. He pissed me off so bad i started slamming my StarTec against the dashboard and Mandy just watched wide-eyed. He asked if we were going to go to breakfast with him, and I said no, his royal highness is demanding that I come home now. He said “fine. I’d like to take you two out to dinner some time. ” I said “Who, me and Ivette?” and he said “Yah.” I said “Um, why?” Mandy replied “for no reason, i just want to.” Mandy looked at me and said to call him anytime i needed him and told Ivette to call him too. With that, Ivette pulled a u-ie and we went home.
The car ride, which we were quiet and I was coming down from my drink induced buzz, was interesting. I felt stupid for thinking that getting adored was dumb by someone not your own boyfriend. I was no longer a high schooler looking for the man of her life, I was a 28 year old female preparing to get married to her fiance. I should be fucking happy and given any other person in this situation, they would be fucking happy too.
But I’m not and I don’t know why I suddenly felt sad today.
I of course, being me and all things that are me, woke up this morning with that sadness that just crawled over my skin. I got out of bed and fed Wednesday and thought about it some more. Ivette and I talked about it pretty intensely last night on the way home and she assured me I wasn’t being dumb for being angry and sad at the same time. It is a pretty human concept to want to be loved and adored by others around us. We all want to feel like we are the bomb shit yo.
Thoughts started drifting into my head about this pseudo rejection that had occurred (in my eyes). I hate being rejected by anything, especially men. It does not matter if I want them or not, if they reject me, it hurts my fragile psyche and then starts all the self-doubts that come sliding in (I’m too fat, I’m too aggressive, I’m too this I’m too that).
I hate this shit. It’s so 1986. GAH!
[which you feel is which you are, what you are is beautiful]
I won’t lie and say that a part of me hasn’t entertained the idea of starting something with Mandy if I were single. It has. That’s only human and for me it’s perfectly normal to do the whole “meetsomeoneandlivearelationshipwiththemin30seconds”. But, something always stopped me from even really going to that point. Maybe Paul’s threats of cutting my tits off has something to do with it. I’m not sure.
I know a lot of what I am/have been feeling goes back to that whole shit with Mike Norton back in 1999. When I *assumed* something and Mike rejected me on the play ground in Memphis. That time period takes us back to when Paul got his shit together and finally got the balls to admit he was in love with me, but that is neither here nor there.
I’ve attempted to bring this up with various therapists over the years and the words “responsibility”, “living in a dream world”, “act your age” seem to ring a few bells at this point and time. So they dope me up on 300mg of Effexor and tell me to live a happy and prosperous life.
I’m angry and I can’t explain why I’m angry. I’m sad and I’m pretty sure why I know I’m sad. I feel boxed in and can blame that on a 100 and one different things. Pauls bitching about freethinkers and I wish I had an answer because I know this is only going to keep going on and on.
Paul and I talked tonight and I postponed the wedding till 5/2002. He assured me that we can have the wedding whenever we want and he knows that he doesn’t want to mess with the little girl dreams. I wish I had answers, but only the thoughts of Danny telling me how non-committal I am and how I should just be happy. I’m being overrun by exboyfriends who keep seeing the same pattern and I of course, think I am fine.
not verbatim, but you’ll get the drift – “Why is it that every time something happens, you’ve got to throw up on your goddamn website?” – Jeff Z, another guy I had met via IRC and “assumed” that something was going to happen — got rejected when I was visiting him in Pennsylvania, Christmas 1997.
I’ve got a crack in my heart,

mom’s birthday

Today is my mom’s 57th birthday.
I got a few emails from friends of the family asking if I was gonna call her and I haven’t made up my mind yet. Last time I spoke to her, which was a week ago, I started crying after the short 10 minute call. I’m sure my brother will call her. Hell, she’s found Jesus™ now, so what does she need me for?
Ufie dotted — again
Several weeks ago, my cohort Thyla and I put together a page simply called Carbonated Borscht for the Evil Geek’s Soul that parodied some funny stuff. It got mentioned on the news feature of UserFriendly and actually got /.’d. This week, Godmoma put together a page called Illiads Harem.
I have no idea what’s going through Godmoma’s head. 🙂
So, any rate, I’ve been Ufie Dotted — again. Got over 500 unique hits yesterday. Woo. That surprised me 🙂 So I felt I must update. heh.
Blatant Promotion
My buddy and yours, Mike Norton recently finished work on his new comic The Waiting Place. I got to see the um, rough draft of it when I was in Mayumphis in July. The story is really cool and the drawing is incredible. Mike is obviously, ultra excited about this.
Since I’ve met Mike back in May, he’s helped influenced my non-comic reading butt into reading comics. Now i’m addicted to Strangers in Paradise and have been looking at other comics as well — namely ones that Mike and other people have recommended.
It goes without saying I was completely detached from the fact of just how many people read comics these days. It’s almost as bad as the damn Trekkies. 🙂
Regardless, Mike came to me and asked me to promote his work since I have gotten a ton of people to read SIP and they all adore it. So PLEASE PLEASE go support a young starving artist before Mike makes me buy 15000 copies!
Speaking of comics though, I’ve been neglecting my own habits. I’m only up to early Vol 3 in SIP and haven’t had a chance to catch up. People have been offering new comics left and right and I’m going insane with the divulge of offers. Calm down people, after i move and get settled in, i’ll start my addiction back up again.
Lisa-Cross-America ’99
Well it’s been official for awhile, but you all know I’m leaving the greater Bay Area in early October.
My numwitted ex-fiancee Danny has recently informed me that he cannot drive with me and thusly I’m doing it alone. I had a brief panic attack (like ohmygodwhatifigetcaughtwithaflattireinbfetexas) — but after a minute or 100, I calmed down and realized that spending four days alone, in my car, could be a good thing (you know they say if you keep repeating something, it just might come true).
I’ve been mapping out my itinerary and it looks like i’m driving south to SoCal and then straight across crossing through NM, AZ, TX, OK, etc on my way to Atlanta. What’s in Atlanta? Why Atlanta Linux Showcase my dears. There will be the BIGGEST party that side of the Mississippi for geeks. I hit LWE, now it’s on to ALS.
I think it’ll be cool though. I will have my laptop, cell phone and all my credit cards. I will be updating on the road as I plan on spending about four days driving — maybe less depending on my speed. heh. I might end up in Atlanta on Monday night. Who knows? Anyway, I’ve been attempting to coordinate with friends about crashing at their place on the way across. So, I’ll be okay. Just look for the black Saturn with LNX and LinuxGurven stickers plastered all over it doing 80 and you’ll find me.
I realize that driving cross country is something that I’ve been dreaming about for years. I wanted the opportunity to see this great land we call home before I flee this white trashy country and go to Europe. What I can’t understand, is that with so much time available for me to do it, why I’m planning on taking a more direct route and not seeing the country. My friend James, who drove solo from SF -> Gainesville FL was telling me about the pit stops he made when he drove across — which he did twice. Not many people get the chance to see this wonderful country of ours and I’m worrying about all the extra time I’ll have.
My favorite catch phrase recently has been “But I worry”. It’s driving me insane.
I’m gonna end up in Virginia, where Shelly already has our apartment that she’s cohabitating with her bf. Everything is set into place. On one hand, I’m ultra excited about doing the move. On the other hand, I’m afraid of falling on my face.
This should be very interesting.

i sold my soul for a playstation

i don’t know how it started, but lately i’ve been going on and on about playstation (psx) and tekken. this spurned a debate about gaming in Userfriendly, when one of the channel regulars said that for “favors” i could have his souped up psx plus 20 games.
Since these “favors” weren’t detailed, i bugged the person when i got privately messaged by someone else that said they would send me a “new” playstation (minus games) for FREE! as long as I didn’t prostitute myself out. He wanted me to keep my self-respect in check, he stated.
While the second person has met me and can testify to my hotness, i was a bit amused (and tempted) to take up on his offer. I told him that thanks for the kind offer, but I could not take such a gift under those kind of circumstances, but that i appreciated the offer regardless.
this brought a fury of um, response from someone close to my heart.
later on, the conversation dated back to older gaming stations and i started going on about the Atari 7800.
Remember those things? They must have come out in way early 80s (i’m thinking 82-83) and basically were emulations of the arcade style games (graphics and all).
I loved my 7800. I kept it up until we moved to grand rapids in 1985 and beyond as we had played frogger, q*bert, pacman like mother fuckers. I once topped pac man at either over a million or 10 million. I forget which, but I remember taking a picture of the screen when I did so (and I still have that pic!).
Another channel regular, Gruuk, came up with a link to ebay that showed that there were 7800s FOR SALE! WOAH!
The current price on one was out of my league (around 150 bucks) but another one (and this one HAD q*bert) was in my price range.
I, of course, bidded on a piece of my childhood.
This spurned off other seeking. I bidded on a rare Afghan Whigs vinyl as well as the ultra-rare JudyBats cd “When Souther Bells,” which I have been looking for forever.
Add this up to the cd’s i bought of Ned’s Atomic Dustbin God Fodder, Bauhaus 1979-1983 Vol 1 and Swing The Heartache: BBC Sessions. I also purchased Sister of Mercy’s Vision Thing.
And I coaxed (cajoled? begged? pleaded? batted my eyelashes?) Paul to spring a whopping 6 bucks on a TI 99/4A. This was my FIRST computer ever. I learned how to program BASIC on it.
God, I got wet just thinking about it. An Atari 7800 and a TI-99/4A!!!
god is an alcove
i completely and totally understand that i’m regressing into my childhood.
First it was the obsession over old computer equipment and it’s also been music.
For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been slowly hunting down music from my youth.
Bands like Charlatans UK, The Stone Roses, Happy Mondays just to name a few bands (and including the ones listed above that I bought cd’s for). I’ve been jamming to Spinner recently (and getting other people hooked on it. the ModernMix and Alt.90s channels 0wnz).
i’ve been on the hunt for MP3s that remind me of bands that I love to listen to. That whole Manchester sound that supposedly died in the early 90s. Brit Rock, with a dash of techno/industrial thrown in. Paul ripped Bauhaus’ “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” and I’ve been bopping around going “undead undead undead.” One thing I will say about Paul, since I’ve met him on-line, my cd purchasing has increased tenfold as he loves the same fucked up bands as I do. Also, CdNow has a “similar artists” info for all the bands. So I’ve been reading those and going “OH YEAH! I remember them!!” and going “damn I need to stop spending the dough.”
Speaking of which, i got tickets to see VIOLET FEMMES AT THE FILMORE!
this week has been owning so hard.
i waited for the joke
Amongst other neat-o things is that Shelly got our apartment. She moves in on August 28th. I got the phone lines turned on. I got a job OFFER from the dot commie people. I have an interview with the Washington Post.
my shit, definitely does NOT stink.
let’s see, emotionally i’m exhausted. this week decided to be the week from hell with people mind fucking left and right, breakups, declarations and other lovely things. i’ve been backing off left and right about this. i can’t deal with it and it’s not worth dealing with.
mike “I can’t call a girl cos she’ll think i’m paranoid” norton
finally sent me the signed SIP books AND the picture he drew of me (mike, not Terry Moore).
chit chat
As you know, I’ve made it pretty obvious how to contact me. Click on the link in the top nav bar for “contact” and everyplace that I hang out at is listed. However, someone suggested that I set up a bulletin board for discussing my chronicles. You can do so by going to all that and a bag of chips club on yahoo!. It’s been up since July 3rd and it’s somewhat populated. Go! Now! Discuss my interpretation of something or another! 🙂
the shaft theme is playing.
time for bed!

a cool, dry place

is a movie that i rented tonight and could relate to on a very serious level. it’s a story of a young father whose wife has left him and their son. in one instance, the wife comes back and while the father is trying to get on with his life, re-asserts herself into his life. well, attempts to. and he looks at her and realizes that he still loves her after all this time and as they lay there, she looks up and starts crying. he asks her what is going on. and she says “I don’t think I’ve ever loved you.”
talk about some fucked up shit.


since I’ve been back from mayumphis, I’ve been sulking around the house like it was nobodies business. i couldn’t figure out what was really wrong because everything seemed to have fallen into place. but i knew what was wrong.
you see, i fell in love. and my affections weren’t returned. pride asserted (and damnable logic) told me it wouldn’t have worked anyway. too many problems and not enough of anything. i knew my affections weren’t going to be returned but as it was once said, i was going to wrap them around my little finger and i had to assert myself regardless. i had to know one way or another. but, it wasn’t to be so.
as i lamented to a few friends about this turn of events, many people reminded me that i still had a large group of people who loved me and cherished me. and even larger group of people who worshipped me on various levels. i know that my own “stupid” actions (as i still see and will forever see) causes me to act in strange ways, sometimes it takes liquid courage to get it out.
part of the problem and what was bothering me is that I’ve been watching people’s relationship fall apart around me. platonic and intimate it didn’t matter, nothing was working out. and the weird thing is that those whom i thought were more emotionally fucked up than me had found solace in doing other things within themselves. finding themselves. getting themselves back on track.
i wasn’t quite sure how i was going to deal with all these emotions — i could (and have) rationalized on many levels about my own emotional state and noticed a few patterns about myself that would have predicted the outcome of the events. i however choose to ignore them and went on my merry little way anyway because i thought “this time was different” and it was. i have made, i hoped, a wonderful new friend and while i maybe too spicy for their mild sauce, friendships are nothing to sneeze at either.
in the interim, i’ve been watching a lot of movies and resorting to my old tricks that i do when i’m down — which causes me to do a lot of introspection about myself. many of the same issues that had been developed before hand were never really resolved — and in a way i had used this person to alleviate those pressures. but a lot of the ground work i made onto myself was done alone — and while they had pushed me to do those things — it was obviously me that did all the work. they may have nudged me in the right directions but it was me who did it all myself.
many people have said that someone who doesn’t fall in love with me is a doo-doo head (to put it nicely) but i can’t fault someone for not liking me in that way. pride has dictated too long ago that i could never ever want someone who doesn’t want me back — and i won’t break that rule now. while too many films have depicted the story of people figuring out later on that the person they never thought they should be with, they SHOULD be with and it was too late — reality begs to say that only happens in the movies. and i can accept that. really. i haven’t come this far in my life not have.
i know, honestly, that many of what i wanted and much that i want is projected upon each successful suitor. i do not take the time to learn but instead foster my own ideas on what that person should be and am sorely disappointed when they are not whom i think they are. i have long have had a habit of falling for people who do not share my own affections, and finding out later on that they end up marrying some female they have just met within 6 months of the ending of any romantic interest between us. i can count at least five different examples of this happening. i met a guy a year ago and during casual conversation he told me his stats were much higher: the girls he has dated have ended up marrying after him — ‘cept it’s been ALL the girls he’s dated even remotely seriously. he had me beat by a long shot. i’m glad, on some fucked levels, to see that it’s not just me.
one of the main reasons i haven’t written since i was in mayumphis and since i’ve been back is partly because too much is going on in my head to really sit down and write about it all. i wanted to put together something that wasn’t so embarrassing and so personal yet i knew not how to do it.
this is my life.
and it’s all about being on the web. i will forever be known as “the on-line diarist known as lisa”. i cannot not be this person. of anything i’ve learned within my 2.5 years in SF was mainly about projection and patterns and other fun stuff. emotionally i think i’m much more stable now then when i got here (though the level of psychodrama has increased “bad boys bad boys” not decreased).
but i still refuse to be afraid to not talk about how i feel. and i refuse to not write about it either. if you are involved with me in anyway — this is something you have to realize and this is something you have to recognize. i will not change this aspect of my life.
but i had to say this. i had to get it out so that it wouldn’t be rattling in my head because then i start thinking about it more so and analyzing it when i need to chill and let it go.
so it’s out.
i’m really really tired. ultra-slacking does wear on you. tomorrow will be the hot topic of where lisa is going to move to. stay tuned.


So Lisa wants to drive around Memphis… Unlike most civilized societies,
our public transportation system combined with the vast area that the
city covers only leaves one option. Rental. But hey, she did it in
style! Got a white convertible Mustang! Yow! Hell I just wanted to go
driving in it! All we needed was a cell phone, some helicopters chasing us, and an army of dancing bikini girls, and we would had a rap video!
After work, we picked up my not so happy friend, Ron and headed towards the river (No, not to pour cement around Lisa’s feet and throw her in, but
to show her the pretty side of Memphis). We all walked around the edge of
Tom Lee park (obviously named after the famous “Men in
Black” actor, Tommy Lee Jones…not) and discussed property values and Cybil Shepard’s house. Nothing make you more thirsty than standing in 1000 degree weather, so we hopped in our fly G-mobile and sported off to my favorite watering hole and your too, I’m sure, T.J. Mulligans. Ah, Mulligans its been so long since the taste of their turkey and cheddar had passed my lips, and it was a good thing… Even if the waitress did want to kill me.
We sat. We talked. We all bonded. It was a beautiful budweiser moment. But
soon we all got tired of sitting and the crappy folk singer started to
play, so we hit the streets in the fly mobile again. Drove past Joe’s Cool
Sign (A neon masterpiece that alone should raise the tourist rate here
in Memphis), and dropped Ron off home to his den of a thousand cats. We
thought we could impress Lisa with the massive girth of Lebowski the
hideously obese kitty, but she was not phased. Oh well. After that, my sauntery southern self was ready for a nice 8-24 hour nap, but Lisa seems to be running on nuclear power, so I took her to one of my favorite bookstore’s in Memphis, Bookstar (Yeah, I know its a chain, but they are pretty cool… I mean the idea of turning old movie theaters into bookstores is brilliant). She bought Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I had seen the movie, so I didn’t. She tried to explain the difference between Linux and Unix and why I should learn PERL but most of what she said could not register in my primitive artboy brain. The iced mocha was good though.
Came home and argued about who gets the couch and who gets the bed. Never met someone who actually WANTED to sleep on the couch before… Fine by me.. It’s your back, bub.
I’m not for sure exactly, but I think she may have had a party while I was
asleep. A girl gets pretty popular with a car like that!
Yours Truly,
Darth Mike

Wanna know the real version of the story?

hostile takeover

There are those who may think that there were ulterior motives behind Lisa’s visit to this here bluff city. Well yer right! It is all part of my elaborate scheme to become famous by taking over everybody else’s website! Yeah sure, I had to trade my daily journal, but nobody ever reads that thing… This is where its at, and Miketron2000 industries is ALL about taking over the world… one website at a time.
Anyways, so far… so good. She hasn’t killed me yet (that’s always a good thing). For those of you who only know of Lisa through this fine website, then I’m one up on ya! HA! Actually, she’s quite nice. Aside from the constant drug use, vandalism, and animal torture, she’s pretty easy going. I didn’t appreciate when she threw my television set into the pool, but its my own fault for not securing it properly, right?
I don’t write as much as Lisa (mainly because I am not a writer), so these here bits probably won’t be as full of the insight and glamour that many are used to… but man can I talk about my cat! Did you know that when I found him he had a hole in his head! Sure nuff, Bob’s yer uncle!
This is my first time meeting a pal over the internet, and its strangely fascinating. Here is a person I have never met in real life yet feel like I am darn good friends with. If there is anything I have learned in the past year, its that one cannot have too many friends, even if you don’t think so at certain times… Good friends are the reason I am still around today. In the past year I have gone from taking my friends for granted to really understanding what a valuable purpose the serve in the grand scheme of things. That may be the reason I overextend myself these days trying to accommodate the few that I have (although I am sure Jason Alexander would dispute that claim of accommodation).
So, there is much time and much stuff to do… These next two weeks will be quite busy for me. Lisa wants to check out the University (one of the reasons, she came y’know), everybody MUST see downtown Memphis when they come here… as well as the hippie charm of Midtown. We’ve already been to Chili’s and gone swimming, so we are just going down the list at this point. Y’know, crack houses gun shows, that sort of thing.
So, that’s about the long and short of it right now… More news as it comes to me.
Yours Truly,
Miklos Nortonski..er I mean, Mike

Wanna know the real version of the story?

memphis or bust

in a little over (or under depending on the time frame your looking at here) 6 hours, my ass will be leaving this house to head for the airport. in a little over 8 hours, i’ll be on my merry little way heading to Memphis.
i’ve been getting a lot of flack from friends about packing — basically why do i wait till the last minute? really — i’ve never thought about being so advanced in getting it done.


it’s currently 4am in the morning and i just woke up. my roommate cathleen has informed that her bf Charlie (whose also another roommate) is out jogging and that cawfee is good to go. i just have to flip the pot on to make.
i’m sitting here freezing. i’m contemplating bringing a cardigan with me, knowing once i hit Memphis I’m gonna be sweating my balls off. oh well, who the hell cares. i just woke up. at least i slept. aren’t you proud of me Mike? Now I will be not so dead when I land in Memphis. We are going drinking tonight. He’s Irish, I’m German-Scotch — we will at least have alcohol in common.
for some reason i’m feeling strangely pessimistic. i’m all packed and all i have left is to take a shower and leave. i wish i could say i was worried about meeting him, but strangely i’m not. it just is. i can’t figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
but i’m nervous. 🙂
people are giving me shit about going. talking about how i’m gonna fall in love with mike or he’s gonna fall in love with me. i don’t know why you people be tripping. i haven’t met the guy yet and some people have my wedding all planned out down to bridal gowns. thanks. i appreciate that.
i’m anxious.
and i’m getting grumpy.
i need more cawfee.
i’ll see you all — when i get to Memphis.
the lisa chronicles icq skin
it’s all the rage

miss american pie

when i was a kid growing up in Port Huron, Michigan; I loved summer. I loved waking up and walking outside of my house and seeing the grass shimmer with morning dew. i would hear the birds chirping in the trees and i would sit on the front porch during the day reading or sit on the back porch at night writing underneath the stars. my whole day would be planned around events such as riding my bike down to the lake and sitting in one of the little coves near the entrance between the lake and river. i would sit there sucking on freez-e’s while writing in my journal. i was 11 years old.
there is something about summertime in the Midwest that no one can touch.
i haven’t figured out what it is about it, but i keep noticing that certain things will strike me as being very Midwestern and i would get homesick pretty quickly. but i get homesick quite often…
this past Friday, i had to drive to Fresno California, which is located about 3 hours east of Oakland. Fresno is in the valley and considered to be away from anything/everything that is a happening. last time i was there, i mocked the fact that the biggest days for them was Rodeo Days and that the radios stations played Color Me Badd’s “I Wanna Sex You Up” as a “hot” hit. That even though there was a major university in the town, it still sucked ass. it is hickville. completely and totally. it was not as bad as grand rapids, but it had that dull feel to it and a Midwest smell to it. and i fell in love.
i would go outside for a few minutes and enjoy the HEAT and smell the fresh air. things seemed so different there. i couldn’t put my finger on it and i can’t even begin to describe it. i remember sitting on the porch at our facilities in Fresno and looking around and everything seemed so lush and green. the grass seemed touchable and soft. like i could slip off my shoes and walk around barefoot for a few hours and or lie down and sleep. everything felt alive.
i hate san francisco.
ever since i’ve been here, people have told me time and time again how i fit into the culture here. how i fit the stereotype of a 20 something year old geek. but SF bores me. the few local events i’ve been too didn’t titillate or scintillate me — they bored me. i just feel that we’ve lost all contact with being human in our quest for mechanical perfection.
they have also said that there is something about that i needed to do here: find myself? come to terms with myself? find peace in myself? i don’t know – all i do know is that i left Fresno Friday pretty freaking happy. I was in love. I drove down the highways yelling and screaming and shaking my booty to the music out pounding out of my car stereo. and the closer i got to Oakland, the more tense i got, the more bitter i felt.
i drove past Livermore and started screaming and yelling because I saw a DRIVE IN movie theater actually showing a movie. I haven’t seen one of those since I was a kid.
i realize whatever i needed to do here — i’ve done. it’s time for me to go now. the penance (as only the way i see it) is over with. i’ve paid my fucking dues. no one can understand the hatred i have for this place — but i can see it. there is nothing for me here in SF. I’ve always known this since I had moved out here 2 years ago and everyone keep telling me that I was wrong. My own anger and paranoia — I know that SF is wrong for me. I felt “me” when i was out in Fresno and when i was back home in GR this past winter.
One of the things I’ve been thinking about as of late is when I go to Memphis on Wednesday. Mike and I have been talking about different things we are going to be doing the week that i’m there. the problem is that from his description and my own research, Memphis sounds very lovable. meaning that it’s not as high strung as SF and not as lame as GR. It’s the perfect combination (thus far) of both climates. (and NO this is not some metaphor about falling in luv with Mike — geez). Memphis, in short, sounds perfect to me. I’m free and over 21. There is nothing holding me back or causing me to stay anywhere.
But I told Mike, that I was afraid. i was afraid of getting to Memphis and falling in love with it and having it all blow up in my face like Toronto did back in 1996. I couldn’t deal with that again. And I certainly don’t want to be here.
So, we’ll see. I just haven’t been thinking about it much really. in fact — it’s odd that i think about it that neither mike nor myself bring it up except to say “neat — you’re gonna be here in a few days”. he, the big sweetie, went out and stocked up on trident sugarless gum, chocolate milk and bottled water 🙂 I am, so loved.
speaking of being loved, the last week has been strange. well at least as far as people go. i think i may have mentioned that i’ve been feeling like a bitch in heat and that i’m picking up on peoples smells. it’s horrid. i can smell everything and anything and since i’ve been smoke free (13 days now! woo!) it’s been heightened. First off, I’ve had like two complete sets of bi-poly-girls hit on me. both of them are unix chyks/mac whores who live with their BFs. it wouldn’t be so strange if it were not true. and both of them are adorable! then there is Justin — he says that my secret to getting people hit on me is my own pheromones which have been rather strong recently. i thought he meant that uh, well, heh, that certain areas were rather fragrant this time and he said no — but that i just have this smell of deliciousness. whatever it is, i’ve been getting hit on, stared at and adored left and right. it’s flattering and it makes me feel beautiful.
I get sad though because even though I would love to have one person as my very own teddy bear — sometimes it feels like i do more good for the masses. whatever that means.
speaking of flattering, someone made icq skins of yours truly.
here is one shot.
there is another shot.

something purty

i’m in the mood

goddamn pheromones.
for the last uh, week or so i’ve been walking around like a bitch in heat. it’s not anything in particular or anyone in particular it just IS. some people were kind of upset that i mentioned it and others took it to mean that this gave them permission to tell me their sex life. it’s neither — it just is. Alan once said when we were dating years ago, that he would hate to see me in my prime as i would probably rip my bf to shreds sexually with my aggressiveness. i think he meant himself. who would know that we would have broken up.
in a way, i like feeling this way. everything feels like liquid against my skin and everything has this slight blur to it. it’s like being on drugs when you aren’t. when bean came up, she smelled so good that i wanted to kiss her — but i never did. she emailed me back today telling me that she thought she should have made the first move. i’m sitting here looking at Justin like he’s a piece of meat. it would be so easy to have sex with him and i won’t: I don’t love him and it would not mean anything. masturbation just isn’t cutting it and i’m torturing myself by listening to the goo goo dolls slide — which is like what i’m so loving right now. AND THEN Mike sent me a new pic after getting his hair cut. drool i mean look at him! he’s damned cute! i don’t understand why he’s not dating anyone. if i were localized to him, I’d be all over him like white on rice! and that neck! my god! i just want to lick it like a lolly pop.
and NO i’m not going to shush.
I’m sick of being told to shush.
I don’t shush.
and it’s not even really about being horny it’s about being in love — this is how it feels to me — but i’m not in love with anyone! when i’m in love, i want to touch, feel and taste everything. i want to swallow and be engulfed. this is how i feel. i can’t even concentrate because mike’s damned neck is diverting my attention and i can’t concentrate.
more later.
missing someone i don’t even know

Exit mobile version