have this passion for not having bare feet. which is strange because there was a time not so long ago that i could stand to have anything on my feet, cloth or leather wise. maybe i’ve always been paranoid about the fact that i have butt ugly feet or that i have cracked dry skin from said adventures. regardless, now i’m on this whole “feet can’t touch the ground kick” and i had slid off the fuzzy purple slippers and felt the carpet below. it was so…
soft.
the cure is blaring into my ears via my headphones, paul’s happily watching rasslin and i’m so relaxed that i’m about to fall asleep.
which i will as paul and i were up all night fucking and talking. so i only got about 2 hours of sleep 🙂
night.
Tag: ExFiance 2
penderbrook ho’
today was damn strange.
first derrick calls up and wants to go to 7-11, which ended up with us going to tower records (i’ve dropped more money at tower than i would care to think about), 7-11, subway, gas station, 7-11 again. Yes, we went to two separate 7-11s. Why you may ask? BECAUSE THE FIRST ONE DIDNT HAVE COKE SLURPEES! i mean, coke slurpee is the STAPLE of my diet. and how could they NOT carry it? It’s like when dayan and i were driving from Atlanta on route 58 cross the bottom of Virginia and saw a 7-11 beckoning in the distance. We were both craving slurpees like a mofo, had to pee and i was running out of smokes. And you know what? The damn store was CLOSED! Dan was lucky enough to be a guy and take a whiz behind the garbage cans, but, i had to wait till i got to our destination. and it was raining. did i mention that part?
i need to stop with the non-sequiturness (if there is such a word).
[I had tried to convince Derrick that I needed to go to Safeway, but that was a no go.]
Later on in the evening, Corey IM’s me and says that he needs motivation for him to go shopping. I said sure. I wanted out of the house. It was beautiful today (damn 82 degrees out while it was snowing last weekend) and I wanted to pick up a few things I couldn’t get earlier. That was another trip where i came lugging more crap upstairs (flowerflowerflowers) for Paul to make dinner.
I was beginning to feel like the standoff girlfriend: someone that single guys want to do stuff with without having a real girlfriend (i mean, paul supplies all my needs. heh) so they don’t have to do anything special. It was just funny to me (i guess you had to be there) that i could get anyone to go to the store with me other than Paul.
morning of the 17th
it’s somewhat early morning of the 17th and after sleeping for only about three hours (if that!), i’m finding that i’m not all that tired. i had just gotten out of the shower and had some extra time so update we go.
i loved last night.
after everyone had left, and i was getting frustrated trying to work out more stuff (verbosity, another journal i’m doing a kick off, another project, paul’s taxes, etc.); paul and i had hit the sack at around 3am. paul was laying in bed while i was folding laundry and putting it away when paul asked me “why do you act different around me than you do when you are alone?” i didn’t know what he had meant, honestly (though i did have some vague idea) and asked him to explain. he said that i had two routines: pauly routine (when i’m around him) and lisa routine (when i’m with other people or when i’m alone). he said it was like this fine line that i cross when i’m around him that provoked me to eat, walk, read and do different things than when i was alone. i had never really thought that i was actually changing myself when i was around him but after he gave a few specific examples, i could see how he could see that.
after folding his tshirts and putting them away, i climbed into bed and we talked until nearly dawn about me, our relationship, compromise, and other fun stuff. i love it when we talk like this. i know paul’s big worry is that i don’t open up to him (and this is true as i’ve realised with him that i guard myself well) and that all the things that make life enjoyable between two people i was missing out on. i could see his point and felt something click inside. for you see, as much as paul and i banter and argue (and people fear it when we get angry with each other — really), i can’t imagine opening up to everyone else but him. it’s strange for me to think, that we are going to get married and that i’ll soon meet his parents. the big deal when i’m around him, and the part that he maybe doesn’t understand, is that i feel incredible vulnerable when we are together. since we live and play together, i can see why in a way i was feeling so depressed in the last few weeks. the reality that this is coming true keeps smacking me in the face and instead of enjoying the time i have with him, i’m making myself more miserable in the process with thoughts and ideas that don’t really belong here. there is no way i would give paul up. it’s just not happening.
i realize now that one of the things that i as a person have to work on is joining the two routines together and making them one. i had explained to paul last night that one of the nicknames i had acquired in high school was “chameleon” due to the fact that i could blend in and change without seeming phoney. it was not something that i did consciously, it just happened. paul pointed it out more so when he noticed that my musical tastes had changed from more indie/industrial to power pop (which, in my behalf isn’t true. the eels, lincoln, belle and sebastian, also guster tend to fall into the indie range than power pop, but i’m sure dayan would disagree). i had argued that Travis sounded much like radiohead and echo and the bunnymen than power pop.
moving right along with the point here, love takes work. i don’t know who cooked up the idea that love was everything roses and easy to understand and simple, but it’s not. it takes work for two people to make an honest go of a relationship and figure out what they want from each other. i expressed a lot of fears last night to him, concerns and worries that came from both sides about where this relationship is going that i hadn’t felt like discussing with him until he brought up. i know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that paul is the one for me. it’s just a hard fact to swallow (though when he had said this, i mentioned coyly that he wasn’t hard to swallow).
waiting for bob
on that note, my friend doug does the writing for a really good comic called waiting for bob. they did a poll last week on what was the worse thing about the 80s and i got mentioned on their front page for my email that stated “everything about the 80’s ruled. you are all smoking crack”.
doug and i want to know if anyone has made it over from WFB to me, so if you have, can you drop me an email and let us know.
and one final note:
the most popular place on my site is the pr0n section.
damn pervs.
x00x0x0x
lisa
hey piggy piggy
i’m really beginning to hate this laptop.
the above graphic that you are seeing in the nav bar, to me, is coming out this really pretty shade of purple with the butterflies on the background. On my linux box and on paul’s mac, it’s coming out a completely different color. wait. I’ve noticed that if i tilt the monitor portion of the lappy, i can see the true color it’s coming out as. and that is just bs.
finis
okay, i think i’m done fucking with my site for awhile. At this angle colors look better, and it’s not that hard to read (kind of like the pic my brother sent me recently of the guy giving himself head). i’m just sick of spending so much time (nearly 2.5 hours at this point) fuxing with it to make it look “better”. I just really need to freaking stop. this is WHY i ‘m pimping rynsey to do site design for all my projects. i really love butterflies. i should make that my new tattoo.
htmlNOT
i’ve come to the long standing conclusion that design is not my forte and i need to give up on trying to construct web pages. I wish this was much simpler said than done: i have FIVE freaking projects on the burner that currently need my attention html wise, and I can’t do ANYTHING. I used to enjoy going to other peoples sites and seeing how they incorporated design and then steal what i wanted. but i can’t do that anymore. now sites are either OVERLY done (pages with tons of flash/dhtml/etc) or look like something a third grader did. And somehow I fall in between with okay design and kick ass content. i rock everyone’s nuts.
but i’m back to being a hits whore (ie: give me unique visitors! give me page views! give me readers! give me popularity and free sex!)
okay, i’m not that desperate. but i’m getting there. i don’t know what is getting into me. considering for the last few days i’ve been afflicting i’m so forlone! oh woo is me. lemme write bad poetry on black paper and use baby powder on my face (and the boys have gone to dunkin donuts. cheers!)
gratuitous link: dayan
my newly updated CDs list
i’ve bought 20 CDs in the last month or so. Paul recently got another 20 through Columbia house and we are incorporating his 100 with my nearly 300 to to formulate a huge mp3 sever. while we like very similar music, we do not have any duplicate cds. imagine that.
i’m feeling overwhelmed reading these peoples lives and i felt overwhelmed reading my own life for the last four + years. work is going smoothly on getting this all automated (i heart my pooky bear), but for every five steps forward, it’s 10 steps back (or so it seems). paul says i need to find a purpose to write (and starting oh so many projects in such a small amount of time seems like a good kick in the ass) but i’ve never had a purpose. I’ve always just “been” if you catch my drift.
i guess that falls into my whole “i’m slacking. i want to get fired. i don’t care what it takes” attitude. My friend (axiom 2 u) talked to me tonight and told me that when she was leaving UU that she told the new managers to take care of me and Rob as we would end up being some of their best engineer. Like I said, I don’t care WHO you are (old boss scott — nudge nudge nudge) we are just highly paid tech support for some very serious technical issues (no ip routing == bad. encap frame relay IEFT == good). I don’t think i’m doing nearly enough to warrant any “praise” but it’s coming my way and I’m feeling like poop for not doing a better job even though every one says i am. Which is always how it is right? Murphy’s law and all that bs. When I think i’m doing really well, i find out i’m not doing well enough and vice versa. So I don’t think, I just do and everyone seems to be pretty happy because of the results.
mommy
i got a letter from my mother today. i’m not quit sure what to say considering i have not spoken to her in nearly a year. i have yet to read the letter though paul keeps pushing me to do so , thinking it would be good for me. however, i haven’t and he can’t read her chicken scratch so i’m leaving it at that for some time now.
quickie
- the poll i did a few days ago on the design of the site rendered that everyone who emailed me (even non-subscribers, i was touched) said that the splash page idea was evil (if it is so evil, why do people keep doing it?) and that i need to update more. since i’m on the writing streak, i’m not having issues with the later or the former, but i’m finding myself stuck with design ideas. anyways, so that was interesting (which also helped in the ideas of doing the uber secret project being launched may 1, 2000 :).
- a bug in the ios in SoCal rendered modgirl.net helpless today. Not my fault, not Moe’s fault and not anyones fault. Even though we were done for some considerable time. if you tried last night and were having issues, moe fucked up apache.conf and almost lost my website. moe also set up aimee for me as she kept losing her webspace.
- pauls talking to himself. someone help. he and corey sat around the apartment being geeky, singing “lisa lisa the one i adore” and basically being idiots.
- have i mentioned recently that i’m really bitchy and i’m about ready to rip someone’s head off and i can’t find a plausible action? to make it easier on my and everyone else, those who drive me insane have been put on my perm ignore list on irc. i know how can one let text get to them. i’ve been irc’ing since 1994 or something silly like that. ANYWAY, that isn’t the point. everyone is sick of me being angry, including paul and ESPECIALLY me.
- Amazon.com is fucking down. bastards. how dare they do this to me. Anyways, books and cd’s recently bought:
- The Eels “Electro Shock Blues”
- The Eels “daisies of the galaxy”
- belle and sebastian “tigermilk”
- travis “the man who”
- lincoln “lincoln”
- and three new books. all of this will soon appear in the reviews section this weekend.
i can’t take feeling like this right now. i’m going to bed.
night.
it’s snowing!
and it was 80 and sunny at high noon today.
paul and i were both incredulous about this until our friend and neighbor corey IM’d me and told me that it was freaking snowing outside. We knew the weather had changed as Paul and I had started leaving the house earlier this evening with garbage and plans to go out grocery shopping. Upon seeing the rain that was heavily pouring down, we immediately dropped the bags of garbage outside by the front door and just decided that going to dinner seemed like a better option.
and it’s five am.
poop.
i’ve spent the better part of our evening doing web design. excuse me, reading about web design and seeing what i could come up with on my own site. I had decided that since i had a super sekret project coming up on May 1st that I would spend some quality time reading crap on the web and getting a feel for the competition as it were. The really funny thing is that every so often, I’ve gone on rampages about online journals because they are always these increasingly similar design (valley of the online journal dolls) aspects with little content. I actually, swear to christ, found a webpage where a woman wrote down exactly what she did everyday. Like “I slept until noon. then i read. then i went to the store. then i came home and took a shower.” i mean, entry after entry of crap like that. The funny part was, i was so enthralled (admonished? scared? rubbernecking?) that i read about three months worth of her entries. I was bored shitless, but i still read them.
another ironical thing is that i remember talking about way back when that there was some pretty designs out there and i would get into a fit because i couldn’t come up with anything worthwhile in my opinion (though, Mike did come up with a sweet design for me nearly a year ago and i kept that (though revisioned it) over that period. But i need something new. So TADA! here it is.
Poll question: Would you prefer to read a journal that had a spiffy splash page and then a link to it or something where the content was ever changing?
see, i’m torn. i don’t know what to do. people i’ve talked to have said that the the changing content on the front page kept them there. no one likes a splash page anymore i guess. One of these days I’ll get creative enough to do something other than my 2-3 frame deal (you try managing nearly a 100 text files and tell me how you like it), but until now, it’s gotta be simple and to the point. so please. someone let me know. a few 100 of you freaks read this damn thing so fucking kick me some damn email about it.
planetary alignment
it’s been one of those weeks.
i should have known by the fact that i haven’t gotten up on time all week, or the fact that paul’s been walking around the house growling or the fact that everyone and their brother has just been downright nasty. i wish i knew what it was — it was not me dropping eggs or anything emotional/physical, but it has warranted enough attention due to the fact that paul and i have been at each others necks all week. his work stress, my work stress, other stress. friends in need, friends in deed. planning for the future, meeting his parents. life in general. death. chaos.
i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about that recently. as it would seem, pauls old roommate actually went and got hitched this past week (which, while it was both a surprise and a shock, i do wish them well, i just still think they got married for the wrong reasons), and i know of several other couples who will be taking the plunge at some date, and then i start thinking “how do I know if paul is the one?” and the funny thing is that i just do know. I mean, yah, some days I want to wring his neck but the anger subsides and we are back to smooching again (note to self: keep laptop out of server room. no work is being done with paul rolling his chair over every five minutes for his gratuitous grope ;). I know that we are the amusement to our friends: when we have our tiffs, we have our tiffs. And there have been several times when we have blown up in front of company (more my fault than his as i’m always looking for a fight some days), but the good times far out weigh the bad and the bad times or tiffs are so few and far between i don’t think anything about it. but it’s scary. thinking that i will be spending the rest of my life with paul (well, paul has said that i’ve swallowed the receipt. 30 is fast approaching me and am I really ready to be settling down?)
The answer is a resounding yes.
i’m up! i’m up!
it’s 1pm.
i stumbled into bed this morning about 6am — and i would have stayed up if it weren’t for the fact that paul had said that I was going to bed whether I liked it or not. At 4 AM we had gone and done a dunkin donut run (our weekly ritual) and we had both gotten cawfee drinks. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep anytime soon, but somehow i found myself walking into the bedroom, taking my contacts out and hopping into bed.
Paul and i have been having these strangest arrangement in regards to our sleeping habit. Both of us have our little rituals we must complete before going to bed, but had found that the way we sleep ended up with our backs to each other instead of us facing each other. When we had swapped sides of the bed, I found that not only was I sleeping WORSE but that I wasn’t getting up on time (alarm was on pauls side now), I couldn’t hear the phone half the time and Paul was stealing the covers MORE SO than before. We kept going around and around on this and finally last night was the last night we slept in that fashion. While it may seem silly to you, the funny thing is (as paul pointed out) that our bodies are conditioned to sleep in specific ways and if you change that way, it disrupts your sleeping habits. I hadn’t really thought about it too much until, again, paul and I had switched.
because every other time we have stayed up late on the weekends and not gotten up till 4-5 PM, i made paul set the alarm for noon giving us a good 6 hours of sleep. And of course, I’m the only one who heard it and got up (well, paul heard it too, as he kept slapping the snooze button every nine minutes). and so now i’m up, it’s 1PM and it’s sunny out and currently 50 degrees outside. and for some reason, my new cawfee cup from starbucks keeps making snap/crackle/pop! noises.
bh90210
i sat here and watched 90210 tonight. This was probably the first time in YEARS that i had sat down and watched an episode all the way through: donna is in love with david, kelly is slutting around and finds out her bf is cheating on her and secretly wants dylan, david is still slumming around doing something. so basically, in nearly 10 years — nothing has changed. the clothes are better, they have gotten older and steve has a kid and is married. 10 years the most pressing issue was what to wear to prom night and today it’s all about getting their first kid into the right school.
my god have the years changed them and me. I’m still a chubby girl wondering what i’m going to do with my life and they are worried or not whether donna’s online business will actually take off. It was so weird to watch this, knowing what is going to happen (this show is beyond predicable) and hearing them talk about e-commerce.
While the show was going on, I spent some time on the net looking for information and came across this (be careful! it has a midi but is actually a really good site) in my travels. Everything i had missed in the last few years i got caught up fairly quickly. I was impressed by this guys incredibly through site. Anyways, while things have changed in the last 10 years for them, things have obviously changed for me. I can’t believe it’s going off the air (even though i no longer watch it) — I’ll miss you old friend.
bean dip
i really wish i was making this up.
my morning routine everyday when i get to work is to hit one of the two kitchenettes at work and grab cawfee (black, tons of sugar). This morning when i had walked in, the first words i heard was “my hair looked like bean dip.”
i dallied around for a bit to find out more.
these two Hispanic women were talking about how when they were younger, they attempted to use sun-in to lighten their hair. one woman went on to say (and i kid you not) “it was that whole i’m a Hispanic trying to be blonde look. i insisted on using sun-in and my hair got the color of bean dip. and i loved the pictures of me at my dads house with this. i can’t see why Hispanic women keep insisting on doing this to their hair.”
end quote.
i walked out of the kitchenette with a smirk on my face, and laughed when i got back to my cube. I mean, this woman had the balls (or the honesty) to say what everyone thinks, even if it is stereotypical. and this maybe racist coming from me but it was just funny — and one of those questions i know i’ve always had “Why do Hispanic women keep trying to go blonde when their hair looks like bean dip?” It’s like Asians and their cars. stereotypes are funny and so often are more true than not. you know i’m so right.
i’m so brittle right now. paul is in a coding funk and i need some love.
baby, stop chewing on that cord!
in the pink
I’m obsessed with the color pink.
for the last few seasons they have been directing it back to springy pastels and pink always seems to be the color that is in. everywhere i turn, there is some slinky brunette (brunettes are also in this season — have you seen jenny mccarthy recently?) whose wearing some light pink lipstick with this beautiful pink dress (okay, so as you are probably already are aware that i obsess over minnie driver). and i’m standing there, thinking to myself “i can look like that.” and i can. i have pale skin and i HAD dark hair and now i’m a stinking red head.
grumble.
and it fucking figures, i find these awesome shirts while i was shopping yesterday and the only colors i can wear is white OR black because any of the pretty new colors make me look like a washed out ho.
grumble.
i’ve been threatening to re-dye my hair for the last two weeks. i don’t know what made me think i could carry red hair off again — but everyone seems to love it and paul tells me it makes me look that much more beautiful (and who the hell is going to argue with that logic). when my brother was here visiting, i had gone on a rampage and purchased ultra-blue and the red hair dye. four hours later, i walked out of the bathroom, completely changed from bright black hair to bright red hair. and i twitched.
this whole change of hair color was supposed to make me feel better, but within a week i was crying in the kitchen while paul kept telling me that no, i did not look like redneck white trash. but i still cried and went out and bought my usual feria “starry night” and waited. paul convinced me that i should stay red (and i did the usual dance “does this color look good on me”), my brother said so, my friends at work say so. i just look fabulous as a redhead (and this isn’t auburn baby — this is really red). But unfortunately, I got so tied to my gawf hair from hell that it’s hard to let go. maybe if i got it cut — i would feel better.
so i ‘m standing in the middle of a store last night with Sunni, lenny’s wife. i find these neat shirts that i really wanted. they had black, white, checkered lime green, checkered orange, orange, this beautiful pink shirt. i really really wanted to wear that pink shirt. i really wanted to strut around in that pink shirt and black pants and just flip my hair all around. i’ve been feeling very princessy lately.
so i grab a few shirts in a various colors and try them on. obviously the standards black and white look fine. then i try on the pink.
i really really want to wear this shirt.
and i almost started crying in the middle of the dressing room.
i looked like hell. i did not look like the spring bloom that i had envisioned. my hair had completely thrown off the color and i looked like someone had made me look like shit. i felt and looked like hell. i kicked. i screamed. i frightened the ladies at the store.
i really really wanted to wear that damn shirt. however, with my coloring i was forced to buy the black and white shirts. i couldn’t even wear the nifty checkered shirts.
this may seem trivial, but it sucked major ass. i’ve always felt that i was behind the times in clothing styles (though i’ve been told that i’m more hip than hip — and they are hip. let me tell you) but yet i’m not. okay this sounds really girlish (Queen Latifah rocks) but I’ve always fought with this inner thing inside of me. part of me wants to be the queen of cutting edge fashion, thin, beautiful, well loved and like. the other side of me wanted to be like this uber gawf queen with the balls to wear vinyl and pvc with no problems and not giving a damn about what people thought. i keep finding myself caught between these two rocks without a middle man to call home.
all because i wanted to wear this stupid pink shirt.
i’m not sure what got me on this special tangent, but the thing is majority of my clothes are black OR gray OR brown. the smattering of color i have looks good on a brunette but not on a redhead. and i’m sick of looking like the goff queen. it sucks. i’m tired of it. i prefer black hair, it looks better with clothing, i think i look better. but everyone loves me in red and gee, i’m going to have buy a new wardrobe to go with this color.
i’m just kidding.
that pink shirt though symbolizes a lot to me. it symbolizes how i am at one point and i want to be another. i will have that pink shirt, if is the last thing i will do.
2 AM
we were a motley crew.
paul, dayan, moe and i had decided early this morning to make a made run to get donuts. but the run to get donuts required us to drop off video games, go to cvs and buy condoms, hair dye, hair bleach, altoids, and wax.
as we sat in our living room playing psx and eating, i kept thinking: what did those people think seeing three guys, a girl coming into CVS at 2 am and purchasing 3 packs of condoms, altoids, and the other stuff. I mean, doesn’t it look funny?
I used to think about stuff like this when i would go to meijers or any store and look into people’s baskets. I always felt like the perennial female with buying douche, condoms, and lean cuisine. the variations of this themes are endless. i used to peek into other peoples carts and laugh at what they bought knowing that sometimes the implications of what we think is not always what the picture is.
American beauty
we had gone to see high fidelity tonight. which was interesting as one of pauls quirks is that we have to sit upfront in the first aisle to watch the movie.
i’m not kidding.
paul said if i didn’t like it, we could move, but i didn’t really see any difference with the movie anyways — except that my ass hurt but that is not uncommon when sitting down and watching a movie. so i sat there with my neck craned up, with derrick sitting behind us as paul i and fought for space on the arm rest. at one point during the middle of the movie, i had gotten up to get our large coke refilled and found out that they were “closed” and would not be doing refills. the young lithe young lady behind the counter looked at me and said “we are closed. we don’t do refills.” and i replied “but i will pay for it.” i mean, how fucking hard is it to push a button on the pop machine? obviously, it was too hard, to even please a customer. think about it. you are in the middle of the movie. you’ve just slurped down a large bag of popcorn, your boyfriend just ate a big plate of nachos. you are sharing a single coke. you both suck that sucker down within 10 minutes into the movie. you’re thirsty. you want more. you trot out (and miss probably like the most interesting 10 minutes in the whole movie) to find out that they are closed? okay, maybe i was being hormonal and i wanted to rip someone’s throat out BUT! every movie theater i have ever been to (and we are talking about two different countries and three states here), this movie theater was the ONLY one that closed down the concession stand while the movie was still playing.
to get my goat even more so, when we were leaving, i had looked over to the concession stand (sneering, if you must) to see about 10 people getting refills.
someone is gonna die.
and the movie?
it was wonderful of course. john cusack rocks my little world.
now only if i can get this damn crick out of my neck.
cheap and easy
you may notice some changes happening around pronstar.org recently. Paul, my widdle luv muffin (even though he is denying me sex because I had a cigarette today) has been working on a web tool for me to update my site with ease from anywhere in the world without having to use nothing but a web browser. we are still beta testing that out — and while we do, i had gone through and started cleaning up my dead links. You may notice the links in the archive section NOW work (when before they hadn’t) and if you were really hard up, you could read all the back crap i wrote from 1995 on to current.
As of today, I’m up to November of 1998 on cleaning up bad links/images/spelling/typos. If you find anything in “Poetry”, “FUCK”, “Essay”, “Short Stories”, or “Past Journals” that has a dead link, typo, missing image: PLEASE LET ME KNOW! This is really really important to me as I’m making sure everything is organized and good to go when we convert it over. I’ve been doing my damndest to make sure everything is working but I know I missed some stuff.
like a bad penny
there has been a resurgence of activity on the lisa-network. first it started out with someone contacting me via aol im asking me about f.u.c.k. and when i wrote for it. which kind of surprised me because i haven’t had an issue published in over a year (probably going on two) and on the 7th (i think) anniversary of FUCK, jericho closed down it’s doors — and you have to admit, 7 years is a long time to run a ‘zine (especially on the internet). and that got me wondering about dear old fuck and as i was going through the archive list, it got me thinking about the mind set i was in when i wrote that. and then it dawned on me that my style of writing always began with a topic bar and the first sentence. there was never a set subject or topic other than what flowed from my head. sometimes i had an idea and i based it off of that — and other times, it was just words that i strung along to make it look pretty.
but the main point is, i had fun doing it.
i miss doing stuff like fuck, because it gave me someplace other than my website to showcase how i wrote. it wasn’t a matter if someone agreed with me or not or if they even liked it, but they still read it, which was an improvement over NOT reading it.
and moving along this curve, i suddenly got a flux of people who joined the mailing list, emailed me and signed the guestbook. while the domain is eye catching (is it not?), i haven’t been updating like i usually have been (even if sketchy) and there is no reason why this influx should be going on —
but who am i to argue?
so i think it’s spring — the influx of people getting what i have to say and the whole cleaning up issues i’ve been having recently with paul working on the back end of this dealie and me just plowing around on the front end. and i was thinking about this tonight when our new friend corey came over and showed us his old zine, verbosity. and again i got thinking.
and if you smelled smoke in Virginia, you know why.
regardless, i want to start a new zine. haven’t gotten any ideas yet, but i do have a few interviews lined up with a few people who are funny (like doug the advertising hound writer and tony, the vegan porn slut and finally keff, the mega star of userfriendly). i don’t have a theme and i probably shouldn’t be doing anything until i get pronstar.org up and running smoothly again, but hey, i’m just saying, if you want to help out, email me and let me know what you can do 🙂 i just am interested in doing something fun and worthwhile again — and basically kick start pronstar.org back into action baybee!
smoke free for five days
see topic
and in other news
- my brother came and gone. we had fun. we bought him a laptop. we test drove a durango. damn i miss my brother. pictures will be forthcoming.
- i’m being sued by shelly for a verbal agreement. the court date got moved to may 5, 2000. while some of you asked me her response to me moving from Virginia Beach to Fairfax, take a gander at how she felt about it.
- i am now a flaming redhead. i bleached my hair from black to yellow to make it red.
- we are not moving to boston. i think.
- i’ve been working at uunet for almost five months now. paul and i have been living together for nearly four. and we haven’t killed each other. joy! 🙂
- i am tired and all the wonderful joyful things i was going to tell you, i have forgotten.
good night.
x0x0x0x
moi
