here there and everywhere

paul and i got into a huge argument the other day about he got all pissy because he couldn’t understand why i had this AND I was like “um, this (livejournal) is for on the fly adding of stuff that doesn’t fit at” and he got angry. as if you haven’t been reading between the lines, we’ve been fighting a lot and I told him i wanted to leave and get my own place — which resulted in a day long argument (which, we did completely over irc – ohh the irony) which resulted in nothing being accomplished. I got in touch with a couples shrink and we have an appointment on wednesday to start working this shit out. he doesn’t get it and i’m sick of explaining this shit to him.
this weekend was rolling stone type weekend for me. i went to the tool show on friday and then turned around and went back to DC to see Tori last night. Heather and I nearly froze our asses off walking from the Metro to the hall, but the show was fantastic. I’ve never seen Tori preform live before, and while I like her music, I’m not obsessed with her like i know some people are. She’s witty in concert, commenting about her new baby. We missed the opening act (Rufus Wainwright), but I was fine with that. Tool had some alterna teen band open for them, and I missed that opening act as well.
For Tool we had box seats, which were pretty decent BUT the particular box we were sitting in had the speaker diagonal to us so it blocked sexy Maynard from my view. But Tool rocks as I’ve seen them twice now. Once in 1996 with Danny and then this past friday. For Tori, we had orchestra seats stage right. About 15 rows back. It was a small venue and i could see Tori’s facial expression. I ran into one of my old friends at the hall (surprise surprise since I’ve only lived here for two years) and I forgot she would be there. We no longer speak, but I had this urge to go say “Hi.” Why I have no idea, but I suppressed this urge and didn’t say anything. The damn seats at the hall were small and built for teeny tiny little waify girls as I had to stretch my legs out to the aisle to get comfy. Then of course there were the obviously ‘freaks’ which were the females who go to Tori’s shows, pretend they were lesbians and take it from there. Why is it that both Tool and Tori had the very stereotypical people there? Why do I harp on this shit?
I’m feeling weird. LIke I miss someone/something and I don’t know what it is.

single solidarity

i just removed a few paragraphs because what it was saying was not what i had wanted to say. i hate it when is start writing and it sounds like it’s convoluted between my fingers and the keyboard. i know that is the reason why i had purchased the practice books to start making my writing more stronger (is that even a proper sentence?) and i hate it when i start stumbling over things. It irritates me.
my mood changed almost 180 degrees sitting here listening to ‘stellar’ by incubus and ‘it’s been awhile’ by staind. in a sense, I’m getting home sick for grand rapids. and maybe it’s the memories. i have barely spoken two words to Danny in weeks now that he’s moved in with Karen and they are sharing a phone line. he hasn’t finished some of his projects in the house and the other night he IM’d me when i was at work and I couldn’t even really properly respond because there were other people in my cube.
i know it’s the weather. i definitely know it’s the weather. this up coming weekend tool is coming to the MCI center and it looks like an 80% chance that I’m going AND the tickets will be free AND i will be sitting my chubby little butt in boxed seats (hence why i haven’t talked to Danny because the last time i saw tool was with him in ’96 and he’s a much larger tool fan than i and i guess other than Paul, anyone I’d want to go with me is him — even though Paul isn’t going). tool’s song ‘schism’ is playing right now on spinner and I’m really excited as I’m also seeing tori next Sunday night (yeah when i do concerts, i really do them). my friend heather needs a concert buddy and i volunteered to make myself that buddy. we get along pretty well, so why not? it’s either that or sit glued in front of my computer screen all night and personally, i would rather sit there and drool over both maynard and tori — but that is just me.
i got an intense feeling of melancholy this afternoon being with rob, as we were wandering around his new area of ballston/arlington and had shuffled off to Ikea together to buy crap. I’ve been altering lately between being really content and not wanting to rock the boat and wanting to stand up and just shake the living fuck out of it.
right now my life is pretty content. I’ve got a roof over my head, a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out if i choose. I’ve got a job, money in my pocket and materialistically everything I’ve wanted (to an extent, but hey i don’t think I’ll be wearing the hope diamond anytime soon) but I’m not really happy. I’m not unhappy, I’m in this middle of the lane change and i have no idea what’s driving me crazy. things could be worse but then again, a lot of my stresses that would drive other people insane (like the whole situation with my mom) just kind of rolls of my back. There are definitely things i want to do but I’m afraid to move. I don’t feel like I’m suffocating just yet, just that I’m happily treading in water.
You do need to learn how to doggy paddle before you learn how to swim.