pauly is 21

today, 5/9/2001, my little luv muffin finally turned 21 ūüôā
and we are taking him out tonight to get hammered ūüėÄ
more details forthcoming —
ps:¬†go check out¬† — i just redesigned it — and am thinking about adding a message board to modgirl as well.


Tonight marked my fifth meeting of going to weight watchers.
it began when S. suggested we get our bodies moving (primarily since¬†she found herself wearing size 20 jeans on her¬†small frame) and I was personally disgusted with learning i was¬†carrying 283 pounds on my 6′ tall frame.
The picture to your left was taken approximately four days before we started.
A month later, I’ve dropped 10 of the 100 pounds i want to lose and am¬†feeling much better about myself.
What cracks me up about being on WW is that I don’t see it as a diet¬†— I really do see it as a “life changing way¬†of¬†eating” (snort) — and for me this is not about wanting to be a size 6¬†— it has never been about me wanting to be a¬†size 6 — it’s always been about feeling good and looking good for the¬†rest of my life. I know from my personal¬†experience growing up that being ‘overweight’ (or chubby as we call it¬†in the rabey-sullivan household) has always¬†been a disadvantage for many reasons but one of the things that stand¬†out in my mind as a child is the torment I¬†received being the biggest (and tallest) kid in my class as well as¬†the pain my brother went through when he was¬†younger and fatter (he’s a lean 250lbs on his 7′ frame). My brother¬†passed along his then anxiety to my mother by¬†badgering her about being overweight. The cycle would start over and¬†over and over
Plus I’m hell bent on wearing a red thong bikini before my tata’s head¬†far too south.
The WW plan is simple: each food is given x number of points. You are¬†allowed to eat x number of points per day. You¬†go to meetings once a week and get weighed in, pay your 14 bucks,¬†listen to the “team lead” to motivate you and you¬†start again. I like this “life changing” way of eating. It’s easy to¬†keep track of and i can eat anything ANYTHING¬†i want to. My third week (second week on the diet), I lost four pounds¬†but I had eaten taco bell, pizza and cake as¬†well as other food that week. I am not deprived of anything — which¬†is a good thing. Other diets I’ve been on¬†sucked major ass as I had to remove carbs, remove fat, count this and¬†weigh that. This diet is literally fool proof.¬†Hell i lost 10 pounds, that has got to say something,
But I’m excited. This feels right to me and I’m faithfully chronicling
my food journal everyday (wish i could say
the same about TLC sometimes ūüėČ if you know what i mean winkwinkwink).
What I’m tired of is the naysayers who say shit like:
“Oh 10 pounds? That’s mostly water weight.” Water weight? Jesus. Give me a break — I’m female, I get my period every month, i know what water weight is — and water weight does slide off your body at the average of 2-3lbs a week. This is FAT (not to be confused with phat) that is sliding off.
“Oh, you don’t need to lose weight/get in shape/diets are a bunch of scams”: One of my coworkers made a comment similar to this some time ago and it really burned my britches. They implied that since I had a man, there was no reason for me to feel good about myself. I wanted to bitch slap them into oblivion. Other comments over the years have produced the same results, but herein lies my own mental psychology — people are cruel. Yes, this is a common thread we’ve all experienced in our lives, but if you are fat/handicapped/look different, people are even more so cruel. Why are they cruel? To make themselves feel better about themselves — fuck, I do it myself when I’m being catty about other women I see (“ohmygod, she is wearing white shoes with a black dress!”) and about other things myself. I’m not innocent in this little game we play with each other myself here, I’ll take my lumps with the rest of you. Obesity (yes, since I am “technically” 100lbs over weight, I am “obese”) runs in my family, hereditary diseases like diabetes also runs rampart in my family as well as various diseases pertaining to the ovaries. One of the causes is being overweight. So fuck me for wanting not to die at an early age.
“Oh, you look fine just the way you are”: See above.
And the list goes on and on and on, but you get the point I’m making here.
Then you have the people who are chronic dieters — they talk about their experiences all the time at the meetings, about how they lost xx number of pounds and then gained it back after lifechangingevent/baby/xyz. Or the frantic dieters who drink nothing but water two days before the weigh in and piss for 48 hours to get rid of the weight. Or the snack-freaks who eat nothing for 24 hours and pig out on krispy kremes after the meeting. These are all the stories shared and some of them lack such common sense and others are just plain funny.
S. and I are feeling a bit out of sorts because we don’t feel like we belong to the group we meet with every week. Most of them are over 40 and most of them want to lose that extra 15lbs that has been hanging around since the Vietnam war. As twentysometings (ie young), we don’t get the obsession some of these women put into dieting as well as some of the more “motivational” uses some of the use — like the really obese woman who weighs herself twice a day and freaks out if she gains a few ounces — that’s just unrealistic (and funnily scary).
I just want to feel good and feel better about myself and I’m taking it one day at a time, I just wish some of these women would understand that doing this for xx amount of days is not going to get them down to a size 4/6 for their honeymoon/midlife crisis/etc. To me that is just disturbing.