familiaritas obscenitas

Dear Internet,
I knew mania was upon me not because my brain was slightly throbbing or that I was feeling more invincible than usual, but when having lunch with work husband #3, I was keenly intent on the fish monger and his ice. So much so, I struck up a conversation with him about the habits of keeping the oysters and other delicacies chilled as they laid prettily in the case. I followed up my witty banter with some succinct comment on ice machines and what not.
Really, I am quite the charmer.
Sometimes I don’t know what is worse, curled up in bed in an attempt to keep the world at bay or when it flips and I need to fix all of the world’s problems right this very minute. And if it means staying up until the deepest witching hours to get started, then so be it.
Two weeks ago I was so struck with anxiety and despair, I could barely leave my hotel room while attending a conference. Earlier this week, I was so overwrought with rage that the only way to keep myself from falling apart is reading trashy literature. Then it shifts again and now I am HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY.
And making inane conversation with random fish mongers.
I used to long for normalcy, or even better, a chance of being more even. Now, as soon as this week, I’ve realised those are not the things I need, they are the things I want. What I need is a way to harness, if that is even more possible, and make the fan dance of moods work for me rather than against. Stop censoring myself, for one.
And if the darkness comes, and it has , then I need to surrender to it. As long as I don’t let it swallow me whole, as long as I remind myself it will pass (and it will), to be mindful as much as I can that this is cyclic and I will whirl around the peg board towards something else, then I can survive. To quote Neil Gaiman,

Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

And even the very most important thing to remember, (somehow I have to create very visible reminder), to is to apply self-care. Generously. Without regret. For that is how we will slay the dragons.
xoxo,
Lisa

This day in Lisa-Universe:

Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes: September 7, 2013

Johann Georg Hainz's Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
 
Dear Internet,

Writing

The Lisa Chronicles

Listening

  • Finally got a chance to finish Neverwhere, and boy was it a delight.

Reading

Watching

  • Orange is the New Black
    Alright Internet, I have to say this show didn’t do anything for me. Two long, draggy, whiny, self-obsessed episodes in and all I wanted to do was shiv Piper Chapman myself. I felt like the characters were so over the top, they stared to come back down. The backstories drove me nuts – sure, it can be used as a plot device but after awhile, it feels like the show ran more steam on the backstories then the supposed current events of why Piper was in the joint in the first place. The first episode cheated by giving us the TV tried and true hook, line, and sinker: lesbian sex. Not once, but several times. I felt like the show threw out all of its cards on the table, before the season even got started, and what I saw bored me.

Weekly watching: The Bridge (US), Project RunwayThe Newsroom, Sons of Anarchy, Burn Notice,  DaVinci’s Demons,  The Vampire Diaries

Links

x0x0,
lisa

This day in Lisa-Universe in: 2012, 2008

Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes: August 31 2013

Johann Georg Hainz's Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
 
Dear Internet,

Writing

The Lisa Chronicles

Listening

  • Neverwhere
    The new radio adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s book stars Natalie Dormer, James McAvoy, Benedict Cumberbatch among the rest of the stellar cast.  I’m only a few episodes in but so far I’m really enjoying this.

Reading

Watching

Weekly watching: The Bridge (US), Project RunwayThe Newsroom, Sons of Anarchy, Burn Notice,  DaVinci’s Demons,  The Vampire Diaries

Links

x0x0,
lisa

This day in Lisa-Universe in:

Magic, dreams, and wonderful, gorgeous mistakes

20120101-174339 For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been working on variations of this post, with versions that ranged from HERE IS MY RESOLUTION LIST to 2011 WAS OMGWTFBBQ.
2011 was just such an odd year and even the thought of recounting what was learned and experienced over the last 12 months seemed ridiculous – is this not the reason why I have a blog in the first place? All of those versions of a year end post seemed relevant as well as moot. Blame it on being a librarian and our stereotype love of lists, even though I’ve argued (to myself) that keeping a list of resolutions on my website would be public shaming into doing them, the truth is, I almost never end up finishing the projects I set out to do. I dream SO BIG and in the end, there are only so much of me to spread around.
And if I confine to you an open secret, many of my resolutions do not change from year to year, and I think that is the one thing that keeps me running is knowing that I have not, and probably will not, fulfill all that my heart desires – but I’m okay with that. Because I desire so much, that I want to accomplish so much, that there is only so many lives (well, one) that can handle all of the dreams I’ve set out to do, so therefore I must never, ever die (or get old, but that is neither here nor there).
When I was reading Neil’s Tumblr over the weekend, I came across his post on his New Year’s Eve benedictions of past, that for one, the image above, someone had turned into a poster of sorts.1 And as I was reading his other benedictions of the past, I realized, yes! This is what I need! It is not about lists, goals, and tick boxes but it is all about magic, and dreams, and wonderful gorgeous mistakes. That we break out of our day to day existence, and to live, to hope, to dream, to dance, to be silly and lovely and all the wonderful, magical things that can only come from a life that has been lived.
And that I do hope this year is filled with wonderful, gorgeous mistakes, that kind that make the best stories to tell, so that I can not only learn from them but also to share them, to engage, and to laugh and mourn over things that were incredible and things that were not so incredible.
So to you, my dear friends, I raise a toast to you on end of the very first day of 2012 and say to you that I love you and I hope the year is one of dreams and love and everything you could possibly desire and so much more.
This is my 2012 wish for you.
1. He did not have attribution for the image in his post, but I would love to find out if such a poster does exist!