i finally uploaded the pr0n and pictures pages (no, not the bill cosby kind). DO BE WARNED that these are in THUMBNAILS and there is quite a number of images. if your on a slow connection, this can take some time. I’m on cable — but hey, you slowpokes are just being warned. and please. do not email me bitching about morals, bullshit, and how its degradating to women. the pictures are either funny, disgusting, perverted or just down right “um — okay” type of deals. this is my website, i will put on here what i please. just don’t bother with me with how you feel about pron. i mean, jesus christ, if i can write a chronicle about rimming justin, I’m sure you people can handle pictures. and hey. no one is forcing you to go there. I’m just letting you know.
the above was just necessary because i really don’t want my email box filled with letters about how I’m going to hell, and pr0n is degrading to women and yadda yadda yadda. move along now. there is nothing to see here.
i used to claim that back in the day that i /never/ got spam because i never posted to usenet. hahahaha. okay well anyways, i now do get spam (spam in my aol account doesn’t count btw) and the funny thing is that it’s generally sent to an address that theoretically doesn’t exist (it exists in so much as it’s now an alias pointing to a physical email box) and for the most part i just delete it.
I’ve also gotten complaints from people who have forwarded to me spam that was “generated” from my address. which is funny — but hey. hehe.
but I’ve been getting spammed from two persons who have been directed at me. one is from yes, i know, go ahead and laugh at that lame ass moronic page. the issue is that for the last year or so, they’ve been spamming me about their lame book — and got my address from the geek white pages (a little project started in 1995 that i had signed up on in 1996). and the guy claims:
“Sorry about the email. You will not be sent any future mailings, that email was mis-sent. please take your name off the Geek Pages list to stop any email in the future. For your information SPAM is not illegal in any state nor the US on any federal or state statutes. SPAM of course is discouraged. Your were sent this email because your name was on a submitted list.”
Obviously, the idiot didn’t read the last two emails I sent him in regards to federal law:
U.S. law, including Title 47
Sec.227(b)(1)(C) of the U.S. Code, as follows:
US Code Title 47, Sec.227(b)(1)(C):
“It shall be unlawful for any person within the United States to use any telephone facsimile machine, computer, or other device to send an unsolicited advertisement to a telephone facsimile machine”
A “telephone facsimile machine” is defined in Sec.227(a)(2)(B) as:
“equipment which has the capacity to transcribe text or images (or both) from an electronic signal received over a regular telephone line onto paper.” Under this definition, an e-mail account, modem, computer and printer together constitute a fax machine.
The rights of action are as follows. Under Sec.227(b)(3)(B):
“A person or entity may, if otherwise permitted by the laws or rules of court of a State, bring in an appropriate court of that State —
(A) an action based on a violation of this subsection or the regulations prescribed under this subsection to enjoin such violation,
(B) an action to recover for actual monetary loss from such a violation, or to receive $500 in damages for each such violation, whichever is greater, or
(C) both such actions. If the court finds that the defendant willfully or knowingly violated this subsection or the regulations prescribed under this subsection, the court may, in its discretion, increase the amount of the award to an amount equal to not more than 3 times the amount available under subparagraph (B) of this paragraph.”
Now, I’ve been more than polite to this guy and I’ve quote said paragraphs to him above several times. I mean, what is it going to take for people to get the hint that YOU WILL NOT MAKE MILLIONS HAWKING YOUR WARES ON THE NET! jesus. especially some drippy little page done in FrontPage hawking a book called “cyber plebe”? ugh no. Anyways, he hasn’t emailed me back, I suspect he will not. His wife has previously written to my response and told me to fuck off (which he said she apologized for — which she had not). Lets grow up people, shall we?
The next group is an actual legit community. and i can admire what they are trying to do, but for the last TWO years they have been sending me updates on their community. problem is, I’m not interested, i don’t really care and i want to know how they got my email address. The first time i got mail from them, they promised to take me off. The second time i got mail from them, i got an apology from the founders and a gift certificate from for my inconvenience. and then it stopped.
well it was raining spam again this evening folks as i got email from BOTH parties at the same time. I’ve also emailed the founders of soulforce again — directly and bitched. but in a nicer way. i never spent the certificate (didn’t think it was a big deal) and was told it was an intern error when they were importing addresses (and we know how interns are — just ask Bill Clinton).
I believe in freedom of speech but spam has gone WAY AND ABOVE the call of duty here. it’s distressing because i can’t think of anyone who really reads it (let alone who actually RESPONDS to it), it causes problems with servers (amount of mail vs sever load), people get angry, blood pressure rises, i mean, what of any GOOD that comes out of it?
me personally, i take extra careful steps when I’m registering something on the internet. i always read the fine print (some legit companies will ask if you mind being put on a mailing list — always read the fine print on this) and make sure I’m not receiving extra mail. for instance, i was getting mailing info from companies like Barnes and Noble, Iomega, C|Net, et al. I read the fine print at the bottom and unsubscribe my ass from their mailing lists (if i had inadvertently gotten on). Some mail I do read, like Wired Daily News, my horoscope, and my weekly update from But for the most part, I’ve realized that I do not have the time and energy to sort through that crap. some companies will put you on a mailing list when purchase something from their website (again, read the fine print, unsubscribe). i never realized just how much junk mail i was on until i was swapping accounts over from to mailing addresses. everyday I’ve been getting something new from something i had purchased/registered for and hell, i was even a founding community member of website. (which i had forgotten about until they sent me an anniversary email — hehe).
i just don’t like the fact people can try and hawk their wares to me thinking it’s okay. I’m a resourceful goddess, if i need something, i know where to look for it. i don’t need to be told how.
i guess that is what irritates me the most is that most people will run something because it is under the guise of “free speech” — but you see, free speech (in my opinion) is only worthwhile AS LONG AS IT DOESN’T HURT SOMEONE ELSE. I’m sure someone is going to put the smackdown on me about this in particular, but there are limits to everything — including my patience.
paul and i had a conversation a few weeks ago about internet e-commerce. from his perspective, only 10% of businesses succeed on the Internet today. When someone starts a business, they have a 50% chance of either closing in two years or continuing to run. On the Internet, with so many choices being available — and so many people working from home these days, this has sky rocketed to 90/10 fail/pass percentage — and with the advent of IPOs? It can’t stay like this forever — the market won’t allow it. it’s going to crash and burn sometime.
I saw a wonderful article in about how there is just TOO much information — and i totally agree with it. With the advent of portals,, free web hosting, specialized sites/search engines, newsletters, everyone is rushing to be on the information superhighway — and wanting to be a geek in the same time. ITS MADNESS I TELL YOU! i keep two ‘s websites running at work with my profiles with my weather, horoscopes, movies and teevee guides and other fun things. i can remember a day when i spent EIGHT freaking hours on yahoo taking advantage of their services — and the suck-me-part is the “FREE” word. hell, even one of my usual rants is about the popularity of online journaling, now made more famous by websites such as with everyone and their brother jumping on the bandwagon.
god, one of the dreams I’ve had for a long time was a complete Internet cleanup. Go through and remove 404 errors, weblogs (lame ass link pages), and dead websites. kind of do a spring cleaning on the whole thing. and especially start requesting that a computer iq be generated when purchasing either a computer or an online account. yah, that’s the ticket.
in short, spam is evil. don’t do it.
addendum to the abortion story
got a lot of responses to the chronicle from 12.12.99 on my experience with being a friend to someone having an abortion. got in several stories of some personal experiences as well as guesses as to who i was speaking about (i will neither confirm nor deny those).
all in all, honestly i didn’t feel like i had written well enough to convey what was going on. the person who i was speaking about thought i had written well on the topic — but my main story running through my head while i was hanging out at the clinic didn’t come out as passionate as i had hoped. which sucks, but there is good days and bad days when writing.
Anywho, i do thank everyone for telling me how they have felt. paul and i were discussing the old “what if i told you i was pregnant” theory — and he said he would quietly freak out and not speak to me for a few days before we talked about our options (which is funny considering that paul was just telling me this morning how we are going to be buying a house within the next year — I’m like dude, just drag that big freckled hard arse of yours up here so that we can start our life!)
I think the thing that freaked me out the most was the fact that laying next to my friend the night before the actual procedure having her tell me how the babies were kicking. to me, that was just too close to home. as i find myself getting older, i keep thinking about little lisa’s (and little paulys i would assume) and i keep thinking about how great it would to be a mom just to clean up the fuckups in my own life. but i don’t have plans for quite some time to do this until I’m older and more able to handle it — as for the fact of being in a stable relationship (married or not).
I’m all for being protected and being safe. again, to me it is a show of utter lack of respect when not doing these precautions — especially in this day and age. you can’t just assume that because the vaginal area/penis area looks clean — it is. get tested regularly (once a year), buy condoms and live a long and healthy life!

non sequitur

this has been one hell of a weekend. well, it’s been one hell of a week. so much has happened within the space of a few days, plus my own thoughts and feelings, i have a feeling I’m going to be all over the place — more so than usual.
from the what’s new front:
87 people on the mailing list (geez, can’t i eve break a 100?). Did some more comestic work on the website. Added filez, pictures, pr0n and really put up the obligatory webrings, awards and links page.
family fun
yanno, another reason i don’t get the holidays is mainly because my own family is fsck’d in a definite loony way. for instance, now that I’m all settled in Fairfax and basically living with paul (meaning he doesn’t show up until the 30th perm), i decided to start calling my aunts and stuff to let them know i was alive and living. and basically i got to hear for an hour about how horrible of a daughter i am (because i haven’t spoken to my mother in about 6 months), about how everyone is a son of a bitch and Canadian currency is basically crap and how one aunt married her drug and alcoholic bf and moved to Kentucky and that my other aunt and her husband moved to Florida.
you know, its the Christmas season. and I’m trying to make the best of it. i thought by calling my Aunt Jackie and letting her know I was okay and that I was sending them a Xmas card with my and Pauls address that it would be okay. But it wasn’t. My Aunt Roberta (her younger sister and sidekick) basically grilled me about paul. When she asked me if paul had a big family and I said “yah, he’s half Spaniard and Irish and catholic”, she drops her voice and whispers “is he dark?” Like jesus christ people. This is 1999. His coloring shouldn’t matter to anyone. (But the boy is pretty goddamn pale.) And when I told her that we were getting married she said “Well, I won’t tell anyone that you aren’t married now (due to the fact that paul and I are living together)”.
They always make me feel so goddamn rotten when I speak to them. I don’t know why I do it. Maybe it was because of seeing how Paul interacts with his family and this was something he and I had discussed that I could shed some light into my own family problems.
Turned out I was wrong.
My father had a stroke two weeks ago, and I got the phone call from my cousin James in Toronto. I’m a okay.
this is the part when i start deconstructing myself and feeling like shit. bah.
how i spent my saturday (December 11, 1999)
Editors Note: as we all know, when people start talking about a ‘friend’ and not naming names, it is generally presumed that it is really about the person who is telling the story. fortunately in this case, it really is not about me. it’s about a long time friend of mine who choose to get an abortion. since she has been mentioned in TLC in the past, she was afraid she would start getting hate mail because of her choice. so we decided that it was okay for me to talk about it, just not to mention her name. I’ve never been pregnant and paul and i are not expecting devils spawn. really.
when i found out that one of my oldest friends was pregnant, i wasn’t happy. i knew that she hadn’t been practicing birth control and knowing that she had been pregnant in the past due to ‘carelessness’ really irritated me. you see, out of the group of close friends i grew up with (high school/college), I’m the only one in the bunch who has never been pregnant and thusly was lucky enough never to have to make a decision on whether or not i was going to keep a child.
I’ve had my shares of scares, true, but I’ve always been ultra paranoid about my sexual health. when Alan and i were dating in the early 90s, we had went and gotten checked together so that we could practice monogamous safe sex without using condoms (i was on the pill at the time and told that i was possibly not going to be able to have kids as it was). so, like any other young couple in love, we got checked and tossed away the condoms. then i found out that he had been cheating on me. and then i found out that he had NOT been practicing safe sex with this other girl. my own paranoia (aids had just started to ravage the country and people were on the war path about safe sex) plus common sense prompted me to to get checked and make sure that i was okay. i was. but that set in motion a passion about sexual awareness and practicing safe sex that is almost cult like.
I’ve had many discussions with lots of people about practicing safe sex. I cannot believe that in this day and age people are so fucking stupid about not using protection. the most common excuses I’ve heard are “i don’t like condoms” and “i can’t remember to take the pill” — okay fine, but there are other options for you to use. not all of the guaranteed (nothing in life is) and not all of them protect you from disease but something is better than nothing. sex to me is a very adult thing — meaning you have to take the responsibly along with your actions. i cannot tolerate excuses about why people are not practicing safe sex. and yesh, i practice what i preach. I’m on the pill and paul and i use condoms.
so when my friend told me she was pregnant, i felt sad for her. she was taking it all in stride though — I’ll grant you that. but when she went to get checked and was scheduling a time to have the procedure, they refused to do it telling her that she was much farther along than she thought she was. which was wrong. her boyfriend didn’t move in till late august and she got pregnant early September. they told her the time of the conception was middle of august — which is fricken impossible since she was only sleeping with him — and he wasn’t event here yet. and she was also pregnant with twins. and since the clinic claimed she was above the date for an abortion (she found out that babies were just bigger than normal) — state of Virginia will not do anything past the first trimester (up to 12 weeks). she could go to Philly, DC or North Carolina to have the procedure done.
She choose DC.
I didn’t find out until nearly her appointment that she was coming up. i rescheduled work and plans to help her out. it was a two day procedure. on the first day (Friday) she was going in for what she calls the ‘seaweed stick’ procedure. what this is, is that they stick sticks up your vagina wrapped in iodine to dilate the cervix. this is (according to the paperwork she was given) the beginning of the abortion. the second day (saturday) visit is when the actual abortion would take place, which would last about 1/2 hour with an additional 2-3 hours for resting. she was then free to leave as long as someone was driving her home. — and that person would have been me.
she arrived late Friday night in some discomfort. the babies had been kicking and she was also having mild cramping. she was having a hard time even going to the bathroom because she was afraid the sticks might fall out. after taking a nap that evening, she and i stayed up and talked until 2 am — when we had to be up at 6 am to get up for the appointment.
and as we talked, she kept telling me how she was feeling the babies kick — and she said it such a non-chalant way that it was almost scary.
we woke up early saturday morning and both forwent showers to get to the appointment on time. we arrived a few minutes past 7:30 to see that there were protesters already out front. well duh. planned parenthood. Washington DC. hello here. we walked quickly by them, went through the security guards and were let into the clinic. other girls soon followed in and at 8am, the nurse started calling peoples names to go back for the procedure.
she gave me the option of going back to the apartment and getting rest and then coming to pick her up. i decided to hang out for awhile and just kill time. i read magazines, i watched the waiting room swell up with people. all types of girls came in — i couldn’t tell who was there for what. but there were all races and social classes. some came in alone, others came in with bf’s/spouses/partners. finally around 9:30am, i went outside and chain smoked for awhile.
i met up with two volunteers for the clinic and talked with for awhile. the protesters had grown in numbers but it was still a small motley group of people. one man had a huge (about 3’x2′) sign that showed a dead fetus with “32 million babies killed since Roe vs Wade”. there were young and old people, chanting Holy Marys and giving away rosaries. The volunteers were friendly and a bit passionate about their work. we talked about the protesters and i asked them what it was like doing this. i was truly curious. i mean, I’ve heard and read all the stories about what was going down at these clinics. when i went to PP in Oakland for my own checkup, we were forced to check in with a security guard and go through auto-locked doors. this place in DC was more secure — and the protesters, man, it was like something out of CNN. they approached everyone walking near the clinic and gave them roasiers and told them they would pray for their sins. one young Hispanic girl came in with her bf. i watched her staring up at the sign above the entrance and watched her eyes water as she tightly clutched her bf’s hand. i felt so sorry for her, i wanted to do something but i didn’t know what to do. hell, for all i know she could be there for a pap smear.
the volunteers job was to make sure the protesters didn’t harass the patients as they walked into the clinic. they spoke softly to the women walking up and comforted them if they didn’t look so hot. i stood outside for nearly an hour watching this take place in 35 degree weather. i had my scarf wrapped around my neck and my gloves on as i chain smoked just watching the scene. i chatted some more with the volunteers and walked back in. by this time, it was going on 10am and the waiting room was packed. i settled down in a very uncomfortable chair and read newsweek waiting for my friend to leave.
she walked out at 12:15pm and just seemed as snappy as she ever was. she wasn’t feeling sick or upset. she just wanted a cigarette and food. we went to safeway to grab some maxi-pads for her and some advil and drove to TGI Fridays for lunch. Both of us acted like nothing had happened. sure we spoke about her abortion but i was as if nothing had happened. she felt well enough a few hours later and drove back home.
Pauls been on this kick lately about not letting me have a dog that he PROMISED i would get for Christmas. you see, his aunt raises pure breed pugs and we were going to get one out of the next litter. but some moron told him that if i asked for a dog now, within 6 months i would be asking for a kid. a: paul wanted the dog first and b: I’m not planning on getting pregnant for quite some time.
Abortion is a touchy subject. There is, I believe no right way or wrong way to go about it. Me personally? I’m pro-choice. I like having the option that if an unwanted pregnancy came up that there was an option for me to terminate it. but it’s the people who ABUSE it that irritate me. It’s the constant stupidity people use towards sex and their own health that drives me insane. I don’t begrudge my friend for having the abortion — i begrudge her for not taking care of herself first in the first place. This is why, in so many ways, volunteering for a PP or for a rape crisis center is something that really speaks to me. I’ve seen too many women waste their lives by having kids they did not love because they were pregnant or abuse the system that was given to them. There are WAY too many people running around in this world who think AIDS/HIV/STDs and pregnancy won’t happen to them because they don’t fall into the criteria for the demographics.
If you are in a relationship with someone or are sleeping with someone, do yourself a favor. respect yourself and use protection. i don’t want another person going through what my friend did.