Author: pookiebear

here I am, don’t tread on me (have a banana)

Dear Internet,
Can I just tell you I find it a leetle bit hilarious that I’m wearing my Captain Canada tshirt while wearing Agent Carter’s lipstick today? Consider I was crying over my breakfast earlier about not having had my teddy bear in almost a month, well, any bit of laughter is better than none.
TSTBEH and I have concluded my drugs need to be adjusted, but it is going to be some time before I can see my mediating therapist (about a month). I see my GP in the week following of my arrival back to GR, but she will most likely just renew what I have and not make adjustments. Thus, I need to keep it together for another month. While I know I can, here’s to future epistles on navel gazing from yours truly. Oh. Joy.
I’m not all over the place like I was before the drugs, thank fuck, but the cracks are definitely showing through and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. Mainly, I feel unmotivated, listless, and tired all the time. To prove how tired my body thinks it is, the other day I had 1.2L of hot coffee, a glass of iced coffee, two venti coffees while we ran errands, and I still fell asleep watching TV later that afternoon. With that much caffeine pulsing through my system, one would think I would be wired and bouncing off the ceilings.
One would be wrong.
I haven’t worked on my line edits for TLC project in awhile (I will regret this, I know) but I have been working on another bit of the project and one pattern emerging from my work is that all of my existential crisis’ start in the fall and go through winter. Every major break-up, bold moves, and the like always happened during the fall/winter months. TSTBEH pointed out that part of his depression was ruled by the lack of Vitamin D in his system, which he now supplements with pills and he suggested, and I agreed, that I should get my Vitamin D levels also checked to see if I’m having the same issues. This was also, incidentally, brought up with TheBassist shortly before TSTBEH suggested the testing. As both men present as physical depressives, I surmise they may be on to something.
Bearing in mind I’ve cut off all contact with TheBassist (which coupled with #teamharpy business meant I deactivated my primary Facebook account and started a secondary, non-Bassist filled, one using my potential new legal name), TSTBEH pointed out I should cut off all contact with him in addition to TheBassist. I heartedly agreed because what was right for one must be right for the other. TheBassist was aghast that I wanted to do this self-care work alone while TSTBEH is in fact encouraging it, but with trepidation. Both men feel that my being alone could be problematic in that I could get wrapped into some kind of manic cycle, and I see their point. But the fact and truth remains I need to pull a Gabor and fix me before committing to anything or one.
Even with all of this going on, in my head and in my heart, I am over the moon about my apartment and my things (hellllooo teddy). My stuff. My garbage. My shit. My dirty laundry. I’m excited about laying about in my own filth and not having the worry that I am impeding on someone’s time. I’m thrilled that all of what entitles this sojourn will be laid on me and me alone, that any decisions or processes I require can be forged by me and me alone.
So even when I’m crying for TheBassist, or pining for TSTBEH, or in desperate need of a kiss that will never come, I will do all of this in the luxury of my own place.
xoxo,
Lisa
P.S. Today’s title comes from the now defunct radio show, Cabin Pressure.

This Day In Lisa-Universe: 2014

saudade

Dear Internet,
I have no home.
I have people who love me; places I can stay temporarily, but I have no place I can call mine when the chips are down. No place I can recoup and regather. No place that is mine and mine alone. No place for for my things.
I am tired of minimizing my stuff to the point where everything I own can be tied to two bags to be checked at airports around the country. I am tired of feeling like I’m on vacation when I’m not. I’m tired of feeling like I’m interrupting other people’s lives with my own messiness.
I am in Louisville, staying with TSTBEH for the remainder of my sojourn and then, on Wednesday, I fly back to Grand Rapids and move into my apartment.
My apartment. Mine. My things. My stuff. My garbage. My shit. My dirty laundry.
I left the east coast early because my heart was breaking. I left the east coast because I did not know when I would see TheBassist again after this trip. I left the east coast because the thought of maintaining a long distance relationship with TheBassist especially when I didn’t know I would see him again ripped at my being. We have plans, he and I, but those plans have to be on hold. I can’t fix me while maintaining a relationship of any kind, specifically a long distance relationship.  With him.
With anyone.
What I need, what I have to have, is to be alone. Live with no man. Be with no man.
I left the east coast because TheBassist is so part of its culture, its mythos, its world that that is his home. Louisville is now where TSTBEH is finding his culture, his mythos, and his world.
I came to Louisville to hope to find some peace, but find I am still an interloper. I still do not belong.
Maybe I do have a deeply rooted self-persecution complex or I am deeply, deeply, entrenched in saudade.
xoxo,
lisa

This day in Lisa-Universe in: 2014

Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes for January 10, 2015

Johann Georg Hainz's Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Johann Georg Hainz’s Cabinet of Curiosities, circa 1666. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

During the Renaissance, cabinet of curiosities came into fashion as a collection of objects that would often defy classification. As a precursor to the modern museum, the cabinet referred to room(s), not actual furniture, of things that piqued the owners interest and would be collected and displayed in an aesthetically pleasing manner. Collectioun of Cunnynge Curioustes is my 21st century interpretation of that idea.
Dear Internet,
It’s a slow week as I’m getting back in the groove of doing CoCC. This week, it’s just links!
You can follow me on Pinterest on what I’m reading, watching, and listening.

Links

What have you read/watched/listened to this week?
x0x0,
lisa

This day in Lisa-Universe in: 2014

Issue #3 The Meet Cute


 
Dear Internet,
Happy Svein Forkbeard Day! Happy Saturnalia! Happy Festivus! Okay fine, Merry fucking Christmas! Happy Kalends of January! Happy New Year!  The holidays are always slow going for me but at least this can be fixed with great gifs from The Holiday.

How can you not love Kate Winslet?


The holiday weeks have been pretty sloth-like in terms of work but I’ve been plodding away at getting at least the line edits done. The book is a hot mess, there is no two ways about it. Despite it being a hot mess, I’ve got a system worked out, pretty well I think, of doing line edits with an orange pen, and then marking the corrections in the digital file. This let’s me do both things at once and I am not getting burned out by one of the other.
As it has been, unsurprisingly, slow going and I expect that as time ticks on in the next few weeks, it’ll get even worse as the deadline draws near. I’ve also got plans to rewrite the forward and I still have to finish the glossary of terms that is going to be appendixed. I’m also thinking of redoing the cover and plus I have to figure out a promo items, PRing, and other fun things.
The other book I’ve plotted and that has been brewing in my brain, I need to just sit down and write. But honestly, with my living situation in a kerfuffle at the moment and not being settled until closer to the end of month, it will have to wait.
So! To recap!  The Lisa Chronicles Vol 1: 1998 comes out on January 31, 2015. It’s a very true memoir of a single year of my life in San Francisco during the height of the dot com boom. While it will remain free on my site in its original diary form, if you wish to read it in eBook, you can pre-order it from Amazon for $2.99. It may be available from other eRetailers shortly after and also possibly in print.

At least for future releases, I have a plan of sorts in place to make it more streamlined. But this is all very much hard work indeed.
Don’t forget that submissions are still currently being accepted for so glad is my heart! The submissions cannot be any longer than 500 words and the visuals should be relevant to the ‘zines themes. If you would like more information, check out the ‘zine’s about page.
Jude Law as Napkin Man in The Holiday.


Here are new posts at Exit, Pursued by a Bear from this past few weeks:

That’s it for this holiday week and I’ll see you here soon!

xoxo,
Lisa
 

year in review: 2014

Dear Internet,
Working at home today and getting supremely in the groove. Re-discovered that I used to do a round up, by month, of things that went on in the previous year as a year in review. This seems like a good idea to continue insofar as giving me a perspective for the year and helping me figure out what I need to improve or cut back on.
Previous years: 2000, 1997, 1996

Neil Gaiman’s New Year’s wish for 2015:

Be kind to yourself in the year ahead.

Remember to forgive yourself, and to forgive others. It’s too easy to be outraged these days, so much harder to change things, to reach out, to understand.

Try to make your time matter: minutes and hours and days and weeks can blow away like dead leaves, with nothing to show but time you spent not quite ever doing things, or time you spent waiting to begin.

Meet new people and talk to them. Make new things and show them to people who might enjoy them.

Hug too much. Smile too much. And, when you can, love.

It’s been a helluva a year. Here’s to 2015 being boring and slow.
xoxo,
Lisa

This Day in Lisa-Universe: 2014, 2013, 1999

WIP: December writing schedule summary / January writing goals

Dear Internet,
Getting back on track after a several month temporary setback. You can get the full scoop of there temporary setback here. This won’t be as complete since I’m starting so late, but it’s a good start.
Italicized is the original list. Regular text is add-ons. Bold is completion and totals.
Projects for January:

  • Plow through current library loans and ARCs from NetGalley and get reviews written
  • Collate notes on the Edwardian mystery, continue with research, and get most of the structure sorted
  • Collate notes on the 45th parallel project and continue with research
  • Research (aka read) stream of consciousness novels
  • Finish or shelve in-progress short stories and submit completed ones; submit at least one a week
  • Get most of Vol 1 of secret Kindle project formatted and edited
    • Line edits started. Publication date set for January 31, 2015.
    • Vol 2 (year 1999) and Vol 3 (2000) started.
  • Continue note carding ideas / quotes / etc for future projects
  • Query/submit non-fiction pieces
  • Blog writing count for December
    • Words written: 7510
    • Number of posts: 12
  • Continue shilling to get more submissions for so glad is my heart
  • Outline and begin 3rd Triangle novel

January projects:

  • Plow through current library loans and ARCs from NetGalley and get reviews written
  • Collate notes on the Edwardian mystery, continue with research, and get most of the structure sorted
  • Collate notes on the 45th parallel project and continue with research
  • Research (aka read) stream of consciousness novels
  • Finish or shelve in-progress short stories and submit completed ones; submit at least one a week
  • Publish Vol 1 of Kindle project
  • Continue note carding ideas / quotes / etc for future projects
  • Query/submit non-fiction pieces
  • Continue shilling to get more submissions for so glad is my heart
  • Outline and begin 3rd Triangle novel
  • Blog writing count for January
    • Words written:
    • Number of posts:

 
Previous WIP

xoxo,
Lisa

This Day in Lisa-Universe: 2014, 2013, 2012, 2003

In Case You Missed It: Top Posts for 2014

Dear Internet,
2014 was a banner year with my dog dying, my marriage busting up, finding new love, getting sued for defamation, getting back on the bipolar drugs, and losing my job. But the big question is, what did you favor on my site in 2014. Below is a breakdown of the top posts written and viewed in 2014.

  • About That Job Description In which I reveal that my position at GRCC was announced in January and my decision not to reapply. Add in the Internet getting my back for this line in the posting, “Ability to demonstrate the mental health necessary to safely engage in the librarian discipline as determined by professional standards of practice,” and you now know why I decided to move forward with my career.
  • I am the bitter fat chick who told you “no” In which I reveal an ex-high school boyfriend who kept sending me Facebook messages every couple of years in some fucked up attempt to “win me back” and his responses each time I said “no.”  Also explained my decision to change my name across various social networks only to be forced to change it back on Facebook due to “valid name” concerns.
  • For The Case of Humanity In which I reveal why I will not shut up about my feelings in regards to the $1.25M defamation lawsuit, job hunting, and other unpleasant topics.
  • About my article in American Libraries on libraries, technology, and gender  In which I reveal the background on an article I wrote for American Libraries Magazine, a publication of the American Library Association.
  • Librarian How To: Graphic Novel Collection Development in Academia In which I reveal my process on collection development, promotion, use, social media (and more) of graphic novels in community colleges.
  • into which the cosmos will collapse once again In which I reveal the break up of TSTBEH and myself.
  • #teamharpy tweet clarification In which I reveal that no, we’re not deleting online content in regards to the lawsuit.

Thanks for a wonderful year, dear readers.
xoxo,
Lisa

This Day in Lisa-Universe: 2013, 2012, 2012, 2012, 2002

Year of the Spinning Mouse (or Lisa’s Grand Scheme of a Plan for Fighting Dragons)

Dear Internet,
Sunday night I had a mini-meltdown of sorts, which lead to feelings of depression and lots of tears. I rebounded, mostly, within a few hours and more or less righted again. Taking into consideration that was the first meltdown of any kind in over a month  compared to the almost daily meltdowns I was having before I became medicated, I felt pretty good about the recovery time.
While it wasn’t a pleasant thing to have happened, it was a giant kick in the ass to get back on working on ThePlan. I talked about ThePlan abstractly in this entry, so here it is in its glory. Blue marks items completed or in progress:

  • Mental
    • Continue seeing talking therapist (Dr. Parker)
    • Stay on drug regime / tweak meds to find a series that works
    • Find medicating therapist for drugs
    • Apply for ObamaCare
    • Meditate daily using headspace.com – Back on track as of 12/29/14
  • Exercise/Health
    • Take yoga classes at local place (Bethums approved http://www.fromtheheartyoga.com/)
      • Start with 2x a week and build up
    • Do planks daily
    • Walk more to things
    • Stop eating dairy in all forms
    • Stop randomly smoking
    • Stop eating out, prepare foods at home more
    • Prep to start walking competitively (5k walks, etc)
    • Drop some weight, start slow
  • Living
    • Find apartment in Grand Rapids to live solo and work – Lease signed 12/9/14 for one year, starting January 2015
  • Money/Jobs
    • After the house sells, I will have enough money to live for a year-ish
      • Car will be paid off
      • Rent will be paid in advance for the first year-ish
      • Car /rental insurance insurance will be paid for the year
    • All credit cards will be paid off when the house sells.
    • Only monthly costs will be car gas, utilities, phone, internet, storage locker, plus small utilities such as Hulu+ and Netflix.
    • Writing
      • Look for a co-working space
      • Write daily mood occurrences and things that happened
      • During this time, I will be actively working on my book and also working on making passive income via selling short stories, ebooks, etc
      • If I am not generating enough income within the first six months, then will start actively looking for a job in my field

Because things are always fluid, this plan has changed slightly from the one that I wrote up earlier in the month; but the crux of it remains the same. I get there are some days I don’t want to get out of bed and other days I cannot get to sleep.
I need to remember that by having the plan in place, it will allow me to function while I continue to get my mental health sorted out. It won’t be easy. It won’t be smooth, but, it will be of my own making.
xoxo,
Lisa

This Day in Lisa-Universe: 2013, 2012, 2003

introductions, introductions

The cottage from The Holiday.
The cottage from The Holiday.

Dear Internet,
Happy early Svein Forkbeard day. I’m in the wilds of Connecticut prepping for the series of holiday events that will be happening over the course of the next few days. Tonight most of the Connecticut family is heading to the midnight service and I’m thinking of joining them. There is something about theological rituals during the holidays that I still yearn for even though I do not prescribe to any particular religion.
Like previous years, I’m in the throes of making holiday cookies. This year the list is small: macaroons, white chocolate cranberry oatmeal, no bakes, sugar, and finally, gingerbread cookies. I’m shipping cookies to my brother and TSTBEH and of course, leaving some for the Connecticut family. Since the next couple of days is going to be jammed with family activities, I’m stealing time when I can – like waking up at 5:30AM to start the prep work for the cookies and the cornbread stuffing for the big meals that are happening today, tomorrow, and Boxing day.
Nick Frost plays Santa!
Nick Frost plays Santa!

It’s also time for holiday episodes of my favorite British TV and radio shows. So far Stella, the first part of the Zurich episode of Cabin Pressure, and first episodes of Good Omens have played. Then of course come the regulars and new shows that are upcoming like: Doctor Who, Downton Abbey, and Miranda. This is yet another reason why I love the British: the unabashed love for holiday episodes of their favorite shows which Americans give no fucks about.
But I have to reaffirm the bigger news than holiday cookies and TV shows; though in my world, those are very good things.
Skaldic Press Presents
Reminder about the 4x a month newsletter from Skaldic Press (my publishing arm) that includes updates from Exit, Pursued by a Bear, so glad is my heart, and other adventures in addition to Skaldic Press. Includes themed GIFs. You can check out the archives for a better taste of what to expect and then subscribe below.


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The Lisa Chronicles, Vol 1: 1998
Also another reminder that my book is now available for pre-order. Publishing date is January 31, 2015.
From the blurb:

In 1998, having an online diary was a brave new world. Mailing lists, communities, chat rooms, and more all sprung up over people’s favorite diarists. Now we would call them bloggers. But then, THEN was a whole ‘nother beast. Then writing online was intimate. Then it was more personalized and personal. Then writers had less shtick. Not much was expected of these online exhibitionist scribes other than the ability to tell a good tale and regularly update.
I miss those days.
I never expected to get rich or famous, but what I wanted was to be able to connect to others who were like me. The scared, the frightened, the brave, and the bold. (No relation to the terrible soap opera of the same name.) I wanted to eat the world and in 1998, what better way to do that was through the Internet?
What can you expect from the first volume? Love, conflict, obsessions with people, places, and things. Rotating cast of characters and adventures. Sprinkle of song lyrics here and there. Pop culture references galore. Sex. More sex. Profane words and a bipolar girl desperate to connect with a world she did not understand.
While this work has been edited for grammar, clarity, and the obvious typo, it remains largely unchanged from when it first appeared online nearly two decades ago.
And lastly, every word here is true.

So if you’re intrigued by the book description or want to help support me thanks to the saga of #teamharpy, I would be most grateful if you would pre-order the book.

[amazon template=image&asin=B00R2808QE]

<<<<>>>>

Not much else is going on in my world right this very second other than prepping for the holidays and editing my book. Typically I feel some sort of sadness and isolation since my family and I are not very close, but while I feel some semblance of that feeling this year, being around people who care kind of lessens the pain. I still feel awkward and out of place, but when do I usually not feel a disconnect to others’ lives?
The drugs may stabilize my moods, meditation may help me deal better with impulse feelings, but some things about me will just never change.
xoxo,
Lisa

This Day in Lisa-Universe: 2013, 2011, 2002

Issue #2 – Because It’s Christmas


Dear Internet,
Yes, you are perfect. You’re absolutely amazing and if you’ve not watched Love Actually yet this holiday season, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also oops. Major oops. Completely and utterly forgot to send the newsletter out this week but thankfully was reminded not too terribly late by the latest missive from Two Bossy Dames. (You should go subscribe to Margaret and Sophie’s newsletter and NOT because I will be listed in it next week.)
On with the show!

Some big news this week at Skaldic Press!
I finally have a pre-order date set at Amazon for my first book, The Lisa Chronicles Vol 1: 1998! I haven’t thought too much about using other non-brick and mortar retailers other than Amazon, but I’m sure that will be an option. I am also going to have a print copy made available at least so I can physically hold my book. Keep watching this space for more info as it happens!
I’ll be working hard on editing the damned thing to get it prepped for the January 31 sale date. From now until the January 21st editing deadline date, I will be like this:

Actually, that’s not true. Now that I’ve started the editing process, it’s more like:

 
The first volume is my online journal from 1998. I put the archives up on EPbaB last year, first time in nearly a decade they were back online, for completist sake. However in the current format, and with nearly 1000 (lengthy) posts on the site, the archives are not getting read anymore. But in eBook form? Perhaps! Plus I need a way to make a passive income while I write the great Canadian-American novel.

What can you expect from the first volume? Love, conflict, obsessions with people, places, and things. Rotating cast of characters and adventures. Sprinkle of song lyrics here and there. Pop culture references galore. Sex. More sex. Profane words and a bipolar girl desperate to connect with a world she did not understand.
tl;dr The Lisa Chronicles Vol 1: 1998 comes out on January 31, 2015. It’s a very true memoir of a single year in San Francisco during the height of the dot com boom. While it will remain free on my site, if you wish to read it in eBook form, you can buy it from Amazon for $2.99. It may be available from other eRetailers shortly after and also possibly in print.

Remember, submissions are still currently being accepted! Don’t forget they cannot be any longer than 500 words! If you would like more information on so glad is my heart, check out the ‘zine’s about page.

This is me while I write. Naturally.
Here are new posts at Exit, Pursued by a Bear from this past week:

That’s it for this week. Have a great holiday and I’ll see you here next week!

xoxo,
Lisa